Another issue mentionable to my doctor

 Good afternoon everyone, 

It's after-summer weather. Rain and sun exchange each other, and I'm already in an autumny mood. Yesterday evening I felt like practicing make-up and I did a dark purple lip with shiny pink eyeshadow with a hint off cinnamon in my eye crease, and finished it with a hint off black mascara, and I made my nails a bit off a purple-ish grey as if to represent storm clouds. I'm not a make-up person. Most off the time I don't wear it. But every once a year I feel like doing typicall autumn make-up on myself as I think off that to be the most pretty make-up. I adapted the look to today. Including that very dark purple lip to the supermarket, I just felt like wearing that. 

I decided on to put on something nice looking (a shirt with a floral print.) to complete this romantic autumn look. People constantly tell me how my hair looks fabulous since it has grown very long. (I don't do much with my hair, and maybe that's my secret: I don't use poisonous products or damaging irons. I just dye every often with a natural yet pretty shade off hair colour and I wash, conditioner and brush regulairly. I put it in a bun at night and sometimes I use a pretty expensive hair oil. But that's about it.) Last time I had a haircut was in december. I love how people think it's pretty. Sometimes it's the first thing I hear in the morning 'Maaike, your hair looks so pretty today. Good morning by the way.'  

Warning: from this point on it's detailed and medical, it might gross some people out and it's not suitable for everyone.  

I may look like a princess today, but I still feel somewhat terrible. I feel wobbly from diarrhea attacks this weekend, and I still have them every now and then. General Practice is going to make an appointment to make me test my blood to see if it has something to do with levels off anything in my blood. I felt like putting on some effort to myself to make me feel a bit better today. But what if a guy would have thought I looked pretty enough to make an approach to? If they could only see how I felt... it's just that I don't want that to keep me from feeling pretty every often, and I already don't do make-up every day. Well, luckily enough no one asked for my phone number. It's just that the driver to our van was having more attention for me than usuall, and he is no option, and two guys at de Boed commented on my make-up (But they are taken.  They where just 'oh, are you wearing make-up?') I think I can look like this more often if I feel like it.    

I don't know where the diarrhea attacks come from. I haven't eaten something strange, except for plum cake and I can assure you I defenetely haven't been over-eating on it this weekend. So I doubt that may be the cause. It could be, it's better not to exclude any cause soon. 

After grocery shopping, I went to de Boed to have a bit off coffee and some social talk. It's just that I felt tired and weak to my bones and I know it's due to have lost liquid and minerals this entire weekend. It's a rumor one off the anti-psychotic medication I take for my mind causes gut issues. I hope I don't have to be set off off this medication as it's a bit off a last blade off straw to me, and I hope I don't have to be set on to something worse than this. (All anti-psychotic medication is just terrible and has monstrous side-effects.) But as far as I can see, the way it drains my gut, I think I barely have a choice since Mebeverine wasn't much off use this weekend. Maybe it's two medications (The Mebeverine and the Invega- the one which causes the trouble) fighting each other over which one is in control over my gut, and I don't like the idea off that. So, somehow I do have an idea where it comes from after all. I don't know if I will go to my job tomorrow, I think I better should go and give it my best this week. Maybe I allow myself to bake something this evening and share it with my co-workers and my boss tomorrow. I think that's a perfect idea. 

allright, that's about it for now. I hope you enjoyed reading.              

Turned out I have no Corona

Good evening everyone,  

This morning, around 09.30, I got called by the Corona test service and I have been told I have no Corona. I'm relieved. I had to stay in for around 3 hard days over to may or not to may have Corona. It was boring and a bit hard to stay in while I wanted to go outside and do things instead. 

Well, at least that's one source off death I can skip off my list. I'll stay alive for a while. 

Today was for helping de Boed to roast drumsticks. There where drumsticks for dinner (aside to boiled potatoes and some vegetable mix consistent out off peas, corn and small slices off paprika) and I instructed them on how to roast them in the oven, and how to get them to have a crunchy skin, as that is a perfect way on to make it taste good. As they intended to roast it badly in a way which might have (and for sure would have with some people trying to fry it) caused it being undercooked. My help got appreciated as the chicken was roasted perfectly and tasted just as good when it got served. 

I'm glad I'm allowed outside and to walk around freely since today. It would have been disastrous if I turned out to have Corona. Tomorrow will be just like most mondays and hopefully I will have a usefull rest off the week. 

Allright, that's it for today, 

Thank you all for reading.   

A baking kick, I got out off a whole pack off all purpose flour

 Good afternoon everyone, 

I suppose I needed it this week, to bake a few items and simply do what I mainly love best: To bake. Usually I can't be found in my kitchen so often as this week, but I had some sort off a kick to bake a lot, and along the way I got out off all-purpose flour. I wonder if that was a good idea. Most off the time I'm more spare with my supplies, it's just that I felt it was right to bake. 

Banana bread, Frangipanne apple tart, banana pancakes and yesterday I made a prune cake. 

I suppose it's because I'm a bit stressed. I have done a Corona test yesterday, and the outcome isn't yet in. I probably have to wait the entire weekend in distress. Aside from annoying neighbours. I can't share the prune cake at de Boed this time, I stored a lot off it in my freezer simply not to over-eat on it myself. The pancakes where for personal use either, I made them by mixing two large bananas and milk (An amount off milk so two large bananas broken into pieces where covered in milk. I haven't measured.) in a blender alltogheter and combine that with two eggs, five tablespoons off all purpose flour, baking soda, baking powder, one teaspoon off vanilla sugar and cinnamon, and a hint off salt. I used a whisk instead off a handmixer, and I used one large soup spoon a time to bake then in sunflower oil. (That's my go-to receipe) They swell as you bake them (flip them in time, as they bake fast) and they are just delicious with some sugar sprinkled on top.

I hope this whole nightmare I'm in at the moment didn't make me gain too much weight. However, I don't eat a lot this time off being, I just - bake stuff. I don't have much off an appetite, though I eat the main courses as good and as bad as possible. Today I just ate two slices off prune cake, a few mugs off coffee and half a bag off mixed unsalted nuts. As good as possible. Huh? I should make myself eat better instead off getting too distressed, as I have been promoting to eat well several times, and I wish to stand for the things I write and state on this blog. Not making people half-made promisses. As I do sincerely agree with people eating appropriate and wholesome things. 

Dutch people think it's a bit weird and unhealthy to eat cake for breakfast. While internationally, that might not have been weird and uncommon at all. Tomorrow I'll do a bit better, I refuse to go hard on myself for now as that is the last thing I need today. Tomorrow I'll have three fried eggs on toast with some ham for breakfast. And a healthy cup (a whole teapot in my case.) off green tea. And I'll keep the rest off that cake nicely frozen in case I'll have some visitors I wish to serve it to with their hot drinks. (It's common to serve guests a sweet treat with their coffee or tea in this country.) 

I hope I don't have caught on Corona. I hope I don't have to wait untill monday to hear the outcome to that test. I already lost half a weak to the insecurity whetheter to have or not to have caught up on it. 

Allright, that's about it. 

P.s: I'm glad they bring me my dinner at home every evening so I do get at least some vegetables in. 

Allright, I hope you enjoyed reading.           

Good afternoon at the 26th off August, 2020.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

It's stormy today. This year begun stormy, I wonder if it will end with a big storm evrey weekend. Summer is defenetly over, The Netherlands becomes rainy for over half a year after the summer months are over. I don't mind rain, it's not as bad as large heath. 

It's the kind off gloomy day where you hope there is good and wholesome foods on the menu to make you cope with it being rainy. 

I said at the beginning off summer / mid spring that I wanted to cook with summer foods which are in season, but I didn't make it very far with that. I made some creamsicles the previous three weekends at de Boed for sunday dessert, all three where appreciated, but I barely put anything in season in them. I'm sorry to say that I skipped working with exotic foods, or even fresh berries and I haven't made any salad with all the lettuce and other summer vegetables. First world problems, probably. I eat every evening at de Boed with fellow clients. This is a location for older people, so often they eat standard, old fashioned Dutch foods, potatoes, meat and vegetables, or Indonesian nasi or bami, or a stamp. most off these dishes I would consider more off a winter-dish,

I should not be complaining about foods I got for almost free, but they lack creativitiy and a modern take on food in their kitchen. It's unthankfull to talk bad about it, (I'm not like most modern spoiled people, I eat what I got served most off the time.) the quality off the foods, however, varies with who cooks them. Sometimes we are lucky, but often we don't have much luck with what got served. I can lend them a hand at times, which I do when I feel capable, but often I'm out off energy, too busy or someone else takes the food on them. Yesterday was the first time I happened to complain out loud about a dish being very flaw and tasteless. I sometimes wish I had a family to come home to and cook good foods for. Or just a loving and caring husband who appreciates everything I serve him. (I wish for one who helps me with the dishes afterwards.) 

I'm afraid we all know by now that that is not going to happen and that I'm a problem case for my entire life. So I have to deal with bad foods cooked by uninterested staff working at de Boed often. Anyway, I hadn't had much off a chance cooking typical fresh summer foods. Or even having a barbecue this year. Because due to Corona, the summer barbecue could not be organized this year. If I had a backyard I could have had a barbecue almost once a week if I would have liked to. Summer is over and I hadn't had even one this entire year. I should not complain. Probably the entire world missed out on things this summer. Next year, or after Corona is done, I hope I will help them with preparing foods for a propper, big summer barbecue for a lot off people. 

Allright, that's about it. 

Thank you all for reading.  

                

 

Stuck home with a cold.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

This promised to be a buisy day, I had an appointment and I was up for preparing wednesday soup like every week for de Boed's lunch. 

It's just that during this morning a care-taker mentioned I had a cold, and due to Corona, everything got skipped and I'm up for a serious Corona test to see if I have it. My temperature isn't fever-high, as that got measured this morning. It's just that I have a serious cough and people are panicking over less these days. 

I'm screwed for this week, I have to call off everything untill I got tested. I made myself comfortable today by burning some candles and playing music I like and preparing a good lunch for myself, my all-time favourite banana panakes I often make. 

Just like Zuchinni soup and quark cake with raisins and prunes, these are something I make often. I wish I had someone to share them with. I haven't eaten all off them. Just about 4 to 5. (Sprinkled with some sugar.) By making myself comfortable and trying to pamper myself, I hope things will get by soon and easy. 

Somehow I think it's a bad mental game to insist I'm about to die so often. I mentioned I have done that several times without it being accurate, but it probably takes a lot from my readers to read that. I don't want to be thát evil and do that too much. It's mean and unnescessairy. Though I have a hard life with a lot off things going on.  

At this moment I feel bad for not being able to spend my afternoon at de Boed and am just forced to stay in all day today, and have to call off work tomorrow. I prefer to be out and have more fun during a day than this.    

A herd off bold coloured cows

 

I've drawn and coloured these in the previous weeks. They're about 20 each, and they will be sold at my job, attached to a small bag off candy specially for children's birthdays. I decided to draw them with bald colours instead off a standard black and white, or other more natural colours for cows as I love bold colours and think life is too boring not to use them. I felt somewhat relaxed working on these. It took ages to draw them out and draw, colour and cut and glue everything in but I decided to take my time instead off forcing myself to hurry. That works better with me. My boss thinks they look perfect and she liked my artistic take on cows for this.  

Good evening at the 24th off August, 2020.

Good evening everyone,  

Warning: This weblog might scare people. 

The weather has changed, it's autumn-like and it's colder and more rainy these days. I found a receipe in a super market folder last week, and I thought it would be perfect to celebrate late summer with. 

The end off this month is always sensitive in my family. We've had several losses which have taken place recently and I hope when they look down on us from the other world, they don't feel offended by my baking kick these days. I have been making a banana bread this weekend, and an applepie today. Usually, those things are inappropriate when you mourn and it's not ment to offend (dead) people when I feel like baking so much these days. I prabably feel uneasy about it myself. Next year, I have the idea I won't take on the end off august offensive for my family. May they rest in peace. 

So, today was for grocery shopping and baking. I need my hobbies more than ever these days. I have a certain issue these days with a neighbour with a crime record. I found out these days he is violent and has an alcohol problem. He has been sued by court several times, and he even made it to the newspaper with it. He rattles people's doors at midnight and sometimes he even harasses people who live here with threathenings and physical fights. One off these events even made it to the newspaper, as said. I feel like it's a whole lot to take on this, though I decided to involve my living organisation, the police and as many authorities as possible for this nightmare off a neighbour. I wish I could laugh about it to lighten up, but it's hard for me to take on this without crossing mental borders.

 I have been involved in cases with such neighbours before, but I can't help but think it's very hard to have this matter again going on in my life. It never seems to end, unfortunately. For the first time as far as I can remember, I feel unsafe. I can't explain why I feel like it's too much to handle this time. Though I decided on to take on this as good and as bad as I possibly can as this has to be solved. I'm glad people in my surrounding are very helpfull in solving this issue. I wish the government and the police would take on this seriously and do their job with this guy for once. And that's what makes me frightened: This man is taken on too lightly by authorities. I can't take on him myself, I would be in life threathening danger if I would. (I believe I'm lucky for them not to understand English as well as I do. Or reading my weblog anyway.) What are we to do with this if authorities don't keep us safe from people like that? I decided to live on despite everything, but that would be easier if my surrounding would work with for once.         

Good evening at the 17th off August, 2020.

 

Good evening everyone, 

The heath wave has faded, there have been a few big thunder storms in between moments off hot weather and the country is finally cooling somewhat down. It's still hot aside from occassionally thunderstorms. I've heard a lightning crack nearby, but I can't see it from out my window. Hopefully they can do something about it, where ever it has striked.  

Today it's just like any other monday, with every other monday stuff (grocery shopping with a small group off fellow clients and a care taker) I mention I have food cravings again. I have been sober and intelligent with my food intake the previous months. But these weeks I can't help but snack on sweet stuff like ice cream and chocolates. I should be watching my weight... but it's a bit harder these weeks than usuall. I'm pretty overweight by the way. I have been gaining a lot off weight the previous years and it's hard for me to have done so. I wish food wasn't such a mental, psychological issue but more something people could mentally perfectly handle with logic and reason instead off becomming slaves to an industry which just wants to make billions out off people. It's unfair and too hard to mentally handle. If I ever would become a tolerable weight... 

Medicines make it even more hard to truly loose weight as they are hooligans for your system. I just choose to take them out off safety reasons for myself and my surrounding. I choose to work with with  mental health care instead off becomming something unacceptable for my own peace off mind. I know I've done the best thing possible in my situation. Except that it comes with the price off getting fat and mentally and physically slow due to heavy meds. I wish I had the controll over these side effects. It would make life more easy. If I wouldn't accept health care this way, I would have been death. About that much I'm sure. But I refuse to die. I'm not the kind off person to give up. 

Yesterday was a nice day, despite it being the day my father died 8 years ago. I have been making some good foods for de Boed, I hope the old man looking down on me from the other world wasn't too angry about me to have made a cheesecake and some creamsicles out off yoghurt and bananas for fellow clients. I didn't do so to celebrate anything, but for the love off cooking good foods. And to set my mind off off things. Though it might have seemed a bit respectless to do so during that day. I loved my father. He doesn't deserve to be disrespected by me. But maybe, he doesn't mind about me making all off that. Because his life ended hard and painfull, so it's a tiny bit off a celebration that that day the suffering finally ended for him. Somehow I had that in mind while being at it. I hope he understood, where ever he was yesterday. 

At this moment, I feel more at peace with this life myself. I don't have the urge to die anymore, while sometimes when going to bed, I thought to myself: 'I don't mind if I would be taken to death this night and not wake up tomorrow morning.' - I don't think that anymore at this moment off being. Life on earth isn't so bad after all. Hopefully it will last quite some time for me.

Freedom is something some souls on earth can experience. It's the best thing I'm capable to feel, despite being on the down side off society. Freedom is such a good feeling, just like perfection. It's a certain feeling I describe as the feeling off being truly free. I would never, ever like to give up on that feeling for anything or anyone. Especially not for any type off relatioship. Strange as it may sound. In my freedom, I choose to remain respectfull towards myself and put my feelings first. If something isn't allright with people or situations, I break up with them and get myself togheter. No matter how painfull or long that experience is for me. Freedom and peace off mind are the most important things in life. I don't mind if people think off me as a jerk when I say I usually put my own feelings first above theirs. Not to a point where I become impossible because 'everything hurts my feelings.' but rather to a point where I cut ties with people and wreck things if it's not allright with me (anymore) I have learned to keep at that point after to have done so. A step backwards is often a bad step in my case. I have to move on. That works better. 

Allright, that's about it for this weblog this evening. 

I hope you enjoyed reading.          

 

  

Good evening at the 10th off August, 2020.

 Good evening everyone, 

A heath wave has stroke the Netherlands. Days and nights are hot for our doing, it's impossible to do anything for me, aside from relaxing and taking life lightly these days. I don't like summer heat, like I said somewhere before, probably. 

I'm in a mood for grief. It's mid-august, and it's been about 8 years since my father has passed. He died at august 16, 2012. Somehow I believe, in the afterlife, he wouldn't want me to grief or cry for too long. I haven't had time to grief ever since it took place, only every often I have cried. Most off the time, too much was going on in my life to truly cry. It was a hard time back then. I was 20 for only 11 days when it happened. Our family had major issues, like with our house and I had my first diagnosis short before that happened. I believe it's been due to a lot off stress that took place during that year. All off it had been too much and I have battled most things all alone. I didn't have much understanding from people. I had no close friends in my surrounding and I was failing at school because off being behind. (I performed quite good grades, but I couldn't keep up with school) Life was too hard. Most people in Castricum (My old home town) where indiffrent about me. Comming to think off it, it was no suprise for me to catch up a mental disease. I still think about that time often. 'What if things turned out diffrent? Then I would have had a job, an income and more stability in my life.' 'I could have made it if things hadn't been so harsh.' 'I wouldn't have been a psychiatric patient if I could have made it.' Things like that occured my mind constantly. I hang up a lot about having a good job and good living qualities, but the previous 8 years have been a cruel nightmare. Protected living isn't as good for it's patients as it's supposed to be. My issues didn't fade untill I ended up living somewhere safe.

Still I can't cry for myself. Though it's been enough in my opinion. I deserve stableness and a good life where I can finally truly heal. I should put my life at the first place instead off agreeing with things and situations that might be too much or too dangerous. Back then I did those things because I didn't have a choice. To start living with my family again was no option. Somehow I know I have done things others would have backed out from, and which make me more brave and emotionally more mature than most people. I find it hard to find emotional or mental connections with most people. Not much people are understanding enough in my opinion. I wish people wouldn't judge me so hard like they always have done. Usually I kept what was going on for myself, though expecting more maturity and understanding from individuals which have let me down below ground levels. Usually I keep up a brave face but I think it's time to start to think off my own personal matter over doing what others want me to do. Or for what I think off as 'the public matter.' which actually often makes a fool out off me so it wasn't worthit at times. 

What do I think is good for -Me- ? What would I truly want to do in a certain situation? What do I truly want to do with life without getting myself into trouble? Or becomming the laugh off other people, as I hate that most off the time. I don't mind being mis understood, but for my own lack off sense, I don't like to put myself below standards (Which I've never done. I'm all faith, bravery and honour when I come to think off it. But how to protect myself from over-doing it so I won't be harmed?) and give people a strange impression. I have cut ties with a lot off people the previous years and I believe it was a good thing as I feel more air in my mind to breathe and tell for myself what is right or wrong. I don't think that's a bad thing. Less attachment to wrong people leads to more mental freedom. Which feels right. 

I doubt people have seen through and truly know me for who I truly am, but I think the people I have in mind about that aren't deserving to truly know me. I have been distant towards most people my own way. I feel like I had the perfect right to do so, and to avoid people and places who would have done harm to me if I would have sought to fight them. Which I have never done. I believe I should put my own importance first over much more matters and do what's good for me much and much more. 

I believe the ending off this story hasn't been in sight soon. But the ending off this weblog is. 

Thank you for reading.       

I feel relieved from gut issues

Good evening everyone, 

Warning: This is a blog about my physicall health and I don't know if people like to read personal and gross stuff like that. Still, I wish to share it somehow. 

I called General Practice two weeks ago about it, and they told me it was time to see them since I have these issues for a long time and call them every often about it, but now they felt like I had to visit them for it. 

Somehow I told them I suspected it to be an interaction between foods, hot weather and medication. I couldn't lay my finger on it. After looking up the side effects to one off my mental medications we found out gut issues are along the side effects. Unfortunately I'm not capable to give up that medicine. 

I got told that that didn't matter, that it could be over-active guts and that they had medication for that. I accepted and I'm thankfull I got common sensed about it.   

I got a medicine named Mebeverine (Translated it would spell 'Mybeaverine.') and it works, it relieves stomach pain and stops the worst side effects that come with that. Today I had a little issue with my guts but it doesn't hurt as much as it would without the Mebeverine, which isn't known for having any dangerous side effects. So it all works out perfectly so far, except that my appetite has increased and I feel the urge to eat healthy stuff instead off high calorie intakes like I used to. Like you might know- I'm on a healthy eating mission and I wish to eat more healthy this period off time. 

I have watched a video on YouTube which stated that mental health starts in your gut. Aside from having a less painfull stomach, I feel less fear from delusions. As if something strange has started to solve delusional issues and makes me feel a bit less haunted by them when I'm alone. I don't know if that is due to the gut medicine. But you're probably known with the term 'gut feeling.' and it somehow has more effects than only one. It's like the 7th to 5th best thing I have ever done / accepted to give a try in my life and I'm not over-acting.  

Allright, that's about it, 

Thank you for reading and following my blog. 

 

I'm not allowed in.

Good evening everyone,  

There is a country across the ocean made off rocket high dreams and I'm not allowed in. 

I've heard that, if you happen to have a psychiatric disease, you're not allowed into the U.S. You have to fill in a form with that question and if you reply with 'yes.' then you're simply not allowed into the United States. It's the same category as terrorists and criminals. I've always wished to see it there at least once in my life but now it turns out that is never going to happen because off my disease. 

I feel bad about it since I have this disease for my entire life and now I'm never, ever going to visit the U.S because off that. 

I'm a well behaving Dutch citizen, I don't have a record or any history with crime, I don't do bad things. I feel a bit offended because off that rule. I see why dangerous people with a mental handicap aren't allowed in, but there are mild cases like me who behave perfectly and are proud off that. I get easily tired, A trip to the U.S would cost me a fortune on money and energy. I don't know if I could withstand the flight to there alone, but still- I wish I had the right to enter.   

Cruelty free computers and smartphones

It may sound like a nightmare to some, but it could mean freedom to others. 

What if all large computer companies would develop computers which can be updated to no extend, but would take it slow on new versions which actually don't vary that much from older versions, simply to safe child slaves in cobalt mines (and other mines which bring up raw materials for technology) ? 

Or what if these large companies would make those mines child slave free? And make sure mining is done by educated adults with digging machines instead off poor helpless, defenseless children in third world countries with no rights? Wouldn't that make computers and smartphones much more fair / cruelty free? 

I support for that idea as I think it's perfectly possible. Humans can do perfectly without 10 new versions off smartphones (1 version a year) or hyper modern computers, as long as the stuff works perfectly without imperfections. It's not a bad thing to stay on the same machine for a long time, as long as it's system can be developed and improved. Not its hardware as that takes human sacrifices.  

Good evening at the 4th off August, 2020.

Good evening everyone, 

Tomorrow will officially be my 28th birthday. I have nothing special planned for that day, except for preparing soup for the wednesday lunch at de Boed for everyone, Like every week. 

This sunday I celebrated my birthday with just my mom, her husband and one off my brothers. I had some major trouble preparing the cake since the electricity in my small kitchen had a power faillure the saturday ahead and no one could fix it since it was during a weekend. On top off that, the crust to my cheesecake fell on the floor after I decided to make a non-bake cheesecake at my table instead off at my counter top. I could save the day at sunday morning by preparing some good tasting muffins with chocolate and nuts. I had the luck my oven still worked and I make these muffins a lot so luckily I could serve my family something sweet that day. (They loved my muffins. They even had three off them each with their coffee and tea, so I feel content) 

Today all kitchen electricity got fixed and everything is put back to work again. Somehow I suspect my water boiler to have spoiled water at some place where it caused a power failure. Luckily everything got almost back to normal today. I'm glad I'm a solution oriented thinker instead off panicking over things. Though I lost it a bit after dropping the planned cake's crust. Luckily I had some help cleaning it up, and talking me out off frustration and fear, telling me that it's perfectly okay, and that things like this happen to everyone once in a while. I kept on thinking I was cursed that day. But luckily things got solved.  

I went to work today after they fixed my kitchen and I feel exhausted from drawing in a few cardboard cows. These are going to be made into children's treats which will be sold per about 20 in case people look for children's birthday treats to hand out to classmates for example. My boss is happy with my work since I decided on giving my version off these cows all kinds off coloured spots instead off just black and white and draw cute large eyes on their face instead off small dots. I took some creative freedom with that task.

Here is an example off my work. I think I'll put on a picture off all off them alltogheter after I finished this project. I work slow but consistent. 

That's the trick with mental people: Don't pressure things or hell would break loose. Though I still find it hard to stick to mental borders as they aren't always clear to me. I decided on taking it slow on this project, however. And it helps. I still find joy in this compared to when I would pressure myself too much over it. No company would accept that, that's why I prefer a job like this over real work. I just wouldn't be able to handle a real job. Still I like to work and do what is possible to take part in society. It may sound easy and low- key, but I feel exhausted after a day like this. Exhausted, but satisfied with myself. 

Allright, that's about it for this weblog. 

I hope you enjoyed reading.