Good evening at the 23th off April, 2023.

 Good evening everyone, 

This morning was cold and cloudy, but this evening it's clogging with rainshowers in Zaandijk, a small touristic village in the Netherlands. 

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I've been thinking about something: I'm pretty lucky in life when it comes to basic wealth, I'm far from rich, on the poor side, actually, but I'm not bankrupt and I'm taken care off. I have to do it sober with clothes but I'm not doing bad given the standards off nowadays Netherlands. 

But what if a teenager overflowing with hormones arrives at school after summer, without fashionable clothes to show off, or without new clothes at all for middle or high school? I bet that happens, and I feel pity with them. Teens have a habit off wishing to look as perfect and dolled up as possible, but what if mom and dad are to say 'We have no money for it this year.' ? I feel with those who befall that. You're 3-0 behind if your parents are poor due to the crisis when you have to go to school, or when you are poor yourself. I also feel with the kids who don't get birthday presents from their parents, or holiday presents. I have been crying previous december over it. I'm so glad a kid is not off my concern. I can sit here in cheap clothes, no one to care about but silly old me during a crisis. I'm proud I never gave in to that kind off desire. No accidents for me, mister! I have to deal with this shit (Being a mental patient and living in a crisis) myself, and no one else. I don't even have a pet to take care off. (I would love to own a cat, but not in this small flat.)

In the short term, all I have to do is get over with a cough, a menstrual period, and dishes on the counter top. In the mid-long term I have to watch my spending tomorrow at grocery shopping, re-fill the emergency fund with cash and I'm thinking off re-wearing last year's winter shoes instead off buying new ones. (I'm not a teen having to go to school. I can look shabby.) and in the long term, it's just dealing with the crisis. (I expect this can befall us quite some time) 

If I over-spend by being unweary, (Splurging on three new shirts... but it turned out allright) it's not the end off the world. If I would have mouths to feed, I would not be capable to survive. 

Some people simply just do it, having babies and new pets. But I can't do it. The responsibility, the money, the freedom you have to give up... Don't get me wrong. If I would live under the right circumstances, I would have loved to have four children. I'm not kidding you - four.- But it's not possible and I've learned to deal with it. And every day off this crisis, as it darkens and everything is getting even more and more expensive, I grow more gratefull off myself. You can't 'Just do it.' and not take responsibility. That's not how life works in my opinion. AND I'm a mental patient. And unfertile. Nature and the world have already decided for me before I have even been given the choice to have a child. I'm fine, thank you. 

It's fine being an old spinster on my own. I have dragged no one under my responsibillity in despair. I deserve an award for it. I'm ending it with 'In the Ghetto.' By Elvis Presley 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading.    

Good morning at the 22th off April, 2023.

 Good morning everyone, 

Today it's cold and changing. It's mostly cloudy and cold. 

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Yesterday evening was a bit weird. The sky was humid, and stormclouds where lightned by sharp evening sun. There's been thunder and rain, and I felt sick and uneasy. It made me think off a situation in the old south off the United States. Not at the dessert or the prairie, but situated near the Missisippi, where it's a swamp. 

People are poor, racist, they would use a gun if they could, the air is dense, it's beautifull for old stuff, nevertless, the blossoms, the flowers and the humidity off an old swamp is out, and the government doesn't give a rat's ass about us. There's been a strange weather incident in the air with storm clouds and sunshine to vaporate the worst density, and there even has been a bad omen in the air. Mercury retrograde in Taurus these two months, and I felt sick. (I'm a Leo.) I had a sore cough and a bit off a fever. It felt strange in the air last night. And we're on a terrain where mental people live. The only thing that missed was a river boat and a few crocodiles. But maybe it's been good there where not crocodiles, it's a thing less we have to care about. These where coi carps in the pond. Not crocodiles. (I see that fat crocodile from The frog princess in front off me when I think off a crocodile. Maybe that's a bit naive) The only thing we don't have is a strict believe in the bible. 

I feel like the perfect Southern Belle, a mud fat sweetheart with a conservative mindset, magical hands in the kitchen and an over - reacting mind and a taste for sweet things. (It's not much off a compliment for me, or maybe it is. Depending on your taste.) I fit in the situation off the old swamp south off the United States perfectly. But I'm not a rich Southern Belle. And it's been getting the best off me yesterday evening. Usually other people are (Hypothetically, not litterally) shot for their asses when a strange situation occures, yesterday it's been me who had a hard time handling it. Something has been in the air, and I don't know what it was. 

Today I can sick out my cough. I don't feel like being sick next week, and I have to listen to my body before it gets worse. I have been making myself tea. But I'm not allowed to spend money on internet shopping today. Everything is insanely expensive, and I have other purposes the upcoming time. Last week I couldn't help myself spending money on three new, fuchsia pink t-shirts. I felt sick off the crisis and the somberness around me, I had it up to here with it. I have been a bit over-spending. Luckily I could get the money back from my accountant and by doing it sober with groceries last week. But I can't splurge it on fun items and baking like I used to. I really had enough off it. I have been doing it sober with clothes for quite some time now.  

If this is the old swamp south, I would cheer for better foods. But maybe I shouldn't complain and just accept and be gratefull there is food at all. I'm a poor Southern Belle with a mental disorder, so I can't demand anything. I just have to accept what is given to me most off the time. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.        

Good afternoon at the 8th off April, 2023.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today is the perfect sunny day in Spring, which really makes you wish for Easter to take place. 

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I'm situated at my parental home for the Easter weekend. 

Warning: This is going to be a medical blog. 

Thursday was for visiting a doctor. My prolactin has been way up the ceiling, and we had a long conversation about how and why, and I had a care taker with me to listen and support me during that chat. It has been quite something, it could be very well the result off medication, but he wanted to investigate more on me. So I'm about to have more medical examinations these days. 

Yesterday was for having another bloodtest at the hospital to see if not only the prolactin was too high. I'm still expecting the results from that test. I have the luck the bakery near the hospital sells great sausage croissants, and they have good coffee at the hospital. Let's keep on seeing it positive, despite having to have had to get up at 6.00 AM in the morning. Yesterday I was out at 5.00 AM even. It's not so bad, I have been practicing with getting out and up very early these days. I had to undergo the bloodtest all by myself. I'm lucky I can think practicall enough to save myself in such circumstances. Despite I decided to go to the hospital by taxi. (Safer, and easier.) 

It's waiting for the results off that test. They are going to discuss them by phone, since they said they are too buisy for an appointment.  

They even talked about me having to undergo MRI if needed. Simply to examine the area off my brain that's responsible for these hormones. (It's a spot in your brain where they can see if it's truly wrong.) 

I expect a medical circus surrounding it, but I will keep you informed. 

I have even more bad news. Caretakers decided I have to eat more healthy, since I'm so tired often and feel so wobbly. I believed I could get away with just peanutbutter sandwiches in the morning for this being a crisis and I wanted to save out on food, and then bake from the rest off my week budget, but that was not a good idea. Health care told I had to eat a more healthy breakfast and eat more fruit. I don't have the budget to bake anymore since I started that. I hate it, but I have to and the tiredness and the wobbly feeling faded by eating more healthy in the morning. They told me I had to think off myself first instead off the people I bake for. I have to spend my weekends diffrently now I don't bake anymore. It's not so bad, it had become a bit boring and I feel more energetic. Pluto in Aquarius probably demands us to think and act more selfish. We are not alone in this world, but health is health. I eat quark, granola, blueberries and honey for breakfast now. It tastes wonderfull and feels wonderfull compared to a peanutbutter sandwich. I'm sorry to say. I had to quit baking, but I'm going to do good myself. I'm somehow thinking: 'Do you really have no money to bake? Are there really no ways to still bake?' I have to answer the question, and come with an answer and a solution. Or simply accept. Sometimes we are not as locked up in circumstances as we think. And I have to empty my shelves. I have packages which I really should use up before they expire. Only a complete brick would take 'it's impossible.' for an acceptable answer. Sometimes we can solve more than we think, but it's something to overthink for now. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good evening at the 2nd off April, 2023.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was beautifull, sunny with a strong cold wind. But I dressed well, so I could enjoy the sun for some time at the terrace behind de Boed. 

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I have decided to start to wear the anti-war fashion that's going on during this era. Think: dark and sober looking clothes, 90's supermodel and bright red tones in our lipstick, undyed hair since hairdye is expensive (But there are loads off women doing it like that these days. I'm not the only one not dying when I look around in the streets.) Easy going or no make-up, and stone and red tones on our nails. You don't don't doll up at all, but you dress cool, comfy and preferably cheap against the war. You're not supposed to look like a bimbo, or overdone, you have to keep it modest since there's nothing to celebrate these days. 90's supermodel has been in fashion for a while, so I suspect people still have these colours in their make-up kit and don't have to spend loads off money on it, and bright classic reds and burnt oranges, since, well, that turned in fashion with it this year and it's awesome so it's perfectly adapted to the style. 

Don't dress too expensive, or too girly and soft, and not too loud, since that's not cool and we don't have money for that. We need to look like we can stand a tyrant. And it's a look that suits us, most millenials, suprisingly well. I have seen several women (Also on TV or in the newspaper) with this look. It's cool to purchase new clothes for it, but it's even more adjust when you work with what you still have in your closet. It's also a look that comes with modest eyeliner instead off graphic liner like we saw before 2020. But be sure you are washed and clean, since you're not intending to look like a yucky alternative and we don't want to win this war stinking. Being washed is a pro! 

I'm certain it's going to take a while, be prepared for the worse and I'm certain this fashion is not in fashion the entire war, but it's cool and it rocks to make a statement against Putin with our clothes. The style rocks, people who wear or try to wear it rock. Basically you try to look taken care off in a war era, wearing dark clothes despite the crisis. It doesn't has to cost the headprice, just keep in mind that the cool kids create their masterpieces with cheap items when they're at the beginning off their career, and their work is the coolest. (Usually it's not as good anymore or getting commercial after they made it) You don't need expensive clothes. A black t-shirt and a jeans jacket on a wide black pants are enough for this one. Put some comfy sneakers you already have (Outworn is better than brandnew) underneath and you're cool for summer. You can polish your nails and put on make-up if you wish, but not over-done, we're trying to look cool, not like a drag queen. But red lipstick is always a good idea with this one. Anti-war fashion wearers wish to look like they can bite your head off. Despite they're poor. 

I have seen this look around me, on several other women. It's edgy, it suits a woman in her 30's, it's Millenial-in-their-30's chique and it's mildly flamboyant (Red lipstick!) without it being too much. I don't know if there's a name for this look, but it should be called anti-war fashion. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.    

Good afternoon at the 1st off April, 2023.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

It's cold, rainy, dreary, depressing and somber outside. Spring is nowhere in sight today. 

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Watch this video before reading further. 

I think you should watch this and be warned about serious revolution, and my own biggest fear: A famin coming our way these years. I think the mundial crisis will deepen, commoners will do worse and revolution against the system will break out these years. I have to warn you since astrology has been more often right than wrong about world issues. If I sugarcoat, chances are I will pull at the shortest end if I do so, so be warned for an era similair to the French revolution. 

I'm seriously afraid off Europe being too short on food, or food getting too expensive for most people so we can't eat. I hate the idea, and it's enough to make me pale and feel sick. I felt this at de Boed's lunch I had to warn people about this, and health care staff saw me feeling awfull. I don't know how far my message will reach, but I simply had, had, had to warn you people again: Chances are we will be sucked out even more off our money, and people will be too poor for food and out off good food sources in the future. If this continues, polarisation will get the best off us and that will do no good for western society. I don't know who's head has to be off, but it's going to happen. And if polarisation will turn down to real violence, we have to beware. But there is a chance in the air it will happen with these transits, so it's a good one to inform you about for now. 

It's also Pluto's return for the United States. The United Stated where declared independant and an own country when Pluto was in Aquarius back then. That has been something good for the world I think. I'm pro America and the American dream off equality and justice. I think the United States has done the world good so far. I just don't know how a Pluto return will look for it. It can either empower, or turn it down depending on the circumstances. 

The modern adjustment off Pluto is improvement and development off technology and the internet. I don't know how that will turn out, but it could also be a bad development, since it also makes other fields off life spare and empty if a person is just focused on the computer and what's happening on the internet. It can make people such internet junkies. It's not to my liking. (I'm a bit old fashioned when it comes to that.) I'm pro internet, and what positive things you can do with it, but there's also a massive downside to it and I think we are going to see that more these next 20 years. 'Hey, man, are you shallow or just an Internet junkie?' That's what it comes down to. We need to keep on filling in our entire life, not just our life on the internet. We need to spend money on more items than just the latest computer and technology, for example. I think especially lonely men are sensitive for this one. 

I hope to have informed and warned you, and I don't know who I am to reach, but it's a necessity people should read.   

 Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 28th off March, 2023.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today it's grey, cloudy and pretty dreary outside. Spring seems to be far away. It's even raining at the moment. 

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Easter, a lot off people dismay it because the war and the crisis this year. I don't say they're not right, I'm just saying I feel in an Easter mood. I have an Easter branch, and I purchased a few cute Easter decorations this year. I don't know if I should feel guilty about it. Today I even went back to the supermarket. To purchase the male Easter rabbit from a couple I purchased the female from yesterday. So today I own a male and female Easter rabbit set, dressed in vintage children's clothing. I fell for them, and they where not expensive. So I thought they where mine.

I bought it and had lunch in the supermarket restaurant, and treated myself to a slice off strawberry bavaroise cake with it. Just too good almost for an ordinairy Tuesday. In my defence: Lunch there is still cheap, good quality and affordable.  

This evening is for listening to 'Legend.' by Clannad. The theme CD from Robin off Sherwood. (A vintage tv show version off Robin Hood.) It's great music. It's vintage medieval style. What's not to love about it? And blogging a bit. If you can't have Spring out off itself, it's good to chase Springvibes a bit. Zaandijk is covered in daffodils these weeks so it seems. I think it's so nice they grow everywhere. Some people think they're a bit mainstream, but I love them siding the roads on the gras. Zaandijk is definetely the prettiest in Spring time. I can reccomend tourists to go in Spring if they wish to visit and see the place with daffodils and other flowers all over. It's pretty touristic, but if you really wish to visit for that antique 'Holland.' idea, go in Spring! 

I think it's just how you look at it. In my own Netherlands, it's often that 'boring old stuff all over again.' in my eyes. But when visiting Scotland a few years ago, I was like 'Whoa, I can't believe they really sell this awesome stuff in tourist shops.' Maybe it's how tourists look at us, but I doubt about it with our culture off cloggs, tulips and windmills. Scotland has cooler stuff in their tourist shops in my opinion. 

 It's cool stuff to give away as a present, though. My family thinks it's cool, and so does grandma and my cousins. I think it would be really nice stuff if I had friends or relatives abroad. Then I would really have something fun to send them, but I don't. I still don't have much people in my life. Except for family, fellow clients and neighbours who love me. 

I can't go too wild with presents these days, but I have been sending nice postcards to family previous week. Among which an Easter card with a cute baby chicken. Some people still send Christmas cards, but me, a card sender every so often, I even send Easter cards every year to my family. Usually short before Easter, but just one card to close family. (The people in my parental home.) Not to everyone, like I would do with Christmas. But just a fun card to the fam' every year. Yes, I'm a stubborn card sender. My family loves it. 

I was thinking, or it rather became a mindspin: What do we need during a crisis when trouble is big? Except for clothes and foods? If you can't guess: It's stuff for when we get sick. Like painkillers, (Paracetamol), tissues, a thermometer, cough medicine, and so on. I haven't been thinking about it before, but I tend to think I need to fix a medicine space somewhere. It might seem a bit weird when nothing is going on, but I probably will be gratefull to myself when I'm in bed with 40 degrees off fever. I'm not expecting another Corona pandemic, but just items you'd need when sickness hits you, when there's still a bit off money available for it. It's very handy, and a necessity in my opinion. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading!     

Good evening at the 20th off March, 2023.

 Good evening everyone, 

This evening it´s raining cats and dogs. It´s soakingly wet outside, and the day was cloudy, depressing and grey. 

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Today was for baking three cookie spiced banana cakes. I have been making two common ones, and one in the shape off an Easter rabbit. 

Other than that, it has been the same grocery routine I follow every Monday. (The Easter Rabbit mold, by the way, comes from HEMA.) It's just that it has been raining today and it was a bit more depressing than the usuall. The banana cakes are for tomorrow games afternoon at de Boed, when they do a bingo with the clients. I have been making them becuase I had to get out off old bananas, and I thought the games afternoon would be the perfect occasion for banana cakes. I'm proud everything came out off it's mold perfectly. 

I filled my stock off baking supplies, but I thought it'd be scandalous how expensive everything is nowadays. It's not fun to bake anymore for a common household, or someone with diffrent purposes on their groceries than me. I have been capable to afford everything I needed today, but it was not cool for my supplies to have become this insanely expensive. I somehow believe everything will be even more pricey in the future. I'm so lucky I don't have a family to feed nowadays. And don't make these banana cakes the perfect gifts somehow to de Boed? I kept repeating it for myself: 'These are perfect gifts, I hope you realize.' To the problem I barely have money for gifts anymore. I don't have much to give, but I can bake for them. 

At least we can somehow celebrate the start off Spring with fresh banana cakes. And I'm lucky with it. We are not alone in this world. I still believe in sharing, somehow. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.