Good morning at the 21st off November, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

Today is still dark with mild rain outside in The Netherlands. I expect a cold, grey and dreary day. 

*

My mom thinks I'm innocent and totally not dangerous for posting pictures off food and made tables. I'm perfectly allowed to do so from her home. She thinks nobody is actually interested, so it can't do harm to picture made tables and what we eat there, or what I eat here. I always think made tables and cute dining ware are so nice to put on a picture. It's usually internet worthy. It shows we're not dining at the end off civilization when we make a table and serve food on it neatly with the ware as decoration. It's really cute. 

And mom is with me. She thinks it's so innocent what I do, she let me. Our fancy pastry plates at my parental home come from grandma. I think it doesn't matter if you got your tableware for free, a bit old, second hand or cheap. As long as it looks a certain way. It makes such a lovely impression, it's always the right tone. And I believe everyone can do it. It's not fun if it's expensive. And it's how we show Moscow and the world we still eat, despite everything.  

Expensive looks can be faked, you won't believe how far you can come with an eye for the right details, an ordinairy priced shop like ACTION'S, and a certain will to roll with it. You might even start to look better than the old fashioned rich. I think it's how Europe keeps a face during this war. I took part in it. At least, the part off Europe that wants to look clean and groomed despite it's crisis. We started to do things fancy old fashioned, and a bit plain. It doesn't has to be expensive or overkill to look good enough. It's how we keep a face. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

   

Mannen zonder hersens bij Vana Events

 Goedemiddag, iedereen. 

Het begrip 'man.' wordt door heksen en pagans anders geïnterprenteerd dan door gewone mensen. Maar evenementenvolk heeft er een gewoonte van gemaakt om er iets van te maken wat niet gelijk staat aan de groene god uit de heksenleer die wij tot voor kort aanhingen. 

Het lijkt niet op de groene god. Het lijkt meer op een oerman die steeds zijn lust driften MOET volgen, en zomaar alles kan flikken in die geest. Het is verderfelijk, en ik heb er niks mee. Het komt echt vreselijk op me over, en al helemaal als ze mij daar de schuld van pogen te geven. Ik vind dat ik er niet schuldig aan ben, aan dat potje 'jagen.' op vrouwen. Het lijkt niet op de heksenleer, het lijkt eerder op wat de gewone wetenschap beschrijft als mannelijke oerdrift. Ik vind de heksenleer dus niet realistisch als ik het gedrag van Vana Events (vrijwilligers) in het echt zie. 

Eigenlijk moeten we het een halt toeroepen want het gaat te ver. We zouden het niet toe moeten staan dat ze het zo doen. Want het is achterlijk. Oerdriften versus warmte en verstand. - het lijkt me duidelijk waar we voor moeten kiezen als weldenkend mens in deze moderne maatschappij. Vana doet het al veel te lang zo. Het is een beetje hersenloos. Het is niet waar ik als vrouw voor zou gaan. Mensen zouden beter moeten weten. We zouden die gasten een halt moeten toeroepen, want het is debiel en gevaarlijk. Hier mogen ze niet mee doorgaan en wegkomen. De evenementen gaan zo al heel lang nergens meer over. Ik geloof niet dat dat zo voor de goden de bedoeling is. 

We hebben in dit leven de keuze, of we goed of slecht zijn. Of we onze driften of ons verstand en ons meelevende hart volgen. Ook al is het nergens onderbouwd en puur religieus. Vana is niet heilig- mensen zouden met hun voeten op de grond meer moeten relativeren en zelf denken. Ik heb me nooit prettig gevoeld bij die mannenwereld. Het strijkt de goden tegen de haren in. Dit deugt niet. Mensen moeten normaal doen. 

Tot zover- 

Tor het volgende weblog. 

Good morning at the 18th off November, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's rainy and dark outside in The Netherlands, but what do you think? It's Autumn and it's almost 6 AM. 

*

De Boed has some cute, handmade cards. They're only one euro each, and they're worthit their money during this crisis. I think this year will be for handmade Christmas cards. They used to be made by an elder fellow client who passed away this year. Her well made cards are perfect as greetings and wishes. Compared to bookstores, these are more affordable and more heartfelt. I think they're perfect for this Christmas. I got some holiday stamps from previous years, donated by mom. It helps to cut the costs on Christmas cards. But they should still be totally part off the holiday tradition. In my opinion, they always belonged there. I cut out on who to send them to, so I need 5 only this year. It's not much that will be spend to it. And it's worthit. During this expensive season, I think I do well to it. I might post pictures off them, each are special handmade, in this weblog later on. Maybe you'll like it. and that's the power off this weblog: The receiver doesn't see it ahead, but the reading fans do. 

Edit: I went out to purchase some, but my critical eye found them too bad off quality, and not made by the elder fellow client. What they had was junk, so I refused. I think it will come down to purchasing a set this year. I hope that won't be a problem. I found what de Boed had too stupid. 

I always got this feeling I'm about to die early, that's due to medication headaches. It's really difficult. When I'm this difficult in my skin, I'm absolutely not open for a relationship, I'm simply too sick from mental issues. I see things too trouble. So I have to give no for an answer to everyone. I think it can't be solved, so I won't like to give false hopes to people. It's too hard, too uneasy, and I got psychotic on love, so I can't handle it. No is for our both safety. It feels better to be single with such a troubled head. I'm at a point where I believe most world religions would forgive me to have stayed single my entire life for being sick. Given I'm still a virgin. I think they would hold a hand above my head for it. I'm sorry, I just can't be married or a mom. 

I'm still delusional, I still got aches, I'm still tired very easily. 

Last picture off this blogpost: 

I went out walking in a forest this weekend, a good hike in the Castricum dunes. I ended with Chocolate milk and lunch in Johanna's hof, the local dune restaurant. I needed to get my mind clear. It was really a good thing to stretch my leggs. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

 

  

Tussen Hiërarchie en Vrijheid

 Goedemiddag allemaal, 

Het is zonnig buiten, en ik hoor werkmachines. 

Het zal jullie wel opgevallen zijn, dat de prijzen bij Vana Events de afgelopen tijd de pan uitgerezen zijn, en dat ze dat blijven doen. - Waarschuwing, men maakt misbruik van uw goedmoedigheid om geld uit uw zakken te kloppen. Ik zou er niet meer intrappen als ik u was, het is van de pot gerukt. 

Sommige mensen snappen langzaam maar zeker dat 'hebzucht.' en 'Paganisme.' Hetzelfde zijn, maar dat zijn ze nooit geweest. Ik weet dat we inflatie hebben, maar Vana is zó roofzuchtig en zó achterbaks arrogant, hier zit geen ziel meer in. En wat is dat voor hooghartige attitude? Dat slaat toch nergens op? Heiliger dan de koningin en arrogant zijn ook maar gewoon van die dingen. Mark en Natasha hebben alleen winstbejag in hun kop. 

Ik zou er geen cent aan uitgeven als ik u was. Gebruik en hergebruik gewoon oude dingen in deze crisis. We hebben die rotzooi van de evenementen niet echt nodig bij onze rituelen, ze smeren ons gewoon wat aan, en heeft u die voedselprijzen gezien? Sommige mensen hebben echt kopspijkers als ze denken dat dit 'de leer.' is. Als u het goed voorheeft met uzelf en de goden, zou ik het niet kopen als ik u was. 

En dan het tweede ding, Vana censuur. Ik geloof dat Vana de laatste jaren alleen maar afstandelijker en geslotener is geworden, en dat veel gewoon niet mag. Ik zou ze niet hun gang laten gaan als ik u was, straks hebben we nog een linkse dictatuur in een rechts land die te veel macht heeft, en dat moeten we niet toestaan. Vana gaat te ver. En dan dat ballengedrag van de kinderen van der Stelt, ook maar gewoon iets wat nooit gedeugt heeft. Arrogantie is het toppunt. Dat is niet heidens. Ik zou me niet in sociale rangen en lagen laten kleineren als ik u was, wees vrij. Voel u vrij. Vier het bestaan, maar niet meer in zo'n gesloten hierarchie. Dat is zó verschrikkelijk stom, u zou moeten waken hier niet te goedmoedig over te denken, dan maken ze misbruik van u en dan walsen ze over u heen. Net als het inperken van vrouwenrechten, en vinden dat vrouwen geen recht behalve het huishouden hebben. Zijn ze besodemieterd? Dat moeten we absoluut niet toestaan, die lui hebben tegenwoordig spijkers in hun kop. Het deugt niet meer. Dit zouden we gewoon niet moeten toelaten. Mensen moeten weer gewoon gaan doen. En arrogantie moeten we niet belonen. Ik hoop dat u uw verstand hierbij gebruikt. 

Tot zo ver, tot een andere keer. - 

Good afternoon at the 14th off November, 2025.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today it's dreary and rainy outside. 

*

I would like to share some images off my foods off the previous days, some where really good. Like the bowl off vla with a doll up off whipped cream at my parental home after dinner, and my attemps at oven baked carrots in diffrent shades, and my dessert. Low fat peach yoghurt with pommegranate seeds. All too delicious. I should clean the kitchen today, but I'm almost dying out off headache. I'm about to see General Practice about it. It's really wrecking to be as stressed as I am. Maybe I'll clean my kitchen this afternoon. I would do good about it. Being schizo and on meds almost kills me. My head hurts incredibly, I could move planets, stars, whole galaxies, space ships with this feeling off incredible pain... I have never felt it this bad before. Just too much, and always late in the evening when I go to bed. It's impossible to sleep with it. General Practice and mental health should know what to do with it.    

I think my carrots can almost pass for Christmas. They where delicious. I'm dizzy from headache, unstable on my feet. I hope something can help for it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 12th off November, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today the sky was grey, and the place looked gloomy. It's that dementor atmosphere everywhere... 

*

This was in the box off chocolates for mom's 67th birthday: Windmills and tulips, a perfect gift from old Zaandijk. Her birthday was cozy, and the food was good. I also had these jigsaws:

Ot and Sien are a Dutch classic. I had won these at bingo, my mom loves Ot and Sien and jigsaws. It was perfect for her. Dutch culture is perfect for fancy gifts. My mom always loves them. And I got to say: They're doable, not too expensive and heartfelt. It goes in well with the family. During this era, you could even call it somewhat chique. 

Allright, that's  about it for now, - 

Thank you for reading. 

Good afternoon at the 7th off November, 2025.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today it's sunny and cold, it's a bright day in Autumn. 

*

My mom has her birthday at the 11th, I had to cut on the gift, but look what I found: 

It's a small box off chocolates, not the big splurgey expensive ones, but these are cute windmills and tulips, and it's packed pretty. It's pretty something for a crisis-gift, I feel happy due to it. I forgot how happy I can get when giving something nice. It's good for me just aswell as for the receiver. It makes me feel so good. Almost like ocytoxin I got from it. This gift makes happy. It's good for it's price class, and it's a real chocolate shop it comes from. 

I also purchased some handmade birthday cards from de Boed. They're not pricey, and compared to a bookstore it's cool what you got for it. Just the idea to send these feels good. Handmade = personal. And they where only one euro each. It's perfect for aunts and old friends in modern day crisis. I feel so good at the idea off all off these worthit gifts. I almost forgot how that could feel. It's my starsign, I think. Leo is a gift giver. Before the crisis, I used to bring more gifts to the fam. I had to cut on that. Alongside the Cornelis Jetses jigsaws I won at Bingo, these chocolates will be for mom. 💖😁 (= really how I feel, and that's why I wanted the world to know.) I'm going to wrap these jigsaws, the sight off it can't be more perfect in my opinion. 💖 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 4th off November, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's gloomy and stormy outside in The Netherlands today and this night. It's haunted, like ususall. 

*

Imagine, what would happen if the Ukraine war would take place for two more years? Are you capable to withhold if this crisis continues, and the prices only increase? Think off it, think serious. It might be wrong, but it's something to think off. Do you have everything to withhold the tide? If not, what can you do? 

And then again, it's not the planetairy transits this might depend on. People expect the upcoming planetairy transits to cause a miracle, but I doubt. Please, use your common sense, and try your best to know you can do it. The god off war has never been soft on people. Please take care, please keep in mind this might take some more from us. 

This upcoming year might be crisis and war. We never know for certain, but we should not let go off our endurance to withhold this. Please don't treat it like it's nothing. That's not responsible, and it's not sensible. Take care. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

 

Good morning at the 2nd off November, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's cloudy and dark outside, the sky is still invisible. 

*

Yesterday I had great dessert, I had a bowl off skinny forest fruit yoghurt topped with rubies. 😉 

It's actually pomegranate seeds, but they look like rubbies if you make them decorations for desserts. It was pretty good, actually. It's my idea off luxury: eating fresh fruits and vegetables during this time, and to keep my health good with it. It was on a discount, so it wasn't as pricey as rubbies. 😋 I'm proud to still eat dessert on my small income. Low fat fruit yoghurt, sometimes topped with fruits. It's a good idea, actually. And it's not expensive, except for the fruit topping. But for good health, I think it's worthit. 

Life goes by this Autumn. I'm fighting ghosts from the past. It trigges delusions and psychosis. Just too bad. I talk about it with care takers. It's fighting the past. It's impossible, since only the now takes place here and now. We should live in the now. But the past can be such an echoput. Especially for us, mental types. We constantly got overhwelmed by situations from the past, and they trigger. I feel like being kept prison in Azkaban, where dementors keep you caught on bad memories. It's no suprise to me prisoners lost their mind there. It's also the ambience, it's constantly negativity, as if it's actually crowded with dementors, in Zaandijk at Gortershof, invisible for muggles. It also rains a lot here and the sky is so grey. 

What I do to fight it: Ambience and foods. A little more cozyness, well-cooked meals and music. Music from the past. I'm a homebody with a soft witch style in my home. I like it, despite others might think it's a bit weird, shabby chique and old fashioned. But it's my personal thing. It's how witches keep the negativity off dementors out. I hope people don't dismay me for it, I like to show some off it on my internet. It can't keep me from still being a bit negative and moody from time to time. Appearently, the classic British way is not the answer for everything. I still feel the moodyness. Though it's helpfull and more fun than Dutch in my opinion. 'You're fighting ballroomclouds.' But sometimes, the ballroomclouds are so strong, especially during these years. And chocolate is also not the answer for everything. It just softens sharp edges. (Usually I eat it moderately, but I had voices in my head making me order it. It was good, but it's no solution to darkness) 

Care takers think I'm crazy for refering to myself 'Like Ginny Weasley.' at times, but I like to think myself as country oriented and cheap but still fancy, like her. Having to do witch chores and try to keep my head up despite it all. If I refer to Harry Potter, they don't like. If you don't get the reference, you might think I'm crazy for it. But I feel like a poor county witch daughter when doing it this way. Maybe I should make them read Harry Potter, or stop it. It's just that it doesn't matter, it makes me do house chores and try to keep it cozy and in order despite it all. Everything that misses, is mince pies for Christmas, 😉 but that makes me more poor and restricted than Ginny. Still, seeing her mildly as a role model works to straighten my back. 

I hope for a miracle to happen for my bad mood, it's a bit difficult. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.