Good evening at the 23th off March, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was sunny and warm and I enjoyed the day highly due to the sunshine. It was a good day. 

I love how it´s sunny compared to previous year.

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Today was for improvising a chicken curry soup at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk. I had to use my mind well today because there where little ingredients available due to me not making soup previous week because I felt awfull. Today I had to create chicken curry soup with spare ingredients and a plus off mushrooms since they had that left over and thought I could use it in the soup. 

It's like that sometimes. It's not always a straight ahead direction to make soup every wednesday. I did my utmost best and probably thanks to curry powder and boursin cuisine being available, I managed to make a perfect soup despite there being little chicken, only one leek and a bush off curiander at first. I managed by using potatoes, garlic, onions and dragon in my soup as a base. Then boursin cuisine and a lot off curry powder and that one pathetic leek, then let it cook in chicken broth from cubes for 20 minutes, puree and then add chicken, baked mushrooms and soup noodles I found somewhere untill all was done. (And salt and pepper during the entire proces) Thank god I know how to cook and how to make soup well. Even if it's a bit off an unprepared mess. It lacked carrots and I had to smugle a lot with potatoes like I usually do when a soup is a bit spare in what I got provided on ingredients. 

I decided I want to try to keep on making Wednesday Soup despite feeling so awfull sometimes and being mentally drained by medication switching. And despite it not being provided well sometimes. Providing a pot off soup despite it all is something to be proud off. The appreciation by my soup audience was priceless and made me feel incredibly well today. It's been a while since I felt like that. It's not easy being disabled to do what you love. I felt tired all the time during the proces, but that should teach me not to be on my computer so late at night. I took an hour off rest after soup making and I think I deserved that. Dragon is one off my favourite herbs when it comes to soup making. The dried version adjusted to the cooking proces gives a good taste to almost every soup. The next time I believe I should ask for certain amounts off ingredients instead off handing over a receipe with an x amount off ingredients asking if they want to upgrade it to our amounts. I think it went wrong somewhere there. And carrots don't have a long shelve life so next time I should work with everything straight ahead instead off calling off sick. (But I had to. I felt awfull previous week due to medication switching.) Anyway, it worked out well and people enjoyed their soup- I did well. 

Time goes by slowly this week. I don't know if that comes in handy for gods, or is supposed to teach me a lesson, or simply just because. Most off the time it passes by fast but this week it seems like life goes by slowly unless I'm doing something fun. I don't know what is going on. Maybe it's just my mentioning off time this week. And then there is summer time- one hour more early out off bed, and an hour more early to sleep the next months. I hate to get up more early. Nothing is as precious to me as good sleep. So having to get out an hour more early feels terrible. 

Sometimes I feel a bit lost. When summer gets hot, the ground and the gras dries out and care takers barely have time for me, I can feel like such a lost child despite being in health care and being almost 30. There is a large coming and going off care takers and this place is almost desperately under employed. It's bad and I mention, despite it not being such a summer yet, that I have to swim on my own a lot according to my feeling and what I see. I had staff agreeing with me about that so I'm not standing alone in that opinion. Often they have to work with replacers when people get sick or switch jobs (which happens quite a lot). I know it's a bad thing to leave this place since that's the issue everywhere and this is a good home with acceptable people surrounding me who appreciate me highly. But it's - a thing- I don't like to deal with. 

      

Life is getting by hard and they barely have people to help me with it. If only the feeling off it being hard would fade and it would get more easy for me. That would be great, if it wasn't such a struggle anymore to be a mental patient. (Even physically it hurts.). Them being under employed is NOT fair. But what they do is a hard job not everyone is suitable for. I can understand why it's hard to get the right staff on board. But then again, I feel like such a lost child having to work things out on my own a lot off the time. I got provided good care when everything goes right. Let's keep it at that. It would not be fair to call this place bad so far. My nails are polished, I'm fed, I got my medication in time and there are still people to talk to when issues run high. (When they have time. I often got positive responses when I ask people for a cup off coffee at my place) Still I see diffrent faces all the time I can re-tell my story to a lot. Life is like that. A mess during crisises. I can't say it in any other way. At least I got off off the times where I had to lay in bed all day due to medication switching and I can be around and do mild fun things again, as long as they're on this terrain and not too far off this place. But let's not think too big. Let's keep it at the level off sunbathing, soup making and coffee for now. 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading.