Good evening everyone,
Today was changing clear skies with clouds. And no rain despite the clouds. I could feel a little drop here and there but it was like tears that didn't want to break through. An attempt to cry from the sky which failed. So no serious rain today. The country could be in serious trouble for this massive drought.
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Today was for Pistachio Creamyoghurt tart. I invented the thing by fixing a package off plain quark tart with pistachio creamyoghurt instead off plain quark.
This was the result. A cream yoghurt tart in a lovely shade off pale green. I adjusted chocolate sprinkles on it and it tasted like heaven on our pastry plate. I think I did well by making my fellow clients this tart. It got out entirely this afternoon at coffee time. And come to think off it I had to take it easy this entire weekend. I had a sore head which faded away this afternoon, but off which the cramp held on from Saturday untill Sunday afternoon. I can't describe the feeling and the result off it to you. If I could, I would be helped much easier by specialists. It was slightly diffrent than the black magic cramps I often experience. This was also hurt, but I thought maybe my brain fluids where the cause. But I can't tell you if that's for real and that's the problem with my brain. It's invincible and no one can see. If a professor in brain science linked to a university would experience what I am going through, I believe the issue would be helped much easier. But unfortunately, I just don't know where to go to with it.
Did I have any hallucinations or delusions this weekend? I don't know for sure. I can't tell you yet if I've experienced any off that. I had to take it easy this weekend, that's all I felt and the utmost urge to fix my yoghurt tart since it would have been such a waste off ingredients and a boring Sunday if I hadn't.
Luckily we had that. Otherwise my weekend would have been terrible. I got the feeling September will crawl by just as boring as the entire year. I hope my baking skill won't abandon me these weeks. Or my brain being in the way off baking. Life is boring and empty as crap without it. I would be a lucky person if my system keeps on working well the next weeks, but I always am. Sometimes it fails like hell and I gotta pay a price for it if it does. Elvis helps, TV helps, fabulous pistachio creamyoghurt helps. My new poster off the Great Wave near Kanagawa (A Japanese classic) helps. The weather to have cooled helps. And to sleep well helps. I sleep better since I've latened the Lorazepame (A calming medication which helps you to calm down and to sleep.) Sleep is so important for people. (Especially mental people with brain issues.) I can only sleep untill 8.00 AM. After that I have to get out since I get medication at 9.00 AM. In weekends aswell as weekdays. I miss sleeping in. But morning medication goes first.
I found a wonderfull series for young adults on TV, Find me in Paris. About a ballet dancer from 1905 who transferred to modern times by a magical time travelling lock to the best ballet school in Paris. It was really full off imagination and it's a sweet plot that keeps me hooked with a pretty ballerina as the main character. If you can stand the lead character being a bit off a Barbie princess, then it's probably worthit a watch. If you don't like such characters- then don't even try. I loved watching it.
I also still love watching Discovery channel, for something completely diffrent, about building wooden cabins in Alaska. (Building Alaska.) I still dream off a wooden cabin in the woods one day. But I started to doubt about that idea. It's so distant from most people and basic services like shops and health care providers. Who's going to save you once you're in big trouble there? It's a wonderfull idea but I have my doubts about it nowadays. It's gorgeous, but I don't dare to try anymore- especially since I need healthcare. And you need to be capable to save your own ass- which I don't see myself doing to be honest. Out in the wild, alone... There's no chance I will survive. Maybe in a life with diffrent choices and a diffrent path I would have. But it's too hard.
Life would be a bit empty on a later age without my purpose off the wooden cabin in the forests. Without a cozy family and a loving husband. I suppose that will be my fate- a boring old day. I wouldn't be supprised if that would happen. Poor, lonely and failed. That's where we're heading in my perspective. I'm missing my personal boat to true luck if I would stay in this country I think. I said from the beginning on my ambition was to move out off the country and have a place at a forest sight near a lake in a wooden cabin and enjoy colder temperatures. I would love such a future but it feels impossible. I'm fond off my luxury and services close by. (And it's even more lonesome since I don't have a husband and a loving family.)
I feel more content about life watching TV. It feels less boring to be alone at night when I do so.
Allright, that's about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
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