Good evening everyone,
Today was sunny, but despite there being sun it's freezingly cold and I think it's a bit too cold to be outside. It looks good, but it's still a bit tricky today.
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I had no bakings this weekend or this week since I feel sick, tired and wobbly on my feet from medication switching. I'm very tired all day and I feel like I have to take more from de Boed than I can give to them. This is normal for a psychiatric patient, but I feel I have to take dinner, lunch and care from them and not giving them anything back- like a nice baking and serving their afternoon coffee on Saturday. What I do now is usuall client behaviour. I'm sorry to say. I'm too sick to bake. I feel like sleeping all morning and then doing nothing all evening untill dinner, then have medication and then sleep very early untill I have to get medication in the morning early. Life is hard at this moment.
I can hold a computer and write you things. That is a positive thing. I had coffee this afternoon with a care taker, that is another positive thing. I was capable to make my own coffee and share a cup and do my story to a new face. After that I felt like rest, and the third and fourth positive thing this afternoon, I played a CD and had my window open for the entire afternoon. I had fresh air. Fresh air and water and lots off tea do well for me at the moment. I'm weak this period off time. I believe I'll be capable to pour myself a cup off tea this evening and that's about it. I feel terrible.
My bakings where missed. People asked me about it but I had to tell them 'no.' and I have to tell them 'no.' for the next week. That somewhat sucks. I took part in a creative course at de Boed, which is very close to my home. I could roll myself there if I had to but any further than that I'm not capable. I managed Saturday to do something creative with them and that again gives me the feeling I 'took' more than I 'gave.' but it's what I needed. I eat my dinner there every evening and I need them these months.
Something positive about this period off time, I'm not depressed anymore. I feel terrible for having to change medication, but the main negative feeling off mourning has faded off. I don't know how that came. Some might say it'd be more natural to feel depressed when you're in such a state off battling your disease and something that comes with it, but I don't know how I managed to overcome depression- to fall into the next battle. I know I'm dependent on de Boed the upcomming weeks and not capable to do fun stuff and have my own business sorted out, but I have been dependent on mental health care since forever, so I shouldn't be too bothered with it. But so to say- I can forget shopping sprees and family visits this period off time. As I need to stay close to the source off care and not force myself to too much. I'm glad I have a small home with acces to care. That's what I can be positive about. But it's hard.
de Boed has their trouble at this moment too. They are under employed and couldn't supervice me making soup this week. I wasn't capable to do Wednesday Soup this week. Otherwise I would have made them an alcohol free onion soup. I hope I can shoot it next week but I feel terribly weak. And they have a lot off people who are sick this week and caught Corona. Corona is everywhere these weeks. I hope we will be capable to survive it all and get up again soon but I have no hopes for that. It's a hard week.
Allright, that's about it-
Thank you for reading.
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