Devaluated

 Good evening everyone, 

Ever since I got devalued in fantasy scene eyes, I started to doubt myself and see myself as ugly. I prefer not to get out off the house, I don't like getting out off health care social circles and I have entered the status off someone with bad hygiene. I'm glad I'm taken care off by people. I feel depressed about what happened and I feel so bad being called ugly down to my face a few years ago. I remember such things too well. I got called ugly a lot by ordinairy people. I gave up brushing my teeth and showering regulairly and I don't wear make- up on a daily base. I eat more than I should and it has all became such a clouded shadow over me. I have been raising my voice about it and slammed the door close behind me. I still believe I did well on that. I feel better without them in my personal social circles. Those people don't judge me to my bones because the pervert who wanted to impregnate me got off with another woman who is more pretty than me. 

I felt conused about him. At some point under pressure I happened to believe I loved him back untill some years ago when everything fell apart. I never felt like taking action on him since circumstances wheren't there and everything felt so insecure about my private matter. I didn't really have much, but then even that came down to a crash and people love how I broke down. It's probably the biggest joke off the century among some people while others are insanely ignorant and rude about it. I feel so powerless about it. It's probably why I have caused scenes here and there to make my point and to show off my anger. I feel like never getting back since it has hurt more than anything. My entire pride came down to my knees, it was undignifying and not to be taken serious and not to be listened to was probably what hurt most. They are biggots with a plate in front off their heads which can't be cracked and which is often talked right by calling it 'His big ego.' or 'His machoism.' Hearhearhear. Meanwhile they started to think they're god and nothing can break them. 

His girlfriend nowadays looks more thin, more pretty and is more off a blonde than me. I got called ugly by him and his friends from the moment I set foot on the event where she turned by his side. Something broke inside me and that was the point where I felt it all came down. I can't go back to them since it still hurts up till nowadays. I think they should take way more count off my feelings but such people are idiotic. It has crossed personal borders and I'm never getting back to them again. 

Allright, that's about it. 

Thank you for reading.