Preventing destruction off capabilities and possibilities

 Good evening everyone, 

I wish to make a point today. There are people in the world who nevertless always choose the easy way, or who are very lazy or who just don´t care at all about giving it your best and do a bit better than before. Simply because they are shamelessly ignorant. 

I think that´s a waste off possibilities and it creates a breeding place for jealousy towards others if you keep on holding back and do nothing with your capabilities. Jealousy and irony, and sometimes even a feeling off being worthless and not belonging where you are. The last can be a serious issue which can simply be solved by moving places if you do feel out off place where you live (I´ve had that issue before and I can deal much better with daily life at a place where I´m appreciated by most people) 

The first issue is something the world can do without. If you are not capable to give life your best, that´s a diffrent issue. But not being willing to make your best out off things and give a little extra effort to things you can do well- that´s a pity. This modern world is build out off daily improvement off people who give their time, creativity and capabilities each day and I feel a bit annoyed by people who according to themselves ´don´t care.´ about effort. 

Effort and creativity can pull you up out off feeling lonely, depressed and not valued by others. I believe you better give it your best and do what´s within your capabilities to feel good about yourself. It can prevent a whole lot off mental pain. Look for hobbies, a job or something else you can do perfectly and hang yourself on to it and grow better each day. People out there need you. You can inspire them and who knows you might even lighten a spark in their heavy hearts these days. It´s needed in these dark times and I´m not joking about that. You can help yourself by helping others. (That´s a buddhistic wisdom) You can help people and start to feel better and convident about yourself again when you´re onto that. It works both ways and it´s a good thing to be a good person. Don´t overdo it, as you might not want to destroy yourself by overworking on it, but a good hand to others is a perfect remedie from time to time. 

Allright, that´s about it for now, 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 5th off April, 2021.

 Good evening everyone, 

Weather circumstances this second day off easter where dramatic and to feel depressed about, if it wasn´t easter today. It´s probably a Dutch habbit to make two days off important holidays. I´ve heard the rest off the world isn´t up for that, but I´m not completely sure about that. We had wet snow storms today. It´s downright a drama so to say.  

I feel satisfied about my easter. There where two days off it and two days off perfect home cooked meals with desserts made by me at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk. First day off easter they performed my idea and gave everyone hasselback potatoes, a salad and half a chicken roasted in the oven. I loved it since I love to eat chicken and such a huge treat isn´t cooked for us every day. It was perfectly easter, perfectly festive. I could eat all off mine while some people had trouble eating all off it. I missed eating chicken like that for a while since they never serve it that way. What a treat! 

My dessert was home made chocolate mousse served in festive dessert cups with whipped cream and a small easter egg situated in the middle with all cups. I have been beating mousse made off eggs and sugar for almost half an hour (So it felt.) My arms where quite soar from doing so but it was worthit and it got appreciated. 

Second day off easter (today) was for roullade, small potatoes and aspargus swimming in their sauce and it was good. I enjoyed my meal and I love aspargus when they are cooked well and brought well to taste. 

Our dessert was a lemon quark tart made by me, decorated with tiny white chocolate hearts (My signature decoration for non bake tarts like that. It´s easy and it never misses it´s point.) and it was the perfect ending to a good easter meal. My quark tarts are famous among de Boed and I made so much people could have two servings off it. People enjoyed their meal and that is a perfect way to cope with snow storms during easter. I believe in good meals and perfect desserts to handle nasty weather circumstances and it´s a point which has never missed its proove in this wet and rainy ´frog country.´ As how we call it ourselves. 

Dutch kitchen is quite sober, I would advocate for more extensive cooking and less boring desserts to hopefully make people less cranky and more compete with life. It´s a pity if you compare us to other European countries. People, make (more) work off your food. I would almost swear you´d feel better by it. Is there any better way than to spend a rainy sunday preparing a good meal and ending it with enjoying your work? But that´s my opinion. 

 I´m probably a bit old fashioned that way. But I believe in taking action to take away your feelings off being unsatisfied with life by taking a bit more action if you can. Easter was nevertless succesfull in terms off food. I can´t promise them to help each holiday since I have a family that wishes to see me every now and then during those days, but it was fun and I somehow felt better helping de Boed with desserts than to be bored and a bit out off place at my family home. I decided to visit them next week, however. To make up for that and to see how they are doing. They forgave me for not being there this year on forehand, luckily.  

Good afternoon at the 22th off March, 2021.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

While I write you this, a ray off sunshine breaks through the clouds and lightens my living room. 

*

Today was for grocery shopping, and for preparing Monchou tart which I will hand out to de Boed tomorrow. There isn't anything to be celebrated as restrictions in this country conform the Corona rules will continue just as strict the upcomming weeks. It's just that it's ment to help people through these dark days. 

I'm glad I can help fighting Corona blues by serving people good foods. My Cale stamp yesterday evening was one big succes among everyone, a boring and cold grey sunday evening couldn't have been better thanks to that. 

I have had the request to cook at least one sunday a month permanently from now on. They do hard finding good staff for their kitchen in the weekends. We've had trouble with the menu on sunday a few times and I felt pity about it since I love to have meals 'A sunday dish worthit.' in my weekends. But maybe I'm spoiled when it comes to it. However, it's my hobby and I can help. I'm a client, not a staff member but I promised I would do it or at least try to do it. I love thinking out meals and coming up with great meals for sunday. Rich in nutritience and vegetables, ofcourse. 

There's also a downer on the front off my hobby and it's my oven. It's broken and dangerous to use since two weeks ago. I have to throw it away and safe for a new one. I feel bad for not being capable to at least make de Boed banana cake when I have ingredients left over for that. I have to work with non-bake cakes and tarts for a while these months. Or use de Boed's oven if I have the utmost urge to bake. 

Sometimes a broken oven means to gain a better and more modern one after I safed the money for it. Things might get better in the end after this and it might even improve the quality to my bakings if I take on it sober for a while. I believe I even feel challenged to improve my take on non-bake cakes and see how far that might get me. I'm not the one to keep her head down when it comes to this. I prefer to keep on seeing possibilities- even with a broken oven, a mundial lockdown and the right winged parties in politics to have won the elections. Sometimes to keep your head up is the best thing to do. People have nothing on you if you act like the evil side has already won the battle. 

Spring has started yesterday. It's not as cruel beautifully as it was previous year around this time. I would hope to get myself an easter branch one off these days and situate it neatly and decorated in my living room like I always like to do around this time off year. But that's mainly all easter decoration I arrange for myself. I have some cute decorations I put in there each year and it brightens up the living room each year, ever since I did so when I was still in group living. I haven't found a suitable easter branch so far, but I keep on searching.

I doubt I can attempt easter with my family this year, as they prefer not to have me over with the lockdown still going on as they are afraid we might somehow infect each other. I'm legally capable to visit them, but they are, despite being horrendously bored, afraid it's not a good idea. I suggested mom to come over and have a pastry with her and the family to get her out off boredom somehow but she rejected. She's utmost carefull since she works with elderly people. 

I would hate the idea not to celebrate easter with them. It's not the christian idea, it's mainly the habbit off being togheter with family I hold dear. I promised de Boed to help them with the easter menu if I couldn't attempt to my family, but I'd skip de Boed's gathering for being with my relatives. 

Some people complain a lot about their family. But it's important to cherish what you have, and what you still have. If you have the opportunity. I believe it's a good thing to keep good bonds well. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.     

Good evening at the 20th off March, 2021.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's cold outside but it was a sunny day. It was a nice day to gaze at the sunshine from inside a building. Outside you'd be freezing. It was cold but beautifull today. 

*

With some left over mascarpone and yoghurt and frozen summer fruit I made de Boed a dessert today which wasn't scheldued with them, but still it was appreciated as it turned out perfect for a cold but sunny day like this. Spring in a dessert bowl but nothing too fancy. I found it would be a waste if I wouldn't help them off off the left over mascarpone from previous week, so I did the same thing today as I did previous sunday with those ingredients, but it wasn't less appreciated than it could be today. Sometimes it's a good thing to be a bit bored and focused on using up mascarpone (An Italian cream cheese used often in desserts.) and brighten up an otherwise dull Saturday evening for them. 

Infection numbers are enhighering again in this country. Some rumors are that they keep on increasing in the news to keep us in lockdown to the secret program off politics these days. I believe numbers do enhigher somehow. I don't believe making it appear bad is off political importance. People wish to get out off lockdown as soon as possible so to me it seems. Enhighered infection numbers don't seem to matter to them anymore that much. I believe they can't take it much longer. 

I myself could go on for a while but that's mainly because I'm in health care and our program for daily activities still goes on despite everything as it's dangerous to keep mental people off track for too long. I believe I'm lucky to be among mental people when it comes to that, but only when it comes to things like this at this moment off time and being. Most off the time life is just off less quality than what common people have. Most off the time I live more sober and on guard off my low money instead off making people seemingly jealous because off this. I never really have much- but this time it's not my world that seems to go down and explode. These three months I have been lucky.

And I'm lucky there is appreciation for my favourite hobby through it all. That also keeps me going. If my fellow patients wouldn't appreciate what I prepare for them, I would be more unlucky than you out there with friends and family that support them throughout every pain and joy. It's nothing to be truly jealous off. If you'd make a cheesecake I suspect you to eat it with at least twenty close people when there is something to celebrate. I have to hand out mine to a community centre to even have people among me. I'm not rich in material or true friends. But I like to share food and bake for others every now and then. I suspect nothing to change for me about that the upcoming five years, but that's because I'm lucky these days to be in psychiatric health with all that is going on outside. It could also be the dice will turn diffrently and the old 'golden standard.' for common people comes back, and then I'm the one who is poor and unlucky. Not you. I believe I shouldn't see it too optimistic, however. The world has turned into a huge crisis after all. But the nasty jealousy against me I can sense sometimes isn't justified. I'm just lucky because I fell in a safety net. But instead off being on track again, I still dwell in the net instead off in real life with friends and a job. I have neither. I go by every day. I don't live like you do. 

Allright, that's about it for now. 

Thank you for reading.    

Good afternoon at the 19th off March, 2021.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

To my suprise it's relatively sunny outside. Instead off it being gloomy and rainy, spring finally starts to show through the clouds. Is that a good omen for the upcomming weeks? 

*

My take on garlic soup went in pretty well this week. I made a creamy one and it was a succes, like usuall but that's because I'm a skilled soup maker. Next week will be for brocolli zuchinni soup. I suspect it to be a bit more easy, but that's because garlic soup for about 4 liters requires almost 20 bulbes off fresh garlic roasted in the oven. The entire building smelled like it could scare off a vampire attack. And it was a work to squeeze all cloves off garlic into my soup pot. It's something that is likely not to happen a lot anymore since it was that much off a work and I prefer soups which are a bit easier to manage for a large amount. Just cuttin' vegetables and putting that in mainly. However, it was a request for garlic soup and I answered it. Luckily it was to their taste. I used more herbs than the receipe required.  

Sunday I will lay my hands on a special cale stamp for de Boed. In the U.S, Cale (Boerenkool) is often used in green smoothies nowadays and even used in fresh salads, while Dutch people who are used to eat it in a traditional stamp with potatoes and slices off bacon cubes (As how we make it) look a bit strange to that. I myself still haven't tried a cale smoothie as I think some combinations in smoothies are a bit odd, but since this is becomming more and more off a food blog, I think I should try as you can't say something isn't to your taste if you have never ever tried. 

My stamp will contain about three vegetables aside to the potatoes and I feel comfortable enough to say it probably will succeed. I love to cook with a lot off vegetables. Even cutting and peeling them isn't something I feel is hard to do as I even like to do that. But luckily de Boed's kitchen has a kitchen helper who cuts and peels most work. I wouldn't finish everything in time if we wouldn't have had him working for us. 

Someone who works for de Boed and Leviaan has planted in fresh herbs in planters outside off the building so we will have fresh herbs to use the entire summer. We still have a large thyme plant from previous year. I'm glad with that as I love fresh herbs in my dishes. It's just watching there aren't any spiders or other vermin who have nestled themselves in our plants. And woe if it grows a bit too populair, as we have a chance to loosing our herbs to people who think they look a bit too good to resist. 

I wonder if I can make a mediteranean yoghurt cake with lemons and herbs this summer as I have never tried that either. I know the taste off lemon cake and I love that, but an olive oil yoghurt cake with herbs is still a bit new to me while they are pretty populair among some people. I should adjust it to my range off basic receipes. That can't be a bad thing. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.       

Not to my taste

 Good evening everyone, 

To be honest, I never truly felt he was to my taste. The entire circus that was up around it humiliated me and brought me to personal shame and confusion and I have the idea people never got to really knowing me or wanting to know me because off all the rumors around it. It became huge and it became bigger than me in an unacceptable way. I feel more at ease telling you this when it's all done. In the centre off the heath I don't feel well about sharing secrets. But now it's all done, I feel like telling you all. 

I didn't feel attracted to him at first to be honest and that's probably where the rumors come from that I am the one who is a slut. I couldn't tell because he also made me delusional. I got delusions and mental breakdowns about him a lot and I felt 'something.' about him was after me and didn't want to get loose from me but I couldn't accept it as part off my person since I fought it all the time while actually spitting out personal scentences off hatred to him. Mainly about his race since he turned me racist. I could have said better insults, more personal things or better names but racism was the best thing that came to my mind. Often I'm not 'like that.' I prefer to see people as a person and I love the darker skinned people I consider friends or care takers who are doing incredibly well I rank as high as people. That's how I prefer to judge people. But this moron made me say everything you better don't say to someone another etnicity and if I truly loved him I wouldn't have even mind him being a Jew. It's the most sensitive racism in the western world. Politically correct I would have told him 'you're not my type. I'm sorry.' This son off a bitch turned me almost antisemitic while I hate that idea. I had an inner conflict about it all the time and started to doubt myself. I have read somewhere medication turns you racist. I'm not a racist myself. I prefer not to be. I still hate him but somehow him not being into me anymore feels like relief. You can get a nasty mental sunburn from such heavy inner conflicts in scorching summer while you walk home from your job. I still remember me fighting all off that. It felt like a massive pain. I have never seen him around in my neighbourhood or anywhere in real life. My family got sick from me being mentally burdened by the entire issue and it felt like killing me. I have never told family, friends or even mental healthcare what it was actually about since I felt such shame. But they could see me wrestling with myself. Since I got over my personal break with him I feel my mind is more at ease. I don't have to use lame excuses to reject him and he hopefully won't turn back to me after that last post letter where I begged him to marry me. It was turned around psychology I never heard anything to so it probably worked the way I wanted it to work. I should rather say 'And never come back to me again, you Kankerjood.' (A common phrase in the west off the Netherlands.) I have been cursing him to hell a lot a few summers ago with phrases like that. As if the devil himself spoke through my mouth and I think it would have served him well to have been told that after what he had done but I'm too polite to do so and I don't like the idea off me acting truly racist. Behind closed doors I couldn't keep myself from it. I'm glad I got rid off it. Finally after so many rotten years. 

The fire in my lungs can't bite the devil on my tongue, oh no- I don't need to be loved by you 

(~Miley Cyrus) 

  

Devaluated

 Good evening everyone, 

Ever since I got devalued in fantasy scene eyes, I started to doubt myself and see myself as ugly. I prefer not to get out off the house, I don't like getting out off health care social circles and I have entered the status off someone with bad hygiene. I'm glad I'm taken care off by people. I feel depressed about what happened and I feel so bad being called ugly down to my face a few years ago. I remember such things too well. I got called ugly a lot by ordinairy people. I gave up brushing my teeth and showering regulairly and I don't wear make- up on a daily base. I eat more than I should and it has all became such a clouded shadow over me. I have been raising my voice about it and slammed the door close behind me. I still believe I did well on that. I feel better without them in my personal social circles. Those people don't judge me to my bones because the pervert who wanted to impregnate me got off with another woman who is more pretty than me. 

I felt conused about him. At some point under pressure I happened to believe I loved him back untill some years ago when everything fell apart. I never felt like taking action on him since circumstances wheren't there and everything felt so insecure about my private matter. I didn't really have much, but then even that came down to a crash and people love how I broke down. It's probably the biggest joke off the century among some people while others are insanely ignorant and rude about it. I feel so powerless about it. It's probably why I have caused scenes here and there to make my point and to show off my anger. I feel like never getting back since it has hurt more than anything. My entire pride came down to my knees, it was undignifying and not to be taken serious and not to be listened to was probably what hurt most. They are biggots with a plate in front off their heads which can't be cracked and which is often talked right by calling it 'His big ego.' or 'His machoism.' Hearhearhear. Meanwhile they started to think they're god and nothing can break them. 

His girlfriend nowadays looks more thin, more pretty and is more off a blonde than me. I got called ugly by him and his friends from the moment I set foot on the event where she turned by his side. Something broke inside me and that was the point where I felt it all came down. I can't go back to them since it still hurts up till nowadays. I think they should take way more count off my feelings but such people are idiotic. It has crossed personal borders and I'm never getting back to them again. 

Allright, that's about it. 

Thank you for reading.