Tired all the time lately - And a switch in religious vieuws.

Good evening everyone, 

It's sunny in the Netherlands. Rays off sunshine have found us and the Corona lockdown will be less than it was starting wednesday. Numbers to hospital intake haven't got decreased but the government saw space to lift some pressure off our shoulders. I don't know if that was a good idea but maybe it was because off preasure from the people who couldn't take it anymore. But I'm not certain about that. 

*

I have been exhausted these days. I have been working hard and running around from appointment to appointment (Most off them where medical) and I've been on my legs for de Boed sometimes. I feel like I can barely lift my head from my pillow each morning these days. I wish I could sleep in the entire weekend but I have an appointment with the opticien for picking out new glasses upcoming saturday, and tomorrow I'll be on my feet for Wednesday Soup at de Boed. We'll have fresh chickensoup with fresh vegetables and chicken breast in it. I picked a receipe from the Soup Bible. I'm a bit irreligious, that's why I decided on to collect the entire cook-bible series, despite needing more space in my book case, or a few extra shelves for that. I'm on my way by owning about 7 or 8 off them allready. I don't want to insult anyone who is truly religious, But cooking bibles are truly divine inspiration if you use them well. 

Speaking off which, I have changed my religious vieuw from paganism rather to Buddhism, despite Buddha not being a true god but an inspirator. I feel Buddhism suits me better and gives some true wisdom and ways to deal with the worst hardships I've had in life. It rather focusses on personal growth and personal improvement instead off a nature religion I couldn't truly get the feeling to. Buddhism striked right to my heart with it's wisdom and felt right from the moment I started to read some off it's wisdoms and proverbs. It soothes my anger and teaches me methods to deal with pain. It's so amazingly truthfull and warming, I take it's lessons slowly and one by one simply because I don't want to over dose myself but truly take things in. Buddhism is more my personal thing than Paganism has ever been. It's no religion, it's a way off personal growth and it gives ways to handle the world and I love it. It's getting enlightned with a wonderfull 'bite.' to it since it challenges you to see things more wise and mature. 

Those off you who know me from internet fora probably think a bit weird off that, but it works for me since fora on the internet where rather bringing out the worse I could be with all the frustration and anger people caused me by being so ignorant and coming off annoying to me. I believe a way to handle both (Simply it telling me to never come back and turn my back to people who turn their back to me- It's something I've always felt but now something has told me and it was perfect to take that in that way) is very welcome for someone like me. I prefer yellow and orange and a more positive vieuw on the world over black and purple from now on. Namaste! 

Allright, that's about it for now. - Thank you for reading.  

 

A good shot off Moderna

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was cold yet sunny outside. I felt a bit cold all day and at night it's freezing while during day time spring finally shows through. Daffodils are blowing everywhere and Japanese cherry trees are about to bloom.  

*

I had my second injection off Moderna yesterday afternoon, and I still feel a bit sore on my shoulder because off it. During midnight I felt dizzy, but that was because I had the brilliant idea to lay on my shoulder and ignore the pain for a while to see if I could sleep on it. I ended up dizzy instead. I called Leviaan's night service and they told me to go back to bed and sleep so the dizzyness would fade. On my other shoulder offcourse. But if everything is fine (I'm still sore but I learned my lesson not to lay on that shoulder for a while) I'm about to be protected against Corona from now on. Things work out for you if you live protected in a care home like me. I feel like taking a bit more rest tomorrow since previous weeks have been very buisy for me and I can use a weekend off rest. I have been making Wednesday Soup today for de Boed, I made a version to Minnestrone soup and people loved their soups filled with vegetables. I'm not allowed to cook during weekends any time soon, but I can make the best off Wednesday Soup each week. I made a large pot off it so tomorrow they'll have another portion and I'm proud people love my soup. 

I'm tired and annoyed by the matter that I'm doing hard sleeping in at night. I lay awake for quite some time untill I truly sleep and it takes long for me to sleep. It's impossible to take naps during daytime somehow. I'm too exhausted to continue at the Upcycling. I quit there a few weeks ago since I couldn't bring up energy or willpower anymore to continue. I can go back any time when I feel like it, but for now it's good they sweeped me off the list to make place for someone else. I have been told they are going to miss me and my bakings for them. Sometimes life is like that. I have been making a bracelet during 'Jewelry making.' previous monday and donated that to de Boed's outlet shop. I still do small things. I'm somewhat glad I have more time on tuesdays instead off working so I have more space for medical appointments and appointments with care-takers. Life is buisy when you're in mental health care and it's a bit more than what I can take at this moment. 

I'm doing well mentally. I can't bring up much energy, but I feel well and feel calm in my mind. I just have to be beware off my limits and that is going to take place this weekend. I have no appointments and no promises to do something, so it's going to be mine. 

Allright, that's about this for now. Thank you for reading.    

Forest fruit quark tart with fresh strawberries

Good evening everyone,  

If only for the lively shade off purple off this tart. It's bright purple with fresh strawberries and a few tiny white chocolate hearts on top. A perfect pick me up for a cold yet sunny day outside during these dark days. It was just too good according to some. It tasted perfectly and it was appreciated.  

Issues with my mental cheer-ups

 Good evening everyone, 

I'm having a few issues with my strive to cheer up everyone at de Boed, community centre in rainy and locked down Zaandijk in the Netherlands with good foods, since I'm not allowed to cook during weekends anymore and they only want me to make them soup every wednesday. 

Is that due to me doing bad on something? Err, no. The main point is that they are out off staff to help me cooking and baking for them every week. Previous month untill easter I could be found almost every weekend in their kitchen to prepare dinner or a dessert for them, but the party is over so far. I bale a bit because off that. My fellow patients love my cooking, just as most staff who eats along during weekends. I have fans.  

de Boed is doing bad with staff since some off them have physicall health issues, and one got retired previous month and they simply are under employed during weekends. They don't have time for me and my work. What am I to do with that? Simply undergo this mundial crisis like that and let people be cranky and sad because off it? I have no solution soon, especially since my oven also broke down and I have to let them miss my home made bakings too. Life is not fair sometimes. But I don't want to hear that. 

'Life is tough, my darling- But so are you.' 

Tomorrow we'll have our second vaccine at de Boed. In this case we're lucky to be psychiatric patients who are signed up for vaccines by an organisation. If it all works out well, I won't get sick again from it. Corona is one off the least off my personal concerns, ironically. I survived it so my immune system does a lot off work for me already. I think I'm going to serve them a lot off non-baking tarts the upcomming period and see if I can experiment with ingredients to make it better time by time. I hope that does it for now. 

Allright, that's about it for now. Thank you for reading.  

Good evening at the 12th off April, 2021.

 Good evening everyone, 

It´s cold and rainy outside. Sometimes there are hints off sunshine through it, but it´s mainly incredibly cold if you go outside, even when the sun comes through. Corona intensive care numbers shoot through the roof, and quarantaine isn´t relieved from us the upcomming period. I was a bit optimistic two posts ago. I wonder how much people end up with chronicall depression from a period off time like this. Life can´t be harder at the moment for a lot off people. Sometimes it´s hard to see the light in a dark time. But in case off crisises like this, it´s best to turn to hobbies to keep yourselves busy and to keep spirits high somewhat. 

*

I´m doing somewhat fine despite it being a crisis since I live and lived constantly with crisis and despair from youth on. I have become stronger over time and learned not to turn to the outside world to deal with things, but simply go inside and turn to food, or time with family, music, new books or creativity instead off looking for the world outside to keep yourself distracted all the time. It works to be a homebody these days. It might take some time if you are not used to it, but I can recommend people to start lively lives inside if you can. Offcourse I feel with the victims and those who took loss. But I´m not broken because off the crisis.    

Today was for grocery shopping and for quark tart making. Forest fruit quark tart from frozen fruits from the supermarket without a package with instructions. Just fresh ingredients and a receipe from a website and my own insights. It has a beautifull purple colour and tomorrow I will finish it by decorating it with fresh strawberries which are comming to taste with a hint off sugar this night. 

I chopped strawberries from two packages in half and adjusted a large tablespoon off sugar to two bowls off strawberries. The method now is that they will release juices which will come to taste with the sugar over time. This will take at least three hours, but a whole night gives it just that extra. I could have adjusted a splash off lemon juice over each bowl for extra taste, since lemon juice enhances tastes. But I left it out this evening. Just a hint off sugar and their juices might do it this night. This method also works with frozen fruits. (Which are much cheaper to purchase from a supermarket most off the time) This method even brings the most sour greenhouse grown strawberry to taste. 

I used fresh strawberries to stunt with since I´m a hobby cook and this is for the ´sports.´ sake. I want to make an impression with it tomorrow. So fresh strawberries all the way from Spain it was. Tomorrow I hope my plan will come togheter and my quark tart will take flight and do it´s best to relief rainy corona quarantine blues at de Boed. All off this helps me cope since I´m buisy with my hobby, and it helps people who attend there to cope with a bad time and I hope they just enjoy their slices off exclusively decorated quark tart. I make a difference between this and quark cake since that´s something else in my universe. That´s more off a cake on quark base. Sometimes Cakes, Tarts, and Pies are all Taart to Dutch people. Since we have one collective name to most bakings from a round baking tin. It's not handy if you wish to use the correct English term for what you're making. In which case you can have almost three to four terms for diffrent things. Quark tart comes close to cheesecake but then mainly based on quark, but actuall quark cake is a cake based on quark as it's almost main ingredient. It could be confusing to some. 

However, keep your spirits high, and make a few off either off those for yourself and those around you as long as the crisis takes place and make people happy with it. Don't let yourselves be down because off all off this, that's not worthit in the long term off life. Baking might have safed my life this entire crisis I believe. Tomorrow I will plant a picture off my creation on this weblog for you to see what I've made. I'm thát proud off it.       

Allright, that's about it for now. Thank you for reading. 

Vana Events has given me my right, and told me they where sorry finally

 Good late night everyone, 

*After a small 10 years off fighting, Mark van der Stelt finally admitted he was wrong all the time and he told me he was sorry about the entire procedure off keeping me waiting in the first place for 5 annoying months, and the lying about why they rejected me afterwards. 

Then he asked me if I could forgive them for all the nonsensicall wickerbeasts dedicated to put me in my place and then he was sorry for all the slutshaming and whore calling the main part off alternative festivall goers was up to, just as the harassing staring in the street and the cat calling done by some off those. From now on it's strictly forbidden to call me a whore and to stare me to the ground in public or on any Vana Event. Wickerbeasts won't be any longer dedicated to me, but will be restored back to their original meaning: Ancient Celtic symbols with a powerfull meaning to those who wish to place an offer or a wish inside. 

Pepijn was sorry for being a jerk several times towards me after I was almost sure we had talked things over. He will stop assaulting sticking out off his tongue from now on. 

After asking them why they kept on with this fight for about 10 years and never truly made things right with me, they replied: 'We had a morron stuck up with his pride being in love with you for all this time. And his wife was jealous off you all the time along with that. That's with the wickerbeasts, the gossip and the taring. but he couldn't take his own stupidity anymore and that's why we told you we are sorry. You where right all along.' 

*This is based on a fictional scenario. None off this was actually done by any off them and that's a big pity. 

Good evening at the 8th off April, 2021.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today it's just as gloomy, cold and rainy as any other day these days. It's moody weather so to say, you almost got why some people are always cranky. Covid-numbers are decreasing, finally. There is sight on a relief off our lock down by the end off April. Finally. 

*

I decided on to take an escape to my parent's house and that's where I am this weekend. Hector the ladybug whispered in good answers while I was playing scrabble with my mom. During the trip to this place he was somewhat moody. I belief he got sick off being stuck in my head, and off the lockdown. And give him his right. He could use a plate off well cooked foods, or a nice dessert, or something baked for him but he's imaginairy. He can excist but he would never be capable to eat anything I make for humans. Ladybugs aren't supposed to eat human food, but Hector is half-human, half-ladybug and he's still friendly to me despite being cranky. Err... he can excist? He excists in my mind and is as real as a mental voice probably can be. not much real at all, except for being a cute mental image with a personality. I made a drawing off him some time ago and I believe I might post that on here. I'm not a good drawer, but it's as good as I can portray someone out off my mind. Maybe Hector is a Tuatha dé Danann. (Ancient Irish for member off the fairy folk) and that could be a perfect explaination off what he actually is. Some sort off a fairy. He prefers to keep quiet if I ask him about that. I never had voices as lively as he is. It's hard to keep him away since I see him almost as a friend when we talk. 

Tomorrow I decided to pick up some spoons here and cook for mom and everyone else around here. it gives me something to be busy with during the day and as said, it's a perfect thing to do on a cold and boring day like tomorrow. And they deserve that. I will make them Indonesian gado gado for main course, and apple crumble for dessert. It helps that they offered me to do grocery shopping for that. I hope it helps to chase away the rain in our minds tomorrow. Rainy days can be (mentally) chased away with good foods, I am a firm believer off that. 

Allright, that's about it for now. 

Thank you for reading.     

Preventing destruction off capabilities and possibilities

 Good evening everyone, 

I wish to make a point today. There are people in the world who nevertless always choose the easy way, or who are very lazy or who just don´t care at all about giving it your best and do a bit better than before. Simply because they are shamelessly ignorant. 

I think that´s a waste off possibilities and it creates a breeding place for jealousy towards others if you keep on holding back and do nothing with your capabilities. Jealousy and irony, and sometimes even a feeling off being worthless and not belonging where you are. The last can be a serious issue which can simply be solved by moving places if you do feel out off place where you live (I´ve had that issue before and I can deal much better with daily life at a place where I´m appreciated by most people) 

The first issue is something the world can do without. If you are not capable to give life your best, that´s a diffrent issue. But not being willing to make your best out off things and give a little extra effort to things you can do well- that´s a pity. This modern world is build out off daily improvement off people who give their time, creativity and capabilities each day and I feel a bit annoyed by people who according to themselves ´don´t care.´ about effort. 

Effort and creativity can pull you up out off feeling lonely, depressed and not valued by others. I believe you better give it your best and do what´s within your capabilities to feel good about yourself. It can prevent a whole lot off mental pain. Look for hobbies, a job or something else you can do perfectly and hang yourself on to it and grow better each day. People out there need you. You can inspire them and who knows you might even lighten a spark in their heavy hearts these days. It´s needed in these dark times and I´m not joking about that. You can help yourself by helping others. (That´s a buddhistic wisdom) You can help people and start to feel better and convident about yourself again when you´re onto that. It works both ways and it´s a good thing to be a good person. Don´t overdo it, as you might not want to destroy yourself by overworking on it, but a good hand to others is a perfect remedie from time to time. 

Allright, that´s about it for now, 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 5th off April, 2021.

 Good evening everyone, 

Weather circumstances this second day off easter where dramatic and to feel depressed about, if it wasn´t easter today. It´s probably a Dutch habbit to make two days off important holidays. I´ve heard the rest off the world isn´t up for that, but I´m not completely sure about that. We had wet snow storms today. It´s downright a drama so to say.  

I feel satisfied about my easter. There where two days off it and two days off perfect home cooked meals with desserts made by me at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk. First day off easter they performed my idea and gave everyone hasselback potatoes, a salad and half a chicken roasted in the oven. I loved it since I love to eat chicken and such a huge treat isn´t cooked for us every day. It was perfectly easter, perfectly festive. I could eat all off mine while some people had trouble eating all off it. I missed eating chicken like that for a while since they never serve it that way. What a treat! 

My dessert was home made chocolate mousse served in festive dessert cups with whipped cream and a small easter egg situated in the middle with all cups. I have been beating mousse made off eggs and sugar for almost half an hour (So it felt.) My arms where quite soar from doing so but it was worthit and it got appreciated. 

Second day off easter (today) was for roullade, small potatoes and aspargus swimming in their sauce and it was good. I enjoyed my meal and I love aspargus when they are cooked well and brought well to taste. 

Our dessert was a lemon quark tart made by me, decorated with tiny white chocolate hearts (My signature decoration for non bake tarts like that. It´s easy and it never misses it´s point.) and it was the perfect ending to a good easter meal. My quark tarts are famous among de Boed and I made so much people could have two servings off it. People enjoyed their meal and that is a perfect way to cope with snow storms during easter. I believe in good meals and perfect desserts to handle nasty weather circumstances and it´s a point which has never missed its proove in this wet and rainy ´frog country.´ As how we call it ourselves. 

Dutch kitchen is quite sober, I would advocate for more extensive cooking and less boring desserts to hopefully make people less cranky and more compete with life. It´s a pity if you compare us to other European countries. People, make (more) work off your food. I would almost swear you´d feel better by it. Is there any better way than to spend a rainy sunday preparing a good meal and ending it with enjoying your work? But that´s my opinion. 

 I´m probably a bit old fashioned that way. But I believe in taking action to take away your feelings off being unsatisfied with life by taking a bit more action if you can. Easter was nevertless succesfull in terms off food. I can´t promise them to help each holiday since I have a family that wishes to see me every now and then during those days, but it was fun and I somehow felt better helping de Boed with desserts than to be bored and a bit out off place at my family home. I decided to visit them next week, however. To make up for that and to see how they are doing. They forgave me for not being there this year on forehand, luckily.