Coffee with a vintage twist

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today was cloudy with here and there some rain. It was no thunderstorm like the forecast in the newspaper told us, but it's not much off a weather to enhance a positive mood today. 

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To keep the spirit up at de Boed, and to keep myself from dying inside, I made a date and pecan cake for them. 

It was perfect and I felt almost suprised by the light texture I managed to give it. Its taste was divine. It's receipe comes from 'de Bakbijbel.' by Rutger van den Broek ( https://rutgerbakt.nl/ -Website in Dutch only-)- A famous Dutch baking chef who has won a TV-program in 2013. I'm a fan off his work and I make it often for de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk. 

de Boed had super cute vintage pastry plates, which gave it just that extra touch for this afternoon. It gave a nostalgia feeling like the images from my new vintage coffee book. - I'm a bit off a vintage / retro girl at times. In music and in classic style. Look at that:  

I couldn't be happier about something today. These plates combined with the cake just do it. People complimented me all the time about my cake. There's nothing better than this at times for me. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 
 

Good evening at the 10th off July, 2021.

 Good evening everyone. 

It's cloudy yet warm, your average type off swamp weather. It's close to coold but it feels brotheling warm outside so it's something that can make people moody. It's no summer weather in general- But for the Netherlands, it's something average. 

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I still don't have access to my bank account. I paid my groceries last week with cash but I have to work with what I have on stock this weekend. What do people do when they are low on money and there mainly is little to do during an average weekend? Here's what I did: 

I selected some spices and made a cookies-and pie spice mix. (In het Nederlands: Koek-en-speculaaskruiden)  It can be used for diffrent sweet bakings and it was one off those things I still had on hand. Several spices in my kitchen. The smell off it is divine and I'm glad I did something in the kitchen. I also made a middle eastern cake with pecannuts and dates and I loved baking it. They don't want me to bake a lot anymore- but this was an emergency bake because I felt so down I just had to. The moodyness faded and today I feel a bit better than the last days before. -Much better- to be buisy with my hobby again. Tomorrow I will post some pictures off my date cake. I ate all left over dates and felt they tasted so incredibly delicious. I've read up on their benefits but also found out you should eat them in moderation because they are healthy but high in calories. I just can't help but loving the taste off dates. It helped me to overcome my moodyness today. Food saves the day often for me.

Due to the type off weather, I sensed these spices are going to be needed the next period off time. These spices are the best when the weather is cold and rainy. It's no winter yet, but I think you know what I mean- spices are a great solution for the worst moodyness sometimes. At least they where to me by making them. I think next season will be perfect for trying to bake a pumpkinpie for the first time. I never tried to do so. It's a good thing to feel inspired again. I've read you can replace sugar in bakings by date paste. It's healthier than sugar and something tells me I want to try that- parts off a baking replaced by it. I hope it will taste good. 

I had the perfect opportunity to shower yesterday and I'm clean today except for my face. It's sometimes a bit hard to skip to a new beauty routine and stay on it. I'm pricked by several mosquitoes this week, I believe they shouldn't like my blood since I'm on heavy medication and most mosquitoes can be poisioned by that comparing myself to blood without meds. I just believe they are not smart enough to skip me from their diet. Mosquitoes are not very smart about that, but how to explain to them I'm on meds? I suppose they have to learn the hard way. 

Today was for home made pizza at de Boed. Good food can enhance my mood like nothing else can. Without it, life would be too much to take and I'm not over-acting on it. Tiredness fades when I'm doing my hobby. 

I have a painfull neck. I've probably slept wrong or something else like dark magic has came across it. I believe in dark magic because I know it's something that's there but it's not possible to prove anything off it. Tomorrow will be a good day, I have something to look forward to when I'm about to share my date cake with people at de Boed during coffee time. Sunday afternoon will see a cake again. I know it's best not to share one every week, or multiple times a week like I used to, but every once in a while I feel it's urgent to bake and make people enjoy it.

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading.   

      

Good evening at the 9th off July, 2021.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today it's sunny outside. During music yesterday they asked me to sing out loud a newspaper article at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk. I decided to make fun off the occasion and started reading / singing out loud the weather forecast. It told it would be 25 degrees celsius that day. Summer weather is here. But it's still cloudy here and there and it's called 'Typical Dutch Summer.' by the newspaper. Next week will be an entire week off rain. Nevertless, it was fun to annoy people and sing the weather forecast a few times. We have someone who sings news articles perfectly when it's Thursday music afternoon at de Boed. They asked me and I gave it my own twist. I don't know if I'll get away with it again. 

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Today was for being exhausted. I have barely done anything and I'm tired like crazy. I'm fighting my way off off too heavy medication and despite extra vitamin D- I'm tired again. I hope I'm not actually depressed, though I have several symptoms off a depression and I feel low and moody all the time. I felt inspired to sing the weather yesterday and put on a great dress today. But that's all there is for today and tomorrow, probably. I wish I knew a lasting method to get myself energetic again and feeling better. Coffee doesn't work but it tastes nice. Cleaning the tables after dinner today made me feel good. I already feel bad and it's not even autumn. *Sarcastic Peter Griffin voice.* This withholds a promise to this weblog about me being depressed all the time. I can sense more content for the next year. *Peter Griffin voice off*. Tomorrow there will be thunderstorms. Summer isn't promising this year. 

I wish to talk about positive things more. It's hard to find the positive when you don't feel well. I don't even have the energy anymore to clean myself propperly like I wanted to before I got stuck. Maybe I should give myself some time and wait untill I feel better- Or I should give myself a buttkick and try again but I don't want to be too harsh on myself. I told you I wanted to give myself time and space to cure. I wish there was some more light in my life. Lively and positive? Today I don't think so, except for my dress. Maybe I should try more everyday chores to feel good about life again- that seems to work a bit. Life can be so tough when you feel tired all the time. On the other hand- I feel less out off my mind when I'm depressed. Less crazy. But is that a good thing? I wish to celebrate life- not indulge in gloomyness. Tomorrow I can sleep in and I hope that will do well for my mood. I need a few days off from de Boed at times during the weekend. I have a buisy life. Moodyness was a side effect to one off the medications I have. It's medical and I hate that. These meds should make us feel better about life and ourselves- not moody, ugly and fat. That's not fair and science has a world to win in that field. 

Depression is not fair. Health problems are never fair. Still I keep on trying to fight what I have these weeks. I wish to do better with less medication. 

The Netherlands is heading to code red when it comes to Corona. We're heading to a fourth wave off increased infections though the hospitals aren't filled with new patients. Vaccine numbers are increasing. I don't hope we're going after a next lockdown but the trouble this country has is not over yet. 

I feel foggy inside. That's a term for a feeling lowering with medication can cause in your head. You feel as if it's stuffed with cotton pads or clouds and it's a hard feeling. I don't know who I'm reaching at with my stories and if they think what I do is helpfull to them. Maybe there are tons off people in psychiatric health care having my issues who like to read about all off this- while other more common people might be engrossed by it. It's probably hard for 'normal.' people to handle people in psychiatric health care. It's why it requires specialists to do so. I should remember my own advice and pamper myself a bit this evening by taking a warm shower with nice smelling stuff. I could use one. Warmth is needed when you feel like this. Finding motivation and pushing myself forward is almost impossible in this state off mind. Floods are highly running underneath the skin off my face. It's idiotic how almost nothing is visible about it. 

I've read up on it just a moment ago, and depression is a side effect to Palliperidone. The main medicine I'm using at this moment and it's so incredibly mean. I have to take this and my cheerfull mood off feeling better is probably decreased by medication. I hope meds don't see uplifted moods as a problem and start to work on that. I feel horrendous by it. I have been visiting my family and that's also often a trigger for mood changes. I have to be carefull for life with myself when I read up on side effects to this medicine. Depressed for life because off a medicine is tough. As far as I mention it- calmer mood, less likely to groom, more depressed- my medication has probably taken on my uplifted mood from previous days. Sleeplessness is also a side effect according to what I've read. (An online published document from The European Medicines Agency) 

Palliperidone- Side effects  

Gut issues seem to be part off it too. Previous year I had massive gut issues and stomach pains all the time. I don't know what a Guardian Angel can make off this once he reads it. I have a Guardian Angel who helps me with health issues all the time when I post them online. He seems to read them and helps me on it. Unfortunately the Agency considers side effects less off a problem than the benefits to this medication. I have little to choose from once I have issues again, I have tried about four meds for mental health issues the previous years and this is the fifth. They don't work on me sometimes. As far as this goes- I'm covered by most benefits. I feel more calm than I have felt the previous weeks. Tired and cloudy- but I'm not out off my mind. I love my Guardian Angel for taking my health issues upon his shoulders all the time. Human beings are sometimes too mortal to make it through everything by themselves. Guardian Angels are a great help. We can't proove a thing about them, but sometimes it's good to somewhat sense they are there for us. 

I'm a bit moody. Tomorrow is another day and I'd be proud off myself if I would just brush my teeth and tie my hair in a bun aside to putting on sleeping wear. A shower is a bit too optimistic.

Allright, that's about it- Thank you all for reading.  

Hector the ladybug has been naughty

 Good evening everyone, 

It's truly sunny out here with here and there a cloud. It's better weather than it has been the previous days but it's not true summer weather. 

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I have skipped a menstruation period. I feel a bit uneasy about it but periods are a subject women should talk about more freely since it's perfectly normal and health related though it might come off as gross to sensitive souls. Women should be liberated to talk about health issues about that subject. Not only with their doctors. 

I can't be pregnant and who might have done so if I was? Hector the ladybug? I haven't been with a man at all in my entire life so it's not as if I'm knocked up and Hector has his moments but he's imaginative. So bad luck for him if I would be at this moment. But he's not real. Nothing can happen from that. I suppose it's a health issue, or maybe stress even and bad luck for me. Ladybugs are better not to be cursed if they're some sort off a fairy-like creature. Like I told you, he could be some sort off a tuatha dé danann. But that still means he's not physically present in my life. I could be overly speculating on that, but it's probably a health issue and not Hector the ladybug. 

I have had issues with it before. I have PCOS and it was common for me to bleed irregulairly and have periods left out at times. Onto General Practice again. Sometimes it works for me to keep my mouth shut. But General Practice hasn't been very helpfull the previous time, I don't know what they could do for me now. Or maybe it's just waiting untill it happens. A woman's body can be unpredictable at times. I hope Hector the ladybug won't be offended by the title off this blog. He's a bit moody at times at me but I don't want to set off a small spirit that might or might not excist. 

Sometimes I think I should have my own film with Johnny Depp in one off the mainroles. Somewhere where he can be a mad role for a story about a woman in her 20's in psychiatric health care. I don't have a crush on him like some women do have, but I think he's the right actor for this madness. It should be called 'Prountoupaloup.' And maybe he could be a mad, over-acting Vana Events villain in this. Vana still sits on their hands not to react on this while on the other hand they spread lies about 'Silence speaks more than words.' Oh, the corruptness- I don't listen to it. I speak my own words about this unfairness. I refuse to be silenced. 

I believe a cute alien geek would complain all the time about me to have been rude and mean online for a while. I don't want a man at this moment and especially not a man who complains a lot. I think the blonde alien geek with glasses doesn't excist or is somewhat off a downer in real life. And maybe his handsome friend has turned a bit old by now. I'm not in love but sometimes they cross my mind and I know they are based on real people. I just don't know who they are. Aliens, the crew to 'Prountoupaloup' and small ladybug spirits could be easily grossed out by tales about women's periods. I should talk this over with a care-taker once I'm home again. Though I still think health issues should be talked over more freely.  

I could tell you something positive. Today's cucumber soup for Wednesday Soup was received well by people who had it. They liked my soup. I have people asking for my soup each week. 'Will there be soup this week? What soup are we going to have? Will there still be soup on tuersday?' (There are plenty off people who have a left over off the soup at tuersday. It's well received on both days.) Next week's soup still has to be thought out. What soup will I make and how will I make it? The rise, the eating, the fall- you have to be there to believe it. And that every week. Madness helps me be creative better. That also counts for preparing good soup. It improves with my inspiration. I'm exhausted, but I'm proud for keeping up with medication enlowering for about two weeks now. It's heavy and it's hard. - But I'm going to do this. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.       

Good evening at the 7th off July, 2021.

 Good evening everyone, 

This evening it's sunny and bright outside. It's showing as if it's beginning to cheer for summer but let's not be too positive about that. It's still too damp and cloudy here and there to do so. 

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Wednesday Soup was for cucumber soup with a lot off green herbs in it. It was a great taste and I had a lot off people liking it. Cucumber soup isn't something common and fresh cucumbers are delicious but not a basic ingredient for soup in this country. It was worthit the try however. Cucumber alongside some zuchinni's to help it and dragon, an entire jar off Italian herbs, an entire small jar off dill and some fresh basil was defenetely a good idea. 

I am visiting my family this evening for a suprise and so far everything goes fine. I love my family and I feel it's not much off a nice thing to speak bad off them on here. I cherish the ones I still have. I helped mom preparing a salad and I had no complaints about being too slow from her, luckily. Every day chores in the kitchen like preparing an every day salad feels like it's a good thing to do and it's nice to do. Sometimes we need just tomatoes and cucumbers in our lives to feel a bit better. And they're a good idea, nevertless- because they're healthy for most people. I adjusted a lot off ghürkins, apples, eggs and some herb dressing. Nothing more than that but sometimes so satisfying to make when you feel dark and numb. I stick to my point: Making yourself off use for people makes you feel less empty in life. Even if it's something small.   

I feel so incredibly tired all the time. I started taking more vitamin D but still- I'm low on energy. I keep on trying with vegetables and fruits to regain a bit off energy but it's hard for me to maintain a healthy energy level. So we have a salad, brocoli, fish from the oven and potato rösti this evening. I feel spoiled by it. Mom has a relaxed tempo on living her life. I have a cool mom who might not understand but who tries her best. Tomorrow I'll head home. If I had the choice between a man and sleeping well every night I'd choose the last. I would be so much better off if I'd finally rest a bit better. And sometimes small things are to cheer for. Be happy with what you've got and don't act spoiled. It's sometimes so honorable to do so. 

I wish I could sleep well and feel energetic again for my entire life. Sometimes it's those medicines I have to take. I have to take them my entire life so I won't be dangerous or incredibly crazy. With meds I'm a faded version off myself though I try looking my best still. Life with medication is hard but without it it would be impossible. I have to flip every euro since I live on governmental wages and I have gained an incredible lot off weight over the past years. I'm a faded version off myself these hard and painfull years- due to heartbreak it has worsened a few years ago. I'm finally making steps to get over with that. Life is hard for me. But I keep on trying. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good evening at the 6th off July, 2021.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today is cloudy and it finally rains a bit. It's windy and stormy outside. The evening is bright and sunny. 

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I wish I was in charge off my own kitchen instead off having to eat at de Boed, but maybe I will organize a cozy dinner at home with nice people and make them a nice meal with a dessert. Before Corona I used to do that every once in a while. My friend with who I used to do that isn't alive anymore. I have to get out off my shell and look for other company for it. I have a lot off fellow clients and care-takers who like me enough to come to have dinner with me every once in a while if I'd ask them for that. It might be solved that way. 

I feel a bit moody today and I don't know why the gloom has returned after deciding to take more effort on myself. Better dressing, better hygiene and I take more vitamins. Still some off the sadness has come back and I don't know if I can call it a depression if I feel like that but it's close to it. The eye off the storm, a place in between time and space where I felt a bit better and got up again has faded but I'm still motivated to improve my life. As it's important to give it your best every day.   

While, as I came back from dinner at de Boed, my mood improved. I feel relieved and better spirited. I don't know why. Outside the clouds have gone and so has my bad mood. Life is improving for me at the moment. I have a new job. I'm a jewelry maker at a small attelier somewhere in Wormerveer, at a beautifull location nearby the river de Zaan. It's a place for handicapped people to have a way to fill in their days and it's small and cozy. I got appreciated for making my jewelry there. It's not demanding and I made my work hours easy and capable for me to keep on doing. I feel so much better about life while I got a job that appreciates me at a spot close by a barista where they serve coffees and treats. It's where I had lemon meringue pie for the first time and today I tried their iced coffee. I had two servings. I love having coffee at cool spots every often. It's what makes a day. Being one off those edgy young women at a barista every often. I don't know why. I love to feel like I'm still cool at times. I'm almost 30 after all. In two years I'll be 30. This year I'll turn 29. They say life starts at 30 and gets only better after that age. I hope that counts for me just as good. When Marilyn Monroe turned 30, they told her women after 30 are the most beautifull women. I'm far from a Marilyn, but I hope someone will tell me that. I like to stay positive about it, however. I don't feel old but I'm not one off those women who it's given not to look their age. When I look in the mirror I look my age and no younger or older than that. I look 28. Sometimes 30. I'm after youth, however. I wish to look young and fresh and a bit artistic. I got that urge already and I'm afraid it will grow over time. I'll be 29 in a month, at the 5th off August. 

I shouldn't complain I still have pimples and work hard to get rid off them. Hahaha. There's nothing wrong with self-mockery at times. It's more healthy than to grow an immature ego I believe. If we can't laugh at ourselves, we are in a terrible state off being we should fear. Prick through your ego and learn to laugh about yourself. (~My advice to everyone.)  Don't take life and yourself too serious. That's not healthy. 

Having bot pimples and wrinkles on your face might be awfull. So to me it seems. I refuse to wear foundation every day so onto moisturizing skin creams. I found when I do that, my face leakages seem to be less. Moisture regulating skin cream helps me from preventing fluid streams underneath my skin somehow. Taking care off my skin solves a problem. It's a whole lot less than it was some weeks ago. General Practice couldn't find anything. But technology is behind on that. They should invent a machine or probably a phone app to look underneath skin at hand immediately. I believe such a tool can be incredibly handy for a doctor. I don't mean anything sexual with this, it should be used for medical purposes by a specialist only. Not everyone is suitable for an app that can spy underneath clothes. A few weeks ago I thought I was going to die by this. I still wish I knew what that fluid actually is but I believe I might never find out with the current capability medical specialists have unfortunately.   

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

Good evening at the 5th off July, 2021.

 Good evening everyone, (I made this message yesterday, but I forgot while browsing the internet and shutting down the computer afterward. I'm about to post it today, at the 6th. But it's about the 5th.) 

The weather has been again perfect swamp-weather. It was cloudy with a bit off rain but it was warm in general. I think we should be lucky not to be a victim to huge rain storms in the rest off the country which have caused a huge flood in other places. 

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Today was for grocery shopping. I wish I wasn't so blunt at the internet at times, it's funny but who cares about grocery shopping? It's the best effin enlivening story you'd read today: Went grocery shopping on a cold and rainy monday. -Tissues please.- My bankcard still doesn't work - Now it gets exciting- My Accountant has laid the problem at the bank. I had to pay with cash I had still safed somewhere. -Background music.- And I bought... -Tatatada- Bananas, some honey and some dates. - End off the story.-  Starring: / Care taker 1./ Care taker 2. / A white van/ The van driver./ Fellow patients./ Me./ (We always get there driven in a white van.) It's the mundane for me, just like banana cake. 

Sometimes I wonder if I should get myself into bored housewife behaviour. Reading bouquet books, getting rid off medication and start drinking sherry and white wine, Start wearing marigolds- It would not make sense but it's what I associate the supermarket with. Every day women with a '50's attire (Heavy make-up, dresses with approns, marigolds and pearl or loud necklaces and earrings.) getting bored throughout their day. But my idea off the supermarket is an outdated one. Supermarkets don't want to be known as an old fashioned place. They are very tolerant to everyone I hope to believe, so also for people like us to do our groceries every monday. The only reason I'd like to associate myself with that is that life is mundane at some point and supermarkets are part off that. I shouldn't complain since I got driven there in a white van with other people with issues. That's not mundane. Sometimes the mundane is a safe place where people can come to rest. Still, among washing liquid, tomatoes, magazines and other usefull everyday products I associate it with mundane and probably a bit dull. But it's not cool to make fun off usefull supermarkets. They are incredibly needed for most people. 

The best part off the supermarkt is their fresh items counter. I love fresh nuts and chocolates and fresh breads and all other yummy stuff that's made almost fresh there, comming to a great smell. That's a good thing about everyday supermarkets. And washing liquid, tomatoes and magazines are needed. I think soon I'll get someone at the supermarket catching me among the tomato storage asking me why I'm dumb laughing so hard at the vegetables. Veggies are cool. I hope the supermarket won't be offended by this blog. 

Life gets by every day. It's going allright. I'm not heavily off set, but I have to take on it easily. Today was a bit nasty for me since I dropped on the pavement during a walk. I have a few nasty bruised spots on my left leg which will probably turn blue. It was a nasty fall and I needed a moment to get over with the shock. It's not broken, luckily. The pavement where I live is somewhat uneven everywhere. I dropped more often around this area. During winter I was all bruised because off it. (Don't laugh.) And I hear several people complaining about uneven pavements.    

Allright, that's about it- Thank you for reading. (The story for today will eventually follow.)