I may seem lucky, but I have to suffer each day

 Good evening everyone, 

Autumn and cold are a fact these days in the Netherlands, it's just that I hope there will be snow this year. Not for too long, but a small blizzard here and there won't be a bad thing in January or February. It makes being in your home a cozy thing. 

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The market for homes for starters is overflowing with people who can't have a starter home, and even more so- with refugees who are fled from a war country and now are begging for us to take them in. And here I am, fat, handicapped, unemployed me who has a small flat and all basic needs in order. It might seem unfair to you and even jealouse making- but I suffer from Schizophrenia and this is protected living, both for my own good and for those in the outside world I don't want to hurt. Hell breaks loose if I have to live life all by myself and I just can't do it. I take heavy medicines and if I'm not a drugged zombie, I'm an agressive werewolf out off controll so for safety sake I have to be here. 

Who could have expected that our modern world would ever go this insane? My standard off living, Jealouse making towards others? Mother off God, You won't believe it. Sick as a dog, poor and filthy, on an income that doesn't fluctuates with the market. If the market for homes ever gets better, you might look at yourselves and think: 'Have I been jealouse off this all the time?' And your life will probably be a thousand times better than mine, income, living, family, friends and relationships, property- everything. And I will still be the poor idiot I've always been. So don't be jealouse but strengthen your back. I'm not how you want it to be after all. That's not realistic. The market for homes is not realistic and it changes by periods off time. 

It's hard but I still believe someone who has to spend their lives with their parents untill 50 is better off than me. I suffer each evening during dinner time with fellow clients from their fights and bad foods. I have to live carefully each day and I keep distance from potential friends and love to keep myself and them from getting hurt. I have my freedom and my own place, but I have to bleed for it on another level. 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading.