Corona has entered Zaandam

Good evening everyone,

Corona has entered Zaandam, and takes a lot from our city centre and the inhabitants that live here. 

Zaandam doesn't has a large city centre, it has just the main stores like any other city has them and there are only about two shopping streets (And a lot off buildings which make up the atmosphere, like hotels and buildings with traditional green facades to make the tourists happy.) and a very small canal in the middle off the main shopping street. People are supposed to follow the route and walk only at one side off the canal when they go either one way or another. It's strictly mentioned with signs and it's painted on the streets. Bridges are set off with police tape if you wish to sneak to the other side. Luckily, you are allowed to cross the largest bridges and take shortcuts. People are itchy and cranky these days. It's best not to attract trouble if you're out. Luckily I'm not the kind off person they pick on. 

I had to be there this afternoon for household supplies. I decided not to make it a long visit and just buy what I needed and then be gone home. (Though I took some time to have a frappé and an oreo cheesecake at a restaurant at the start off my shopping trip. Everyone needs a coffee break every now and then to get fresh air.) I haven't been at the city centre for a long time. Most off the time when I'm at 'de Boed.' or at home, I don't have time to go shopping. Usually, I order products off most kinds online since I live here in Zaandijk, a distance away from most shops in the centre. To see it like this had quite an impact on me.

I heard there has been a medicine invented against Corona. I hope things will get better from now on. And life hopefully will be back to normal again. If just for how people act and come off. At least if I have caught up on it from my shopping trip, I won't die off it.

Allright, that's it for today,

I hope you enjoyed reading.

  

Cooking emancipated

Good evening everyone,

I know in my previous blog I stated again that cooking is something unemancipated,
but I would like to almost take that back.

I have been taught by my dad and my two younger brothers are also good at cooking. In my family, it's not unemancipated. I love to cook as it's one off my major hobbies and I'm quite good at it. I'm proud off it and a man shouldn't be afraid not to be cooked for when he's with me. It's just that it shouldn't be something that's demanded from me. Or being taken for granted. I'm sorry, I might sound a bit harsh when it comes to that. I bulk in receipes from supermarket magazines, (I have a pile off them in my book case) I have a ton off receipe sites saved in my webbrowser and I watch just too many YouTube video's with receipes. (Which I like.)  As long as it's a hobby, I don't and I don't want to think off it as unemancipated. I don't know how to put it.

To cook fresh soup for example is like working with a cauldron. I love preparing diffrent kinds off fresh pureed soups. Zuchinni soup is one off my favourites and it's supposed to turn a bright green. It's a perfect healthy potion. But that would be more near the Harry Potter kind off witch if you are into cooking bright coloured potions, err, soups. Though it's one off the fun things off calling yourself a witch. I purchased a new cooking pot especially for soups and stews previous May or April  and it works perfect. I'm sorry. My cooking supplies and my kitchenware keep on expanding and become more and more as I can't help it. I even have an instagram dedicated to foods (Username: ladymaai) I have been on there for about four months, and I'm becomming quite popular for my usuall  amount off internet followers. I'm proud I have this potential with it, at least I'm getting known somewhere.

Aside from cooking, I also love to photograph my foods and use cute kitchenware. Like I might have said before, I have made it to a woman's magazine with it at the beginning off this year. This way, working with foods is NOT unemancipated, but rather something cool to do. 

   

Practice what you preach

The origin for modern paganism was a set up for a strong woman-centred religion. Still I see women being held back and turned back in emancipation because off paganism. That can't be a good thing.

They are slutshamed, tied to the household and told they should bear a lot off children. Conservatism is a big thing among modern pagans and it's not my cup off coffee. Why would you enforce someone to take upon that role while you, the man, are dominant again and think that's the way to go? Weren't women fighting their way (succesfully) out off that position? We don't need another group off dominant males to tell women how to live as prude and valuable as possible, and to cook their food and wash their dirty socks.

Something went wrong here.

 True strong women usually don't show up in pagan circles. Those power women who have it alltogheter and who take nonsense and rules from no one. With a shiny bright career. That's probably why I don't show up there anymore. It's usually those outsiders with bad chances in life who take on paganism. It's probably one reason why I felt / feel attached to it. I feel more for being an independent woman, though. And be a bit more down to earth and real than most nowadays pagans. And more likely to take a good joke, as most off them promote hyper sensitivity to a point where it becomes uncomfortable. A strong woman knows how to take a joke and return it in my opinion.

Hypersensitivity is something that shouldn't be accepted too easily. It's a thing, but people can over-act on it. Aside to that, I'm sensitive too- but they aren't the first people to take count off that, so somehow I suppose it doesn't go two ways often. Hypersensitivity can also be used as hypocricy to keep the mass tame. I don't support that. Though I'm pro keeping things sane and down to earth, especially in religion. That's something to live by if you wish to keep the paranormal stuff out off madness. I wish I would have lived by it way before. It would have kept me on the ground somehow.

 
People can be so stuck up when it comes to this. In a way that makes me feel bad about it, and think it's rather their ego that speaks instead off a true word off wisdom. And wisdom isn't necessairily a Pagan trait anymore since it's become more known by the masses. Or maybe it never has been to begin with. I don't believe those people who claim 'But don't I have the right to see it MY way? I refuse to listen to anyone else.' - Somehow it's often a way to defend nonsense, and you're not permitted to discuss their point off vieuw at any cost since they claim to be 'way too sensitive.' And that's the beginning off pagan biggotry. If you can't question someone's believe, or theories to them- don't take it from them as true. As that is dangerous in my opinion.

I write you this at the summer solistice. As I believe I have the utmost right to do so.

I hope you enjoyed reading this,

Thank you for reading.

It depends on where you are, and who you ask.

Paganism isn´t attached to western rules off nature. It´s more large and complicated than that, if you wish to see it on a broad scale and wish to follow the rules off nature correctly.

The largest excisting pagan religion is Hinduism, though I would not follow their vieuw on women. And this religion has the largest amount off gods and godesses.

Solistices like ours can only be celebrated in Europe. In other continents solistices and seasons work diffrent. In Australia, winter and summer are the other way around. I believe if you´re a pagan in Australia, you shouldn´t keep on working with European standards, but make the religion compatitable for your own continent.

In south Asia, there is just a wet season and a dry season. I believe things won´t work out with our vieuw on seasons either. But it´s also known they have thought that out thousands off years before our culture came to excist.

In Africa, the moon is seen as a bowl instead off a sickle.

In the light off our modern world, with seasons changing and becomming diffrent than how our ancestors knew them, isn´t it a good idea to take a diffrent look at it and wonder if we should change the entire concept the way it is and make it fit our modern world? 

I think it´s a good thing to keep this in mind. What am I pointing out with this? Well, I think I would like to bring it to the point where western pagans shouldn´t see themselves as the centre off the universe, and the ancient religion the western european way as absolute.

Actually, I feel more like learning about Buddhism and incorporate wisdom from that philosophy (It doesn´t see itself as a religion.) To keep a down to earth state off mind and prevent myself from the idea off knowing everything. They have about a thousand sacred writings (It´s too much to read all off that, but it´s a developping wisdom which is still willing to improve itself and take on even more wisdom. I like that.) and live life thankfully, positive minded, wise and with an open mind.

 Allright, these are my vieuws on religion for this morning,

I hope you like to read it, despite it being brought to you on an early morning.

Thank you for reading!

 

Things go down, that´s just the way it goes.

It´s always like that. Things build up, florish and then break down into nothingness.

It´s something you have to get used to if you aren´t. It´s the best not to loose our mind over it, though I have several times. I´m a bit more resistant to losses than I have been in my youth. But it´s not something to go too light on too early, as that can still be painfull.

There has been a time, probably, where things where build up and could stand forever. But that time has been gone. I think people shouldn´t hold on to hypes anymore. Or to the next public made god on a pedestal, as pedestals break and gods fall down on their face. Never, Ever, attach yourself to one.

Don´t go to easy on feelings. As unimportant as people wish to make them these days, people are build up out off feelings. Irrelogic as they are. But life is irrelogic, painfull and unfair.

It´s possible to fight unfairness, that happens a lot these days and it was about time it was going to happen- But to fight pain is a harder thing. Inner pain kills people. Or so to say, I´m not easy with my feelings. To me inner pain is almost deathly, and has almost been deathly.

I´ve learned not to fear a lot off things in life. By lot off things I mean things people are barely used to, but I´ve learned to deal with it. I don´t know if it´s common sense to scratch open some wounds, I have learned it´s useless to try to convince people off my side off a story, and that I´m sensitive for their lack off understanding, I have been bursting into anger about that some times. I still think I´m not as guilty as they make me. I don´t know why I bring that up on here, what for?

I have had my share off pain and punishment by fate. I´m sure off it, and I´m known with a lot off people thinking it´s funny to see me suffer. Do not cast thy pearls before swine as they say. I should stop pointing out such things to some people, as they don´t deserve to know. Somehow I sense I´m in trouble somewhere, and on the other hand I think I´m too mature to accept their punishment and let it come over me like something I´m the victim to. Somehow I think everything´s  over already, I´ve broken contact with it entirely and it´s not my cup off coffee anymore. I think I´ve done well with that, and I have put it on bravely for standing by my side and refusing to give in to pressure. I´ve done the right thing by turning my back on it when I couldn´t take it anymore.  I´m certain I´m right.

I have been cat-called too many times, and have been degraded too much by to have been called a slut and a whore and to be pressured into a certain role that didn´t feel right. There is nothing acceptable about that. I have been bullied and broken down into too many pieces. And I reacted furious to that. Somehow to end all off it and break with them was the best thing to do. To fiercely stand your ground is better than to be mentally buried by bullies. I´m not going to take it back.

Good evening at the 19th off June, 2020.

Good evening everyone,


Today is for visiting my family. My oldest younger brother has turned 26. I have given him three cookbooks on Asian food, as he loves to cook Asian. I asked him to invite me over when he's about to try something. My mom keeps on telling me he's a good cook. He seemed to like his presents. It was a good bet to buy him those. 

They have a new kitten named Johnny, and it's able to do something most things / beings can't anymore: he makes me happy and all warm and fuzzy inside. It's fun to have cats surrounding me again. I needed an escape from my appartment, it's good to be here and feel my mind getting at peace again. I suppose I'm in my house for too long sometimes. Everyone needs fresh air every often. Though I'm not the person to go out often. Usually I just stick inside my house and refuse to get out most off the time. Even to take a walk seems to be too much. Am I just lazy, or afraid to get myself out? It's a mixture off both. Aside from going to work or 'de Boed.' I don't do much. It's not the time to go out often since Corona is around, but overthinking it, I could move my ass a bit more every often and do more fun things.

I know it can do damage to your mental health to overwork yourself, but hey, even I need to go out every now and then. I have planned a second trip to this house already. I feel like I could spend summer in my parental home, but I doubt if they would agree. 

**

I'm onto a novell named 'Extremely loud and incredibly close.'  (Vertaald: Extreem luid en ongelofelijk dichtbij.) by Jonathan Safran Foer. I take breaks from reading every often when I'm onto it, I found it in the second hand shop where the Upcycling shop is located these days and it's captivating. I like it. It's fun to me to read such an intelligent book, though it's a mental challenge to read. It's about a very intelligent 9 year old boy in New York city who has lost his father during 9/11 and who searches the use off a mysterious key his father has left. I haven't finished it yet.

I think it wasn't a good thing to tell my mom I'm into reading these days, she has lend me a pile off about 7 big books she thought I might like. It's a bit much for me to read all off that soon. Especially since I rather would have searched and purchased my own taste in books. I still think off the pile as a challenge and some titels appeal to me. Still I give myself quite some time to read all off it if I'm capable to.

A person who doesn't go out often has to have something to do to spend their time. I have been reading a few books every often when I didn't go out. I have borrowed three off them from my mom and now she feels like being my personal librarian. I appreciate her enthousiasm into sharing her favourite books with me, though.

***

           

How to fight the nonsense.

I can take it perfectly, I suppose I'm doing fine when it comes to that.

I sometimes wonder if there is a website dedicated to me, filled with gossip and lies, or a social webpage somehow. I have this idea for quite some time. 'cause asking in person has never came to annyone's mind. I suppose some off their ideas are just based on lies. Depending on the way they act towards me, still after too many years after telling everyone to 'Let it go.' And take it with a Limb off Salt. I suppose they weren't talking to me when they said that, still it's something I do. I relativate the nonsense to something painfull but stricktly unimportant to survive. 

what is there to do but to stay strong, and fill your true life with doing good? It's an idea for those who befall victim to bad internet hypes and everything that surrounds it: Start doing all kind off good things in your life, help others and do good for your local community. And end up with the perfect conclusion that it's not about you what they gossip. That can't be, because you know better and you've always done and been better than the lies. Usually those lies come from people who have no true life themselves. That's all there is. I do have my fears for them, but I know they are jealous and just after something to get over with their meaningless days. While my life is filled with adventure, nice things  and appreciation. 

To act kind every day and make people happy is my trick to keep my head held up high. I can sense some stupid vulture getting at war with me already for even reading these mentionings, but it's their fault and their powerlessness and I stick at that.

To be truly good and be off true meaning for other people who appreciate can breathe air under your wings the internet can't break.

To stay kind these days.

I heard a lot off people at my job telling they are stuck in their house. Not due to the virus, but simply due to the fact that people don't like to go out these days with others being so rude outside.

I have been onto that too, I'm someone who rather stays inside if I don't have to do something outside, or when there are no fun gatherings at 'de Boed.' (Which I like.)

I prefer the quiet and calm atmosphere in my own home if I don't have to do anything, but I need my job to stay sane. I need to feel needed and important somehow to stay mentally stable. I think I'm no exception if I tell you that I don't go out after a certain time in the evening, and that I refuse to let anyone in after 21.00 in the evening, or even answering the phone after 21.00. I'm one off many people who do so, and I think it's a good way to stay safe in a modern urban surrounding.

Still, what those people do who are a threat to safety is not acceptable. There are a lot off headlines about people (especially people who are supposed to be there for our safety, like ambulance staff or enforcement staff) being beaten over nothing all the time. This kind off news keeps people voluntairly in. 

I think it's a bit late to complain about how rough and unkind our society is these days, as that has been a thing since the late 90's.

Still I think it's a good idea to ask people not to loose their sanity and their manners these days when they go outside, or in general. It's not necessairy to loose your mind and perform violence. Especially since the world has already been at a boiling point these months. If you're f*cked up, start an excercise routine and blow off steam in the gym. I think that's a good idea for most. Or do something else more civilized to loose your anger.

Allright, that's about it for today.

Thank you for reading.

Good afternoon at the 13th off June, 2020

Good afternoon everyone.

The world after quarantine. 

We're finally getting out off quarantine, and I wonder how everything will go afterward. There is less space in busses and in shops, and the world still isn't fit enough for a full recovery. I wonder how everything will solve in such a society.

I've heard people at work say that it's part off the 1%'s hidden agenda to change the world and set it to their hand. Like, changing the common law as easy as this.

I have been fighting the 1%'s hidden agenda for quite some time my way. Like taking part in protest actions and being part off a left winged political party in the Netherlands. I don't know if I can say that works. At least doing something feels better than to be a victim.

But do I think all off this Corona thing is part off a hidden agenda? One off the things known these days is that the COVID-19 virus has been created in some sort off virus laboratory in China, and that it hasn't been developed in nature. I wonder, I wish I could do something about it, but I am just a common civillian without any scientific degree, so I can't solve this, even if I wanted to.

There are a lot off theories about everything being part off an evil plan. I'm not so sure about what to do about it anymore. Or what to believe about this. 

What is true, is that busses take less passengers, 'de Boed.' takes in less clients because they have less space for everyone, schools and shops can't take in a lot off people, and I think this n't suitable for a world with such a large population as ours. Less people can use less facilities, but we are with so many people, and more people need what's offered than what they got offered at the moment.

I'm against killing the overpopulation, that would be extremely cruel and most off the time I'm against violence. I think everyone has the right to live in this world. The advice the government gives is to stay at home for most people if you don't have anything important to do outside. Is that acceptable? I suppose even if you don't have a job, you have the right for a coffee break at some place every often if you need air.

Usually have been on the side off simply taking this quarantine for a while untill Corona is solved, but I don't want to be the victim off some sort off trick belonging to a hidden agenda.

Somehow I hope this will be some sort off cool story to the generations after this. And that it will stay at that. I'm not even sure about how optimistic I should be at this moment. At the news they are afraid off a second wave off Corona if everyone goes outside the way they do at this moment. As little as they already do. 

I don't want to get afraid off everything happening. I wish to keep my head held high and withstand everything as good as possible without it taking the best off me. I suppose that's the best way to overcome everything.

I hope you people are taking it fine and not loosing your mind over the current 'New normal society.' as they call it.

Allright, that's about it for this blog post.

Thank you for reading. 

What people do at 'de Boed.'

Good evening everyone,

This pic was posted on Facebook recently, I am the one who decorated the blue, ornamented glittery box in the centre. It gives you an idea what sort off things we do there.

I'm the kind off person who needs inspiration from time to time to truly set myself to get creative. If I don't feel the urge to make things, it can happen it takes days for me to do something while they bulk in their creative supplies in almost every field. I love decorating stuff this way almost best.

People are creative to set their mind off off things, to feel usefull and to fill their days. It's important to keep community centres like 'de Boed.' open.

Good evening at the 6th off June, 2020.

Good evening everyone,

It's getting better. I'm not quite there yet, but it's getting alright with me these days. I feel like I'm mentally improving, finally. Rest, a lot off healthy tea, a safe surrounding and the idea off litterally not having to have to do anything but just - live.- works to get a peace off mind I usually don't have.

It's a week off rain in the Netherlands. It's a blessing since we had a lot off drought these weeks. It makes me feel gloomy, though. Aside from being on my period. This week has something moody, despite trying to make something good out off it, I still feel cranky, but I suppose it will fade away some time. I'm in a strange kind off mood where on one hand I feel nasty, and on an other hand I feel like it's allright with me and everything's shiny and soft and cozy and the hormonal bad mood will go away soon. It's a bit- confusing.

aside to that, 'de Boed.' is open for evening meals again, so I don't have to eat alone during dinner time. It's a good thing to have people surrounding me again, despite me sitting all gloomy by myself at a table in the back. It's one off those things that are contradictory these days. I enjoy company on one hand, but I'm too moody to fully enjoy it and take part in conversations on the other hand. And I'm still a bit floaty from reading a lot these days. I suppose I will get over it. Maybe I should talk about it with someone. Hopefully that will give air.

** 

Another kind off bad thing, is that I ordered a cookbook on luxury home made cookies but it's delivery is delayed all the time. I hope to make some treats out off it for 'de Boed.' Coffee time when everything is back to normal again and I'm permitted to use their kitchen. Hopefully I'm not too optimistic when I say the virus isn't over too soon. I'm afraid I have to wait quite some time untill I can use my kitchen skills at 'de Boed.' again. I tell myself:  This will fade, this will fade, - and then again, I feel moody about it.

The best thing in life is tea at the moment. It's something to hold on to, to hold in my hands when I need something in my hands, to drink tea is comforting. It's even better when it's rainy outside.

The second best thing is to cook foods and still loose weight. I have lost about 5 killograms these weeks and it's still getting better. From 180 to about 174.7 killograms. I suppose it's because off my interest in fresh vegetables and receipes with them. Aside to simply eating smaller portions off food during dinner time. I'm glad I'm loosing weight. To eat vegetables and fruit and to eat more off them actually works. 

I wonder if I will ever get back to a normal weight, and when that's going to happen. If that happens, I can finally say I have dealt with a bad period off time which has started about 9 years ago. Though I suppose it's not fully over yet. 

Allright, this is my blog for this evening.

Thank you for reading.

Good evening at the 3th off June, 2020.

Good evening everyone,

I feel well. I don't feel depressed or bad these days, though I feel a bit distant from my neighbours. I have been reading something that occupies my mind, but I suppose it's something good since it helps me cope with stuff. I have been reading the buddhistic wisdom from a South Korean monk, Haemin Sunim. As it caught my eye on a (In the Netherlands quite famous) site which sells books and other stuff.

Sometimes, that happens. I have an abillity which I would call 'Intuïtive Shopping.' Sometimes when I see something, I have the urge / a strong feeling out off nowhere to buy it, and often that works out well. The purchased items often do something for me. 

Most things written in my copy off his first book hit ground with me and are helping. It calms my mind and makes me see things diffrently. Which is a perfect thing for me at this time and space off being. I agree with most things, and I can relate a lot off things to my personal life and experiences from the past. I would like to thank Haemin Sunim for writing this, as it helps. I have never met a real life therapist helping me with issues like that.

Though soaking in all off that wisdom makes me a bit distant from my surrounding. I have told someone what's on my mind, and that it's hard to find connection about it with other people. I felt it was a good thing to inform her. If people catch me in this floaty state off being they might think I'm delusional. But I suppose I'm fine.

Despite feeling so distant, I feel like reading these books off wisdom at least three times to soak everything in correctly. Even the symptomps off my schizophrenia seem to shut up when I read this, and think about all off this. It works as a cure at this moment. I wonder what happens when I lay it aside, but for now it's perfect.

I think that's about it, though I would like to quote something from 'Dingen die je alleen ziet als je er de tijd voor neemt.' (In Dutch, I'm sorry) to my audience.

**

Schuif niet heen en weer als een school vissen 

alleen omdat je vrienden dat ook doen 

of omdat anderen zeggen dat je dat moet doen 

Blijf je overtuigingen trouw. 

Zet het bestaande paradigma op zijn kop

en word een trendsetter.  

(Haemin Sunim - Dingen die je alleen ziet als  je er de tijd voor neemt.) 

***

Thank you for reading