Good evening at the 26th off September, 2023.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was somewhat warm and cloudy. It's pretty warm for the Netherlands at the beginning off Autumn. But it's been cloudy all day. 

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I'm going through my menstrual period, it's not going so bad, it's just that I'm not used to feminin hormones like this. I got the whole range without resentment. I have been on medication to start it up, since it had been gone for a long time. Let me tell you this: I never had it this intense, including mood changes and side effects. Some women experience this every month ever since they're young, I got this on doctor's orders.

I had cleaning kicks, make-up buying kicks, and this utmost urge to drink tea. Not a chocolate craving, but rather an intense demand for green tea, redbush tea, and nettle tea. I also never felt 'this.' feminin, and the urge to put myself first before. I have the luck to have handled everything well. I kept it hygienic and clean and threw the thrash out in time and showered myself every day (I feel more sweaty, I just had, had, had to wash it all off.) . Just because those hormones want me to. I'm a mental patient who does hard with that, but the feminin hormones to demand things, are stronger. I have never experienced anything like it. I have never been truly fertile to begin with in my opinion if a period has to feel  'this.' strong and itense. 

I hope I can laugh about the make-up buying kicks and the costs I had to make later on. But sometimes women have to, simply because we are women. These funny hormones make us feminin. And lacking it probably makes me a case off PCOS. It's not bad, I can handle it. If my body doesn't come up with periods by itself, they are going to start them up every three times a year with medication. Appearently, women need this entire thing. 

Seeing us as unreasonable because, is unreasonable off men. Men have to take count off a world with feminin hormones much and much more. 

I have been thinking. The right man has to be capable to 'take this.' very well if I have to go through this every often. Men who do so every month with their woman... are downright heroes. I just don't know how that works, but I see men as selfish creatures who can't take much, and so that counts for female menstruation periods. I'm sorry, I can't go more light on it. Men are prehistoric hunters, not capable to make tea or cuddle with a woman if she's high in her head on hormones and bleedings and bitches him off at times. If he can take it with a sense off charm, that would be perfect. But most men? I just don't hold them capable to do so, selfish and dumbfound as they often are. I have to mention I never had a relationship with one, but the general vieuw I have off it? Just too bad. 

I'm a 31 year old spinster, but I don't think off it as too bad. It has it's pro's. 

Though I have to mention I seem to generate more attention with female hormones down my spine. When I'm out on the street, sometimes just one glaze seems to do it. I don't have experience with that lately either. And then it's my period, and not the fertile time. Some men are more sensitive for me, while others seem to hold back more. Men are weird. but maybe it's just because I keep clean better these days. I can't say I'm doing something special other than that. Maybe there's nothing but true female power to some men, no matter if she's on her period. I can't say it other than that, since usually I don't feel -this- feminin, and sensitive. 

Really, I have been crying over baby foxes and baby foxes wishing to return to their family because off the package off a box off toffifee (Chocolate candies) with them on it. It says 'family package.' I felt like a baby fox who can't share a chocolate with her family due to living apart. Then I had images off real life baby foxes loud and clear in front off me and I bawled my eyes out over it. I'm that sensitive. 'An abandoned baby fox, in the snow.... NOEEES!' I'm not off reason this week. But the whole world is not reasonable. This is the kind off marketing trick companies like Disney seek for. (I ate the whole package myself. On the other hand, I didn't have to share them.)

Usually I don't fall for it. I didn't buy the toffifee because off the package, but because I wanted to eat them.  But it's a form off emotional trickery, offcourse. But then again, I'm one big spending prey for companies at the moment. That's what hormones make me do. Luckily I have kept it at essence make-up, so it's not an expemsive joke to have purchased make-up. My period is not a joke, it's utmost serious. I think I should demand the space to be female and spend somehow. As I deserve it. It's not every month in my case, so there should be space for it. The space to be a bitch with a demand for things. Let's not abuse it, being a mental patient is not the same as being psycho (But let's explain that later on.) But every once in a while... oh, well. Let's be human with it. The next time will be in January if it doesn't happen by nature. Sometimes it's perfectly fine with me to put myself first and be female. 

In my case, it doesn't work with the moon. There are rumors with some women it falls at the same time as new moon. For me, that doesn't count. Since I'm not fertile and on PCOS. Fertile women are supposed to bleed with new moon according to wiccan and pagan beliefs. I'm not. But I'm not a fertile woman. I'm weird. 

I'm gratefull for the Leviaan office and everything they do for me, let's declare that on here while we're at it. Without this care home organisation, I would be death as a dodo. I can live during this era, thanks to them and their care. 

Let's end that weblog with that for now, and somehow I feel I can take on the future with Leviaan on my side, having my back. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.