A calm day at work yesterday.

Yesterday I had A bit off an off-day at work, I socialized A bit with people and had A few glasses off water, and nothing came out off my hands, unfortunately. The owl stuffed animal isn't finished to begin with, and I felt no energy to do something. I'm glad it's not an official job for A serious employer, otherwise I would have been fired probably about A lot off times for just hanging around and socialize and just have coffee. (I'm employed at an Upcycling shop in the city off Zaandam, and it's A work place especially for mentally sick / unstable people like me.)

I like how everyone loves me, though. That has been diffrent once, but I've changed and now I'm quite sociable. And how they're very easygoing when it comes to what I make for them. I'm hired to make jewelry, and luckily there's still A rack full off it at the moment in our shop window. I guess I can afford to just hang around, have coffee and socialize A bit with everyone. At times it sells better, at times it doesn't seem to sell at all.

The uppcycling runs A bit of people's charity gifts. We have A lot off free stock we got from nice people who have donated all off that to us. Yesterday, someone came in with A lot off cooking supplies, including some cute cookbooks with A few nice and easy receipes. I took A look in all four off them, and then decided on making my co-workers some easy to make vanilla cupcakes with some easy decorating next week. As you might know, I love to bake and I'm quite good at it. It's not hard for me to do so, and I know everyone will probably like it, I promised to do so next monday to my boss, and I promised to finish the owl next week. (Unfortunately, it wasn't A strong enough goal in my mind to go out to finish the owl's bottom yesterday. But still, I was at my job.)

So, I have some ideas about what to do next week if I'm stable enough to do so. A care taker told me I looked A bit more nervous, and what she told seemed to shock me A bit, that it was as if I looked A bit more unstable at the moment. I hadn't mentioned that myself, I felt as if I was doing actually better at this period. I started to overthink and I began to realize she could be right. I have some issues going on at the moment, though I'm on it with my back support off care-takers. And so to say, sometimes I mention I still day-dream A bit off 'Lars.'  which sometimes still pops up and makes me absent-minded and giggly on A teenage girl's level at times, though I know I better keep him off my mind most off the time. If I calmly sit somewhere, it sometimes comes up and makes my mind A mess. I wonder where that desire to be with him still comes from. I often feel like I can take on the world, but sometimes the world gets the best off me without me even knowing. I should talk about it with my therapist, though... All I know, throughout most scary delusions, is that wanting to be with him is always there, and it's the most true feeling I can defy in this mess. I know it's better NOT to be with someone at all, unfortunately, I would have given him the world so to say, if I could. But I'm not capable to keep A hold on myself at the moment. I'm not in love with him anymore...? No, I'm afraid I still am, but it's become A burden. And it's on A track where it's not really A good, healthy thing anymore, I'm sorry, 'Lars.'

Though, going on with life... I wish my mind could have some fresh air to release some tensions sometimes.

Allright, it's time for A nice bowl off zuchinni soup for now. 😋