Good evening at the 8th off October, 2023.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was a fresh autumn day in October, no rain, but cloudy and somewhat cold. It's been on the warm side this entire period, but today was finally fresh. 

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This very early morning was for preparing 15 cupcakes from the book '500 chocolate receipes.' Coconut and white chocolate flavour. The first batch yesterday failed somehow, and I bailed. But I wanted to set my mind off off things at 6.00 AM in the morning, so I re-did them slightly diffrent and these cupcakes where the result. Topped with white chocolate and toasted coconut. All off the ingredients where still in my pantry. I had to use them up before they got spoiled. I got quite a few cupcake papers in my pantry, I picked these to spoil an old superdiva (Who's always hanged full off jewelry) who lives here and loves them this way. With pink tiger stripes especially for her. 

My fellow clients really had the luck I had so much ingredients left, including coconut, cupcake papers and white chocolate. Otherwise this would have been too expensive. Just like the bitterkoekjescake from previous week. But that's the pre when you love to bake and you hoard: To have things on stock. A few weeks ago someone donated the cupcake bin to me for free. So I also made them especially for him and I allowed him an extra cupcake, too. He had it from a give away shop and donated it to me as a hint to prepare more cupcakes. Fellow clients are perfect when they inspire for a baking. I believe they where gratefull about it. That's always my biggest reward. 

I'm doing a bid hard. I have to kick off a certain medicine and I feel awfull under it. I really have to kick it off, since I have been on it quite long as an emergency medication. I needed it quite long. But I feel more stable now and I wish to be kicked off off emergency pills. It's pretty hard. 

You know what works? To burn white sage incense. It calms down delusions and you can chase away a tensed feeling with it. It really works to calm down my nerves somehow. If I feel a delusion putting big pressure on me and causing fear, nothing works like white sage incense in my home to chase it away. Is it a true delusion, or actuall black magic then? I wonder about it a lot, but so far it seems to work for me to chase delusions and fear away with white sage. I feel so much better today after to have burned it yesterday evening before bedtime. I had a hard time sleeping, but my mind is more calm. 

As a mental patient, I can say I prefer a calm mind over the love off a man. A relationship, or the beginning off anything with a man, comes with incredible tense for me. Which is sooo incredibly hard to bear it makes it impossible. I defenetely prefer a calm mind and to stay single and keep the mental pressure far off, over something with a man. (As far as I know, probably a man. Since I believe I'm straight at the moment.) It's not hard, to be single and up for fun you can do by yourself is not so bad. As long as I stay sane and stable with my two feet on the ground. Mental tension is torture. It's not even worthit a try. Believe me. The tension and the pressure are getting harder over time. So the longer and the more impossible that is, the more I believe I'm better off as an old spinster. It's relief and it's not too bad. 

So, that's somewhat been my day: To have had coffee, lunch, and then coffee with cupcakes and be on the terrace behind de Boed a lot. My head in the fresh autumn air. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.