Good evening at the 30th off June, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's been your typicall sweaty swamp weather. Moderately warm after hot days, it's been brotheling. 

*

Something in me fears romance is death. This world could use more real time romance, but people are usually NOT romantic in the sweet, classically way. So baking something romantic and presenting it romantic it is. And they talk about it weeks after, since they enjoyed it. 

But usally, it's as dry as the streetbricks in old Zaandijk, though the surrounding is very romantic. Maybe we're not the right people for actuall cute romance. Fairytale miracles in our lives. We're not that it when it comes to looks. Old, ugly and saggy as we are. It's not preferable for romance. 

'Romance?' *Points at chocolate banana cake.* 'There you got your romance.' And I'm probably right. More romantic than that it won't get around here. 

When a hot mature wizard drives by, he's just on his way for work. 'Out off his way, Bitch!' But don't expect something better than that to happen here. The streets look very romantic, but most people could do better. Maybe I got it a bit in my head. Something in me longs for 'romantic.' at this moment. Something nice, cute and spontaneous. But more than coffee I can't expect. And coffee here got served at steady times. It's not spontaneous. Longing for romance is a death end, probably. 

Maybe the reason why sensitive youth longs for manga and anime all the time. The rest off life is so incredibly dry. As shallow as a dry fart. 

I'm not talking about sex. I think that's not the point. I'm talking about sweet old romance. I think the commercial off a fantasy event is also beyond the point off 'spontaneous romantic.' And the people there are not romantic. I rather find them a bit dry outside the events. As shallow as a dry fart? Most off them. Is it preferable? Does it dress up real life? Does your heart sing in real life? If the answer is no, then I'd suggest you to put some romance in real life. Not on an alcohol or drug base, but on a fun base. Maybe you could play a song and dance with your beloved to it in the living room. To dance togheter in the living room is a nice idea. Or if you don't have a beloved: Play the music anyway, and fantasize. But what do I know? I don't have a beloved. 

I better opt for my lust & romance on toast in the morning. That's how it always goes. It's the after shock to that crush that makes me long for the romantic. But I'm mad in my head if it gets too strong. I better don't listen to that. Life lacks real romance. 

Allright, that's about it for now, 

Thank you for reading.  

 

Good morning at the 30th off June, 2024.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's too dark toninght to see the weather outside. 

*

I would like to talk about moods. Nowadays people might do hard keeping good moods due to the crisis. I decided to keep a good, appropriate but cheerfull mood instead off a gloomy one. 

You see, I come from a home with a very sick dad who died in 2012. I have been taught to make something good out off a bad period, no matter what, but in a tastefull way. Not overly bright and partyhardy, no thank you, but in a 'Let's play good music and share cake while you can.' kinda mood. It lasted quite some time, and I became a mental patient afterward. But despite all off that, I decided to continue to have fun and wear nice enough clothes, have my home nicely decorated, go to have meals outside, and play good music. It kinda still does well to my mood. And I decided to continue that during these days. 70's, 80's, 90's, 00's hits- including the real dance smashes and the upbeat work, still do it for me. It works to keep on brightening my mood. And I can recommend those hits to most people. 

I survived several crisises before in my life, and the same mindset helps me to cope with this one. Even including keeping a somewhat fun life. doing nice things and so on. It helps to not let our spirits being let down by the Russians. I don't want to sound too bright and cheerfull, but simply not to be affected too much by it is winning half the war I think. I'm a survivor, not much off a bright life liver, but it works to keep on doing well these days. I would be nowhere without my care home, but aside to this, it's music, singing, baking, the internet, bullet journaling, that keeps me from being cranky. Speaking off which, I prepared a cake from a cake box a fellow client bought me. I dolled it up with bananas and chocolate. 

And it's served on a nice cake plate. These sort off things keep the fun and the good spirits in my life. I'm not a partygoer, I'm not festive in general, but my spirits aren't wrecked enough by this crisis to feel down by it. I can withstand this. I feel 'I can do it.' when it comes to it. 

I hope you can take my advice, and maybe you can bake, sing or listen to upbeat music a little more yourself. Music really is the key. It helps! Just like journalling and doing bullet journal things: 

Drawing isn't so pricey, I assume most off you still own their drawing pencils, papers and markers, and can doodle a few images to relief stress. To me it helps to make clear what I got on my mind. To make images off teksts, or to draw manga cartoon-like what my issue is. It works to keep on being cheerfull. Silly and uplifting as it is. It's a method for the soul to survive during harsh times. 

And simply to have it good works. I'm not poor, and I have savings. I saved during my lifetime, ever since being 16, for god knows what, and it works for these days. My accountant sees me as rich enough to be granted a lot off money and it's no issue each time I ask for an extra. I have an accountant to take care off my bills. To protect me against myself when it comes to that, to make sure bills are paid and I don't over-spend during delusions, but I have been taught to be sober by my parents. So here I am, all warm and cozy during this crisis with a nice amount off savings on the bank she granted me to use nowadays. Bewindvoering, as how it's called in Dutch- it works for sober people who are clever with money. I don't believe in 'living day to day.' I believe in 'Thinking off the long term.' And take care off it. It helps. It makes me feel so much more stable during these days to know I'm not poor. You won't see me over-spend, but I take profit off earlier mindfullness. 

It works to keep a good mood. Poor as the streetbricks as I'm supposed to be, I can live. And to be alive during a big fat crisis means the golden oldies in music and baking for me. And a sane spending level, as usuall. But it doesn't mean it can't be fun, or has to be rigidly bad mooded. It's not a celebration, it's appropriate to be humble, but to keep your spirits bright: Sing, listen to music, bake, doodle in bullet journals, and have a bit off fun. Emotions need creative air. It's my advice for this morning. 😉     

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 27th off June, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today has been bright and sunny. And over 25 degrees celsius. Not much off a weather for me. 

*

I wonder if people dress and groom more tidy when they still live at their parents'. A lot off people my age and older still live in their parental home in the Netherlands due to the home crisis, this country lacks homes for starters. I have been wondering if people look more groomed to their parents' demands. I myself can slack and be ugly as I please, at home mom wasn't fond off it. Not that I look untamed or bad, I try to do well up to a basic, and I got that managed for now. But people at their parental homes might have to behave a little better when it comes to that. 

Today I'm a bit better than the 'Adult pagan male gaze.' (To a point where he would not be ashamed to be seen with me in public.) mode. I wore a berry shade summer dress, and I had my toe nails polished a bright fuchsia in black flipflops, and shaved leggs. Tip-top for a summer day. I could even flaunt with my toenails to a fellow client during coffee service. I don't lazily slack it anymore. But it's up to a basic for a female at this point. It's not pagan colours, but fancy nice female colours. I got complimented over it all the time. They liked my dress. And my coffee service was good as usuall. 

But things I wonder about. Just like the quetion what the economic crisis actually contains for most people, and what they actually do bad with. It's a bit vague since I think most people do well. Maybe that's due to this being a rich country. Most people don't look as ratchet as the images with the bad hair on Pinterest, and they're fed and well-dressed. They wear make-up and their hair looks good. It might be a little less splendorous than a few years ago, but I think we manage. So it's not that clear where the problems lay. We have to take it sober, it's not a celebration, but I think most working people get by well enough. They say they have to think twice over a spending, and less vacations, and use their minds, but maybe this country is too rich to let itself being knot by this crisis. The real problems don't show up here. I consider 'less luxurious make-up' not as a real problem. Just like the over-dose off jeans jackets and the basic 00's clothes. We're dressed well enough in my opinion. And so to say, I never liked all that 10's make-up to begin with. Maybe I'm a bit naive, or just lucky. I'm not in my 30's without a home, or financialy to the ground, or bankrupt. But I don't mention too big trouble when it comes to an economic crisis. Maybe they should do more research to the actuall problems. But maybe that's just me. What I do mention: Less luxurious bakings, no fancy cookbooks, and I'm lucky to be your typicall old fashioned sober Dutch woman, otherwise I would have mentioned. If you don't blindly follow trends and use your mind, it's doable. But maybe I'm too simple and too easy with it. I never digged into luxurious make-up or fancy fashion trends to begin with. 

But do parental home dwellers have to adapt to their parents' will when it comes to grooming? If I would have stayed this fat at home, mom would have hated me for it, just like the make-up. And some time back at depression point was just not possible there without their annoyance. I think people have to adapt more at their parental homes. 

Something in me thinks we're not over with it yet. So we have to over-think it all a little more. Maybe I'm too easy with it. Or even blind. But it's not too hard for me. I think one off the first things after this crisis, is splendorous layers off make-up back in fashion. Just like how most women love it. But I think, and maybe I'm a bit harsh, now's the time for real beauty to proove itself. Sometimes, real beauty simply is and can withstand a trend like this. Just too bad for the actually ugly faces. But that's how it is. We could try to accept ourselves for who we are more. And learn to love our faces, including beauty and flaws in an era that's less drag-queen like. It's more to my personal liking. We are what we are without pretence. I think it's soo much better to be honest. But maybe I'm cheering a bit too early. Some women simply swear by make-up. And a crisis won't teach them off. But I learned a long time ago 'we are what we are.' As long as we're truly clean and basically groomed. Simply plucked eyebrows, a shaven body, clean skin and tidy nails. And clean cut hair. It's as hard and as simple as that for a female human being. I'm a fan off hairdye if you need it, but I myself prefer not to get too harsh on myself. (I do dye, though.) Make-up is NOT important. We are what we are. There's nothing wrong with nice make-up, I like to flaunt with fancy toenails, too, but it's preferable not to get too obscene or insane with it in my opinion. 

Maybe it's from a poor psychiatric patient's point off vieuw people don't seem to do bad. And I cheer for less make-up, and I wonder how people my age have to do at their parental homes when it comes to grooming. Other than that, this wasn't such a bad day. I had the luck to swim after coffee service. It's great to swim on a hot day. 💖 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

     

   

Good evening at the 16th off June, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was fresh and dreary for a day in June. 

*

This afternoon not much special happened, just that my cake got served fancy at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk. 

The lemon- poppyseed cake was perfect, I like this baking mix with organic ingredients. I'm often not specific after organic, it's just that it happens to be. And it was perfect. Tastes perfect, and an original baking method. Dille & Kamille Utrecht sells it. It's really good. 

Tonight is for take away pizza. And a pint off Ben & Jerry's ice cream. I don't feel capable to cook dinner tonight. I feel too lame to cook. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 16th off June, 2024.

 Good morning everyone, 

Today is cloudy and changing in the Netherlands, and it's preferable to me when it comes to temperature. It's only 15 degrees celsius, but I like that, since I don't do well in hot weather, so a day with a moderate temperature is to my liking. I don't even mind rain. As long as it's not too hot outside. I'm obese with a pale skin. So I don't mind a cool summer. 😓

*

Yesterday was for baking a lemon poppyseed- cake, with home made glaze. 

It's ment as an afternoon treat for today with our afternoon coffee. It's from a baking mix from Dille en Kamille which required sunseed-olive oil, (Like I used.) 5 eggs and two lemons, and offcourse icing sugar if you wish to do it perfect with lemon glaze. And offcourse cake is the best made a day ahead, and stored overnight in your fridge, and what I like: Served on a nice cake plate. These rectangulair plates don't sell under the term 'cake plate.' But that's what I make off them. I don't see any other use to them than a serving tray for home made cake. And they do well for that use. It's truly nice and chique when it's served like this this afternoon. I still make watery lemon glaze. I could practice that a little more. 

It will be shared this afternoon during coffee time. 

To eat something nice on Sunday doesn't come from the church, like you would expect, it comes from a royal decrete which stated that commoners where allowed to eat poultry on Sunday during the 1500's era, since there was an over-population off poultry in Europe. And the king wanted to get rid off it like that. Ever since, it's a use to dine or eat luxury on Sunday. There was a time where I couldn't, and I still don't do so every Sunday. It's a bit unhandy, but sometimes it's what falls by the way, and at de Boed the food was just too dry and boring. Also on sundays. Just too bad, but I took it. Since I thought I was dependant, and then that tone in their voice we 'better could be gratefull.' and we had no choice. Since I've learned I have a choice, I think I don't like to go back to such a situation again. It's abuse off people to do dinner like that with them.  

Sunday afternoon at de Boed means nothing more than a baking from me with coffee time and a sportsgame on TV for them. I don't like sport, it's usually very boring on Sundays there. It's been like that ever since.  

This Sunday will be as endless, boring, fresh and dreary as the usuall. Maybe you mind I use the same plates and dishware all the time, but it's an expensive time, so I hope the audience forgives me it's been this kitchenware for a long time. I have the philosophy that kitchen ware goes a long time with if you don't throw it on the floor. On purpose or by accident. So it's in use for some time. A way to be sober during crisis era. I've had this cake plate for longer than 5 years now. But it's still not too bad, it's still fancy enough to fullfill my desire in serving stuff in a nice way. Aside with baking, I like to frumpily serve bakings on nice plates. It gives such a good impression on people. Even if it's just staff and fellow clients. Usually it makes their day a bit better. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

  

   

     

Good evening at the 13th off June, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was dreary and cold, but at least it wasn't too hot outside for a day in June. I don't mind the cold. It's just that the spinach is ruined according to the newspaper, and farmers complain. But it's not to my concern soon. 

*

This morning was for the second turn off coffee serving at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk. I'm good at it, and my service is perfect. I don't like to brag, but they are very content with me. If I seem to brag, it's actually the truth. Baking and coffee service are in good hands with me.

It's only for once a week every Thursday morning, so I have a volunteer job again. My coffee is good according to the coffee crowd. We only miss a jar filled with at least three kinds off cookies every morning, like once before. But it's because Leviaan doesn't allow cookies in the morning anymore. Since we have 'to eat breakfast instead, and not eat cookies for breakfast.' Like some seemed to do... And 'For our health.' But it's a bit cold, offcourse. And maybe three kinds off cookies is a bit expensive these days. Cookies and treats are 'only for the afternoon!' but they only had space on Thursday morning. I like it, despite the lack off cookies. 

I still got those good old fashioned school service skills. Though I thought I was the slowest and the most dumb at first when I was only 16, at de Boed it seems to suit me at coffee service. And offcourse, I have been a trainee at 17 and 18, but that's for serious ass public service at the government. More than 10 years ago, still my service skills are good. And offcourse, I have been a receptionist at a daycare centre for some time. I nail public service. I could not make a real job out off it, but this... like explaining A B C to a grown up to me. And it's fun. I have to admit, I love it. Aside to that, what's better than making people happy with fresh coffee every morning? 😉 I love making people happy. 

The only thing is that I can't wear make-up during coffee service, since it's short before swimming. And I wear my bathingsuit underneath my clothes, so bad posture. I'm glad they don't mind. I do such bright and shiny coffee service, it's fine with them. And I'm allowed to drink coffee myself during coffee service, so no nice and bright stuff on my lips. Lipstick at public service can be a bit more bold than a supermarket nude. But I go swimming afterward, so I can't. And smudging it on cups is not a good idea. No make-up comes in more handy. But maybe even red statement lipstick for coffee service? 'Put it straight, simple and with a smile.' Like how they say it. 

It was fun today. Using my skills again. Though it's with this. And swimming a few laps. I was all tired and wrecked when comming home, so I ordered pizza for tonight. My sickness was in the way off cooking. Ordering pizza allowed me to lay in bed for some time before dinner, and after dinner. I'm sooo tired from today. 

I'll end this weblog here. I'm very tired. I'm proud I got a job again. 💖

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

  

  

Good evening at the 9th off June, 2024, 2.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was nice but not too hot. 

*

Lust?!! You can get your lust on toast tomorrow morning! What ideal off love and desire are you acting out on? Something vague, something supersticious, but NOT something beautifull. What if the Witchmaster has spelled you to begin with? DON'T! 

I think I've read 'You can get your lust on toast tomorrow morning!' Somewhere before. It means something along the lines off 'Forget it!' But maybe something has thought that out. Maybe it was me. But it's familiair to me. I can't find it anywhere on the internet. But I'll follow the idea. Simply to keep my mind clear, since it's ridiculous. It's difficult. Like not eating candy for a sugar addict, or not smoking for a cigarette addict. But I'm down to earth enough to keep clear. If you see it, you'd be like 'Huh? Falling for that man?' But to me it 'is.' Just like picking a stuffed animal from a typicall shop window. 'Awww... he's just perfect!' Falling for that typicall item you just need to have. But it's too much to owe up for. I can't bring up the costs. He's sooo awesome! Simply irresistable. But honest? 'Lust?!! You can get your lust on toast tomorrow morning!!!' Let's not sugarcoat: It's impossible. 

Actually, I don't see him all that much, it's a bit blown up. It's such a big bubble surrounding something so tiny. It's delusional almost. Just imagination and it makes no sense. It's like I 'get.' it a bit better. But it's hard. Simply because 'The Idea.'  off that man is so appealing and sexy. My mind barely gets over with it. It's the whole concept. But it's as impossible as buying a house. 

I cleaned the home with help from a care taker yesterday. It's better today. I have painted my nails a shade red, according to the Vogue trend guide. Burnt Orange by HEMA. Maybe I should grow my hair again. To have cut it this frumpy might not have been the best idea. But it's been a fashion haircut. To wear or not to wear statement red lipstick? Maybe I should go back to that 90's nude I have been wearing for 4 years to the supermarket every Monday. Though bright statement red is still cool. But I barely see people with it out on the streets. I think to play it more safe with 90's nude is better. This is Zaanstad, and people prefer to play it safe here. I see people wearing bubblegum pink on their lips, to be honest. I think that's on trend. 

I don't own it yet, but I own some cool lipglosses. Maybe I should play it really safe, and do clear lipgloss. For the time being and not knowing what to wear on my lips. Or just the 90's nude and a good mascara. It's safe and cool enough. It's my go-to supermarket look. 😉 I'm pretty steady in it, to my suprise. The surrounding thinks it's pretty. I hadn't had complaints about it yet. And these people are narrow minded. Maybe the bright red statement lips are more for the younger generations. Some women crave red lipstick every often, I'd rather wear the 90's nude. Well applied, so it's making my lips prettier without being overly visible. Really, I have been over-thinking lipstick half a weblog. 😒 I should do what I feel, and it's 90's nude. Sometimes it's really simple. 

This is my go-to shade. And I'm nice and lady-like with it. 😉 Shade 41, Canal House Brick. 

I should end it here. Otherwise I keep going on about lipstick. Superficial as it is. It's just that it's really my personal day-to-day favourite. But that's me. 😏

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.