Good evening at the 19th off June, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

This morning started with a big thunderstorm, the day went by cloudy. 

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Today went by sensitive. The morning was for cleaning the house (with help) but this afternoon was for crying over my father and his family. It's my brother's birthday and it's father's day. I wasn't capable to go to my brother's birthday since I felt bad for quite a period. Ever since Ascension day, or even before it since I remember to have come home from it due to mental issues. I feel lame. 

I bought my brother some presents, he will come over here for coffee the next weekend and they will bring a pastry so I can still celebrate his birthday. This day has brought something good, after all. 

But this afternoon was for crying over my dad and his family since most off them are gone. Father's day is always sensitive for me. When the app suggests me to ask 'when will it be fahter's day?' I have the answer: 'Never again. Since my father is dead.' For me there won't be father's day anymore in my lifetime. I don't need a silly app to suggest me to ask that. Today was for burning candles and a feeling off mourning. My dad and his family is missed. If there would be people in this world who would know how to cope with a life like mine, it would be them. 

It was also for ordering pizza and a thick shake, (Coffee flavour) since I didn't feel like having the bad foods they serve at de Boed today. I wanted something more tasty than haricots verts and boiled potatoes on a sunday like this. (I choose for my own. It was a good thing.) Usually I'm not ungratefull, but this day it felt like too much. 

Aside to that, the comfort off my own home felt better than de Boed and it's itchy bitchy fights during dinner time. It was also a good thing to eat in peace. 

Yesterday was for having fried fish and fries in a place known for it's fish. The restaurant was far from fancy, but the fish was the best food I've had in a long time and that says something. It's been quite emotional to do so, since it must have been at least 10 years since I went there with my family. Back when my dad was still alive. I have been enjoying my meal with a caretaker who drove me there by lunchtime. The fish is that good, you forgive the place how bad it looks on the outside. The caretaker promised me to do so more often. So every often I go out to have fish 'n chips. 

Tomorrow morning will be for serving coffee again. Then weekend ends and I have to get back to work. Leviaan also decided the coast is clear again for getting medication at the office again, so that will be the first thing tomorrow morning. 

Aside to coffee service and mourning, I think I wish to purchase a decorative rolling pin. One which rolls a pattern into your work so cookies will look more decorative, or cookie stamps. To treat myself for No-Spend-Month, I purchased the 'bites- bible.' A cookbook with all kinds off bites to go with a drink. Like said, I have to think about wheter I continue with it this entire summer. Officially, I would re-start tomorrow and safe untill the 20th off July if I had to do so again, but they tell me to look for escapes from the maddening renovation. So I have to spend at least a little money there. Two days off no renovation works was a downright luxury for me. Tomorrow I have to get out early again and deal with the construction noise again. But like said, I have my ideas for a decorative rolling pin to make sandcookies even more fancy. (I love baking sandcookies, and recently I also have a thing for baking poundcakes in all kinds off flavours) That's the great thing about sandcookies: They lend themselves well for creative decorating. But lately I found out I love giving them card shapes (Clubs, spades, diamonds, hearts) and that people think off them as less ugly if I don't make them 'poof.' So even if I will take it sober the next months, I can still have my way in baking them. 

This weekend was not for baking since it was too hot and I had nothing planned since I don't like being in the kitchen when the weather is hot. Still I have been eating like there's no tomorrow this weekend. Not the best idea in the world, but today was for making exceptions that where right for this day. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.