Lack off integrity

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was cloudy and rainy and cold. It was a perfect day to be gloomy and tired all day. I have been exhausted from being vaccinated yesterday. I had the Moderna vaccin against Corona but it has it´s side effects, unfortunately. 

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Lack off integrity. 'What, amn't I gossiping sharp enough behind your back?' I heard a voice sarcastically saying in my mind. Sometimes voices are funny. But that's not the point to this story. 

Many people probably don't know, but I'm accused off being a slut and a whore a lot by people who walk around fantasy events a lot, saying I steal men and cheat a lot while nothing about that has ever been proven. As a matter off fact, I'm very held back when it comes to that. I have this example off the man with the wine stain on his face I fel infatuated about a few years ago, but who I never came after again because I realised he was taken with somebody else so I kept my distance. 

Accusing someone to steal your love interest or relationship on first hand is something you won't do to someone who barely knows you, let alone who your love interest is anyway and who is actually more interested in a common interest you have, namely books, movies, or music from the Fantasy Scene, and probably the styles that walk around there, but who doesn't give a crap about your boyfriend. It's almost mentally unhealthy how people see that. The way I got slut shamed got never proven to begin with. 

I wonder how they came up to that nonsense but it's often said people who do so are men who can't get you to sleep around with them, or women who are incredibly jealous off you. Both things go hand in hand sometimes. Jealousy is a massive problem in the fantasy scene and I was often victim to it and the gossip that came with it. Why in the world would you act like Cinderella's stepsisters to me instead off giving me a fair chance? It's not been really appropriate how I got treated. It's one off the reasons going there didn't feel good anymore and I decided to choose for myself. 

Even nowadays slutshaming is so part off their morals, some people probably started to believe it or build a whole web off lies and gossip around that I'm not a part off and I'm not knowing the details about. You can't keep on blaming the victim to your lies for something she has never even done. I have never had sex with anyone ever before and I'm innocent as an angel when it comes to that. If things like that gossip build up and people yell 'Slut / stink whore.' out loud to you, slowly you start to build up an utmost hatred about something. It felt more hurtfull event by event and it happened a lot. 

There was probably this reason people wanted me to get pregnant. By a man I found unsuitable for that job, and I never seriously went out to do so. But the shamefull recall on getting me knocked up still sounds. I feel it as something shamefull and vulgair that hurted me a lot. I feel undignified and filthy when it comes to that. Something filthy took away my entire interest in getting pregnant and replaced it with some trauma I can't get over. I don't like the idea off people being so after that and it's a godess religion unworthy what got said about me. And most off all: I'm not fertile. I have massive PCOS and being unfertile is a personal issue I have. To go over that with a massive hunt for something obscene like portraying your masculine power over wee and innocent me- that's a border too far. It has crossed many personal borders and I'm not willing to come back to the fantasy scene ever again because what happened hurt an incredible lot. Before I could decide for myself if I wanted children or not, nature and circumstances decided it would not be for me in this life by also giving me a disease children can heir and because off which I feel it's not responsible to have them. I feel dragged down in filth to my bones and it makes me sick to think off the whole happening. Actually it's not my fault. But the shadow that came over the matter spoiled it for me. Some people who caused all off this walk around freely, putting their dick into another woman nowadays without feeling any blame. It's what makes the pagan scene corrupt and hypocrit. It's no behaviour for true pagans in my opinion. Having or not having children should be MY choice. And far from theirs. I feel like I'm right in this matter, so I feel like I have the right to state this on my weblog. I'm a freedom fighter. Not a bitchy victim to their lies. 

It's feminin unfriendly how people are and think nowadays and I blame Game Off Thrones with all it's sexism. It was a massive hit, but it turned some people into complete assholes to make them believe women are less than man and should be seen as something to play games with. Only if you are a married woman you are free off guilt nowadays in their eyes. I'm not married and I'm not planning to have children and I'm doing bad finding romantic relationships for myself to be honest. That's my real story. I'm a bit off a lost case into this and I'm doing incredibly bad in that field. I feel bad being so frowned down upon because off slutshaming by people I have kept my distance to for about 10 good years. I'm barely seen in public gatherings or social circles by those who do so. I don't know what keeps the myth alive for such a long time and why they would even do so in the first place. It's probably to clean the blood from their own hands when it comes to this. People who are secretly guilty to things are often the first to blame someone else about it. Or people who have a good reason to degradate me all the time because I have been right about something for 10 good years. But it's too big to handle for one person alone. I can't take this on my frele shoulders and take all off that in all the time since it hurts like crazy when people do so. It's unacceptable and completely obscene for people to hold on to this for so long. 

When protesting about climate changes, I would prefer to ask them to clean themselves from evil morals before even getting themselves into politics. I think it makes them hypocrit. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.