I got over with 'Lars.' - I guess it was just crazy.

I feel it's over. It felt so nice, it was the best feeling in years, but I think it was just about the delusional image off 'Lars.' my mind made up in the delusions about him. I don't even know the name off the actuall guy. I think it's best to leave him alone and not bother him with this.

I wish I could get A hang on my delusions and find out where they come from and see how my brain comes up with that weird stuff. I don't see how I could pluck A stranger from the streets somehow and feel the entire cold winter like I wish to cuddle up and wake up in his manly arms in the morning. I consider myself wise enough to be confused about this strange issue. It was so nice, and that's probably why I didn't want to get over with it. Though I think 'Lars.' is taken. It was something strong enough to take note about on the internet, who knows 'Lars.' reads this, watches my video's on YT and who knows, might have gotten in contact with me if I did that? But that didn't happen. The strong feeling has faded, and I have myself in controll now, though it feels somewhat sore in my mind to think about him now. It was confusing, and I ended up with empty hands and I -probably- made A bit off A fool out off myself by making such noise about him online. Maybe it's best that he didn't contact me. though it would have been nice in those months. I guess it had something to do with my high medicine intake even. I feel sorry for 'Lars.' if I have offended him.

I'm A bit back on (My quick-witted) track, though I have to slow down and take it easy with life. I have less energy and I can handle less than before I had my medicall enlowerment. Though I feel less misserable and paralyzed / confused than the entire previous year so it seems. 

I'm sorry, 'Lars.' I didn't mean to interrupt you and seem odd.