Good morning at the 15th off December, 2024.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's still dark, but it promises to become just as dark and dreary as yesterday. 

*

If you can't afford restaurants anymore, or if you are a bit off a hermit, I can recommend you to furniture your dining spot the style off an old restaurant. So you can have it at home. Pubfood at it's finest, in your own affordable pub. I had my table second hand at the old upcycling where I used to work, and the chair is a shabby old art off charity from Leviaan. Combined with my dining plates, it gives the impression off a classy yet shabby restaurant these days. At least that's what I like to pretend. Furniture for it can be second hand. That would even more adjust to your ambiance. 

I can't serve a large glass off Guiness with everything, since I'm on medication. but I can play the Dubliners or Clannad, and it's not so tough to eat on a budget that way. I think Irish folk is perfect to keep spirits a bit uplifted these days. It's fun without being vulgair or obscene. And it sells kinda cheap at Bol.com. (It's around 10 to 12 euro's for a new CD if you mention fast enough.) But it's a bit dreer, a pub with no beer. But I have to roll with it. It's either a bit snobby, or very nice to own something that can pass for a home restaurant. If you keep the place clean, it's picture worthit for the internet, even. If you have your own place, it's really reccomendable to make a home restaurant out off your dining spot. So it's not a crime anymore to stay in at friday night. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

 

  

A good shot off Moderna

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was cold yet sunny outside. I felt a bit cold all day and at night it's freezing while during day time spring finally shows through. Daffodils are blowing everywhere and Japanese cherry trees are about to bloom.  

*

I had my second injection off Moderna yesterday afternoon, and I still feel a bit sore on my shoulder because off it. During midnight I felt dizzy, but that was because I had the brilliant idea to lay on my shoulder and ignore the pain for a while to see if I could sleep on it. I ended up dizzy instead. I called Leviaan's night service and they told me to go back to bed and sleep so the dizzyness would fade. On my other shoulder offcourse. But if everything is fine (I'm still sore but I learned my lesson not to lay on that shoulder for a while) I'm about to be protected against Corona from now on. Things work out for you if you live protected in a care home like me. I feel like taking a bit more rest tomorrow since previous weeks have been very buisy for me and I can use a weekend off rest. I have been making Wednesday Soup today for de Boed, I made a version to Minnestrone soup and people loved their soups filled with vegetables. I'm not allowed to cook during weekends any time soon, but I can make the best off Wednesday Soup each week. I made a large pot off it so tomorrow they'll have another portion and I'm proud people love my soup. 

I'm tired and annoyed by the matter that I'm doing hard sleeping in at night. I lay awake for quite some time untill I truly sleep and it takes long for me to sleep. It's impossible to take naps during daytime somehow. I'm too exhausted to continue at the Upcycling. I quit there a few weeks ago since I couldn't bring up energy or willpower anymore to continue. I can go back any time when I feel like it, but for now it's good they sweeped me off the list to make place for someone else. I have been told they are going to miss me and my bakings for them. Sometimes life is like that. I have been making a bracelet during 'Jewelry making.' previous monday and donated that to de Boed's outlet shop. I still do small things. I'm somewhat glad I have more time on tuesdays instead off working so I have more space for medical appointments and appointments with care-takers. Life is buisy when you're in mental health care and it's a bit more than what I can take at this moment. 

I'm doing well mentally. I can't bring up much energy, but I feel well and feel calm in my mind. I just have to be beware off my limits and that is going to take place this weekend. I have no appointments and no promises to do something, so it's going to be mine. 

Allright, that's about this for now. Thank you for reading.    

Good afternoon at the 30th off January, 2021.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

*

I had my fourth Corona-test in the entire Corona period (ever since last year) this week, and it got tested negative. I don't have Corona anymore, I survived it last year in November, and appearantly it doesn't get stuck on me anymore ever since. I believe it's a pro. I have been tested about four times off which one was positive. I'm lucky to be physically in a relatively good condition for someone my weight. 

This week is for watching Nickelodeon a lot. I'm having trouble keeping up with the news as it's not good for my mental health. Children's TV works a bit better to keep me distracted from a lot off things. I keep on watching coffee time every morning (With a mug off fresh coffee and sometimes with a pastry) and the news only once a day. It just repeats itself all day at channel 1, often followed by TV shows filled with opinions about what's going on. Most off the time I can perfectly keep up without it getting frightfull. I'm interested in politics and actualities, but riots all the time outside got me mentally troubled. I perfectly understand what Dutch politics and news is all about since I got very lightly educated in that field. It's been a while since I got my diploma, but I got the basics. I somehow wish I could be up for a bachelor in the field off law and politics, but it's probably not ment for me. As you might know, I'm intersted in the field off foreign affairs. But I'm a bit old for a student and mentally handicaped. So probably I'd never get there. 

Sometimes I dream off becoming a tutor in a museum (The Dutch national museum in Amsterdam) ever since a few years ago. And pick their changing exposition. As far as I know, their storage is filled with all kinds off artefacts. Being surounded by old artefacts and art is a dream job for me. As far as that goes, I'm employed in a second hand shop as an Upcycling worker, I make jewelry for them to sell. I only got that job since Leviaan has made a deal with them to get people with a mental handicap to work. I have been making jewelry ever since 2010, since I was about 17 and I'm good at it. Being surrounded by old stuff (It's probably not the same as a museum, but I love it) and bringing it to new or update the lot is fun to have as a job. Becoming a tutor in a serious museum is not ment for me in this life, unfortunately. But I can keep on improving my jewelry every time I set myself to it and improve my methods each time. Last week I finished a necklace and made a bracelet, and previous week I made three bracelets and the start off that necklace. I believe I should picture them and place them online. 

No matter what, I'm content most off the time with my current job at the Upcycling shop. It makes me happy to sell my creations. I'm probably one off the few people who can say they like their job and like their colleagues. And Upcycling stuff is on trend in a lot off places. So what we do is hip and happening- As good as it gets for our spot. I'm proud. I also like the idea I can continue quite a while with the materials we have at the moment. Love what you do, and that's what it's about. 

You heard me saying I'm doing hard getting there and actually withstanding being there without getting low on energy and tired all the time, strange enough, I feel good at energy these weeks and feel like I can continue with what I'm up to. Sometimes I felt like only hanging around there and just have coffee all afternoon with colleagues and just chit-chat. But I feel like having inspiration again and the urge to get out off the house every often. Workshifts are a perfect reason to get out. I hope I can keep it up when the Upcycling gets crowded with costumers again. It's hard to deal with crowdedness for me at times and it can suck me out when that happens, I don't have a good way to block that feeling somehow. 

My jewelry is wanted in my own social circles. I take part in 'Jewelry Making.' at de Boed each monday, and I donate what I make out off charity to de Boed's small outlet. It got sold pretty fast and I saw a lady wearing what I made two weeks ago. I made name in my own circles. I hope real life audience also likes what I try to sell them. I keep on improving myself each time and create more solid creations each time. It improves over time. 

Allright, that's about it for now. 

Thank you for reading.     

A herd off bold coloured cows

 

I've drawn and coloured these in the previous weeks. They're about 20 each, and they will be sold at my job, attached to a small bag off candy specially for children's birthdays. I decided to draw them with bald colours instead off a standard black and white, or other more natural colours for cows as I love bold colours and think life is too boring not to use them. I felt somewhat relaxed working on these. It took ages to draw them out and draw, colour and cut and glue everything in but I decided to take my time instead off forcing myself to hurry. That works better with me. My boss thinks they look perfect and she liked my artistic take on cows for this.  

Good evening at the 4th off August, 2020.

Good evening everyone, 

Tomorrow will officially be my 28th birthday. I have nothing special planned for that day, except for preparing soup for the wednesday lunch at de Boed for everyone, Like every week. 

This sunday I celebrated my birthday with just my mom, her husband and one off my brothers. I had some major trouble preparing the cake since the electricity in my small kitchen had a power faillure the saturday ahead and no one could fix it since it was during a weekend. On top off that, the crust to my cheesecake fell on the floor after I decided to make a non-bake cheesecake at my table instead off at my counter top. I could save the day at sunday morning by preparing some good tasting muffins with chocolate and nuts. I had the luck my oven still worked and I make these muffins a lot so luckily I could serve my family something sweet that day. (They loved my muffins. They even had three off them each with their coffee and tea, so I feel content) 

Today all kitchen electricity got fixed and everything is put back to work again. Somehow I suspect my water boiler to have spoiled water at some place where it caused a power failure. Luckily everything got almost back to normal today. I'm glad I'm a solution oriented thinker instead off panicking over things. Though I lost it a bit after dropping the planned cake's crust. Luckily I had some help cleaning it up, and talking me out off frustration and fear, telling me that it's perfectly okay, and that things like this happen to everyone once in a while. I kept on thinking I was cursed that day. But luckily things got solved.  

I went to work today after they fixed my kitchen and I feel exhausted from drawing in a few cardboard cows. These are going to be made into children's treats which will be sold per about 20 in case people look for children's birthday treats to hand out to classmates for example. My boss is happy with my work since I decided on giving my version off these cows all kinds off coloured spots instead off just black and white and draw cute large eyes on their face instead off small dots. I took some creative freedom with that task.

Here is an example off my work. I think I'll put on a picture off all off them alltogheter after I finished this project. I work slow but consistent. 

That's the trick with mental people: Don't pressure things or hell would break loose. Though I still find it hard to stick to mental borders as they aren't always clear to me. I decided on taking it slow on this project, however. And it helps. I still find joy in this compared to when I would pressure myself too much over it. No company would accept that, that's why I prefer a job like this over real work. I just wouldn't be able to handle a real job. Still I like to work and do what is possible to take part in society. It may sound easy and low- key, but I feel exhausted after a day like this. Exhausted, but satisfied with myself. 

Allright, that's about it for this weblog. 

I hope you enjoyed reading. 

  

   

Good evening at the 20th off May, 2019.

Good evening everyone,

I guess 'Lars.' Is the kind off love I won't take real action on. I'm too comfortable with where I live, and too much things have happened in the 'Fantasy world.' for me to ever wish to come back. I'm not up to taking action so far, I don't see myself doing that at all, I guess I just keep loving him sweetly on A safe distance. Untill I somehow feel my time has come, and then I'll make it happen.

I'm pretty serious with it, I'm 5 months in some sort off an infatuation about that guy without taking serious action, I guess it'll stay that way, I'm sorry 'Lars.' 

***
I have finished the owl at the Upcycling shop, it has A cute blue ribbon around it's neck and it's bottom is sewn alltogheter, it looks kinda cute now, despite my doubts about how it turned out A bit at first. I'll come back tomorrow at my Upcycling day care job, to take notes off their meeting, and then I'll take pictures off that adorable owl. (I probably haven't told before, I take notes for the Upcycling meeting ever since the beginning off this year.) 

***

And my period has seriously started to break through. You hear me often about that feminin issue called 'period.' But I think it's actually something you should talk about sometimes. It's nothing but nature, and to have issues with it shouldn't be shoven under the rug.

I'm glad my (male) guardian angel helped me somewhat with this, like expected, as soon as I make noise about it, he's helping me out with health issues, that has happened quite some time now. I'm so thankfull. I think it's some being from another dimension. Or A real sweetheart off an excisting man with magical capabilities. I can't imagine A living man to be so nice and caring about feminin health issues, though. To bleed it out and refresh your inner system sometimes can be quite healthy. 👼 💖 It's A rumour that women live longer because off their bleedings, because the spinal cord is set to work to refresh something in our system. Which is pretty healthy. People who donate blood to provide help to patients in the hospital, (Male or female) also live longer due to that according to recent rumors. (It was something on the news this week, but I can't come up with the source for now.) 

Anyway, thanks to Mother Nature I was born A woman. I don't fear to talk about periods and such. It's nothing but nature to have them. I won't bombard this blog with such tales, though.

***

This was my day for today, I hope you enjoyed reading.

XXX.-
Maaike.

A calm day at work yesterday.

Yesterday I had A bit off an off-day at work, I socialized A bit with people and had A few glasses off water, and nothing came out off my hands, unfortunately. The owl stuffed animal isn't finished to begin with, and I felt no energy to do something. I'm glad it's not an official job for A serious employer, otherwise I would have been fired probably about A lot off times for just hanging around and socialize and just have coffee. (I'm employed at an Upcycling shop in the city off Zaandam, and it's A work place especially for mentally sick / unstable people like me.)

I like how everyone loves me, though. That has been diffrent once, but I've changed and now I'm quite sociable. And how they're very easygoing when it comes to what I make for them. I'm hired to make jewelry, and luckily there's still A rack full off it at the moment in our shop window. I guess I can afford to just hang around, have coffee and socialize A bit with everyone. At times it sells better, at times it doesn't seem to sell at all.

The uppcycling runs A bit of people's charity gifts. We have A lot off free stock we got from nice people who have donated all off that to us. Yesterday, someone came in with A lot off cooking supplies, including some cute cookbooks with A few nice and easy receipes. I took A look in all four off them, and then decided on making my co-workers some easy to make vanilla cupcakes with some easy decorating next week. As you might know, I love to bake and I'm quite good at it. It's not hard for me to do so, and I know everyone will probably like it, I promised to do so next monday to my boss, and I promised to finish the owl next week. (Unfortunately, it wasn't A strong enough goal in my mind to go out to finish the owl's bottom yesterday. But still, I was at my job.)

So, I have some ideas about what to do next week if I'm stable enough to do so. A care taker told me I looked A bit more nervous, and what she told seemed to shock me A bit, that it was as if I looked A bit more unstable at the moment. I hadn't mentioned that myself, I felt as if I was doing actually better at this period. I started to overthink and I began to realize she could be right. I have some issues going on at the moment, though I'm on it with my back support off care-takers. And so to say, sometimes I mention I still day-dream A bit off 'Lars.'  which sometimes still pops up and makes me absent-minded and giggly on A teenage girl's level at times, though I know I better keep him off my mind most off the time. If I calmly sit somewhere, it sometimes comes up and makes my mind A mess. I wonder where that desire to be with him still comes from. I often feel like I can take on the world, but sometimes the world gets the best off me without me even knowing. I should talk about it with my therapist, though... All I know, throughout most scary delusions, is that wanting to be with him is always there, and it's the most true feeling I can defy in this mess. I know it's better NOT to be with someone at all, unfortunately, I would have given him the world so to say, if I could. But I'm not capable to keep A hold on myself at the moment. I'm not in love with him anymore...? No, I'm afraid I still am, but it's become A burden. And it's on A track where it's not really A good, healthy thing anymore, I'm sorry, 'Lars.'

Though, going on with life... I wish my mind could have some fresh air to release some tensions sometimes.

Allright, it's time for A nice bowl off zuchinni soup for now. 😋










 

Good morning at the 9th off May, 2019.

This weekend, I decided, will be for applecrumble cheesecake. I found A nice receipe on Pinterest, and since I will have A guest over for coffee the upcomming saturday, I found that would be A good idea. I'm going to make it on friday, so it will have time in my refridgerator to become perfect.

I have attacks haunting me all the time these days, and I feel somewhat wobbly because off it. I have planned quite some (baking) projects, I hope I won't die before I've finished all off them. 😉

I've also decided to try out my new grill this saturday, and simply make some simple ham and cheese grilled sandwiches and my 'famous' courgette soup which never fails. A simple receipe which has become A classic among my receipes. All I've got to do now, is get on the bus and get that grill and take it home with me today. And do some grocery shopping after coffee time at the Upcycling, situated neer the Amberwood (Translation for Amberhout) office.

I hope they'll serve the finished millionaire's shortbread when I attempt there for coffee.

That's it for today, I hope you enjoyed reading my weblog.

XXX.-
Maaike

An owl, Millionaire's shortbread and A wrong delivery

I almost finished my entire owl, it's very cute, but somehow I believe I could have done better.

It's A bit messy looking, yet my boss told me it was allright.

At first, (I had A little fight with sewing the eyes on neatly) it looked kinda cute like this:

But when I had sewn the front and backpiece alltogheter, it looked like this: 

I have to sew it's bottom alltogheter with A blanket stitch, and then it's finished. It's almost sewn togheter and stuffed. It's just that I think it came out ugly and out off proportion somehow. I decided to call it A day and leave sewing the bottom alltogheter for my next shift at the Upcycling, which forces me to have something to look forward to and A reason to go next week. 

Though I'll probably be there tomorrow allready... I'm A bit off A clutz, but that comes in quite handy, because someone decided to make millionaire's shortbread (A favourite sweet treat off mine) today, which I can taste tomorrow. I looked forward to tasting it this afternoon, but it wasn't finished before my shift was over, and the (Sorry to say, lunatic off A) maker to it simply went off for that afternoon. If I return tomorrow, because off something stupid I did, I hope they'll let me taste some off it at coffee time. 

I had ordered something at Bol.com and I have it deliverd now at the Amberwood office, because accidentally it got send to my old adress. I ordered A sandwich grill, (Tosti ijzer) also suitable for meat. At times I'm this 'brilliant...' I can't help it, such accidents are quite typicall for me at times. But they often sound very funny to share with people.  

I can't finish the owl tomorrow, because I think I'm not allowed to do so when it's not my workshift. 

I wonder what the millionaire's shortbread tastes like, and I've got A reason to go out again tomorrow.     

This is my day so far, I hope you enjoyed reading my blog. 

XXX.- Maaike. 

Good morning at the 8th off May, 2019

Today is for going to my Upcycling job, wich is almost on A volunteer base. It's only two afternoons A week. But I love it and it's A job I can do with my little ratio off what I can mentally handle.

Yesterday evening I made that wonderfull pasta carbonara oven dish, and I love photographing my food, since I'm A pretty good cook. Unfortunately, I was out off spaghetti, so I made it A mix with macaroni and fusili which I had left in my cupboard, and sure it was tasty. I had myself two large plates off it. And I've got some off it left for this week.

At the Upcycling, I'm making an owl stuffed animal out off pieces off left over fabric people have donated to us. I have no pictures yet, but it's such A cute owl. I had an attack yesterday, but fought myself through it - just thinking about that cute unfinished owl that needs me to bring it to life by sewing it's details on, and preparing it ready for stuffing it with the filling off an old pillow  somehow.- and I think it worked. I'm more calm this morning and ready to take on that task today. (I got over my main depression from previous winter, but I'm unfortunately still A psychiatric patient, I fear that will never leave me. But I got over with attacks more easily in this new home.)

Allright, this is it for this morning, I have to was up my dishes and I'm off to the Upcycling shop within half an hour.

Thank you for reading!

XXX.-
Maaike. 

To have done today...

I love my job, I have made some cookies today, which was my creative adjustment to the Upcycling shop for today, people love them, It was quite some easy receipe, but Made with good care and baking- love, and that usually does it. 😉 I made quite A lot, more than 40 or so, (Like the receipe from the Blue Band site required, 1. I made about fourty, simply sticking them out with the top off A long drink glas, but I didn't overly decorate them. 2. I made it A little diffrent than stated for sand-cookies on the site, and people tell me it tastes like 'spritsen.' (Fancy Shortbread I believe in English.) ) I love baking, it's my main hobby and the replacement care-taker who helped me, said I 'shine.' when I'm buisy with food in the Leviaan Upcycling kitchen, I don't want to come off un-emancipated, but good quality baking totally is 'my thing.' (If done so volunteerly, and out off satisfaction for oneself, out off A hobby motive, I don't believe good quality cooking is un-emancipated. But I also don't believe 'homemade applepie.' Is some signature thing for right-winged Americans. In the Netherlands, it's A perfect birthright for everyone to be capable to make perfect applepie. But I actually would like to keep politics out off the kitchen. It's A pity for your with love- made food if you'd spoil it with that.) 

So to say, I think about making these next time with some Icing, and I believe their round shape simply screams at me: 'Make emoticons out off us!!!!.' But then I have to practice A solid hand in decorating bakings first. 😅 I fail at food decorating, I'm perfect with flavouring everything, but I lack A solid hand for frosting, icing and cupcake-decorating. (I hope I'll manage to do so perfectly one day.) Allright, I have pictures off my cookies: 

Thank you for reading! 

XXX.- 

Maaike