Good evening at the 30th off November, 2022.

 Good evening everyone,

Today was grey, cloudy and cold. 

*

Today was for making mustard soup, my famous mustard soup, which is always perfectly received by the audience. They enjoyed my soup. And it always fullfills me with joy and pride when they do so. It really gives meaning to my -still continueing- weekly volunteer job off soup cheff at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk. Even people who normally don't like soup, say they love my soup. I got compared to hotels and restaurants by people and it's thát good. 

While making soup I was overthinking something, and probably I had a delusion and in the worst case a foresight. I was thinking about being poor and what that ment to me in my life, and I was thinking off third wold countries and about this country getting poorer and poorer, and then something got in me: This country will feel as poor as Africa if things continue this way. It's going to get even more sober, people will have less acces to basic needs and healthcare, it's all going to be worse and worse and then damn, we're on a level where this country is not rich anymore. But at the level off Africa. Well, it won't really be at the level off Africa, but it will feel like that for a lot off people, just like I somehow felt and foresaw we will be at war some time. My mental health nurse said these where allright thoughts, they where perfectly normal and she didn't see the delusion in it, since it is going downward in the world and with this country. Worrysome, isn't it? That my fears are not seen as delusional nowadays. I didn't tell her I felt it was foresight, I told her I have been worrying and overthinking about this. And she saw it as perfectly normal since that's what a lot off people do. We are at a crisis situation, after all. 

Really, they did one hell off a job de-stabilizing the world with just three years off crisises. I was thinking off my role in that future and what I could do to help, but something told me what I did was just giving people presents, and it didn't solve actuall problems. I can't stabily solve issues like no money for health care, food or energy. Or no acces to clean water. I'm not doing well enough for that myself. I can prepare soup and cakes and I can solve my own problems with what I've got and what's gifted to me. Other than that, I'm one hell off dependant myself on the system. I think especially long hot summers with lots off drought will make it feel like Africa in Europe, though our winters aren't good either if it (Gas and food prices) continues like this. And the economy is shrinking due to war. I have been seeing this two times now: A country that has befallen victim to poverty with spare services provided to the people. We already are, let's face that, but it will be all even worse in the future. Pluto in Aquarius won't be on the foreign level off outer space and modern development, but rather make us feel like third world countries in this part off the world. I don't like people who stick their heads in the sand, since someone should tell this, someone should make this clear somewhere and warn the world. 

I have been told in my visions I should be prepared for that, and I shouldn't be ungratefull or expect more from most people than what they can give. I'm so worried about the children. I will get by, but there are still hungry children due to this crisis and parents being poor, in homes with shabby, outworn furniture where there is no money for the holidays. People at de Boed struggle to get by, de Boed serves us only one plate off food instead off having something extra if you finished and it's usually hoping they have enough bread for everyone during lunchtime. Tonights dinner was perfect, but often it's cheap and barely enough for everyone. People have a fear off heathing their homes nowadays in this block, and I can only hope the increase off wages helps them, just like the ceiling for gas prices. Sinterklaas will be cold this year. I break my heart if I think off all those poor and cold children without presents that night. 

And this is only the beginning off that shabby country I saw in my vision. The economy shrinks, people can barely eat. There's a cold and expensive winter ahead off us. I hope we will make it through, but thinking about how people make it through worries me. I worry about the world, despite some healthcare says I can't change it and should worry about myself instead, but I can't help it but thinking off others. And feel with them. I can't change the worst things for them. I just can't. All I can do is hope, and bake for them. That is something I can do as long as I can afford that. I wish the Dutch government would tell it's citizens they never walk alone. But only the German did. This government is just buisy with themselves and squeezing us out so it seems. I also foresaw a famine in Europe, but that's in 2040, or within 40 years if they ban farmers from the land and droughts continue like this. Food will be spare some day in the future and our problems won't be solved. In the U.S, it seemed fine. The future doesn't look bright and sparkly if it continues like this. I don't like people who can also see the future but who prefer to try to soften it. Sometimes it is what it is, and I have learned I should stick to it instead off holding back because others don't like it. It's not promising. Let's keep it at that. 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading.         

Good afternoon at the 27th off November, 2022.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today it's cold, windy, grey and rainy in Zaandijk, a small town in the Netherlands. 

*

The story off the egg-beggar: 

I've been purchasing a box off eggs, intending to make brownies instead off cookies. Given I would have had all ingredients on stock, including fine quality dark chocolate which my mom gave me 'Ment for baking.' And some walnuts from the market. I looked up 'The domestic godess.' By Nigella Lawson, and I have been chopping chocolate and walnuts already, but last night during dishes they told me today a caretaker would wave their goodbye today and had treats with them already. I was lucky I had in mind to bake the brownies today, so they would have them fresh and warm out off the oven. Unlike cake, which is better the day after, brownies are better served warm. I had the luck I haven't been baking them yesterday, otherwise it would have been a waste. I have been storing my chopped chocolate and walnuts for the upcoming week, and I had some eggs for breakfast. It's a bit off a sad story, but luck isn't with me this week. 

I haven't had much luck with black friday, and a necklace broke yesterday, so I purchased some sterling silver chains to replace it. Now I'm close to broke and December hasn't even started. I have been purchasing a warm large Christmas sweater, and a winter chique duvet cover. Like I wanted to with a small amount off discount. I expect to get money in December from my accountant, but it's not much and I can't shop 'till I drop anymore. It's not the end off the world, and I own Christmas make-up, presents, a duvet cover, pyjamas, decorations, and if my sweater arrives, an outfit and that's the stuff I wanted to have this year. I still have a small amount off money for Christmas, but no opportunities soon to do the last shopping. I have been losing my mind a bit over Christmas this year, and despite not being rich, I have been spending money like an idiot, but in my defence: I barely do that. Usually I wait untill I have a healthy amount off money on my pay account and then see what I can buy with that, but now it's far below healthy and I probably will be sore in January and February. It can't do bad to keep two No-Spend-Months next year. I think I also will be mentally sore in January and February when all the Christmas stuff goes out off shops and daily life has to go on without sparkle. Usually I try to make the best off these months by thinking off fun things to do, like baking with coffee and wearing pinks and other bright colours to keep some joy. And take a bit care off the Lonely Hearts club off de Boed who need a baking after Christmas to help them cope with their loneliness. But this year I'm focused on Christmas cheer and I expect to be a bit sore myself the rest off the winter. 

Yesterday I have been trying out a new look with my Christmas make-up box and it looked good on me. I barely wear make-up. But yesterday I was all pretty and dolled up. I took a walk to Koogerpark with a caretaker, and then went egg-buying. (Aside to other breakfast items.) It wasn't a bad day, untill my necklace broke and I had to buy new chains to replace it and spend some amount off money on it. Was it thát important? Yes, it was. It can't be bad to own a few silver chains for pendants, I have a few loose pendants who still need a chain, but preferably not now, and not this month, but that's exactly what it did: Break yesterday. Maybe it's been good for something, after all. You never know.  

Today is for sleeping in instead off baking brownies, having coffee in the morning and do laundry. When I feel broke and poor, I like to wash my clothes with the chique laundry wash and softner I always have on stock in my storage. And make myself good coffee, and I had a cookie with it this morning so I shouldn't feel poor and nearly broke. I still do well, I have items on stock and I can eat every day with what I still 've got. And I'm washed. Let's not forget about that. It's not limited Christmas edition showergel, but it's good stuff and I smell nice with it and I bodybutter after it. So I'm not doing bad. But look at what we still do have. I agree it's not little. And rain is good for vegetation.

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.               

Good evening at the 24th off November, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was cold and grey, with here and there a rainshower. 

*

Today was for baking two perfect banana cakes: 

They're made with pistachio's and milk chocolate chips, aside from the cookie spices and the coconut in it. Pistachio's and chocolate chips are a bit off the usuall, and they came whole out off their molds, which hasn't happened for a while. The local newspaper should write an article about it. I love the idea off making people happy with this tomorrow. I also like the idea this will help people cope with the crisis, though we had an increase off 10% on our wages. I have the feeling my work is still appreciated. And I just hope people can make ends fit again. The idea off poor children not being fed well and being hungry makes me cry. I have sobbed a few tears over them this crisis.    

I feel terrible this afternoon. It started after I cleaned up the dishes and baking equipment off the banana cakes. I had the luck I had staff coming over at 15.00 PM to make my bed, she didn't have much time, but called another caretaker to stay with me. She guided me to de Boed at 16.00 PM where they looked after me and where I fought this massive inner battle to stay sane. I had the feeling something wanted to jinx me and put a spell on me to destroy my life. Things have been going well for a while, and I have been buisy purchasing Christmas items and decorating my home, but just when I wanted to fullfill my to do list for this, something bit me in the head and gave me a hard time again. I feel so happy and excited preparing for the holidays, doing Sinterklaas and Christmas shopping and I have a few nice gift plans for this year, and my eyeshadow palette came in yesterday, which fullfilled me with joy somehow, but all off this has probably been a bit too much and I can't go Christmas shopping tomorrow, like I planned, to purchase some last items and then take a break from Christmas shopping untill after Sinterklaas. 

I can't go tomorrow, and all I've planned with healthcare is a walk to the romantic Koogerpark this Saturday. It's not bad and I'm looking forward to it, but it's not as planned. I got a lot off stuff on stock, but I feel like having to go round wearing a ragged grey cloak with a hood, ragged jeans, my hair unwashed and tangled and with mud on my face with a rattling mug in my hand, begging for a medium egg to be capable to bake some cookies for Sunday afternoon coffee. 'Will bake in trade for an egg.' On a cardboard template in front off me. All I need is only one egg to make jam cookies again. As far as this seems, I'm not capable to go to a shop myself. Allright, I shouldn't put up with a beggar act. I think mental health is weary off me allready and such an act would make them even more on their guard. I could also politely ask if they have an egg, dressed in everyday clothes. I promised someone I would bake for Sunday, and letting them down would feel so lame. (People look forward to my bakings) I used up all my eggs in the banana cakes today. 

It's not lack off money that's the problem to this egg-beggar, it's lack off mental health and capability to move around. On the other hand, I could try visiting the expensive shop in the tourist area and see if they have a few eggs for me when I go for my walk with health care this Saturday. We pass it by on Saturday. I will have to take it easy tomorrow. Maybe I could eventually ask de Boed for an egg since eggs are expensive and I only need one for baking for this weekend. There's nothing wrong with asking for a favor if it can help me out this weekend. Or maybe neighbours have one. Isn't a sharing society what politics is after these days? I would have to spend less, consume less, and in return share more if I could be given an egg. I could also see how Saturday goes and if I have enough for breakfast on stock, and see if I would need to go to the small supermarket for more than just eggs. I think it's something not to be concerned about too much these days. The worst thing that can happen is having to let down a fan off my bakings. That would be the worst case scenario. (Well, it concerns me more than what's fine with me since I don't want to let him down.) I think I will visit the supermarket and see what I can find. Especially since I got healthcare with me on Saturday. There's no need to be an egg-beggar. I hope I will feel better on Saturday so I can fullfill all my goals. A walk in the park and baking for Sunday. If my mental disorder doesn't kill me tonight. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

          

Good evening at the 21st off November, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today has been cold, cloudy, grey and with here and there some rain. It's defenetely a bad day in Autumn. 

*

I'm writing you this while my nailpolish dries. I found out blogging and drying nailpolish works pretty well togheter since typing doesn't harm short nails when they dry. It's a shade I have been using some times this year. The folks at Gortershof are all freezing from high energy prices. Last thing they wish to see is me with a flashy new nailcolour every time. So when feeling the urge to do my nails, I used something that's been seen before. It's a dark green and it's perfect for the holiday season. 

Today was for grocery shopping. And then rest a lot. I feel I get tired much easier this season and a lot off things cost a lot off energy to me. So I haven't been doing much but being on the couch all afternoon. Being mentally sick comes with getting tired easily. 

This morning, I have been putting on some make-up, which I otherwise never do. I have been watching a few old pictures and video's off me, mentioning I look better when I'm well groomed, so I decided to give it a try this morning. I won't do so again tomorrow since I don't like how foundation feels on my skin, and I feel comfortable enough without it. Zaanish women barely wear make-up, so it's not something to be ashamed off in my surrounding when I feel like not doing it. Though I got complimented this morning by people who said I looked pretty, and I felt more men in the supermarket noticed me than when I would not have worn any. They aren't used to seeing me with make-up. I have been watching beauty video's lately, and overvieuwing myself, but still I don't feel the urge for a daily beauty routine. I have my nails done. I also mentioned that in old photo's and video's about myself, that I wore nailpolish and that it made me look more pulled togheter and nice. I also had my hair dyed prettier. There was a time where I was more vain than what I am nowadays. But today I felt like putting thoughts to action instead off just complaining, and it worked: I could set myself to do beauty. I told you before not grooming let alone do make-up is a mental sickness issue. 

Most mentally sick do hard washing and setting themselves to put effort for their looks. Not every woman in mental health does so. There are women who are vain, but most aren't. You know the stereotype off the overly dolled up woman with heavy lipstick and bold eye make-up in mental health? I've seen such a type once or twice. But most off us are not vain and barely do make-up. But today was for make-up, and tomorrow is for nailpolish, though it's stuff I've had pretty long which was not expensive when I bought it. Still, this morning I wanted to look fabulous and I did for a day. I wore grey, taupe-ish eyeshadow, a taupe with a shimmer, and with a darker shade in my crease, and a highlight shade in my inner corner and under my brow bone. And a mascara. The perfect look for a stormy day. I made pictures off myself and felt it was pretty cool instead off looking un-made up like usuall. You can't see the shades well in the pictures off my computer, but you can see there's something there. 

I'm so tired, it's almost as if I have grown old when I sit and take a rest after a day. I have been through a lot, but being this tired at 30 is not right. I have been tired before, from medication and from buisyness, but this is really a result off aging, to me it seems. Though my face looks still young and people think I look only 25. My body isn't young looking, but I have a young face. Also without make-up. They always look suprised when I reveal my real age to them, and it's such a compliment to my parents. Despite looking young, I feel tired at the moment. I don't feel how I look, let's put it that way. 

I'm putting effort decorating my home for Christmas. I have been shopping some nice items and it looks so cozy and nice in my home and I love it. I love Christmas. It's been a good idea to put effort, though there are a lot off people who don't do so. Simply because they are alone during Christmas and don't see the point in decorating. de Boed has a lot off lonely souls who have dinner there during Christmas. They don't have relatives to go to, and it's lonesome and cruel during holidays for them. I have my mom to go to, I'm lucky and I love Christmas sparkle. But a lot off them are alone and have nothing with Christmas. Aside to that, Christmas lights are an expensive joke this year. I would be a lonesome old soul if my mom wasn't around anymore. I wouldn't know what to do without that. I hate the foresight off being alone at my old age, but that is likely to happen. I have no one aside from mom and my brothers during holidays. 

I have been ordering an eyeshadow palette for the holidays this weekend, but I haven't received a confirmation mail yet and that is strange. I know it's been expensive, and I'm low on money, but I purchased it with 20% off, without shipping costs and I have been asking my accountant for some money for the holidays. And she confirmed. - So it won't be as sober as I believed. I really had to go for the most expensive eyeshadow palette in their range. But Hector the ladybug and the voices in my head said it was a good idea. Somehow I couldn't resist and maybe it's a good idea. The green nailpolish on my fingers has dried by now. Maybe Hector can help getting the confirmation mail and the parcel safe here and I have nothing to worry about this week. I love Hector. 

I have been dreaming a bit too hard about holiday eyeshadow boxes to resist it, probably. That's why Hector said it was a good idea. It's one off my holiday presents to myself. 

I wish for it either to snow during Christmas, or for it not to be as cold as this week. The poor old hearts at Gortershof don't heath their homes this season and that sucks. It's hard to see them being cold each day. I heard them saying no one heaths and it's been freezing last week. I can't do anything for them but feel with them. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.      

Good evening at the 19th off November, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was freezin' cold weather in the streets off Zaandijk. The sky was clear and there was no wet snow, like forecasted. Still it was cold. 

*

This morning was for the morning coffee moment at de Boed, just doing nothing but having my morning coffee. Then having lots off rest, and waiting for Sinterklaas to enter Zaandijk. I waited on a bench for some time, then decided it was very cold, so I got back to bed again and I have spend my time in bed for today. Sinterklaas entered this place pretty late. About 17.00 PM the couch and the crowd showed up in this street, and it was dark outside already. I had the luck I could take a sight on it since it was about time for dinner that time. So, except for Sinterklaas, (And helping with the dishes after dinner at de Boed) not much happened today. I didn't even bake something, while that was in my planning. I felt bad and tired all day. I even had an attack this morning which had to fade before I got on with my day. I expected Sinterklaas to have been a bit earlier. If I knew he would have been late, I would have been baking something today for de Boed tomorrow. Except for spending time in bed and being put to rest, but I probably needed that. I didn't feel good today. 

My mom doesn't celebrate Sinterklaas anymore ever since my dad died. But we do celebrate Christmas and I have been purchasing some Christmas gifts. I told my readers not to do gifts if they do hard with bills and are low on money this year, but I did it with money that was gifted to me by mom. So I suppose it's allright to give her something in return. I didn't buy expensive gifts, just some nice presents for my family. I guess I'm still lucky this year. 

I love to give gifts and I love the holiday season. 'tis the season for giving. 'tis the season for shiny boxes and wrapping papers. I just hate for us not to celebrate Sinterklaas anymore, and that Sinterklaas doesn't actually excist. I would have loved to get a present, and if he would have excisted, I sure would have been given something. Sometimes it crinches a bit to give without to be returned something by people. My brothers aren't such gift givers. My mom is, though. And somehow I expect not to return empty handed. But someone should teach my brothers to give. They're too old to be raised into it. I had to find out for myself I somehow love giving gifts to people, but if I would have known that earlier on, I would have taught them myself as the eldest sister in the family. They're such ignorant men sometimes when it comes to this. And who knows, maybe I will get something from them if they are in a giving mood. If Santa only would have excist... I sure wouldn't be empty handed. 

I'm listening to Christmas Jazz at the moment. It's romantic background music from a café and I would love me some coffee as pictured on the first photo. I just have no money for it at the moment. I don't make bad coffee myself, and I have cute muggs with birds on it, but a coffee from a café? In a cup I could almost swim in? Yes, please. When the holidays are over and I can afford that again. Zaandijk doesn't has a place where they serve large coffees like that. My mom's husband has a luxurious coffee machine. He always serves me a latte machiatto when I'm there. Other than that, I just have to live with plain coffee with milk. Still, Christmas Jazz is a good idea. It enhances the ambience off my home. I mean this music:  

 Today was also for wearing a Christmas scent. From previous year, nevertless, but still perfect for a holiday mood. I smell like vanilla today. Despite everything, the romance off New York isn't far away today. I would have loved to be a journalist at the United States eastcoast if I would have been better, or a novelist. A writer off some sort. Aside to that, romantic comedies always seem to have a writer for their main character, situated in New York somehow. Maybe I would have had more luck in love if I would have had such a life. Or I could have written a romantic comedy about it if I would have had a degree. And an agent. But that's not me and it's not my life. 

Last thought off the evening: 

I think the nutcracker is a bit overrated as a Christmas theme. I mean, it's a cool and dreamy Christmas ballet, and I have been fully listening it last year, but you see nutcrackers everywhere and somehow I think that's not cool. What you also do see, and which is to my liking, is Christmas gnomes. I love the bearded, big nosed Christmas gnomes you see everywhere, and I have some in my home as a decoration and I'm going to give away Christmas gnomes for presents this year. Some might say that's overrated, but it's more to my liking than the Nutcracker. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading!  

Good evening at the 15th off November, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was bright and beautifull, it felt both cold and warm today (And I don't have a fever) and that was a strange feeling. It was both, sunny and windy. 

*

Today was for a walk. I have been taking a walk with healthcare to a recently discovered treasure: A small park at the fancy tourist area, hidden behind buildings and not visible if you'd pass the street unnoticing. But last week a caretaker and I went walking there by foot, mentioning our surrounding and ended up at that small park. It's lovely. It's romantic, it has ponds and rose bushes and a romantic Zaan bridge and a romantic looking pavilion stated in it. It's perfect and I love being there and just take my time and enjoy that place, where it looks like time stood still somehow. A walk at the park doesn't cost money. It's free to enjoy rose bushes and ponds and romantic looking pavillions stated in public areas. And when we go back we pass by a touristic street with cool shops ment for tourists and tourist agencies to guide people across the windmills and coffee. Which is also a cool thing. Today wasn't such a bad day, despite to be low on money just before the holidays. The park, by the way, smells like chocolate since we pass by the cacao factory when we go there. (Zaanstad is crowded with all kinds off factories) It's the perfect location for a date or a wedding in my opinion. It's almost as if the 1950's have never ended there, and it's stated behind a retirement home. It's perfect for a walk, and it gives my mind so much more space to know that it's there. I love it. I'm planning to take pictures in spring. I think it's going to be perfect for photographs. Strange old casual me and her caretakers can pass such an area when we have time, but hopefully many a bride and groom have also found it. It's perfect for that. It's called Koogerpark. It's fancy and romantic. 

I'm dreaming off Christmas make-up boxes the size off a small cabinet, in fancy limited edition packages, costing at least 100 euro's. I'm probably thankfull next year when I can afford that. (I'm not going to spend 100 euro's on such a thing, with drawers and drawers off luxury and at least three shades off lipstick. I barely wear make-up to be honest.) My mind is probably over-acting on having to be sober this month. You know that mindset, where you over idealize items you don't need when you don't have money, and which you are not about to buy anyway when you'd have it. It's probably been that way with the luxurious make-up cabinet. I have never seen such a luxurious box and it's not in the limited editions off any brand I'm into this year, but it's a stupid day-dream I can really loose myself into these days. 

I can count myself lucky my new pyjama's have arrived. I really am gratefull I received them and I still have somewhat off Christmas this year. Just like in olden days, people should feel gratefull for such things. Like I do this evening. I feel gratefull I have at least a bit off Christmas. And they're cool pyjama's which are hopefully warm for these cold nights. That's the most important. 

I also took another look at everyday items I have been using for ages, feeling more gratefull I have them, like bodywash, boybutter, shampoo and conditioner. I have been using the same for years, and they're not Christmas, but I feel a bit more glad I have it 'on the shelves.' during such a hard time and I can smell nice and be taken care off. I can shower and smell nice, and it sure is a thing to be gratefull for. I have been to the hairdresser recently, it was the cheap Leviaan hairdresser, but I got cut and I can look fine without spending the head price on it. 

I don't dye red, auburn, brown or sheer blonde, I have been dying a cool dark blonde shade in my hair and out off protest to many people, I think I keep it at that. It's a shade that doesn't look strange nowadays. More modern young women have it in their hair these days but I still rebel against fashionistas and alternatives when I keep it like that. The world is too full off superficialness. If I can get away with it, I will. I'm not going to buy hairdye for it on purpose, it's expensive and I wish to work with what I still got on the shelves first. But it somehow feels like a colour that is matching me, since I believe in Au Naturel with just a touch off beauty when it comes to my beauty ideal. A natural hair colour that looks like I haven't dyed at all but still makes me look beautifull suits me. I don't want to tone it down to zero, that would be no fun at all. But often I believe in 'less is more.' with most women. Offcourse people will tell me that in this modern day and time people should do whatever they please with their looks, whether I like it or not. And sure, I can enjoy a bold colour in my looks in my clothes and on my nails, but I don't like too much off a good thing on myself most off the time. I have tried blonde, I have tried dark, and now I'm recovering from a depression when it comes to my looks. I hate people who declare I HAVE to dye my hair a certain way to fit into their ideal off beauty, wheter it be blonde, red or black. I prefer to keep that choice in my own hands and not dying at all isn't it either. so this shade it is. 

I wear no make-up, my hair is dyed a natural shade and I prefer to look as clean and fresh as possible. Despite everything, I believe in clean and fresh. Still my hair is cut nicely. I blow-dry every often so I do care about that. Despite looking like that, I still feel fine about myself. It has been diffrently in the recent past, but nowadays I can look in the mirror again and feel well  about myself again. I felt so low for a while you won't believe it. I was depressed as a doorknob and I can be proud I got over it without doing ridiculous things to my looks, or massively changing the person I am. I can say I have a pretty face again and feel nice and feminin again when I care for it instead off just brushing my hair and then wishing to get away from the mirror as soon as possible. Allright. Sometimes I wear brown eyepencil, a mascara or a natural lipstick. When I feel like it but I'm not some kind off people pleaser who would do anything to fit into the standards off others, men or women. I'm proud off myself I'm vain again sometimes. I have been wearing a make-up look to my mom's birthday previous week, but today I'm not wearing anything at all. I love the freedom to choose whether I do so or not. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.      

Good morning at the 13th off November, 2022.

 Good morning everyone, 

Today is a beautifull day in autumn with the leaves all pretty and the skies all clear, a hint off a cloud and sunny. It's cold though. 

*

This christmas period, I have to skip on a lot off luxury. I got a bit off money from mom, but my pay account isn't in much off a christmas mood. I purchased a few warm pyjama's last night for the cold winter nights since what I wear is not suitable for cold weather and I have to wear a vest all the time to stay warm in bed under my extra blankets. I saw a Christmas duvet cover I liked, but I had to skip it due to being low on money. Just like christmas clothes, a scent from The Body Shop and things like body butter from that range, cookbooks that came out recently, (And it's a lot) a novel from an author I like, and many more things this month simply because I can't afford. 

I have been saving money for christmas poststamps. I have been making a few euro's with selling paintings and cake and I decided to put that to use this year and buy christmas poststamps, and I already have cute christmas cards, like I said before. I gave my readers advice earlier on on how to celebrate an affordable christmas. Wear clothes from previous year, ditch the gifts if you don't have kids and work with what you still have on stock. I have to make choices this year. Though I don't have kids, gifts are important to me and I will see if I can get some at the cheap shops. It doesn't has to cost the headprice and I can celebrate Christmas at mom's, which saves me out on a Christmas dinner. I can also see if they have that shirt with the cute pinguin in the real life shop, which saves me an internet purchase. I'm pretty sure I can afford a Christmas shirt with real life money this year. I can't go overboard with luxury, but my shelves are full with items and products, and when it comes to that I can certainly make it this month. (I'm someone who hoards when she has money. I purchase multipacks, supplies and other items in large amounts so I have a stock on hand for times when I do less. Like this month.) It's a bit sour that it has to happen during the holidays. 

I had the luck I found a scent on my shelves from previous year for christmas, and I still happen to have a lot off perfume. So not buying a scent could be considered a first world problem in this case. I have duvet covers, and Christmas blankets, so despite the lack off Christmas in my duvet covers, I still have christmas on my bed. I purchased pyjama's in Christmas colours, so I can still have a bit off Christmas in my bed this year. The cookbooks are a bit baling, but I can also purchase them months after Christmas since I suspect they will be out for quite some time, they're not the newest off the newest anymore when I buy them, but it's going to be a long term project and it's just like that novel I would like to have, and that makes that problem solved. 

I still have decorations on the shelves and I have a home wich has a bit off holiday allure. Especially during the holidays, it's an allure that doesn't need much to give the feeling off a luxurious christmas. The rest off the year it's just allure (I hope it reflects that, since that's what I go for) And I already purchased a few decorations this year when my finances where still doing well. Maybe the Action has more for me from mom's money. (I also adviced my readers to take a bit off help from their parents when they do hard with Christmas this year.) 

I have had a fight with Hector the Ladybug in my head. I told him I have been giving away napkins to de Boed. I had a stock off packages from the period where I thought collecting napkins was a cool thing, and I had quite a cool collection. I was never about to use them so I decided to give away ten packages. I still have some napkins on stock for when I need them, but I believed giving away what I had too much was a good idea, just like giving away an orange nail polish to de Boed's nail polish bin so it can be off use to others for the soccer World Championship this month. I thought, if I keep it I have profit off it, but if I give it away, many ladies at de Boed can enjoy it this month. Hector got upset for me giving away items while I'm not rich, and he believed I was about to give away his items too if I could get a hand on it, and he didn't have stuff to give away. I realy had to explain to him the art off sharing. No matter how poor you are. I wasn't about to give away his items and those napkins and nailpolish where mine. Though he said he almost claimed them to keep the home at balance and know where everything is. Hector feels selfish and those napkins and nailpolish where mine so I could decide myself whether I wanted to give it away. I feel my napkins cheer up our boring meals when they use them. So that fullfills me with joy when we go to have lunch or dinner. Last night we had Hutspot with my old superhero napkins. That was pretty cool and I didn't use them anyway. 

What does that say about me that I got a fight with the voice inside my head over sharing stuff? I share stuff all the time, home made bakings, household products, that kind off stuff. I think it's important we share during a crisis where everything is so expensive. Poverty makes you think diffrent than when you would have had everything just for yourself your entire life, and I have been raised by a mom who believes in sharing stuff. I have been brought up with giving and sharing and that was a good thing. I hate selfishness, just like I hate arrogance. Hector wasn't just selfish, he also claimed my napkins and my freedom to do with them whatever I pleased. I told him I still have enough off them for myself and I told him his selfishness was everything that's wrong with modern youth in my opinion. It's not bad to share if you can. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.         

Good evening at the 6th off November, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today it's rainy and wet outside. It's a grey autumn day. 

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Today was for sharing apricot-cookie spices jam cookies at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk. 

It was a good idea, and they're almost gone since people kept on coming back for a second one, or a third one. I think they will never taste the same after this huge crisis where everything is so expensive. But I have been silly enough to hand these to de Boed for free for them. I can talk easily. I'm a single woman with recources on the shelves and money on the bank. I got an accountant and a back up from Leviaan if life turns wrong this way. I can easily bake and share it with others. I believe in the saying: Small effort, big effect. Jam cookies are not hard, it's a bit off a work to fill them with jam, but it's not difficult. And sharing it feels great. I love to share my bakings. It's also such a compliment when it got liked big time.  

Other than finishing these cookies this morning, (baking them. I have been preparing the dough yesterday and this morning I have been baking everything.) and sharing them I have been a bit lazy today. I have been tired from doing a lot in my home and that got appreciated too by the caretaker who made my bed and folded my laundry this morning. Homework pays off. Not in money, but in positive vieuws and comments from caretakers. I can't always do it. Usually it's hard due to medication and lack off care for anything. But this week I was motivated. I think that is how it always should be: Motivated and on my feet to clean the house. I'm not the only one who slacks with it and motivation is difficult for a lot off people. But lucky are those who can find it within themselves. Honestly, I have been depressed a bit (A bit much) for a long time. 

Next week there won't be a baking, since it's going to be my mother's birthday and I will attempt there. I haven't been there for a while. Not since summer. Usually I go there more but my broken ankle was in the way. In fact, I had been planning going there for a whole week. But it didn't go as planned. I haven't had much off a summer vacation this year, except for day-dreaming about cruises over my own made chickensoup. And dreaming off the Sydney opera house. It didn't go much further than that. At least food makes people day-dream sometimes when it's good. In my day-dreams, I can go on vacations. Still, what do we got here? A cale potato stamp for dinner, a rainy day and old Zaandijk with all it's touristic charm. I'm stuck in the Netherlands most off the time. At least we had jamcookies today. Otherwise it would have been really boring without a clue. 

My home still smells like home made cookies. That's a positive thing about today. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.       

Good evening at the 5th off November, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was cold, cloudy, rainy and grey in Zaandijk. The small village in the Netherlands where I live. 

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This week was for being far more active in the house than I have been for a while. I have been cleaning more than usuall and I feel it in my back. The below part off my back hurts. Is that just due to being lazy or could it be something else? If it keeps on going this way, I have to be persistant to caretakers. It feels kinda serious. 

I have been cleaning the house, made an attempt to make crab chowder with corn for Wednesday Soup, I started to watch a new series on Netflix, I kept up with the household much better than usuall. I was death tired when watching that show on Netflix yesterday evening. Mentally I'm fine this week. It's as if something has been really activating me. Which caretakers appreciate. Due to Netflix I have been less active on my weblog. I can't do both: watch series and blog. But this evening I thought I would give blogging a try. I have been watching The Witcher. A fantasy series I can highly recommend if you are into that. I think it can even classify as High Fantasy. A title which is something to be carefull with since it's tied to strict rules, but as far as I can see, I think this fits the application and it's something the audience off Elfia would probably love. If they're older than 16, since it's for 16 and up. It's about Geralt off Rivia, the cold blooded and muscled Witcher who slays monsters for his job and gets paid for that, and the downfall off Cintra. It's situated in a medieval style fantasy world with all kinds off Fantasy creatures. It only has two seasons so far. 

The Witcher hasn't been activating me, but me setting myself to watch is part off the 'being more active.' week. It's better than being bored a lot and doing nothing all the time. Despite my back. 

Today has been for fixing cookiedough. I'm about to bake jam cookies tomorrow for de Boed's Sunday coffee moment. I have been adding my cookie spices to it, and I'm going to use apricot jam for a filling. It's a bit middle eastern that way, but that could be just my imagination about it. The base off this receipe comes from Rutger van den Broek, my baking hero. It required star Anise and fig jam, but I got the idea for jam cookies with cookiespices and apricot jam for a while in my head, so this weekend I'm giving it a try. Star Anise and fig jam are heaven in your mouth in my opinion, but that's for another time. And Star Anise is quite daring. I personally love it but I can see why some don't like it. I also got an idea for vanilla or lemon dough with black currant jam as a filling. But de Boed are picky eaters. I just hope I got away with cookie spices and apricot. I will take pictures once it's done. 

Last week was for a Halloween applecake. I just poked Halloween skewers in it, it didn't look much like Halloween, but it's been probably all Halloween the people at de Boed can appreciate, since they're old and cranky and often don't have much on that 'American humbug.' But the applecake got appreciated. And it's been all Halloween I had this year. Not much off a party for me this year, unfortunately. Just a cake with our afternoon Sunday coffee. That's the price for living with people who are off age in a country with no Halloween tradition untill recent. de Boed didn't even decorate for it, like they do for other holidays. 

Downdressing for the crisis goes well. I dress low-profile not to make people uneasy with their finances these weeks. I don't wear make-up and I did dye my hair, but I have been using a package that's been on my shelves for years in a cool dark blonde tone, so it doesn't look over the top. I have been dying my hair for the first time in months. Sometimes I do hard with my own restrictions, and then I went overboard with dying last week. Still it's been easy to follow and I believe I do well with it in this old factory place, where people usually don't have much to spend, especially during a massive crisis. I don't like it, since I love to wear bold colours and fancy looking clothes. but it's been not a bad idea. I seem to fit in the crowd quite easily when I do so. I don't like to brag when others don't have it. That would be painfull for them and I couldn't stand that feeling myself when I was a teen. I'm still not rich, but I'm wealthy enough to wear nice clothes. Nowadays, that's not a cool thing. I just hope this whole thing will come to an end soon, and I can wear pretty clothes again. Today was for an old sweater, soft grey pants, cheap socks and sneakers. Though I'm downdressed I like to stay clean and washed. I allow myself to be fresh under these clothes, since I still find that important. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.