Lack off integrity

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was cloudy and rainy and cold. It was a perfect day to be gloomy and tired all day. I have been exhausted from being vaccinated yesterday. I had the Moderna vaccin against Corona but it has it´s side effects, unfortunately. 

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Lack off integrity. 'What, amn't I gossiping sharp enough behind your back?' I heard a voice sarcastically saying in my mind. Sometimes voices are funny. But that's not the point to this story. 

Many people probably don't know, but I'm accused off being a slut and a whore a lot by people who walk around fantasy events a lot, saying I steal men and cheat a lot while nothing about that has ever been proven. As a matter off fact, I'm very held back when it comes to that. I have this example off the man with the wine stain on his face I fel infatuated about a few years ago, but who I never came after again because I realised he was taken with somebody else so I kept my distance. 

Accusing someone to steal your love interest or relationship on first hand is something you won't do to someone who barely knows you, let alone who your love interest is anyway and who is actually more interested in a common interest you have, namely books, movies, or music from the Fantasy Scene, and probably the styles that walk around there, but who doesn't give a crap about your boyfriend. It's almost mentally unhealthy how people see that. The way I got slut shamed got never proven to begin with. 

I wonder how they came up to that nonsense but it's often said people who do so are men who can't get you to sleep around with them, or women who are incredibly jealous off you. Both things go hand in hand sometimes. Jealousy is a massive problem in the fantasy scene and I was often victim to it and the gossip that came with it. Why in the world would you act like Cinderella's stepsisters to me instead off giving me a fair chance? It's not been really appropriate how I got treated. It's one off the reasons going there didn't feel good anymore and I decided to choose for myself. 

Even nowadays slutshaming is so part off their morals, some people probably started to believe it or build a whole web off lies and gossip around that I'm not a part off and I'm not knowing the details about. You can't keep on blaming the victim to your lies for something she has never even done. I have never had sex with anyone ever before and I'm innocent as an angel when it comes to that. If things like that gossip build up and people yell 'Slut / stink whore.' out loud to you, slowly you start to build up an utmost hatred about something. It felt more hurtfull event by event and it happened a lot. 

There was probably this reason people wanted me to get pregnant. By a man I found unsuitable for that job, and I never seriously went out to do so. But the shamefull recall on getting me knocked up still sounds. I feel it as something shamefull and vulgair that hurted me a lot. I feel undignified and filthy when it comes to that. Something filthy took away my entire interest in getting pregnant and replaced it with some trauma I can't get over. I don't like the idea off people being so after that and it's a godess religion unworthy what got said about me. And most off all: I'm not fertile. I have massive PCOS and being unfertile is a personal issue I have. To go over that with a massive hunt for something obscene like portraying your masculine power over wee and innocent me- that's a border too far. It has crossed many personal borders and I'm not willing to come back to the fantasy scene ever again because what happened hurt an incredible lot. Before I could decide for myself if I wanted children or not, nature and circumstances decided it would not be for me in this life by also giving me a disease children can heir and because off which I feel it's not responsible to have them. I feel dragged down in filth to my bones and it makes me sick to think off the whole happening. Actually it's not my fault. But the shadow that came over the matter spoiled it for me. Some people who caused all off this walk around freely, putting their dick into another woman nowadays without feeling any blame. It's what makes the pagan scene corrupt and hypocrit. It's no behaviour for true pagans in my opinion. Having or not having children should be MY choice. And far from theirs. I feel like I'm right in this matter, so I feel like I have the right to state this on my weblog. I'm a freedom fighter. Not a bitchy victim to their lies. 

It's feminin unfriendly how people are and think nowadays and I blame Game Off Thrones with all it's sexism. It was a massive hit, but it turned some people into complete assholes to make them believe women are less than man and should be seen as something to play games with. Only if you are a married woman you are free off guilt nowadays in their eyes. I'm not married and I'm not planning to have children and I'm doing bad finding romantic relationships for myself to be honest. That's my real story. I'm a bit off a lost case into this and I'm doing incredibly bad in that field. I feel bad being so frowned down upon because off slutshaming by people I have kept my distance to for about 10 good years. I'm barely seen in public gatherings or social circles by those who do so. I don't know what keeps the myth alive for such a long time and why they would even do so in the first place. It's probably to clean the blood from their own hands when it comes to this. People who are secretly guilty to things are often the first to blame someone else about it. Or people who have a good reason to degradate me all the time because I have been right about something for 10 good years. But it's too big to handle for one person alone. I can't take this on my frele shoulders and take all off that in all the time since it hurts like crazy when people do so. It's unacceptable and completely obscene for people to hold on to this for so long. 

When protesting about climate changes, I would prefer to ask them to clean themselves from evil morals before even getting themselves into politics. I think it makes them hypocrit. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

  

It all became around the 16th century in Italy

 Good evening everyone, 

Most fresh vegetables in the western world where discovered or breeded around the 16th century in renaissance Italy. Italy is the promised land when it comes to food to me. I love the Italian kitchen and I love to experiment with diffrent kinds off vegetables and styles. Around the 16th century, tomatoes where discovered in Latin America but wheren´t used untill people found out what part off the plant they had to eat. The main plant was considered poisonous untill some philosophy I can´t remember the name to, dedicated the tomato to the human heart and they found out to eat the tomato ever since. 

Tables rich in fruits and vegetables, however, where in the beginning only dedicated to the rich and royal off the western world. Commoners wheren´t even allowed to eat what they desired as there where restrictions to food. Life was pretty restricted back in those days on all fronts. Even what to eat was up to the leaders to a country, mainly brought up to them by the catholic church. As centruries came by, the restrictions faded and nowadays people are allowed to eat everything as long as they can afford what they want to eat, but that´s no longer a restriction from the government.

During the 16th century, Marco Polo returned with noodles from China to Italy and they turned the basic receipe for that into all kinds off pastas over time. 

The oldest pie in the world, Linzer Torte, was created around 1650 in Austria, but somehow I wonder if abead to that there wheren´t pies or cakes. I suppose it wasn´t documented well up untill then but I´m no food historic. Linzer Torte is a pie made from dough made with nut flour and filled with (traditionally) cherry jam. But all red fruits do. I have never made one, but it´s on my list off things I still want to make.  

Allright, that´s what I wanted to share with you. 

Thank you for reading.     

An enhancer for your system

 Good evening everyone, 

I was about to share my receipe for healthy and affordable tomato soup with you. Here it is. It´s made from mainly pure ingredients and good tomatoes for it´s richness in taste. It doesn´t take much and it´s probably a pick me up for your health with all those fresh tomatoes, a hint off garlic and onion and olive oil. And then it´s fresh herbs.  

My tomato soup receipe: 

- 700 grams off Roma tomatoes 

- 2 cloves off fresh garlic 

- 1 large onion 

- A large can off tomato paste 

- 2 to 3 tablespoons off dried thyme 

- A hint off olive oil 

- A splash off half full milk 

- Fresh basil 

- 700 milliliter off vegetable broth from 3 broth cubes 

- Salt and pepper to taste. 

1. Chop your onion in small dices and peel and clean your garlic. Cut garlic preferrably in half and simmer the lot in olive oil in a soup pan that´s suitable for about two liters off soup. Adjust tomatoes, tomato paste and thyme and simmer for about 20 minutes untill it looks like tomato sauce. Adjust salt and pepper during the proces. I add it during the simmer, then during the simmer off the becomming off ´sauce.´   

2. Adjust the vegetable broth and let brothle for about 20 to 30 minutes, add another hint off salt and pepper, then blend everything smooth with a hand blender. Adjust the hint off milk (The original receipe required cooking cream, but usually I don´t have that on hand. milk works just as good and is less fat.) Then tear your fresh basil leaves into pieces and add to the pot off soup to make the taste blend in while it´s still on the stove, or add to your soup bowl once you have it served. That´s up to you. 

Last step: Taste if it´s to your liking, and if you feel it´s good, then it´s ready to be served.  

This is about it. It´s an easy soup receipe that can do for centuries to come like this and have I already told you it´s probably a healthy soup? It´s a bit thick but I like soups like that. It gives your soup a feeling off richness somehow. If you prefer it a bit more thin, then add about 50 milliliters off broth extra to it. The reason for the garlic not to be overly chopped or squeezed is that it will be blend in during the step off the handmixer while it blends this soup smooth. It´s perfect for summer but it can be a perfect pick me up year round. 

Allright, that´s about it for now. Thank you for reading. 

    

Good afternoon at the 12th off March 2021.

 Good evening everyone, 

The storm keeps on lasting, bad weather is still around up untill Tuesday if we can believe forecasts. Isn't this the weather I describe most on this weblog? Stormy, cloudy and rainy- it's what the Netherlands happens to be known for. Frog country as we call it ourselves. Frogs develop well in this type off weather.  Humans probably don't. That's why people prefer to stay in and keep their homes cozy and nice to be around. And it's probably why Dutch people come off cranky and complain all the time a lot. We're selfrighteous dicks and all off us will deny if you tell them. But don't fall for that trick. selfrighteous has nothing to do with the weather. It just caught my attention how often I tell you it's grey, cloudy, rainy and gloomy outside. Most off the time nothing better than that happens outside. 

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I have been reading all day, these kind off days are nevertless perfect to read a few books that have caught my interest. I'm glad I found books suitable for my mediocre capability to read. It's not like I don't understand what is written, it's just that I have a lame concentration and I can be doing hard keep on being into what I read. It's part off the mental disease circus I'm part off in this life. But I found interesting reads which keep me on their track. Aside from drinking some herbal teas, this evening couldn't have gone by more at peace. This period off time is a bad one, but calmth and a way to set off my mind has overcome it today. 

Tomorrow is a good day for tomato soup for myself for lunch or dinner. I have read somewhere tomatoes have a capability in purifying blood, and cooked in olive oil somehow even enhances that quality. My tomato soup is easy yet probably very healthy considering the other ingredients it combines. I believe it's worth sharing with you tomorrow how I made it. Sometimes fresh tomato soup and finishing a book is all it takes to make a nice Saturday. 

Allright, that's about it. 

Thank you for reading.    

Good afternoon at the 11th off March, 2021.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

It´s stormy weather in the Netherlands. It has been rainy and stormy all day and not to forget, windy. It´s no weather to go out for a long walk, unfortunately. 

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Yesterday has been the last day off my personal quarantine. It's been the third or fourth so far and it's likely I'm about to get even more quarantine as this crisis takes place any longer. I hope you can cope with this crisis yourselves. The pandemic takes it's toll but I hope people can manage it. 

I have been more in quarantine than into mental hospitals so far. And that says something in my case. I don't know if I'm healthy from now on. I have been temperatured on fever and I had none, that was the reason for this quarantine to take place for so long. If I'd had a fever, I would have been up for a corona test. As long as they couldn't tell for sure if I had it, I was placed in quarantine for safety sake. I had been making a luxury carrot cake for de Boed ahead to that, including cream cheese frosting, which I had to eat all by myself due to that. It was one off the utmost best things I have ever made so to say. But I didn't have the opportunity to share it. Often I believe in carrot cake to 'catch the easter bunny with.' as a prelude to easter during this time off the year. 

Sometimes, a few weeks after christmas, or before christmas, I'm about to make de Boed a pastry or a dessert resembling christmas for them to feel better during nasty weather circumstances. A prelude to easter also belongs into that category but unfortunately it didn't take place the way I intended it. If we keep on doing such things, we could celebrate holidays for months and months if we don't keep a hold to it. (If I wouldn't keep a hold to it. I'm the one who bakes and cooks luxury things for them sometimes.) Easter will be the last big holiday for a long time in my personal diary, but then I like to 'celebrate summer.' for quite some time with home made creamsicles or popsicles for example. 

It's how you make people handle a crisis better these days. I wouldn't know any other way than to serve them good foods and spoil them a bit with it. Spring is ahead and I think I would do well to celebrate it with fresh crispy greens and a tart every now and then. Fruit tarts / pies are always a good idea during spring and summer. 

Mentally, I'm not doing very well. I feel issued these days and a bit nervous. It's been a hard week this week and I have been doing bad in my mind while being in quarantine. I feel a bit better at this point while I have the chance to get out off my home again instead off being in quarantine. Yesterday I had a voice in my mind getting me off the mental tension, but I scared him away after ranting to him about being unreliable. I chased him away entirely this afternoon. To fight voices with other voices is not a good idea most off the time. You fight the issue, you get an issue back for it. So sweeping all off it off, no matter how romantic they try to sound, is the best option. 

Allright, that's about it. 

Thank you for reading.    

Grumpy and their morals

Good afternoon everyone, 

(Grumpy = A nickname for a metalhead. Metalheads are Grumpies and mainly up to stupid things you´d wish to tell them ´No, Grumpy. Not like that you idiot.´ For example, walking around during a bright sunny day covered in way too warm winter clothes for such a day. Grumpies often aren´t very wise or mature about things.) 

Can you imagine there are people out there who think most women who are into them are just perverts who are after their wealthy posessions, who play the victim all the time to women who ´play.´ them so to say and who aren´t above the mindset off a 10 year old themselves? their mindset, which is about women who just play them and are after getting pregnant and getting away with their money while they themselves don´t look actually rich, aren´t rich and just are probably total junk themselves? 

Some men like that are getting me amused somehow because somehow I suspect this is a joke to them and they pretend. Sometimes such big tales are nothing but funny and fake. Grumpy Metalheads are the main source to this kind off idiotic thinking and I got it to the point where it´s a joke to them to talk like that, but when they start to believe this nonsense, it´s getting a bit too far. Like a man who pretends to be ´exhausted and rejected.´ by some woman who was just after his sexual potention and his posessions. The world couldn´t get more strange after that. But is that really true what he claims? Wasn´t he himself just a horny pervert all along and just after that woman after she simply said no to his advances? Grumpy sometimes lives in a world off make-believe in my opinion. I can see him in my mind talking big to a crowd off likewise men after gulpin in a lot off beer or other strong booze. 

Likewise with such fisherman tales they call me a whore, a bitch or a slut all the time while nothing about that is true, and no real story has actually taken place to proove those lies. Maybe Grumpy himself got born out off some playfull woman who was after his father´s money and this made his image off most women a bit crooked. I can´t imagine anything else to have taken place to justify such talk about women. (I don´t know anything about the origin off Grumpy himself. Maybe he´s a bit ashamed to share that with most people. Unlike perverted tales about being robbed by a girl he probably hasn´t even gotten in the first place.) 

Allright, that´s about it. 

Thank you for reading.    

Good evening at the 1st off March, 2021

 

Good evening everyone, 

I have coloured this in a period off several times whenever  I felt bad in my mind. It took me a few times to finish it completely, small parts at a time. Two days ago I had an episode off feeling awfull and decided on to colour this again, and I finished it yesterday. It might not seem hard to colour, but when you feel awfull in your mind, a lot off things take energy. And when I feel like my mind got calmed down, I put this aside and go to bed when I finish my tea. (I drink tea along with mandala / image colouring to try to calm myself down every often.) I have little inspiration to do bigger or more complicated colouring at the moment. I wish we could get out off lockdown, as I need a new set off markers-for-semi-professionals / adults after finishing this. I got out off some. I believe this took me months.    

Allright, that´s about it for now. 

Thank you for reading.