Good evening at the 8th off December, 2023.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was cold and cloudy in the Netherlands. Somehow the weather seemed more dark than usuall. 

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Today started a bit diffrent than usuall. Something stirred me out off sleep last nighet at 04.00 AM, and at 05.00 AM I was having coffee in my living room. I simply could not sleep anymore. This happens a lot lately. I sleep more bad and wake up usually around 05.00 AM. On Monday or Tuesday I start my day cleaning the bathroom and get the garbage out. But on other days it doesn't come in handy and I just sit on the couch, already dressed and snoozing untill breakfast at 08.00 AM, or I have tea or coffee and a piece off fruit. 

Recently, it happens regulairly. It cuts off hours off sleep. For psychiatric patients, it's important to get enough sleep each night. Or we get unstable. It highly affects the brain wheter you sleep well or not, and especially for mental patients, this is very important. I think I already have the effects off it, I feel more unstable, and my mind is spinning around quite fast. It's on a lot off subjects. Usuall and unusuall. Somehow I'm wondering iff outer space is full with wrecked planets, from human kinds who have destructed themselves already before we got to know them. And if that's how a planet with humans usually develops. It's kind off disturbing. Somehow I'm wondering if that's the way planet earth will also end. Simply destructed, just like the other planets. 

Sometimes daily issues and happenings cross my mind, but it spins pretty fast. Often I'm occupied with other things. It's not usuall it's about daily items. Like the renovation off the nearby neighbourhood. It was about time, since these houses looked old, wrecked and shabby. It's a good thing they will re-build, but I wonder how long it will take. They started destructing them already. 

And then there's that permanent fear I got eavesdropped by the local newspaper, and them stealing ideas from my mind. Sometimes I feel I think or say something out loud, and it ends in the local news paper the next day. It has happened a few times. Or maybe secret services are on my ass, or even the  Anonymous hackers- I don't know. But somehow I feel something is watching with when I speak or write. But care takers tried to talk me out off it several times. Usually they fail. I really do have the idea something is watching and listening with. The problem is, I can't get the hand on it, and usually the first suspicion fades, and changes into another pretty fast. So in one evening I can think I got eavesdropped by five diffrent people or institutes. From the president off the Netherlands to a small spy I think I know personally. (I called him Pimmy the spy. Pimmetje de spion. Since I don't know him that much and only know his face.) I really think there are spies in this computer who steal ideas from me. Or publish them in the news paper. 

The government caught Pimmy hacking so now he works for them, otherwise they would have send him to prison. Pimmy is not a bad guy, but he's annoying when he eavesdroppes, since I'm fond off my privacy in my own home. Sometimes I talk to my computer, thinking something talks back, and I have a real conversation with them. 

And sometimes I think it's the chief editor to de Telegraaf himself who comments on these weblogs. Or on what they overheard in my flat. 

I barely have anything to hide. I don't do sex or illegal things at all, I'm innocent, just a bit rough mouthed sometimes and I crack sarcastic jokes I myself laugh loudest about. And sometimes I simply talk to myself like mental people do. (It's not a pretty sight when I do so)  But I do nothing wrong. Sometimes I simply have disruptingly good ideas I think the world should know. Or phrases they steal from my mouth. And appearently, it sells and the people don't know who thought it out. 

And maybe it's even Vana Events who eavesdroppes, simply to keep an eye on me and my actions that way. I have been suspecting them ever since we got in a fight in 2011. They, or people who follow them might do so. I really think someone got themselves stuck on my computer simply because they think I'm interesting enough. Every day. Vana doesn't like someone who publishes the truth about them on the internet. So they decided to eavesdrop to keep an eye on it. I don't believe they truly ignore me to death. I think they're onto something suspicious. I consider Vana not as innocent as they pretend to be to the big audience. And they're biggot enough to pretend they don't listen. (Which is rude on it's own.) They rather act like I could be death to them, but I know better. They're spying on me all the time. Coward and stupid as they always have been to me. It can start very early in the morning, around 04.00 or 05.00 AM they start to listen. And it can last untill 11.00 in the evening, or even later on. Sometimes they change the people who are listening. I don't know if they record me. And if so, what they are about to do with those recordings. Maybe they have files and files filled with eavesdropped material, waiting for something. I suspect them to do so ever since 2015. 

Vana is not as innocent as they pretend to be. 

Either that, or the newspaper is on it. Or both. I hope it will stop and they will start to respect the law again. And I wish they got caught eavesdropping. Something is off and it's a bad thing. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.