Good morning at the 9th off February 2025, 2.

 Good morning everyone, 

Today is a cold yet cloudy day in the Netherlands. 

*

I think I should inform you about my bloodtest. My values where extraordinairy good. It was really remarkable according to them. I eat healthy. I think home cooking vegetables and potatoes and fresh meat most off the time on a budget and wishing to live healthy do give healthy options for basic food, and it pays off appearently. So it's nothing in my blood that causes head cramps. It's good, but it's annoying for them not to find a cause. I had a thought. 'A blood test for a headache mate? How's that supposed to be?' Like those two did not rhyme for the voice in my head. Some time ago I had to go an MRI-scan, and nothing visible was found in my brain when it comes to itches. So it's not visible or shown on tests what's wrong. I think I'm not over-acting. But that's all that I can say about it. I wonder what this is supposed to be, it's very annoying for them to find nothing, but that's as far as medical tests can help me. 

And I re-found the spirit to work in the home. Not play-pretending being someone's wife, but to see the importance off it during these days. I think I'm about to slack again when it's all over, or I'm perfectly drilled with it's importance. Then it grew in my system. It's a bit over-acting, but it works to keep a cozy home. I should keep up with it. And not get lazy or off-minded. It's part off having a home: homework. And nobody can deny, and when they do, they're filthy pigs. Which I try not to be. I play Irish folk all the time with my home work. It works well for me as home making music, to keep the spirit up. Doing dishes- The Dubliners. And my spirit to keep it agreeably tidy in here is back. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

    

Good morning at the 9th off February, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's too dark outside to see the weather yet. 

*

I painted my nails with the limited Pearlfection nailpolish, C01 Mother off Pearlfection by Catrice. It's a limited edition from this season. 

I love limited editions. This series was entirely bought by me, including highlighter, lipgloss and eye pencils. I really felt like spoiling myself, and the package with the round tip felt somewhat original. It's been a long time since buying a limited edition. This entire year I was like 'This is crisis Netherlands. How many people do you think actually walk around with these? Wouldn't you make a fool out off yourself if you would wear them?' A voice that was really strict, but not lying to you, I purchased a few items. Not whole sets. Only if I really wanted something. My inner dad was too strict for going wild with it. And I did not want to attract the wrong attention. That's really important here. Not to look like too much. What made me think to purchase it this year? I suspect heaping it up last year. Not allowing myself all the time, and then this clashed out. Appearently, I'm not a saint. It's not a danger, I could afford. I got the public eye in mind all the time last year. Maybe I let go more off that thought when I bought it and put it on. And so to say, if the old folks off de Boed just think it's fabulous instead off vulgair, then it's not a point. 

I don't find these mesmerizing nailpolishes too wild, or too much. If I keep the rest off my outfits agreeable, it's really fancy, but not vulgair. Pearls are not vulgair. Thats what I think. I live with elderly people who actually like these, so it's agreed upon. 

I think this pearl make-up would look great with bright red lipstick. Then you would go for the really cool chique antique effect with it. Like a 1950's or '60's dance. Really fancy. Or you could be the bride with these. Someone on a low budget could perfectly get married with this limited edition on. Or what I do, wear it with fuzzy pastels and look modern and cute. 

It's 06.37 in the morning, why did I came to be out off bed so early? Well, it's early Sunday morning. So what frustrated retards do: overplay loud music by an obscene artist and wake up the entire flat complex. It's so aso and it's too late to call the police for it. And no one dares to say something about it, it's a violent aso who does so. But I think we're all wide awake by now. It's quiet at the moment, but the man really had an episode with that loud crap. It's difficult, starting my day like this and get all shook up. Not preferable for a mental patient like me. 

And I solved my birthday treat issue. I found two packages off baking mix for chocolate cherry tray cake in my pantry, supposed to stay well untill 2026. I feel I'm going to fix these for my birthday treat at de Boed this year. August is not near yet, but it's a good option. 

Instead off getting in trouble, I decided to do my nails. That man is really dangerous, and no one wants to get in trouble with him. But it's worthit a call for health care since it crosses a line on Sunday morning. I feel a certain type off moodyness that comes with this shit. I'm going to finish these nails with topcoat, and then start my day if it's willing. I hope health care can solve it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.           

Good evening at the 7th off February 2025, 2.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's cold and grey in the Netherlands. 

*

I wish to share some pictures with you. 

These are from a close by neighbourhood. This is 'de Dominees Tuin.' in Zaandijk, where the really old fashioned houses are situated. They are fancy, very upbrightening today, and historic. I think they do well for our moods today. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading / watching. 

Good evening at the 7th off February, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was cold and cloudy in the Netherlands. 

*

Mark van der Stelt is too coward to accept loss off face. I'm right, I've always been from the start, but that aso is too coward to admit to a large group off people. Knowing they will ditch him or think and talk bad off him. Though it's nothing less than what he deserves. I have been right in private messages, and it was true. Vana had been rude towards me about not even hearing what I had to say about my failure, and not admitting in the first place I have a hiccup in my system which made me fail. Not admitting, not appologizing, letting me walk around with that deep shame and mark on my head off a bimbo, a slut, an attention whore, and not hearing me for real. Fighting for justice sake is hard. Especially with these monsters on my neck, and the entire alternative scene thinking I'm bad. But it's not true. I feel powerless and treated unfair. And Mark should mind his words. They where not hearing me fairly, and are now ashamed and afraid off what happens if they lose their face towards the audience. I think that's the fairest thing to happen to me, after 14 years off big injustice. The coward should have publicly appologized towards me, and made that bitch off an ex- wife off his shut up. 

Vana is a bunch off cowardly rats, big in slutshaming and shoving a fake reason in my face, very bad in admitting their own fault. A knife cuts on two sides. But I'm not willing to take my share anymore. It's their mistake now. I've tried all the time to make it up, but those cowards where not open for it to begin with, always shoving Peppie in my face. But that dumbass is not the real reason. He's abused as a reason and proud to be a boogieman towards me. He's just part off the injustice. And Faust is a nightmare. I think I better stay out off their business from now on. But I think we better don't keep it a secret, and cowards who do injustice should be punished. I think my name should be cleared from this guilt. It's not there, I'm not guilty and I've never been. It's always been Pepijn and Mark. I've never intended to ruin things. I was just right. Did I fight for it instead off sticking my head in the sand? I sure did. But who is treated like an animal? Not them. It's always one big show off make-believe. After your money nowadays, all spirit is gone in my opinion. I don't make friends by not wishing to be blind. I rather speak the truth and give them some off my thoughts. This is a free world, the law in this country holds space for that. Mark is a coward who should have lost his face over mine. Not the other way around. I lost my face, and what for? Unfairness and lies, and their will to follow empty pleasure instead off standing by real justice. They're not to trust. They're after robbing your money, and massive upbring nowadays. Anyone with a purpose would ditch them. And stand by truth. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good evening at the 5th off February, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was a bright yet fresh day in winter. 

*

It's a bit annoying. I feel I'm doing hard with mankind. It's not really personal. But mankind can be so selfish and ignorant, and mean. And there's a lot going on in the world - I feel like losing faith in mankind. It's really difficult. It's an icy cold vieuw I often have. Like the ice waters off the North Pole. And it's unclear water. It's cold and turbid, it's such a nasty and lonesome feeling. The light in the tunnel is my friends from this community centre. Small talks and coffees. I need their company, but it doesn't help to have lost faith. Mankind is cruel and cold. It's been a proces to have lost it. And then those prices and the feeling off growing poorer and poorer every day. Being capable to do less with what I've got. I still come round. I have enough money to live. But it's getting harder. And I think birthday treats are getting ridiculous. People pay me to prepare their birthday cakes, but I've seen the prices. It's getting annoying. I got my birthday at the 5th off August, it's not soon yet, they could have hang out the flag off peace by then, but I don't see it happen. And it's no vision. More sort off common sense. I have to overthink deeply about it. But really, I think I better don't end up with empty hands that day. 

And mankind is selfish. They don't care about others, just about themselves. They're always weary. I better keep it shut, or they'll think I'm after them or their money. Selfish has been the norm for a while. Even from before the crisis. Selfish was what most people did, what was almost a dream idyle and what everyone wanted and did. Nowadays it's even more scorching. I better keep it shut in real life about it. Or they'll look at me quite stingy. I've learned to keep my idea off sharing more in, since it felt a bit unfair. It grew too crooked, and I felt I better would tame it down. Hard as that conclusion was. But the feeling off unfairness and doing short on myself itched more. So I decided to shut it a bit. I better don't be Santa Claus anymore for these people. Giving felt so nice. But it's not as rewarding anymore as it was. One man keeps on being nasty to mental patients, while his girlfriend always picks the nice stuff from the give away closet I donate. It's a bit unfair towards myself to keep on feeding such people. For example. It grew a bit crooked, and I decided I better keep most items myself. I'm not a billionaire, I can use it just as good. 

Mankind is hard to deal with these days. And those profiteers never donate anything back. You'd say they might be poor, but I've seen diffrent. I came to think off them as mean profiteers. I better get over with it. And then again, I can use it better myself. And it's only one example off an awfull mankind. 

And I'm a bit blocked on my vintage 'home maker.' mentallity. Keeping the place perfectly clean, doing the kitchen and so on. I feel like slacking it due to my issues I have with mankind. It's really a thing. Is it still worthit? The place has to be clean, dishes have to be washed, toilets have to be cleaned, it's just that it's piling up a bit and I'm not perfect for vintage home maker. I just do my best for those basics, but the spirit is really gone. I better don't let it go wasted. Maybe it went out the door with my crush on Edo the dragonslayer. Play pretending to be his wife really got me doing it. It's difficult without it. I'm a slack with bad taste without the right spirit. Tomorrow is for coffee service again, at least that's still fun. My coffee brightens moods, and tastes great without intending to brag. It's simply true. But I don't daydream about serving the dragonslayer a fresh cup off coffee anymore, or kiss him with my bright red lipstick on. It's a bit dry without butterflies. 

Mankind sucks, I'm getting sober from my infatuation, and the home is getting messy. Really, it's difficult losing faith. Maybe I should give myself some time, and then see if I get over with it. 

Allright, that's about it for now, - 

Thank you for reading.   

  

Good morning at the 3th off February, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

Today is really cold and freezing outside in the Netherlands. 

*

I think, during a time like this, there is space for praise in the Netherlands. Praise for the quality off our foods and items. Fresh fruits and vegetables, aside to meat and potatoes are one off the best options for dinner nowadays if you season well. It's perfect farmland quality, and it's nutricious and keeps us going and healthy all day. It's really outstanding what comes from Dutch fields, and what we see as 'ordinairy.' Aside to the cheese they produce. It's one off the best in the world and we can be proud off all off it. We should be. The nation could do much worse when it comes to that, and food could be litterally shooting through the roof. We all really could be a little more gratefull for perfect Dutch foods. It keeps us healthy and strong. 

And then again, coffee with a pastry I made yesterday served to us at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk: 

The decorations off the current Boed are very cozy, and a little high in their head. It looks very posh and fancy. Almost as if they got it from a county government building or so, or a company that wants to impress. But we're really at Leviaan Zaanstad for these. I love it, they remind me off my time as a trainee at the government about 15 years ago. But I don't know if that could be the intention. If that's a good idea. It's all very fancy decorated there, but who are they to impress? They're a care organisation. They don't make amends or law decrees. It's funny how this style follows me. It's beautifull, but it feels demandive. As if I really have to step it up for my care. But that can't be the intention. It's fun for a while, and offcourse it's very fancy, but should we want it there? 

Yesterday evening, I got a little high in my head myself and polished my nails with the Pearlfection luminous pearl polish by Catrice. It's limited edition for this month.

 It's a lavender mother off pearl with a pearl shine and it really looks like I could be that employee from civil registration that gets you married today. It's just that it's a bit overkill here. Most women don't have such nailpolish. But yeah, yesterday that old diva feeling followed me again. That killing forum diva feeling where I got a bit high in my head from all the fans it caused me to have been famous at such a young and important time and space off life. And we use Mother off Pearl for that. Almost Sailor Moon, but in real life. It was really glamourous. Nowadays I feel everything but glamourous. You'd say people better accept me for who I am, and don't judge me for it. It's a crisis, and I'm not rich. I'm a fat mental patient with a block. This whole Mother off Pearl attack seemed like perfect inspiration. I'm wearing it with soft pastel sweaters, to tone down the diva effect on me. This with a cute sweater makes pretty, but not obscene diva. I felt I should 'tone it down.' Not to cause heart attack among my elder fans at de Boed. So well-behaved pastel sweaters it is. That makes me look cute instead off snatchy. We would not want to overwhelm there. That could give the wrong idea. But maybe I should let go off that and just wear those sweaters and be a bit 'old glam.', whatever that means for me. 

The care taker who impressed me left Leviaan. He's no longer an issue. It's not a bad thing to look too seductive anymore. (Except if you want to avoid the wrong general attention. That's more my jig.) Elegant nailpolish is agreed upon. Maybe they even like it. And I should not worry too much. Often I worry a bit about what they think off me, and our unwritten rules are tight. Less is always more with them. So I'm daring today. 

It's really something. Most off the time I think it's such a waste. But yesterday I felt like doing these. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

  

Good morning at the 2nd off February, 2025.

Good morning everyone, 

This morning it's icy cold in the Netherlands. It's been mildly freezing all night. 

*

Yesterday was for baking apple tray cake. 

 

The packaging and the eggs where donated by a rich friend. I baked it yesterday for today's afternoon coffee. It's a good idea to bake for Sundays. Usually these packages are pretty easy, but I would like to rank the tray cakes as 3 stars difficult, since you have to follow a lot off steps for them. Most baking packages are simple. Even a kid could do it. But this one is for people who love baking. Like me. And luckily I could lay hand on all the other ingredients. It's done with real cream butter and the raisins came from a donation from fellow clients. 

I got fed up, you could say my morning is wasted on anger. Yoram, you are the one to blame again, you scumbag. You don't care for others feelings and you fool around with women. You cheat and you look like a baboon. A vulgair baboon with fleas and scurvey. You're not handsome at all, and you wish to play women and act all bulked up. Someone should beat your stupid ass for it. If I hear you playing women again, I'm likely to do so myself. One fatal blow and done with your stupidity. But I'm too big off a person, I'm not really likely to do so. I won't go out off my way to beat that stupid asshole up. While he actually deserves it. My morning is wasted on anger... for a psychiatric patient, this could ruin a day. Get over with it? Not in my world. I'm doing too hard for that. I really have 'He deserves to be beaten.' All the time in my head when it comes to him. I have had that for several years. I deserve a medal for not to have done so. Someone should beat him up for me... But they are not likely to do so. 

I decided not to come back after all, it doesn't do bad for me to be honest. It feels much better to be out off there. After 8 years we could say it has been a good idea. I'd rather be here in the backyard than at Castlefest. I should not let that old feeling ruin my day. We have apple crumble tray cake for coffee, and my fellow clients love it. Sometimes I think people are jealouse at this during these expensive times. But most off the time I hear nothing about it. Usually it's no comments about it, I just suspect them to be very jealouse. Maybe simply because they can't get the package to work for them and prepare this. I think things like this are very simple, but maybe they don't think so at all. It's just how you perceive things. How you see it. I think it's simple. Especially with the instructions loud and clear on the back. Just like with most receipes. Easy enough. I think I could start a whole fight with people who claim these sort off things are hard. But I think those are a diffrent category than me. It's not hard in my opinion. And I think anyone should be capable to prepare these packages, easy as they are. Handy as they can come in. This counts for both men and women. But people are so brick simple and easy to anger these days, I should take caution with such a statement. 

Something to end this weblog with, 

A lovely picture off old fashioned houses by the end off the road. This is old Zaandijk, you have them everywhere here, and they lend themselves well for pictures. It's fun photographing them every often when I go out for a walk. They're cute. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.