Good evening everyone,
The day is still dark, cloudy and stormy.
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I haven't succeeded in just re-wearing clothes from previous year. I have been purchasing a few neccesairy items and shoes to come round during this winter. And make-up. When I had my period, I went a bit overboard with it but the pharmaceutic industry really made me flow these female hormones. Now it's all back to the usuall. I still love purchasing cheap Essence, Hema or Catrice nail polish. Somehow I seem to crave it a little and have a tic with it. Today I have my toe nails painted 'Purple Rain.' by a Catrice Halloween limited edition. It doesn't mean I'm fully dolled up, I'm just a chick with nail polish on her toes this week. Especially when swimming it's cool.
Due to that crush on Edo I became a lot more hygienic and clean on myself. To a level where a normal person would find me acceptable. It's with help from care staff, otherwise I would not be able to do so properly, or as good as this, but still, I wish to be clean and neat these days simply due to my infatuation. I'm at the point 'A man doesn't want to be in public with a downright slunge.' Still not at the 'Let's go tempting.' level, that's waaaay too much for now, but rather at the point where I would not feel ashamed anymore to be seen with myself at a coffee spot in public. So no outworn sneakers, and no slungy sweatpants in public. I used to. I was that depressed. Nowadays I'm a bit better, but due to a man. It's dangerous, but as far as noticable, it's improvement. Men are difficult. silly, stupid, old fashioned men... but there I am again, fallen as a log.
I'm also at a point where I somehow think this rotten world holds no place for my love. It's lethal, it's war everywhere, it's crisis. Especially when they show a detailed bombing on TV it's too much and I think this world... and I feel there's no place for romance and love. Maybe not in my world at this time and place. That's how the world somehow works. My feelings off love are so beautifull, how can that be in a world like this?
Somehow it's enough to become an old sarcastic coffee spinster. The kind who swears by coffee, realism and sarcasm. And sweatpants, no make-up and pyjama's in public. A man would never find her attractive, but it's the most realistic way a person can be, so no love for me and commenting on the news all the time- and a place for free coffee. That's a necessity. I find myself even mental when it comes to Edo. Maybe they will get me in at the mental hospital when I confess love to him since it's a crush out off nowhere. It's probably not even real to begin with. I have the perfect glasses to be an old sarcastic coffee spinster. It's probably how it's going to end with me in this life. But it's not too bad. It's still fun to be single and up for adventure and fun things. Let those jealouse vultures at Vana be jealouse at me untill my grave. I had fun with it, no matter what. It's not too bad not to have children in my case. I also don't smoke so I still have a little bit off money to spend. I just hope people are not too jealouse at my small wealth and I will get away with what I got without trouble.
I had money for presents for my youngest brother's birthday for example. I could afford three boxes off Lego and I think he will enjoy them. Still at his age. Not much people can still afford presents and I was sober with the wrapping paper. So I still had it on stock for him. I´m not good at wrapping, but the feeling off wrapping presents and the idea to have something fun to give for a birthday is great. I can´t give presents the year round like I used to, every visit was for a small present for everyone or a house plant or a bush off flowers for the family. So I think I better enjoy it when it´s legid to give for a birthday. It´s fun to give. It´s a feeling I got from it. It´s good to give.
Allright, that´s about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
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