Good evening at the 13th off March, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was the first cloudy day after a range off sunny yet cold days which where perfect for a sunny winter with cold and freezing nights. 

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Yesterday I couldn't sleep. I had a hard time sleeping thinking off a phrase from a psych2go video a lot: 

'How the hell can we be happy if we are so tired all the time?'

(Psych2go is a channel I can mainly recommend as their video's are feelgood psychology for everyone.) 

Well, I was overthinking that phrase while not being able to sleep. It felt hard especially since I'm in the middle off a medication change I hope will take place peacefully. Then my enemies from the Vana Events crowd/ event audience came to my mind, trying to keep me awake and keep me from sleeping. Saying I had to die and they would be nothing but glad if I did. (They hate me that much) and I had to burn white sage incense to chase them and their evil spell away. No matter if they did that or not, my mind felt they where hating on me again and I often know I'm correct. They're that childish about me. I don't waste time on them and usually I see people in a milder light than they tend to see me. They told me they where hatefull on me again and they challenged me to burn white sage. I was lucky to have a full package on hand in my arsenal, I felt almost panicking about it. I have burned a lot off white sage incense but my day was wasted for being exhausted all day. I hate not being able to sleep while an event like medicine changing takes place in my life. I honestly won't ever trust the venomous and envious event audience again as they have been mean and cruel for a long time. I prefer to see people in a milder light and try to stand above worldly quarrels and fights but they have seriously hurt me. I couldn't sleep all night thanks to them being mean and attacking my sleeping pattern in my mind. 

If you happen to be one off those people who haven't been cruel and venomous from the Vana Events crowd and who can see me in a grown up light without hating on me: Thank you. I distrust a lot, but I also know not everyone has been 'like that.' but a lot are and I hate that about them. I had a hard time catching sleep while worrying about my enemies. People from Gortershof and de Boed don't know about my past with Vana Events and Fantasy internet forums. I like to keep it at that as it makes it easier to befriend people and keep to my position as 'above.' their worldly quarrels and fights as I prefer that. Often I don't take part in fights in my living area. I've learned my lesson the hard way. Staying neutral in fights, being friendly with them and baking them great goods has gained me almost everyone's liking. In return, I love their acceptance off me as that doesn't often take place in my life. I appreciate their friendship. Not everyone loves me to the moon and back, but I even consider myself a diffrent person than I was before this place. Being accepted and neutral comes with a feeling off responsibility and being far less likely to be witty all the time with people. I'm not a sarcastic loner anymore. 

I just wish I could sleep at night. Without thinking off people who can still drink my blood as that would not be fair after four, almost five years off distance but somewhere in my head, they still gossip tremendously about me. It's somehow been traumatizing what happened. I can't put it any other way. The massive hatred after that unfair treatment was too much for me to handle and I broke down. That's what it comes down to it in my head. Enough to worry about at night. 

When I'm not worrying about Ukraine or whether or not seeking places where my crush might be and having a sore stomach from medication, I have my head still chock full with worries about the enemy. It's a scar I'm not likely to forget. 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading.