Good afternoon at the 18th off May, 2019

Good afternoon everyone.

A bit off A rant about some cons when it comes to losing weight.

I wish I had an easy method to loose at least 50 killograms. The previous year, I simply ignored being obese and just put myself on survival mode to cope with my issues.

At this moment, I have this issue where I break down everytime I try to get myself on A (working) diet, and start to eat again, as if something in my system simply refuses. I know this might not be the best time to start A diet, since I started being on my period this week, like I told. If anything, women need snacks to make it through if it's this time off the week, I had A large bar off milk chocolate today, and I'm on (I had about three mugs) instant coffee with A lot off diary and sugar at this moment. I have the plan, now simply to do so is the main issue. And to get more excersise... I probably shouldn't refuse so much anymore if care-takers offer me to walk along with the walking group at times. (Sometimes, that feels like pressure I don't wish to take on my shoulders. Often I'm 'too tired.' or simply feel too lazy to come with them.)

Being tired could also perfectly be A side effect off the Birth Controll I'm on. which is ment to regulate my periods and my hormones, since I'vgot PCOS, and I'm not known with all side effects off having your period regulairly. I've heard it (Both birth controll medicines and being more regulair on your period) can make you feel gloomy, lazy and very tired. So, aside from psychic meds, another issue which makes me exhausted often. But I wished to block out the most simple looking option: enlowering my weight, eat more healthy and excercise more to get myself on A more energetic level. It seems so easy that this is the course when you're as overweight as me. For A Dutch woman, I'm incredibly fat. I've been on fattening medicines ever since I was 19. It doesn't support that my will-power got enlowered either, and simply doesn't give me A fighting or even A working spirit and my mind simply gives up very easy when it comes to losing weight. It's so hard. And pressure is something I'm not capable to deal with. The only pressure I deal with, is my strive to have A fun life and do well and go on with my being in every field off life, in the most broad meaning off this sentence. I love to make people happy in daily life and brighten up their life A bit, (Or simply their daily life mood at that time) usually with good baking or something creative they like. Or with helping them A bit. Which cheers me up since I got their appreciation.

-Be A light in the darkness that surrounds you,- and I'm pretty serious with that, and I have been ever since being in psychiatric aid, and noticed other patients are less- clever than me, I'm sorry to say. I decided after my first awfull intake in A mental hospital in 2013, that I wanted to help fellow patients A bit. Cooking and baking delicious foods for them is one off those things I love to do. I have done so often. And I wish to continue that.   

It's getting A bit hard that way to lose A good amount off weight if being busy with food is one off the things that helps you helping them. (It's also A bit off an excuse to be busy with my hobby, since I love to cook and bake. I can spend A whole evening on pinterest listening to 80's classics and watching receipes.) What did you say? You wish to lose about 50 killograms? But I think brightening up people's life with food isn't the most important issue if you really have that goal. I believe I have to search for foods that are less fattening than my cooking methods are.

Allright, that's it for this evening. I hope you enjoyed reading!

XXX.- Maaike.