Good evening at the 23th off August, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was hot outside with here and there a cloud. 

*

Today was for trying my new Nordic Ware loafpan. Instead off trying TuttiFrutti-cake, I tried banana cake from a receipe I have made a dozen off times ever since I live here. It didn't came out perfectly. It was a bit off fussing over getting it out, but I couldn't manage to do so well. 

This is how it came out. 

So I decided to put on some icing sugar to cover the cracks. 

I just hope people won't notice too hard it's broken. It tastes well, I tried a chip that was left in the baking mold and it's a bit diffrent since I adjusted walnuts instead off almonds to the batter, like I usally do in this receipe. Trying good old banana cake in this mold gives it a new dimension in my opinion. (Man, I made that receipe often.) It's a challenge to practice untill it comes out perfect and that makes it something great. I love a good challenge every now and then. It's good not to have tried something with high expectations in it, but just something I'm familiair with to do some sort off a 'test drive.' I still have to stir this loaf pan to a comfortable drive so to say. 

Tomorrow the people at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk, will get it served in slices on pastry plates. And I hope they won't notice too hard it's broken. hopefully they love it just as much as the earlier versions off my banana cake and all they notice are the ridges and the walnuts. I'll make them serve it at the afternoon coffee moment. It has cookie spices and coconut in it aswell. It's a celebration to eat. 

I have to make a new jar off self-selected cookie spices. Previous year when it was so rainy I already came up with it in May, but since it's so hot outside all the time, I barely feel like 'cookie spices.' This year. Maybe I feel more like it on a rainy September or October day.  But as I should note to myself: 'Slow down, the cookie spices season hasn't started yet. It doesn't hurt to take it easy in summer heath.' 

Before the Dhammapada, I feel like reading Jane Austen. Something completely diffrent and I can't explain to you why. I can't order it soon, since I already purchased a few household items which where broken in my small care home, like a TV and -finally- a coffeemaker. I can serve myself and guests fresh coffee again once it's delivered! Yass! But since I purchased a TV from money my accountant granted me, and a coffeemaker, I have to take it easy with the budget. 

Well, I could watch TV this weekend. I think I will enjoy that and be gratefull for real about it since I love Discovery Channel and the news. And hopefully something to laugh about since I need that. I got a brand new TV- let's put it to use once it's delivered. I payed quite a price for it, so I got something to do when I feel like watching. I prefer to keep up with the news on a moderate level. 

I shouldn't trust people who say to not follow the news for all gold and silver in the world. It's good to stay informed about The World. I follow every day news and I read the local newspaper. I'm not an expert but I know what's going on around me. And that's important. It's better not to be unworldly about it. That's not cool, it's naive and stupid. I won't say following everything or the harsh things is good for you, it's been proven to be bad, but it's good to stay informed about the important things. Especially with crisises going on around us. 

I could invite a neighbour this weekend for a cup off fresh coffee. And them to admire my new coffeemaker and TV. Some people throw entire parties when they purchased things like that. I'm not among those. I'll just see if a caretaker or a neighbour has time for me. I can't do much fun things and I live far off, but at least I can have a neighbour over for coffee every often. And I can make myself a cup when I got time for myself. That's important too. Coffee and tea make an important part off my life. I love to drink both. 

This above meme is from the artist Chibird and these are things I believe in and which I do quite often, except off complimenting myself in front off the mirror since I believe I slack and could do better when it comes to how I look. Still most off the meme fits me. I hope more people will follow it. I would almost think I'm kind to myself. (Which is important.) 

Today was quite a positive day. I made a cake and I got myself some cool and expensive household items. Except for the warmth. That was less positive. But it wasn't too bad. 

Allright, that's about it - 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 21st off August, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was clouds changing with sunshine. Especially the end off the day was very warm. 

*

Today was for finishing Wabi Sabi by Beth Kempton. I thought it was a good book. I soaked in all off it's wisdom and it took me two days to finish it. I thought especially the parts where she lived in Japan where fun to read since it awakens a sense off adventure in me. The advice parts and the parts which are suppose to make me think about Wabi Sabi I have to overthink a bit more and let it settle down in me before I probably fully understand. I love the concept off Wabi Sabi and the philosophy is great and goes deep and wise. I think I can't practice it in my daily life. Though I believe it truly makes sense. 

It was a bit on the wordy side compared to my other book about the subject and I don't truly know if I have soaked everything in correctly. Maybe it asks for a re-read. Though it gives great insights in Japan, Japanese culture, philosophy and daily life. It taught me a lot and on a lot off aspects in life I think it can be truly practiced but the materialistic part is going to be impossible since Wabi Sabi doesn't fit into my pretty decadent taste in stuff. But that's probably the only part where it's impossible. Other, Non-materialistic parts are simply asking for it and it states something about hobbies- which comes in handy if you wish to bake the stars from heaven like I do. It states it's allowed to wish to become better each time as long as you don't strife for modern perfection in your work. Which I can truly live with. My bakings probably scream for that too, since they are nowhere near a modern standard off utmost perfect but they taste simply wonderfull for those who eat them. I'm allowed to keep on following that path and that's pretty awesome about this book. 

I don't strife for perfection, I simply strife for 'always a bit better than before.' Which makes me a strifer but not for a perfect standard. 

Everything put togheter, I would like to give Beth Kempton 4 out off 5 stars for her good work on researching Wabi Sabi and trying to make it understandable for a Western point off vieuw. I simply don't know what else to write aside to '4 out off 5 stars.' Except 'Feel good, positive vibes from this book and it's very inspiring for modern day people. Except that it's a bit wordy for an unexperienced reader.' I hope that it will do somehow. I'm not an expert on reading or Wabi Sabi, I don't consider myself important enough to be off importance for this book. But 4 out off 5 stars are pretty great. Maybe I will write the review anyway. (By now I wrote it, as honest as I can be.) Still, 4 out off 5 stars are good for this book and that's how I do it. 

What to read next? I need a reading break from reading two weekends. I can't handle much impulses and it's good to read, though my head hurts a bit from reading all that wisdom. I wish to keep on following this path as it inspires a lot. But I need everything in moderation. To be honest, I wish to read te Dhammapada. The holy book off Buddhists. To see if I truly get Buddha and hopefully his path off wisdom truly is what I seek. (Or to see first.) My mom adviced me to take out off Buddhism what I personally need in life and not blindly follow a crowd if that isn't suitable for me or my personal situation. That's great advice and I'm likely to do that but I'm also likely to think 'Allright, everything or nothing with Buddhism.' I'm at that point off vieuw to be honest. I love Buddha and I love the way he inspires everyone. Buddha opens doors and even science approves off some parts off his wisdoms. Buddhism is a nice path to follow with holy colours like bright red, yellow and orange. And Buddha has excisted and doesn't call himself a god. It's not a religion, it's a way off life and I love it. It does well for your personal wellbeing and your personal development. In our strife to enlightment, Buddha makes people wise. In Buddhism, there is not one holy writing, but there are thousands off holy writings, expanded every time with new works. Buddha makes happy. And that's what he wants: To free us from suffering and make us happy. Buddha has already saved me once, I wonder if he can keep on doing it. (He saved me from stuck up Paganism and made me see and think things diffrent. I can handle it much better now Buddha has my back.) It felt like a warm bath to read Haemin Sunim's work. Haemin Sunim is a monk from Korea who has written two inspiring books: Love for -imperfect- things and The things you can see only when you slow down. These works have truly saved my life. I'm not hanging on anymore to Vana Events and I will never do so again. I wish to follow the path off Buddha and eastern philosophy and hopefully that will lead me somewhere better. I just love, love, love it.  It's a good thing to keep on reading about it. 

Tina Turner was mentally saved by Buddha, and so am I. The more I follow this, the better it feels. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good evening at the 19th off August, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today it was very warm outside. It was changing clouds with sunshine. I have been buisy all day and I have been sweating like an otter. 

*

This morning was for baking appeltaart. It's applepie but the Dutch way but fancy, with nuts on top and almond paste inside. It's made for tomorrow's coffee moment and the entire building smelled wonderfull when I made it. Speaking off making people forget the crisis. This work off love surely will make them happy for a while: 

Someone had fresh apples from her garden and asked me to bake appeltaart with it so I gave up the ingredients for this version, which I love best. I made it in de Boed's kitchen this morning. It made me happy too, I was capable to work with pretty expensive ingredients which they bought me so I could make it. Usually I don't get the chance to make such fancy bakings.  

Aside from making appeltaart, I got rid off a few empty cardboard boxes and the house has more space now. I got tired from walking all the way to the cardboard bin, and throwing away the cardboard. It feels like I got tired from doing little today. I needed a caretaker to help me with the cardboard. I'm so tired and low on energy, someone should do something about it. Someone off health supervision. I don't know if General Practice will ever find the source off my exhaustion, or that it's something from mental medication. I have been calling General Practice over nothing a few times. Them not being capable to solve my issue and I just had to await untill my body got rid off it. (They had solutions sometimes, but it's also happened sometimes I didn't get away so lucky. I think off it as something too mediocre to truly solve issues but I have to accept this General Practice) soon they will get me a bloodtest to see if I'm working on the inside and maybe there is something visible in my blood but most off the time you can't see anything about it. That sucks. I wish I had an explaination for being so incredibly tired all the time.  

Something on the inside sucks up a lot off energy. I just don't know what. 

I honestly don't know what else to write about today, 

So that's about it for now - 

Thank you for reading. 

Good afternoon at the 18th off August, 2022.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

The sky is clear and it's about to be warm again. The whole day it was cloudy and yesterday was for rain. Today the weather is changing. 

*

Today was for planning a trip to The Hague (Den Haag) to go shopping and have coffee. My personal care taker just told me this morning they where about to take a bloodtest- but the nurse from the bloodtest organisation (Send to me by General Practice) didn't show up. They are going to test my blood to see where my exhaustion comes from all the time. I'm difficult to prick. But you can imagine I had to sit inside de Boed all morning untill there was no longer the illusion off visiting The Hague for a bit off funshopping. 

This afternoon is for buying stuff online and having tea behind my laptop. I have to take it moderate from now on since I crossed my budget and I'm not willing to go below a certain amount off money on my pay account, so further shopping has to be awaited. I have asked for extra money for a new TV, however, since mine is broken and I need a new one. I like to keep up with the evening news every often so I like to have a TV. I can just addapt to basic channels and I have no expensive subscription to digital TV, so I have to accept I can't watch 300 channels. As long as I can watch Discovery and the news I'm fine. (And it sort off asks for Star Wars, I was complaining about not being capable to watch high definition Star Wars on my old TV- With a new one I can probably watch as crazy and loud as my heart desires.) Usually I just stick to the news. And I have a few golden oldies on my to-watch list: Breakfast at Tiffany's, Singing in the rain, and Hayao Miyazaki's work. (I own a DVD player) I got a lot off material I wish to watch. The weekend is perfect for that.  

I ordered the Wabi Sabi book I wrote about. From another author (Beth Kempton) to read their vision on the subject. I love eastern philosophies and wisdoms. The world would probably a better place if people would practice Wabi Sabi a bit more. The art off appreciating imperfection and decay. Simply because nature doesn't fit in into our modern standards off perfection, and it decays. Things never stay the same and they are likely to grow old. That's nature. It's not up to us to wish to change that or paint a coat off perfect standards over it. It simply doesn't work that way. Humans who always strife for perfection are hurt and shallow on the inside most off the time. It's a bright and brilliant concept to follow the wisdom off Wabi Sabi, and that's why I wish to read more about the subject. This week I will receive the book and I can read it this weekend. 

This afternoon is for nettle tea. It's a good idea to drink herbal, organic teas if you wish to look fresh, young and pretty and if you wish to give your organs a good cleanse. It's one off my secrets to look young and pretty: Herbal tea. It's good for you and I personally love the taste off nettle tea. It's suprisingly good. 

This week, there will be a yearly market held in Zaandijk. Some sort off yearly fair with all kinds off artistic stuff, a waffle stand and fruit boots. I allow myself to buy cherries and waffles and see if there is something nice among the stuff they sell. It's only a few streets ahead from here and it's promising to become a nice weekend: A new book and a market. And after visiting the market reading while having a waffle. Can't be too bad. The weather is changing back to cloudy at this moment. There is a heathwave promised for next week. I'm not looking forward to it. I would love the weather to rain and the country to complain about it since there is a massive drought going on and it's screaming for water. Entire Europe is suffering from drought. It would be soooo incredibly nice for it to rain. 

I wouldn't mind if this weekend at the fair there will be rain. It's not good for the stand holders, but it's good for the country. I love rain, especially in summer. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

Good evening at the 16th off August, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

The sky is cloudy yet it's warm. Somewhere around midnight there will be rain and tomorrow will be rainy according to forecasts. 

*

Today is for being at my mom's house. This day is the tenth year my dad has passed away. He died in 2012. After a long battle with all kinds off lung and heart diseases. A lot has happened the previous 10 years but I can't say they where good for me. It was a good decision, however, to attempt to this place to be around my family. 

Dad wouldn't liked me to hang into grief for too long. He would have wanted me and us to go on after a while but that's sort off an issue sometimes. I can woe still over his death and when I do the sadness seems almost lethal. Today I've only sobbed a few tears, I came here with five square 'Gevulde koeken.' A nice Dutch treat filled with almond paste and usually they're round, or flower shaped. But the bakery I got them from (Fresh from the bakery, yes, sir.) sells them square. Square bakings are sooo 2011. 2013 at i's highest and it's not a trend anymore to eat from square plates with square kitchenware. But I still love it. Square bowls and square plates are out off fashion. (they where on trend somewhere around 2007) Sometimes ago (For those who don't know that era or those who don't remember.) They where the edge off edgy. It's still chique to serve something haute cuisine on a square plate. You got that still in some restaurants. My personal kitchenware is diffrent, however, yet cute in style (And I'm not going to replace it)- still a square baking or a square plate is cool in my opinion. I still hang on to that idea off style. 

Still I have nice plates. You don't have to buy everything that's on your mind immediately. I have breakfast plates with a Japanese cherryblossom print, and soft pink dinner plates with a fancy edge, it does it's utmost best to look fancy and chique. (They're getting a bit chipped here and there, so it needs a little update- still I'm not heading to a website for a large set off square kitchenware.)  My dishes need to be done to be honest since my kitchen is a mess this week. It was too hot outside to do anything so I hope I'm not in trouble for it. 

So, today we had coffee and a square Gevulde Koek fresh from the baker. Mom had a new footbath I have been using. An electric one with massage function and my feet are clean and I feel refreshed. She had footbath salt with Calendula and orange smell in it. I think I will sleep well tonight. 

Aside to that, my bedsheets have been changed and I sleep in a clean bed tonight. In this summer heath, it's important to stay fresh and keep your bed and yourself as clean and fresh as possible. It's no good idea to go around all sweaty all week, though I have to say it was a bit harder this week to keep myself entirely fresh each day and clean my bedsheets in time. Still I'm glad I have done so! 

(When you're mental, it's hard to take count off grooming and personal care.) 

I got a bit sick off the crisis the world is going through. By the end off this month, a lot off people are probably short on money and winter hasn't even started. de Boed is often short on food, and it's low quality this week. 

Often they have just enough to feed everyone one plate and that's about it. I have had enough food this week, I don't need a lot despite people thinking diffrently off me due to my weight. I can do with just one plate off potatoes, vegetables and meat and a few peanutbutter sandwiches in the morning. (It was too hot for fried eggs this weekend. I have eggs left on the shelve and a package off bacon.) But it's not to my liking. It's probably not the most healthy choice in food, but I have to accept it. Tomorrow I will cook myself pasta the way my family used to make it back in the days when I still lived here, with a lot off vegetables and tomato sauce. It's hopefully a healthy dish with a lot off flavour. I got work to do tomorrow. Clean the kitchen after Wednesday Soup, then make pasta. Well, it's probably better than what they serve this Wednesday if I cook myself pasta. Tonight I will eat at my parental home. 

I personally am not in a crisis. The ingredients for tomorrow's pasta where a bit on the expensive side and I would never be capable to make it if I didn't have de Boed to eat my other meals from. Still, something isn't to my liking, I can skip to something I will make myself tomorrow. But it's only one or two times this week. I don't have acces to close supermarkets or the money to buy enough fresh vegetables for meals for the entire week. Where I live is far off from shops. It teaches you a harsh lesson in gratitude for what you do have if you live like me. And that's me. What about all those millions off people who can't afford food due to the crisis? I had still money left for gevulde koeken today and an ice cream after the bus drive to this place. But that's because I'm dependent on de Boed. They serve less food to us and it's low quality this week. (A lot off frozen vegetables sided with potatoes and meat) I'm so glad I don't have to eat with tonight and tomorrow. (And probably another day this week, since I'm likely to make pasta for two days.) 

Aside from the foods there's those fights in de Boed and the uneasyness that comes from it. I'm so glad I don't have to deal with it for most days off this week. I should grant myself that more often: Homecooked meals and to eat in peace. 

Allright, that's about it for now, 

Thank you for reading.      

Good evening at the 14th off August, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's sunny and hot outside. Tomorrow there will be thunderstorms and rain and I'm looking forward to it. I just hope this entire autumn and winter will be very rainy to solve the drought. I don't mind if people are going to complain a lot about it- It's a necessity if this place doesn't want to be as dry and death as the Nevada desert (I wrote 'dessert.' somewhere. But it's a bad idea to think you can eat desert sand and dry ground after dinner. So I wrote it wrong. And it's better not to dive into it with a spoon after a meal. 😉)

*

Officially today is half a year untill Valentines' day. Let's hope it's rainy that day too. I hope there won't be too much gloom this winter from rain and thunderstorms, but dear goodness- we could use it. 

Am I planning things with Valentines' day? Nah, just bake something special for that day and make a few lonely souls at de Boed a bit more happy. It's all a single old spinster like me can do. I'm not expecting something, I just take note it's only half a year away from us and it's probably better than scorching summer heat.   

Today was for ordering food. I didn't feel like 'Zaans geluk voor gevorderden.' This evening so I ordered a Shawarma dish at a local restaurant, sided with fries and garlic sauce. That's closer to my personal idea off real luck for dinner. I love middle eastern meat with garlic sauce for dinner. I also ordered some baklava for dessert. (In this case, it's a good idea to have that after dinner.) 

I have been finishing Wabi Sabi by Fransesc Miralles and Héctor Garcia and I wrote a positive review on the site I bought it from. (I've been reading it pretty fast.) It made me feel that positive, so I thought they'd deserve it. I never write reviews on items on that site since I don't consider myself an expert on things. But this made me feel so good, it deserved 5 out off 5 stars. 

I have been thinking off a concept for a TV-Show: Top Gear for kitchen tools. You know, that legendary British car program from the BBC? Something like that for kitchen tools for an every day user / hobbyist / noob / specialist / anyone who loves to cook would be great since there is a lot on the market and I have to find my way in it when I search for the best 'gear.' for what I'm making. There isn't such a thing as a guide for baking molds, springforms and cookbooks. (Maybe something more subtile like a monthly paper guide would be also great.) Given there is quite something on the market and everyone needs those tools, and things come out new every day, I foresee material for TV-shows for over 20 years. To keep it from being boring, it needs humor and a spicy twist like Top Gear. But maybe it's a bit unrealistic. It was a 2 A.M thought at midnight when I couldn't sleep. 

Today not much happened: I had coffee at de Boed, I got home for an afternoon nap, then finished a book. (I couldn't sleep during that nap. But a bit off rest was nice) Ordered food and then wrote a review for Wabi Sabi. There's another book out there with the same title. Maybe it's worthit also ordering and reading. 

I don't know if I'm suitable for the concept off Wabi Sabi. I don't crave perfection and I could do in a world without that strive since it would make me more comfortable. But I'm somewhat off a perfectionist when it comes to baking since that is my Ikigai. I wish to strive for better results each and every time I'm at it. But the relaxed way Wabi Sabi makes people think, accept and handle the world around them when it's not perfect, is a great way off wisdom. I just love it despite thinking I would be bad at it. Another book on the subject hopefully wouldn't do bad for me. I'm curious for it. I wouldn't do bad practicing it since it would also get a hold on my perfectionism when I would do so. My eternal strive to do better each and every time, and my strive to display these things I earned and the love off all that praise it often gets. I'm a bit off a show off sometimes. Do I have an ego or what? I just love people complimenting me. It's just in the field off baking. On all other aspects off life I could truly live a Wabi Sabi mentality. I would be 100% fine with it. Would I? I'm somewhat doubting it. But it's a perfect book to make people think. (Also people like me, who would do hard practicing it completely.) 

I'm not a perfectionist on most things, except for my creativity. 

But that's a personal issue and I don't know if insights from Wabi Sabi can truly solve it. Still I'm positive about the subject and I love the feel-good book I've been reading about it. I own almost all works from Fransesc Miralles and Héctor Garcia in the Japan-wisdom series. I love reading them and they're truly inspiring. Just like green tea- this is Very Good for your (mental) health. 

It's probably a good idea to read even more on the subject off Wabi Sabi. It can't be a bad thing to order that other book out there on the matter. It makes me feel positive to read eastern philosophy and not much in this world has that capability, to be honest. 

Let's continue this journey on eastern philosophies since I just love it. 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading.        

Good afternoon at the 13th off August, 2022.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

The sky is bright and clear and it's hot outside. We're still dealing with a heathwave. 

*

I have slept terribly last night. I just couldn't sleep due to the warmth. The whole nation probably had that issue, and the heath makes irritated and cranky aside from poor sleep. 

I decided to try a little rest after morning coffee this morning but it didn't turn out well since I couldn't sleep. I'm still a lot in my bedroom with my fan on. I moved my computer from the living room to the bedroom this week and it turned out to be a good idea to stand the heath. (This is the room with the fan where it's cooler.) I don't have much space in my home, so I have a small bedroom and a small living room. To sit here inspired me to order stuff to decorate it a bit more to my liking. 

Yesterday evening was hilarious for my parcels to turn out to have been delivered at my neighbour instead off there happening something suspicious. (But why should there? I've got nothing bad going on in my life.) 

Yesterday late in the evening I felt like I almost lost it mentally seen. I felt like going overboard with mental issues and loosing grip on my situation. I can't remember anymore what I did yesterday, except for unwrapping my Nordic Ware molds. They look fabulous and I'm certain they are going to help me in my mission. But that's all I can recall. Maybe I had a few glasses off water and I felt tired. I simply don't know what else I have been up to and it's been such a bad night untill the evening truly cooled down and I felt capable to sleep finally - Untill my alarm got off at 8.00 AM and I had to go to the medication office. It's always that early, also in weekends. I eat breakfast and then go for medication. It's downright terrible to have to get up that early always. But I have no choice and it's good to have coffee and the newspaper during weekdays at de Boed, where they provide my medication.  This morning was for coffee, and wearing a fabulous summer dress. Except for that, nothing happened but it's a heathwave outside so I better don't expect something off today. Sometimes, you have to accept what life throws at you. No matter how bad you'd want something else. 

Allright, that's about it for now - 

Thank you for reading!