Good afternoon at the 30th off June, 2025.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today is a bright and hot day in The Netherlands. 

*

Today is for staying in during afternoon, in the morning I had coffee at de Boed, community centre focused on people with a mental handicap in old Zaandijk, the Netherlands. 

But this afternoon is for staying in behind the van with a pilch off water with my obesity and my pale skin. I can't withstand summer heath. On days like this it's a blessing not to have a job. Did you know that hot sun beams can increase mental problems? When it's scorching your scalp, it can worsen. It usually does with me. I don't withstand heath well. So I have to stay in on days like these. 

I'm in with a sore throat. I sneeze and cough and it hurts. I think it's due to changing weather all the time. And sleeping with windows open without a blanket one night. It started that morning. They say I have to drink a lot. I tried sage tea against it. 

People say my tray cake is better than HEMA tray cake, I checked their tray cake, they call it a strawberry vanilla sponge cake. So if I want to be better than them, I need expensive strawberries. And 'vanilla.' Whatever that means, in baking it can mean a lot. From extract to actuall vanilla bean. And theirs is probably from scratch. I think I leave it due to expensive ingredients. If HEMA's had apple- raisin, I would be better. But a restaurant wants it fancy, offcourse. And spongy. So I won't take the challenge. 

I have a lot off food on my bucket list. What to think off summer berry cake, with actuall berries from someone's garden? But I don't know someone with berry bushes. The bouquet on top would probably only take place that way in this time and era, donated and free. But it's like being a celebrity demanding free goods 'because they're good at it.' When I would ask someone. Or expecting them to do so out off nowhere. I don't know someone with a garden. I don't have that luck. I mean something like this 

Zomertaart met rood fruit

Koopmans fruittaart

I already get a lot off items and baking mixes for free from friends. Free berries are a diffrent stage. Sometimes gardeners have them left, but something tells me I won't find it. But it's an example. Wat would be more off a pretty sight than a cake or a tart, with a layer off cream, with a summer fruit bouquet on top? And you can say 'It's all fresh from the garden.' It's so fancy, and you haven't spend a penny too much on it. Or does thinking it like this make me a bit frumpy?   

Spontaneous ideas pop up in my mind. Fruit tart is a classic. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 15th off June, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

The weather has cooled down a bit, it's less hot than yesterday. I hope I can take it better today. 

*

Some people have no respect for me anymore at all, they keep on pointing out to me as a 'him.' or 'he.' While I'm actually a 'her.' or a 'she.' And it comes from their idea off femininity I don't display. I'm something more fierce. But I think those idiots at Vana Events are so disrespectfull, it deserves a weblog to point that out at you. 

I'm a woman, but inside I feel as strong as a man. The power off a man, but I'm truly feminin. I don't like what they do and catcall me as a 'he.' to make me ugly or stupid. They bully me with it and it's stupid. I rather want them to take on me a bit normal, but usually they treat me like romans would treat a celt without rights. Very scandalous. Respectless, not worthit to listen to. They think they can do anything to me without having to owe up for it or appologize afterward. To stay safe, I left. I think it's a form off respectless violence I can't take. War against my dignity after stating the truth. That's what it is, it's all against my dignity, so they don't have to take me serious and can get away with whatever they want to put me through. It's really horendous and dangerous for me to be there. It hurts. 

Do you think I should keep my mouth shut over it? Well, forget it. This should be stated and Vana should not get away with this abuse. It's a form off unforgivable abuse. And they're not sacred, They should behave respectfull once more. They're too high in their head for propper respect. And they're not dirty off bullying themselves. I think they're not above anything. I think To kick an ass is legid. Outcalling me a 'he.' over not grooming with a lake off make-up they wish to have made money over, like they do, or what they would like to see, makes them stupid. I'm more No Nonsense with my look. Make-up is not my holy grail in being pretty. I wear more common clothes, my face is natural but fine, and I'm not going on a diet, more than I already am. And my hair looks a bit slouchy compared to them. I feel relaxed with it. I don't need to doll up that much for how I like it. But I'm not a 'him.' or a 'he.' That makes them superficial and arrogant. Someone should tell that organisation tut to shut up. I feel better when I'm laid back with looks. I don't like the idea to be forced to wear make-up. Usually I don't wear it at all. It's my preference. No make-up, it would clogg your pores all the time, and causes acne and pimples if you wear it waaay too much. It's more healthy to let skin breathe. It's not my preference to wear it too much. On a daily base, I don't wear it at all. I rather keep my skin clean and healthy. 

But it's so superficial to outcall me over not wearing make-up and be more laid back with how I look. It's as if they want to put confidence for themselves out off that. It's stupid. I feel fine with not dying my hair for 6 months, while they almost force you to do so every week. Really, I haven't dyed ever since February, but it's got a haircut and it's clean. I regulairly wash. It's my choice for it to be like this. I don't like to be outcalled as a 'him.' over it. Or to be offenced any further with it. 

I'm fine with the way I am. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

    

 

      

 

Good evening at the 14th off June, 2025, 2.

 good evening everyone, 

I got all windows open wide, so it can cool down at home after a hot day. 

*

I have no clue how bad the impact off this crisis is, if people suffer a lot, and what will happen if it really continues for 5 next years. It's possible, since the country ia already suffering from 5 years off crisis. I think it might take a little too long for people to accept. I hope the economical crisis will get off, and supermarket prices won't be so expensive anymore. Inflation should be off. But honest, I think it might take a while. Longer than we are willing to take. And maybe emergensy lights are not much off a bad idea. I got some for when they want the energy off during winter. I think the government is going to force us a few winters without energy at night. From 21.00 untill 05.00 AM, no energy. It's going to be hell to pay. Emergency lights on batteries and books for entertainment are a requirement during such winters. I suggest you to buy emergency lights for when you need them. On batteries. 

I think the end off the situation won't be determined by Uranus in Gemini next year. It might end during that period, but I don't expect a miracle during the exact transit, though I expect it to end during that period. The end off the economic crisis might be the other end off the story. 

I got an idea they think off me being buisy in the kitchen or cleaning is already intimidating to them. I think they're horendous. Except if they are really lazy slouches who do nothing all day, then peeling potatoes and baking meat well might allready seem like too much, just like baking tray cake. I think that's a bit weird. Or maybe they're really easily on their guard, thinking I got a bitch attitude for doing so. I think it's strange. Maybe they should do more themselves. Some men are really easy to annoy, thinking we, women, should litterally do nothing and just be pretty. But that's not what I'm made off. I rather do a bit off work. I'm not a mindless doll. Household should not feel intimidating. And women's classic heroistic tasks should not be seen with jealousy. It insists you're a really wee man. If people would only be less jealouse... Or peel those potatoes themselves... but that's my opinion. If only my generation was raised to survive to begin with. But that's how I think it is. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

   

Good evening at the 14th off June, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was muddy, grey and warm in The Netherlands. Really the edge off a swamp. 

*

Today was for baking a tray cake, taste chocolate - cherry, from jar. I haven't been around begging for ingredients this week, I purchased all except the eggs. I got them for free from a rich friend. I made it to honour Father's day. my dad passed away in 2012, and most fellow clients don't have a father anymore. They're old folks. But in honour to father's energy, I felt like baking. It came out perfectly. 

They already think I'm better than HEMA's when it comes to the apple one. I hope they like this one just as good or better.  Maybe people can use a little mood enhancer at Father's day, given it's a bit sensitive. I made this without following the instructions on the back, I rather felt like baking it like a pro instead off dumping everything in all at once. I did so by creaming butter, then eggs one by one, then the cake mix and the milk in stages, ended with the milk. You get more off a volume in cakes if you do so. I hope they will make something out off the way they serve this tomorrow. I will picture it. I hope it's picture worthit. I hope it's not too dense. Or sticky. That's a bit the trick with chocolate cherry tray cake during summer heath. I hope people will like it. 

Edit: 

This is what it looked like on our pastry plates, and they kept complimenting me on it. I love it. it's one off my favourite tastes now. It's delicious. 

Allright, that's about it for now - 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 13th off June, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today has really been a hot day outside in The Netherlands. 

*

Scapegoat... That's what they make me. It's not real. Vana has it in their head to declare me and everything I touch ugly or distastefull. That's how they try to keep their head up high towards their audience. But it's wrecking reality. False information, Fake news, playing the audience- to a point where they don't get it anymore and start to believe that. 

I'm not ugly, but I'm not much off a style guru. I rather want it natural and soft with my looks. I believe in clean over made up. Those filthy slouches are just jealouse off my looks. And they want to make you believe I'm ugly because I can pass without make-up, and I'm actually more clean than they are. What they sell you is lies and fake. 

Just like hating Omnia and saying they can't play music. Omnia being on the black list doesn't mean they can't play good music anymore. It's just Vana's dumb way off keeping their heads up. I rather want you to think for yourself than to follow this stupid propaganda. 

Vana could also finally admit they have always been wrong, and appologize towards me for everything. But by now I know those childish jerks will never do that. They will spread more hate instead. Please, keep a clear mind- And don't follow that nonsense. They haven't formed a wickerbeast in 2017 after my image over nothing. Me being ugly out off nowhere feels like the scam off the day. In the beginning, when I was still around, There was no princess like me according to them. It makes me a little insecure in times where my clothes are a little more cheap. If they shove it up to a cheaper appearance, they are actually mean jerks with no heart to begin with. Please don't believe them. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

Good afternoon at the 10th off June, 2025.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today it's windy and cloudy in The Netherlands. 

*

How to dine like royalty on a budget, or when food is expensive enough to respect? The answer to that, in my opinion, is minding the dishware and how you prepare and serve it. You could have a boring white plate, and bale over your string beans and Brussle sprouts, or serve it on something nice and enjoy them. It's a trick I got from Martha Stewart, and which I also do myself. Mind the disware, it doesn't has to be the headprice, as long as it looks nice and good enough to be appropriate. It can have colours, patterns, ridges and ceramic art, prints, all seasons on them, but sure, a good looking plate. And minding how you cook is almost personal. And a tip: If you keep them clean and tidy, you can do quite long with dishware and glasses, as long as you don't throw them on the floor on purpose. Or by accident. Who am I to judge?  Make sure your food doesn't look cheap on a plate. 

I also feel like I don't need that much food when it's served pretty and well. The style off serving feels like food for my soul, so my stomach doesn't need to be filled too much anymore. Maybe we get to times where food keeps on being expensive, and respectable enough to be treated like this. We should not think lightly about it. So respectfull and nicely done plates and servings can make it a little better.  Shabby fancy dining, done with eye for presence and respect for foods. I support it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

 

Good morning at the 5th off June, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

This morning it's cold yet clear in The Netherlands. 

*

I often got these ideas: 'After the war I want to share toffees and candies at de Boed.' 'Oh, look, this or this and that looks perfect for a baking after the crisis and the war.' While people think I'm mental over it. Mental care takers think I'm not sane for saying the war will be over in the short term. They're all on their guard and think I'm not right in my head for stating that. While before the war, it was the other way around. I was the only one in the area thinking it would become war, while others thought I was absolutely mental. I still got the idea this Ukraine war will be over in the short term, and thinking off after-war treats is legid. 

Most common people don't know and think I'm cheering too early. I keep on having good spirits and good hope it won't take too long. It's just that they think it's crazy. 

I got a few nice ideas for candies and cake after this war. Nowadays I have to do with box bakings, it's barely from scratch anymore. Not that it's bad, and bakings aren't allowed every weekend anymore by them, so for this period it's not an issue to be a bit cheap with baking. And toffees are too expensive for me to eat myself. Whenever I feel like treating it's one euro a box cream puffs from the market. I heard no one complaining yet. They all like it and it's tasty enough for nowadays. It's good enough. Cream puffs are the cheapest and the best treats I can get for that cheap. When I feel like going to the market on a Saturday, I take two boxes with me for them. One with a flavor, and one plain cream puffs. I don't go every week, but when I feel like it, my fellow clients are lucky. I always got 'serving them nice so I can picture them for Facebook.' as a request, and they're answering to that. 

Latest action off sharing cream puffs: 

But yeah, toffees are a bridge too far nowadays. Just like castles off bundt cakes. Even for Christmas that would be too much during a crisis like this. I can perfectly see myself spoiling them with boxes off chocolates all the time after shopping when this is all done, to a point where they (They already are) complaining I should watch people's sugar intake and 'It's not good for the diabetics among them. Please shut it would you!' Like they do when I would do it freely. It's not a celebration when I would murder diabetics with all that sugar, and I wonder if I can still handle it myself, that much sugar. 

My candies, my cookies and my cakes are on a mild level nowadays. It's not really too much. It's not too bad, but often I only eat one cookie a day with my afternoon coffee, handed at de Boed. It's on an unemployed level. But peace and the end off this crisis would ask for a celebration. I always got such pleasure out off sharing home made cake. I hope I can still feel that. 

Nowadays I feel it with plain cake or an almost free and donated box baking, so that's not really the issue. I hope I can level to a world where it's peace, and it's not much off an issue to be generous anymore. I'm used to crabby soberness nowadays, pretending I live up to Dutchness. Usually that makes me feel tamed down and a bit cranky since I associate it with short mindedness. But nowadays I got my budget on my mind when play pretending with it. It's what Dutch would see as well - behaved what I do. At least it's not vulgair, still I hope we will see better times where I can fill the treat box to de Boed with toffees and nougat every often. And make them happy with generosity again. It's really a good feeling I got from that. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.      

Good evening at the 28th off May, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's been a dreary day which ended sunny. 

*

I've prepared our Ascension day Tray cake with half my ingredients donated. It looks very delicious. If I do say so myself. It's almost tempting. 

If you bake it more professional instead off following instructions on the package, you can get more airy cake and more amount off cake out off a box. And offcourse not using the cardboard mold they include, but your own if it's bigger. It's unemployed cake at it's finest, but it looks so temptingly good, it's promising. I hope it will blow away the worse dreary Ascension day blues for me and my fellow clients tomorrow. 

de Boed starts providing evening meals again. A good care cooking company started to do buisness with them. they're better than my potatoes, veggies and meat. Really good quality for affordable pricing, so I will start to eat there again soon. It's like the Universe has mercy for me with those meals for that price. And it reliefs me off dishwashing. It's really dreamy meals. Are we, unlucky mental patients, lucky for once? I do think so. I can't picture those meals, I think it's not fine with them. It's really three star restaurant quality they serve. Almost unbelievable. But then you should see it. It's really a miracle. They will start after vocation time. When all care takers are back. 

Allright, that's about it for now. 

Thank you for reading. 

 Edit: This is how my applecrumble traycake got served, I took pictures: 

Good evening at the 27th off May, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

We're in a heavy rainstorm. It rains and storms against my windows and I got my curtains closed. 

*

Around Easter I was blogging about a sore in my side muscle, I found out after a massage with lavender massage oil, it got all out. We have a beauty specialist at Leviaan, and she massaged me and the sore from the stretched muscle came out. I think it might have been the holy grail in curing my sore. 💖 It's been lavender massage oil and a good back massage that worked. 

I feel a bit floaty and wobbly on my feet. It's really hard to stay on the ground. But life is still fun these days. Today was for dance Bingo at de Boed. I even had Bingo at one point and won a dessert bowl with oranges on it. Really cute. I think it would make a nice sight with a scoop off ice cream in it. Something not too pricey yet good like vanilla from a good brand. (I'm sorry I'm that cheap. You could almost see and feel on my food pictures I'm unemployed.) And then one scoop placed elegant in the centre. The bowl is decorated nicely enough to make it an impression when it's that simple. If I would have money again, I would make it more off a celebration. But I think the war and the crisis are over by then. It's Ascension weekend upcoming weekend, It's almost asking for it. But maybe fruit yoghurt looks good in it, either. It's a cute bowl. 

 

I do eat low fat fruit yoghurt for my health. Dance bingo was really fun, despite my numbers did not had to be danced to. They where all left out off dancing for points, so I had a little luck. I have the luck I have to do that for a job every week. Bingo or music quizzes, and usually I win something. It's really a party every week. 

I listen to 80's pop a lot in my free time. It's so much better than modern music. I love these golden oldies. Even if one day it becomes old junk again I would still hang on to it. I blame my father to it, and it being on the golden oldies radio stations all the time they have on here. But these are older people, and they still love it. I would not know what's on modern stations or in the hit charts, honestly. Usually we stick to 70's 80's 90's stations. And yes, I also listen to that stuff at home. I may be a little weird for someone my own age. But there's not much good music out there nowadays. I might be a bit silly in it. 

At Ascension day, on a Thursday, I will serve home made apple crumble tray cake, and have a morning coffee service, despite it being on a holiday. They asked me for it and I said yes. I don't mind doing my plight on a holiday. I almost feel a little important when doing so. It's almost dutyfull. And not to brag, they love my coffee. I come to almost believe I got The best coffee in town when I'm at coffee service. It's really honourable. The old Leviaan cowboys can't be more gratefull than for me serving coffee on Ascension day, aside to the cake. Otherwise it would just be boring, it's forecasted to become grey and cold. And just a little more harsh than a common day. 

It's going to be my version off unemployed apple tray cake, with more than half off the ingredients donated, in a 1 euro oven dish. I saved points with gorcery shopping some time ago, and then got two Pyrex oven dishes for one euro each. Even my raisins come from a donation, just like the apples. All I have to add is cream butter and milk. In this case it can be real cream butter. By measuring raisins, I do longer with a package. I hope my spirit won't be damaged from all off this freeloading. But life is expensive. So it's my unemployed apple pastry. Served on de Boed's cute pastry plates, with their whipped cream. All I have to do is the work to bake it. That's how I manage my luxury nowadays, or at least my bakings. With lots off donations. It's a bit... cheating. But at least I don't cheat on a man, and critics don't owe up for my groceries, so they have no right to speak. But home made apple pastry enhances hearts. Especially on cold Ascension days. When people don't have a penny too much. I hope the Universe forgives me. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.        

Good evening at the 23th off May, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was a fresh and changing day in The Netherlands. 

*

I don't know how the world gets by during this economic recession. I don't have a vision to that. It's a bit unclear. I don't know if they're rich or poor. In The Netherlands, it seems to get by well. People live less luxurious and cuttings need to be made, but there's no life threatening danger with most in my opinion. Maybe it's a bit bad doctors do less due to costs. Doctors, lists, hospitals- all a shame due to costs and time it takes to be helped. Other than that, I think this country gets by. Just a little poorer. Just a little less snobby. But is this a crisis? I think most can take it. 

Offcourse the war should stop, preferably as soon as possible. And prices should be acceptable again. But I think they're getting by allright. I actually have no real clue to it. It's not like the masses die from it. We just have to use our minds and common sense. Maybe it's worse than I think. I should not take too much conclusions out off what I see. People die, but they're old and sick. It's not like they die from starvation or cold. They're dressed and they have a roof above their head. That counts for most. It's not slant luxurious, but is that an issue? I just mention they're a little less groomed. They could use a wash, but isn't that a trend movement? I just don't know if it's out off crisis. I wish someone would do research about this era. In the future, when times are normal again. Fashion is more humble, but I think the country gets by. 

I think a girl should be capable to withhold a crisis. It's important. If you're a young adult woman, you should have savings and security. The world is too cruel to let it depend on someone else. Women should start savings, get stability with their finances and start a life where they can keep on living even when things get nasty. A woman, at, say, 25, should be already capable to do so. I'm certain about that. Men are not dependable, and something could happen where you could stand alone. So a buffer is not a bad idea. And ways to stay somewhat independent. Since men are not likely to be a safe option. And the option to say No when something or someone doesn't feel right. Financial independency helps with that. 

It's good to have the capability to still stand on your own two feet when everything goes wrong, and not go through life mindless. That's my opinion. I hope someone has something to it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

 

Good evening at the 18th off May, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's been a cloudy and cold day in The Netherlands. 

*

It's Ed the dragonslayer, the coolest man from the entire pagan scene, and I believe my feelings for him where a mistake. It's been a mistake. 'I'm sorry, it's wrong.' And a bit shallow, and normie-based the way I felt it. 'I think it's best not to...' At least nothing happened. I kept my purity, and my pride, and no one can claim they have done stuff with me for real. It has not happened. There's no evidence, no where ever. It's all gossip and stupidity if someone claims so. Not a single soul has the rights and the true evidence for an accident. It has NOT taken place. It's more likely I saw UFO's 14 years ago than that someone there has messed with me. Gossip is just stupid. 

It's my goal to keep on looking everybody here in the eye, and knowing I'm innocent. That's my true story. I can't break the heart off our elders, care takers and fellow clients. My purity is almost a trade mark. Anyone who claims diffrent is actually a pathetic pervert. I'm so much better than them. If we would set true, honest standards, I would be far above them. And that's the truth. 

'You can claim things, you can act mafioso, but there are eyes... eyes off the divine to watch you.' 'If you have things, done certain things, talked certain things, they are there to see.' Maybe the audience takes crap, the divine doesn't. And I'm certain they respect me. with a fairness that might now seem strange to you. But it's not. I believe in Karma. Having to remove the forum after my prediction came out is pure Karma for example. 

It's another day in another world for you and me, and then we'll see. Did I make myself clear? 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

 

 

Good evening at the 14th off May, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's windy and sunny outside in The Netherlands. A promise off summer fullfills the air. 

*

Life is getting by, it's not too bad these days. I feel a bit floaty and wobbly on my feet, but when don't I? I don't feel depressed, just a little moody. But at least I'm capable to feel it. It's best to feel and experience your moods. Not to keep them tied up. Psychiatric patients do a little hard with that due to medications. It's really hard to feel our moods most off the time. It's difficult, but these days at least I feel moods. Am cranky, and live them. Feeling moods in my case also comes with a big heart for nostalgia, the surrounding, the old fashioned in Zaandijk and farmstyle life. It's such love and tranquility with this old place. It's love for where I live I feel often. I love it. It's part off me. I belong among this old fashioned stuff. It's really a great feeling. The feeling off love for the surrounding, and belonging somewhere. Actually, it's quite luxurious, not many people I think have this. Usually, this retired feeling is my main feeling. The love for where I live and the old, I try to deal with the crankyness, 

How do they call it? Patriotism, it's dangerous to use the term. Since it's associated and claimed by the extreme right in politics. This enhanced (Enchanted? You'd almost call it that.) feeling off home and belonging is better than love most off the time. It's more safe, either. It's so beautifull and lovely and authentic where I live. It's hard to compare, you can compare it to Hawaii or Venice. It's that touristic and typicall for Dutch. And time by time, I grow to love it more and more. It's so sweet. There's no place like home at the moment to me. It's to swoon over. There's no one my age who has this and who fully understands. I have my own home and I love the place where it's situated. It's more luxurious than winning the lottery. Buying a villa and having to start anew somewhere. That's superficial luxury. But I think this is more meaningfull and real. 

I'm fine with not having kids or a relationship, if life keeps on being this meaningfull. A man can be such a wrong choice, this place has never been a wrong choice. It's the positive off feeling moods. I'm so thankfull for this beauty in my surrounding, and the understanding people I live with. It can pass for a fairytale. It's the surrounding, and it's real life. It's a timeless legend. 

Allright, that's about it for now - 

Thank you for reading. 

   

Good evening at the 9th off May, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's a sunny and warm day outside in The Netherlands. 

*

Really, do I get it right? The day Mark banned me, was the day they all resentlessly banned me, started to spit on me, and slutshame me. It was really ruthless, unforgiving and too sharp to fully get. I never understood. At least, not what I was supposed to be. I believed mankind and morals to be a bit softer than what they portray. It sucks, and it hurts and hell has frozen my heart. It's not what I intened, but they are too difficult, and too stupid. 

And I was a bit stupid, for not understanding. Thinking things could be talked and done over. Untill it was right. But it's so unforgiving and cruel, it's murder for the mind. I did not understand how cruel these bitches where back then. I never fully undersrtood untill recent, I always thought it could be made truly right somehow. 

But it's so cruel and unforgiving, and it doesn't look like Vana at all. But it sure was Vana that did so. Vana has hurted me a murderous amount. And what do they know? I stand alone against them. It's so many people. I can't solve it. And it's so cruel. I became so sick over it, delusional, heartbroken, misunderstood, slutshamed, left outside alone, and made bigger and worse than I am. I lost my face big time over it. It was terrible. It felt like too much, I lost this game, and I could have lost my life over it. Given what happened in those desperate delusions, where I run alone from home moonstruck. I did not get support from anyone, they all abandoned me. 

No one helped me out, they all told me to shut up for Castlefest sake. It was cruel, unfair, and cowardly from the rest. But they all blindly followed Vana. It hurts so badly to have been treated so cruel. It looks so nice, but it's all ice, snow and venom underneath in them. I could not handle it back then. I finally start to understand what it contained, and how big it is and was. I never felt that. I never felt it that right. I always flew somewhat above it. my heart wasn't in it. I did not understand. I could not understand why or how. It's been too mean. I have been right to leave. It can't be solved. The unworldliness off this pain is what stands out. I'm not like them. they are cruel people with no heart. They are the cruelest people with a shallow smile and an empty heart. They are not what they pretend to be. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 5th off May, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was sunny yet cold in The Netherlands. 

*

It could also be possible, peace will be upon us in July, and the worst case scenario won't come true. The worst case is when we have to shut down the energy in this country, and we have to surrender to Russia as Europe. In 2028. It's really worst case, it could also be peace in July, Then we'll be less doomed. Since it's loss off face if we have to give in to Russia forced. It's a possibility. It's a disaster if I just hope for the best. Lights and traffic lights, aside to the railroad at night- all will be shut down to save the country energy in the future if it continues like this, and by then we still can't afford. It's really hopeless. We can do so with pride, or really lose our dignity as Europe, and countries will look down upon us. Our high position could have never been lower if we lose our dignity to Russia. And they waltz over us. It's worst off the worst case. Our whole status will be ruined by not surrendering in time. It's not how or if we win, but how we lose. With or without our faces still on. 

I've also seen they will shut the lights to big touristic spots, like the Eiffel tower or Brandenburger Tor if they can't afford the energy for it anymore, and they'll be as poor as a rat when that happens. And that is in the darkest off years, in 2027. Short before forced surrendering. Please, if you have any pride left, lose with pride. Or The Wargirl really will be the '20's muse off the decade. This might happen if it lasts too long. It's the downfall off society. We have no choice. We can safe what's left by surrendering in time. 

And the worst off the worst, when everyone in Western Europe is forced to shut their energy from 21.00 untill 05.00 AM for three winters long. To safe energy. It's been all in my visions. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 4th off May, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's been a cold and cloudy day in Spring in The Netherlands. 

*

I don't use a sixth sense here, but somehow my common sense tells me the situation in the world won't change soon. It's really pulvering teeth while gritting what you have left off them. But don't pinch-point me at it. 

Today was a calm Sunday with little going on, except baking an easy cake. With a cake mix and eggs donated to me. All I had to add was cream butter, a fancy serving plate and milk. Tomorrow, at our Liberation Day, we will have a slice off cake with our afternoon coffee. 

I hope people can appreciate this version, usually it's with added fruits or dried fruits to it, but this year that was a little too pricey. And this is done with donated stuff and devotion. I really took my time preparing it. It wasn't done with everything added all at once, like the instructions might sugest. I did more like a French professional, eggs one by one adjusted to it. And milk at last. I think we got a more airy cake than what you got if you dump everything in your batter bowl all at once. It looks more big. And I know people love these cakes when I lay a little heart in them and bake them that way. But, yeah, no additions other than basic cake ingredients. Even the fancy serving plate comes from a give away shop. It's half a work off charity. A quarter off it is love. I hope people can appreciate. 

I have mild sleeping issues recently, I got up during midnight, or very early. Simply to haunt the internet or my diary. I go back to bed when I get tired, but it's becoming a pattern, and it's hard to break. And that fighting with death at night... I have this issue where I think I'm about to die when I'm in bed. Really troublesome. It never happens, it's just that annoying feeling. I simply, silly wake up the next day. I think my body is still going strong, so I won't die. It's just... really difficult. It's frightfull. 

The life off a home maker is still nice with me. Doing basic chores, making sure the home is nice, Though I don't have a husband. But I feel comfortable and almost safe at home when I do it like that. I can be annoying and flip, but at least I have this place. Be as sick and annoying as I please in the safety off this small care home. Well, at least it's a clean home. Or at least I try to. It's messy, but clean enough and cozy. Perfect for me. While NATO planes fly over, (On the other side off the country, but they do fly there.) and police helicopters seek for scum around this area, this place is clean and comforting. Sometimes it's so important and it's all we need. 💖 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good morning at the 27th off April, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's a warm night tonight. We're ahead to a warm week in The Netherlands. 

*

The protocol has it, orange nailpolish has to be off the day after Kingsday. I removed mine yesterday evening. My nails could be done more tidy, there's both statement pink and orange polish still in the ridges. We had an orange tompouce (The 'ou.' in it being pronounced as the ou in douche, not like mouse.) on a cute plate, but other than that it was a bit on the boring side. But it did not matter to me. 

I just did not feel like it due to my opinion. I haven't even watched the high points off Kings day in the evening news last night. It totally passed me by. It did not matter. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 26th off April, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's a fresh night tonight in The Netherlands. 

*

It's 4 AM, I've slept, I'm sitting here in the living room, writing this to you, as good as pain free. But let's not outcall the gods. I decided to stay home this Kingsday, and do it in moderation. I don't feel much for celebrating Kingsday this year, but I'm willing to eat an orange Tompouce pastry for The King at de Boed today. I might come off as an old crank. It's just a way off perceiving things this year. I think The King is a spoiled man, who actually doesn't deserve this during a crisis like this. But then I would steal away a beloved party from The People. That's the other side off the story and we can't do that either. People love Kingsday. It's just that The King could do less spoiled in times like this, but that's my opinion.  I painted my nails orange, though. Simply not to fall out off tune with other people today. 

But my pain has faded and I'm doing almost fine. I can sleep on my side. But let's not sigh too early in relief, let's take it slowly so I can be utmost certain. I think it would be outcalling the gods if I would visit mom. I sighed a bit too early last week, and I started to feel it directly afterward. So I had to call it off. Really, I had to skip Easter from pain. I wish to visit at Mother's day, but that's way ahead. 

These days are for spending a lot off time at home. I'm unemployed, but to keep myself buisy, I do home work like cleaning. Keeping my tables tidy, doing dishes at least once a day, keep the laundry up to date, and yesterday evening was for cleaning my grill. Really, household jobs can be vulnerable. I got help with laundry folding, cleaning the bed sheets and vacuum cleaning, but I mop the floor myself each week. And I clean the toilet. This home is still on the messy side, but at least it's getting somewhere clean. I open curtains and windows each day for fresh air. It's been hard to get me at that point. I was a real slouch with a messy home. But as I'm getting older and this whole crisis thing continues, I'm getting more and more tidy. I think them lazy slouches are a bit jealouse, but most people are proud off me. They'd declare me a lunatic if I would call it wealth, but it sure is luxury to have a clean grill. 😉 

Isn't it a fundament off most religions worldwide, to be clean? Cleanliness is next to godliness. Christianity, Islamic, Jewish, Buddhistic, all swear by clean houses off prayer. I think it's much better than filthy messes to burn incense in. It's just that it stays more in the home and the near surrouding than to go in the outside world when it's this fresh and clean in my home. That's what I mentioned. Maybe that's a more safe option than to seek it too far off, or merely, it's all I can handle at the moment. And this home is the place I can be found most off the time. So why seeking it in the outer world? Maybe the Universe is more common sensed than I think. It's more in the home or the close surrounding when I burn incense now. But why would I need something far off to work? To stay home is safe. It works for me at the moment. 

These are pictures I blogged about some time ago, from fruit blossoms and chickens nearby. It's just that the link failed when trying to share these. Today it works. I went out short before Easter and pictured these. My close surrounding can be so beautifull and pittoresque. It's really lovely. It's national heritage. Simply to be here is no punishment. It's beautifull. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 23th off April, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's cold and dark outside in The Netherlands. 

*

The sore was almost off yesterday, but I felt it came back really badly. I almost made the appointment for a weekend at mom's. I have to call off from pain again. It's 01.30 at night, and I got out off bed from a stomach ache, and the sore on my side makes it impossible to sleep on my side. 

He's victimizing me, and it takes too long. It places such a stamp on me and my life and it's a heavy burden while I'm the innocent party in here. He has had that slut for several years, but he outcalls me ugly and scum all the time. He doesn't let me go in it, I'm not granted a second or even a seventh chance with any other man. It's just him and my feelings are not important. It's oppressive and humiliating and I feel so oppressed by Yoram again. I wish he made me free to choose someone else over him, like I was supposed to do all the time. He just doesn't let me while banging that slut. It's all me to blame, and they all call me ugly for no reason nowadays, while at first I was the prettiest girl in the world. I'm always the one to blame, to be kept low, while that gladjakker with his big dick gets away with everything. It's been unfair from the beginning on. I'm NOT the one to blame, It's NOT right. And I wish to continue my life in freedom and with equal rights to anyone. Not these rights to be scampted and dominated all the time by this giant dick off a man. And his prissy yet dominant followers. 

He should let me go, instead off sucking out my blood like a first class parasite. 

And people should realize and accept we are not a set, and it has never been there. People where so convinced we where 'the thing.' But in the end it wasn't, and I never wanted to. It was actually really scarry to be pressed in such a corner. They did not want to see the truth from my side. We are not a thing, and for my mental peace, we are better not since I never could stand the man. He's too stupid for me. Deal with it. They should finally move on and let me go. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

  

Good morning at the 22nd off April, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's fresh and cloudy outside tonight. 

*

I can't catch sleep. Something in me stays wide awake, and makes it impossible to sleep tonight. My second day off Easter went by pretty well. I feel with the death off the Pope. He was someone who felt with the poor and the weak and stood up for them. And who reformed the church or tried to. A loss for the world I guess. 

But my Easter went by pretty well. I prepared extra good foods and ate so good. I pictured everything. I don't know if it's appropriate to post all off that on here. I don't know if it will make people jealouse off it. Or snobby, or below this standard. I have no clue to what people might think off it. That's the charm off this weblog, but it could also go wrong. Maybe my dinners.... 

Dessert: 

white chocolate mousse for two days. It's been really great to eat all off this. It was delicious. It's how Easter meals should be. I only have to find out how to cook steak more perfectly. It's a way to go to practice with it. My skills on cooking perfect steak. It's really a challenge. And offcourse I had Kaiser buns for breakfast and cinnamon buns for lunch. It's been really good. 

This perfect food is not something I do every day. It's this year's Easter for this turn. de Boed had some Easter treats for us. 

Really nice off them. I have been vreeting this weekend. I still have to do the dishes. I'm out off energy for it for tonight. And I had this: 

Chocolate Easter eggs with a Pistachio pastry for two days. It's been Easter best and I have been enjoying it. I have been arranging it perfectly, I'm almost proud off myself. Some points off improvement, but most things where perfect. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good afternoon at the 21st off April, 2025.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

It's fresh, grey and rainy in The Netherlands. 

*

I got my laundry on, it's the second day off Easter, I have been eating well and the food was really yummy, but I haven't stuffed my face on Easter foods. It's not going too bad today. My side still hurts a little, I thought it had increased a little this morning. So taking it easy it is. I can handle it. So far, I'm a little restless. But taking it easy I think goes well, unless when I get messed up in my mind. So it's not easy to determine. Maybe emotionally I handle it too well. Pressing all emotions about it away untill it become delusions. I'm not used to Easter this way, but it's not too bad. Altough the sun isn't out today, so no outside bench hanging with the cat for me. In the end, it might have been as if something has missed this Easter and I'm taking it too easy. (I mean a weekend with mom. Not Easter luxury. But mom's company.) 

In my opinion, one off the summons off luxury is dried fruits. I don't know where that comes from. Just like medieval royalty I think that really shows wealth. Just like spices and nuts. There was a time where in this country, it didn't cost that much. But now we're all robbed and companies take it like criminals, it sure is a sign off wealth again. Just like in the medieval age. Tutti Frutti cake certainly is the head price nowadays. But it would be such a refined Christmas treat. Or something for the winter months starting November. I promised to make Tutti Frutti cake on here some time ago, I still didn't get to it. (That's been years ago.) Maybe if I got it high in my head, I even might purchase fresh Tutti Frutti from the market, and feel like a medieval princess this winter. I know these times are very expensive. I might ditch it when it gets too much. So I should not be pinpointed to it. I can't even afford splurges on Christmas cookies and chocolates, so I should beware with dried fruits in Christmas gifts. But maybe I'll do that for this year's Christmas cake. 

I'm making plans way ahead. Maybe a bit early. And we should see. But it's one way I feel really rich. I found out spices, dried fruits and nuts where for the very fortunate during medieval times. Maybe that feeling off wealth when working with them comes from that place in history. Maybe something in my soul remembers. Strange enough. But I should not sound floaty. Good fortune like that for everyone is something from recent times. Somehow I think fortunate times will come back. And ordinairy people can afford them again. It's a dream to work with these again on a regulair base. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.      

Good evening at the 20th off April, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was a lovely Easter day in Spring. Beautifull and nice. 

*

I promised to post a picture off my Easter tulips. Here they are, they're a bit wreched, a bit crooked, but everything goes well if you know how to photograph. 

Easter wasn't too bad. I have been enjoying it outside nearby our koi-carp pond. With the neighbourhood cat to keep me company. Sacha the cat is really my friend. She is a tortoise shell and said to bring luck according to the Japanese. She lives in a home nearby. It wasn't too bad due to the sun and petting Sacha. 

I have been worrying, over-thinking. 'All those small things people aren't concerned with anymore... I still do these. But aren't they stupid for not doing so? why don't they still do these?' 'Why the hell do you think they don't do them anymore?' Something replies back in me. They're too buisy at their job or with their friends, at life. I've had that feeling for a long time. 'Why don't they do so anymore?' But I think people are too buisy, their minds too caught up with other things. But sometimes I feel what I do should also be done, still. But they say I should not over-worry. It's a flaw in me. It's why I'm in psychiatric health. See. Two days off bad medication intake and I start it again. This morning went well, by the way. My failed career at school started by wanting to change the world. And it failed at worrying. I worry about things nobody seem to do anymore. Them lazy slouches probably have a clearer mind. That's why they're no mental patients. 

I constantly think 'oh, someone should do this or that, or it should go with a little more care or diffrent.' I might be a little obnoxious. I can't do it myself to begin with. I think I have too much heart or a diffrent mindset that does not make sense. Something from an era where people still cared. Some place, somewhere, some time, long ago. But that can't be. I'm a bit annoying with it. The opposite off love is not hate, it is indiffrence. I see it constantly happening. That's why things go bad in my opinion. Because they don't care anymore. And the crisis makes it worse. They where not concerned to begin with, and now everything has to go cheap or be skipped due to money. Will the world still be allright after this? I know it will keep on turning, but will it still be allright? And will things withstand? I probably got nothing better to do than to worry about these things. Especially when I'm badly medicated I'm like this. They say I should not be concerned. Since it's bad for my health. 

I can take deep breaths and sneeze again, it's only a pinch point off sore in my side for the moment. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 20th off April, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

Merry Easter to all. 

It's cold and cloudy outside in The Netherlands. 

*

I'm typing you this while my nails dry. I don't look that Easter best, I'm a bit slouchy this year, but at least my nails look almost a statement pink. For fancy and almost tidy occasions, I think this shade rocks it. Otherwise I think it's a little bit loud on people. I should not tell them what to do, but it's how I feel about it. But Easter actually feels like the perfect occasion for such a shade on my nails. It's not too loud or too heavy today. 

Yesterday I felt like shaking up them lazy slouches by tidying up my living room table, and serve myself tea with a pistachio pastry and Easter eggs really cute. And show the world. Really fancy, really nice, during a vintage era like this, this is almost pride. You could say. And the lazy slouches had a hard time dealing with it and gossiping about it loud and stupid. I think some women in the fantasy scene are really stupid and lazy when it comes to these sort off things. Slouching it like pigs. During a war in this style, that is not appropriate. I might be a little insane, but it's how I try to keep spirits up. Unemancipated? Might be. honourable? Yes. That's more off the thing. I think we're about to lose the war, but can we at least keep spirits up or try to? Or am I the only one who does that? The foods on my table are simple but good, my table is clean and I still feel well and not depressed. Maybe due to household duties to keep me strong. And the whole style I try to put up with it. But just for myself. Most men have never proven themselves worthit. So I put on all off this just for silly old me to have a comfortable living in this world during this time and day off being. 

Why am I awake at night? I feel I'm fighting death again. When I put myself to sleep, my head is wreched and I feel I'm almost dying. I can't catch sleep due to it. It's not my side that hurts, it's really my head that plays games with me. I'm a sucker who forgets her pills in the morning. I take them around noon from forgetting them for two days in a row. That's almost asking for it. Health care thought it would be a good idea for me to take controll off my own medication intake. But I have told them ahead I would mess with it and be forgetfull. But that's why my head is toiling a bit and doing hard with me. I have told them I'm an idiot with it, but where they to listen? Nah-ah. 

Chocolate is really expensive these days. but I think I do well for ignoring that, and not buying it that much. This Easter it's just one bag off plain dark, milk and white chocolate eggs during Easter itself. I don't crave 300 flavors and even more Easter rabbits for this year. Simply not purchasing, just like Christmas cookies. You could almost feel I'm unemployed on my pictures about it. Barely any sweetness for me during these holidays. Though I found out Pistachio in a pastry tastes great. 

   

It's something to give lazy slouches a headache with. And to enjoy Easter with, offcourse. A clean, lucky and almost organized home maker can still show this off to the world. It's my humble idea off pride nowadays. I should not over-act on it, though. That's almost seeking for trouble. And this picture does not show I'm unemployed. On other hand, I think this is good enough. (That deserves it, at least.) If I tidy up tomorrow morning, I'm all steady for a lonesome Easter 2025. I don't even have my family in my surrounding this year, but at least my care home does it for me. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good morning at the 19th off April, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

This morning it's sunny and cold in The Netherlands. 

*

It's something for the headlines off the news, I've slept through for a whole night! It's really an appropriate morning, and the sore in my chest is reduced. It's still there, and it's still bothering me, but it's acceptable and something I can live with for now. Only if I breathe in real deep or sneeze it's still there. Still enough being felt to stay at home for it. It's not done, but I could sleep on my side tonight. 

I'm baking off two cinnamon buns for breakfast. It's not Easter yet, but they where calling my name from the freezer. At least to eat goes well. In moderation, since I can't call the amounts for Easter foods scrumptious. It was one hell off pricey, but I got little amount for it. Still I think it's going to taste well. But really, these amounts are hell to pay if you have a family. I'm glad I don't have one. Still, Easter. I think many a picky care taker would not call me out for eating too much with these scandalous sober amounts. 

But yeah, I've slept untill 8 this morning. Being in bed wasn't so hurtfull 💖 Maybe next week I will hand out the Easter chocolates to mom if the curing proces goes this well. I'm not like Miss Piggy, getting up from a surgery table all at once yelling 'I'm cured!' Naw, this sore is quite serious. But this place is so beautifull, it's almost a crime to go home from here during Easter. It's authentc, covered in flowers, and incredibly, timelessly springy beautifull this year with the cherry blossoms all out. It's a dream this Easter. So, I don't mind to stay. I'm photographing all the beauty this year. It's like the 1930's and 40's, where everyone had to live it sober, while the farmers and the village folks still had a little luxury with everything in bloom. It's timeless and lovely. Yesterday I pictured fruit blossoms and chickens nearby. I love it, and more will follow. So my Easter isn't all ruined. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading   

  

Good morning at the 18th off April, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's cloudy and fresh outside in The Netherlands. It's still dark, though. 

*

I'm here in my living room, I just took painkillers and I try to empty a pilch off water. (By drinking it, offcourse.) I put on a warm vest and I'm sitting my sore out. Today is for tidying up, cleaning the kitchen, tidying the living room and clean the toilet. Household chores I piled up this week. It sincerely has to happen. I think I'm very proud off myself if my home is clean during Easter. 

I don't know who else has this, but due to this crisis, I prepare foods better than I usually did. More thoughtfull, with great care and more caution. Due to prices. If I grease and flower a cake pan for example, I make sure it's done utmost well and all cake comes out perfectly instead off bits being off after the proces off baking. I do my best better to it. And a little grease to that: I imagine to prepare it for my really hot crush. The tension off you know what (😉) makes me do my best a little bit better, and picture it very nicely for the internet to see on Facebook. 

So it's not just dry potatoes, vegetables and meat, but really tastefully made food from it, done with Ikigai care and love. When I'm capable to cook. If not, it's just take away and pizza. But honestly, I would not feel ashamed if Ed the dragonslayer would look at my Facebook, and see what I cook with him on my mind. So, that makes me do my best a bit better too, both prices and the idea off my very hot crush seeing it. He's so hot you won't believe it. 

I had him on my mind with the Easter groceries. It made me want to eat perfect foods. I think it works to take good care off myself and cook well for myself. I never confessed to him. I just don't know if my broccoli would be so good again if I would end up with a broken heart. But I'm not planning to confess he's the hottest man in the whole Zaanstreek. I should be very carefull with that. It's good not to have him in my close surrounding. It's a little key secret in cooking for the eye off the world to see: The thought off a little you know what when picturing it. It's grease for the mechanics in my head / my system that make me cook. Just like price increasement. And my idea off respect for food. 

In my head, I hear them lazy slouches complaining it always looks that good. But it's the only thing I do. I don't take more care off my looks, though I think I don't look dull, but making foods look sincerely good on the internet is all I do due to that crush. A common gal would spend tons on make-up and clothes, spend time in the bathroom and tempt him. (And get the guy) I make sure my foods look nice and picture them in a good-looking light for the world to see. 

I think Ed the dragonslayer would reject me if he would find out. That would make me so sore, I'm not likely to say it to him. I wish to keep on cooking this way. For my own sake. It's affordable and healthy. I better keep it at that. Before I start to swoon over the potatoes again. (Naw, it's usually the meat and the vegetables that steal the show.) And it's just that on a daily base, I can't afford expensive desserts, but I can flaunt a bit with the dishware. I got second hand bowls from a give away spot a few years ago. They look perfect. And it's always the cheapest Vanille Vla. But it's all I can afford. Ed the dragonslayer is no ordinairy man, I think I might do it all wrong. Maybe he wants to see better foods, or diffrent foods. But this is what I got at the moment. But he's inspiring. Motivating, and if a lazy slouch wishes to do what I do, she should pretend to cook for her man my way. I think I would not be capable to 'get the guy.' But I eat well at the moment. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

  

Good evening at the 17th off April, 2025.

 Good evening everyone, 

*

Today was for General Practice. Appearently, they think I cramped or stretched a chest muscle. It's not really dangerous, it's just that it can last for a few weeks. I prefer my own home and my own bed when it comes to that. So, I stay at home this Easter. And I have to keep that spot warm. I have to find something for that. 

When it comes to Easter, I decided to purchase yellow tulips for the occasion. They're on my dressoir in an antique vase from the family. I bought them on the way home from General Practice. And I decided to eat nice meals and do a pastry this Easter. A coffee with a fellow client with an en Vogue pistachio pastry. I've read up somewhere pistachio is the trend for this Easter. 

My plates are one hell out off fashion, but I serve good foods on them. And to be honest, I don't like the current Easter trends. My shirt is a bit Easter Fashion. But leave it at that, I think the current fashion in dining is a bit rough in it's lines. I think it was cheap to develop. It's not refined, where I prefer more cozy details. But if you'd want dining plates like that, from, say, Pip studio in The Netherlands, you'd pay the head price. I can see why that's not actually fashion. But it comes off as if current Easter dining trends look a bit cheap compared to previous ones. But maybe that's this year. I feel I should fall back on the timeless and the classics not to fall out off style. Or my own feeling off style,  (Classic is out off style this year. But it was so pretty when it began these previous years.)

I miss the days where every farmstyle Belle could flaunt with her Pip Studio dish ware. Even my cousin had it. (I was too young and too poor for a set.) But that's really back in the days. I have to accept there's a time where I come off a bit old fashioned with what I got. Naw, I can't flaunt with the dishware, but at least I can flaunt with what's on top off it, at least that still stands. 

 I hope my tulips will bloom, They're still in the green knob at the moment. They deserve a picture on here when they stand all nice. 

Honestly, I made Easter less dry, but what is more off a dry Easter than one where laughing hurts like hell? Naw, that can't pass for a dark point in a crisis, where I have to keep myself in all the time not to hurt myself from laughing about my own jokes. I'm like the Brits, when it's bad, make sure you can laugh about it. Really, vreeting myself an incident was not the intention last week. They say this can lasts for a few weeks. I have to accept. Hopefully it will be over by next month. But let's simply await that. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

Good morning at the 17th off April, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's softly raining outside. 

*

I'm sitting here with a pot off tea in front off me. I can't sleep anymore from pain in my chest. The Guardian Angels aren't really biting today. It hurts an awfull lot. It's 04.00 AM, I decided to spend Easter home alone, due to my bed being more comfortable when I have all sorts off pain to deal with. And mom not really being helpfull if I would go there. It's going to become a boring and dry Easter. I'm also recommended not to eat fat foods. I have to take it lightly due to these pains. And now we think it's not my stomach, but maybe a muscle in my chest. I have to call General Practice this morning. It's too much to sanely handle. 

To breathe deeply, to cough, to swoon, to laugh deeply- it all hurts too much due to the pain in my chest. It's so deep, it's almost unnatural. I hope it's not a heart attack due to greasy ordered foods. I can't get the clue to it, so I better don't analyze it myself. That would be unthoughtfull. 

It's really overwhelmingly big. Just like the headaches, but I got rid off them by drinking enough water. That's how I saved my life with that. Having pain that kills me in my chest is really hurtfull. I don't know how to get rid off it this time. I took painkillers. But I still feel it through medication.  It lasts ever since Sunday. It's really time to see the doctors for it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

 

Good morning at the 16th off April, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's warm and dark outside in The Netherlands. 

*

My side hurts so badly, I can barely breathe. It's 04.00 AM, I've slept a few hours. Health care said they can't do anything for me untill General Practice opens. I'm hurt so badly, really, I'm not used to over-eating on such a scale. Usually I'm really prude with food. If that's the cause. I'm hurt, I can barely breathe or laugh, or cough. Yesterday evening I was doing really hard finding a position to sleep. I have a Guardian Angel LadyBug on the internet. Everytime I post a sore, he cures me kinda fast. That's what he does, that's why I'm so open about it. I believe if I post something on the internet, someone cures it with magic, or something reads it which cures it kinda fast and easy. Or I should see General Practice first thing tomorrow, and use common sense, though the Guardian Angel often also works for me. If he's still among my readers. 

It's a sign I don't vreet. Being hurt from feeding on take away this weekend is a sign I don't do it that much. Not as much as common youth, usually I'm more well-thought with it. But I can't withstand it, appearently. It hurts really badly. And it holds on for several days. Usually it vanishes more easily than this. I'm not used to this. Really, to take a deep breath already hurts. I had to pile up several thoughts and emotions yesterday evening. Because relieving them would have hurt too much. We're almost three days further now, and I think to see a doctor is not a bad idea. Laughs already hurt. It's not preferable for me to have this issue. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good morning at the 15th off April, 2025.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's somewhat warm tonight. 

*

I'm out off bed with a stomach ache. I have to take it calmly for the next few hours. My body digests the foods from this weekend a bit slow. 

I'm doing a bit floaty. I have been following the news these days. The subjects are really interesting. People say you better don't follow the news, but I think I better do, to be informed about what's going on in the world nowadays a bit. It's better than knowing nothing. They can tell you anything if you don't watch. If you watch it like a great adventure, it's not as damaging than when you watch with your whole heart in. At least that's what works for me nowadays when I watch it. Contrairy I'm like 'Oh, my favourite soap starts at 8.' but that's my cynism. Sometimes I watch a TV show after it, sometimes I quit watching TV for that night, but then at least I know what's going on. It's better to be informed than to stick your head in the sand. At least I watch only once a day. I'm not a news junk, but just slightly informed. 

I think, this year it does not matter not to be festive with Easter. I will attend at my mom's, but I'm thinking off doing so only for one day. I don't feel like celebrating it this year. It's not really important if I do so or not. If I would have children, it would have been diffrent. But I'm an old spinster without, so I don't disrupt anyone for not celebrating. Just a matter off how I feel it this year. Photographing flowers is my ode to Spring for this year, I'm not Christian, usually Easter marks the beginning off Spring and celebrating Spring alltogheter for me. But this year I don't feel like it. I just don't know if my photography counts for the Easter gods. I've just been told that it's really good. So maybe it's not that bad at all to do this instead off celebrating Easter. I think it doesn't matter for the cause off Ukraine wheter I celebrate it or not at all. It's not important. But it's up to me. I haven't even eaten Easter chocolates. My mom ordered some from the local chocolate shop, I bought them for her, so I think my first Easter chocolate for this year will be at Easter itself. I haven't had a rabbit or an egg so far. I'm that much off an Easter Grinch this year. I think it should be integrit this year. But that's my opinion. I also don't feel for Kingsday this year. I'm probably a bit off a crank. I think the king is a spoiled rat during this time and day off being, during this crisis. And the royal arrogance doesn't speak to me this poor year. He doesn't deserve to be celebrated this year. I think it doesn't matter wheter I celebrate or not. It's not off importance. I just don't feel for the nation wide festivities. I'm not in a mood for parties and celebrations. It feels inappropriate this year. It just doesn't speak to me. 

What do I feel for? Small comfort. Healthy foods, comfort reading, such things. Not really big parties. Something with both feet on the ground. It doesn't matter, the world is not saved by it. It's just this soft attack off mine, to skip on festivities. But I hope they understand. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.