Good afternoon at the 22th off March, 2021.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

While I write you this, a ray off sunshine breaks through the clouds and lightens my living room. 

*

Today was for grocery shopping, and for preparing Monchou tart which I will hand out to de Boed tomorrow. There isn't anything to be celebrated as restrictions in this country conform the Corona rules will continue just as strict the upcomming weeks. It's just that it's ment to help people through these dark days. 

I'm glad I can help fighting Corona blues by serving people good foods. My Cale stamp yesterday evening was one big succes among everyone, a boring and cold grey sunday evening couldn't have been better thanks to that. 

I have had the request to cook at least one sunday a month permanently from now on. They do hard finding good staff for their kitchen in the weekends. We've had trouble with the menu on sunday a few times and I felt pity about it since I love to have meals 'A sunday dish worthit.' in my weekends. But maybe I'm spoiled when it comes to it. However, it's my hobby and I can help. I'm a client, not a staff member but I promised I would do it or at least try to do it. I love thinking out meals and coming up with great meals for sunday. Rich in nutritience and vegetables, ofcourse. 

There's also a downer on the front off my hobby and it's my oven. It's broken and dangerous to use since two weeks ago. I have to throw it away and safe for a new one. I feel bad for not being capable to at least make de Boed banana cake when I have ingredients left over for that. I have to work with non-bake cakes and tarts for a while these months. Or use de Boed's oven if I have the utmost urge to bake. 

Sometimes a broken oven means to gain a better and more modern one after I safed the money for it. Things might get better in the end after this and it might even improve the quality to my bakings if I take on it sober for a while. I believe I even feel challenged to improve my take on non-bake cakes and see how far that might get me. I'm not the one to keep her head down when it comes to this. I prefer to keep on seeing possibilities- even with a broken oven, a mundial lockdown and the right winged parties in politics to have won the elections. Sometimes to keep your head up is the best thing to do. People have nothing on you if you act like the evil side has already won the battle. 

Spring has started yesterday. It's not as cruel beautifully as it was previous year around this time. I would hope to get myself an easter branch one off these days and situate it neatly and decorated in my living room like I always like to do around this time off year. But that's mainly all easter decoration I arrange for myself. I have some cute decorations I put in there each year and it brightens up the living room each year, ever since I did so when I was still in group living. I haven't found a suitable easter branch so far, but I keep on searching.

I doubt I can attempt easter with my family this year, as they prefer not to have me over with the lockdown still going on as they are afraid we might somehow infect each other. I'm legally capable to visit them, but they are, despite being horrendously bored, afraid it's not a good idea. I suggested mom to come over and have a pastry with her and the family to get her out off boredom somehow but she rejected. She's utmost carefull since she works with elderly people. 

I would hate the idea not to celebrate easter with them. It's not the christian idea, it's mainly the habbit off being togheter with family I hold dear. I promised de Boed to help them with the easter menu if I couldn't attempt to my family, but I'd skip de Boed's gathering for being with my relatives. 

Some people complain a lot about their family. But it's important to cherish what you have, and what you still have. If you have the opportunity. I believe it's a good thing to keep good bonds well. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.     

Good evening at the 20th off March, 2021.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's cold outside but it was a sunny day. It was a nice day to gaze at the sunshine from inside a building. Outside you'd be freezing. It was cold but beautifull today. 

*

With some left over mascarpone and yoghurt and frozen summer fruit I made de Boed a dessert today which wasn't scheldued with them, but still it was appreciated as it turned out perfect for a cold but sunny day like this. Spring in a dessert bowl but nothing too fancy. I found it would be a waste if I wouldn't help them off off the left over mascarpone from previous week, so I did the same thing today as I did previous sunday with those ingredients, but it wasn't less appreciated than it could be today. Sometimes it's a good thing to be a bit bored and focused on using up mascarpone (An Italian cream cheese used often in desserts.) and brighten up an otherwise dull Saturday evening for them. 

Infection numbers are enhighering again in this country. Some rumors are that they keep on increasing in the news to keep us in lockdown to the secret program off politics these days. I believe numbers do enhigher somehow. I don't believe making it appear bad is off political importance. People wish to get out off lockdown as soon as possible so to me it seems. Enhighered infection numbers don't seem to matter to them anymore that much. I believe they can't take it much longer. 

I myself could go on for a while but that's mainly because I'm in health care and our program for daily activities still goes on despite everything as it's dangerous to keep mental people off track for too long. I believe I'm lucky to be among mental people when it comes to that, but only when it comes to things like this at this moment off time and being. Most off the time life is just off less quality than what common people have. Most off the time I live more sober and on guard off my low money instead off making people seemingly jealous because off this. I never really have much- but this time it's not my world that seems to go down and explode. These three months I have been lucky.

And I'm lucky there is appreciation for my favourite hobby through it all. That also keeps me going. If my fellow patients wouldn't appreciate what I prepare for them, I would be more unlucky than you out there with friends and family that support them throughout every pain and joy. It's nothing to be truly jealous off. If you'd make a cheesecake I suspect you to eat it with at least twenty close people when there is something to celebrate. I have to hand out mine to a community centre to even have people among me. I'm not rich in material or true friends. But I like to share food and bake for others every now and then. I suspect nothing to change for me about that the upcoming five years, but that's because I'm lucky these days to be in psychiatric health with all that is going on outside. It could also be the dice will turn diffrently and the old 'golden standard.' for common people comes back, and then I'm the one who is poor and unlucky. Not you. I believe I shouldn't see it too optimistic, however. The world has turned into a huge crisis after all. But the nasty jealousy against me I can sense sometimes isn't justified. I'm just lucky because I fell in a safety net. But instead off being on track again, I still dwell in the net instead off in real life with friends and a job. I have neither. I go by every day. I don't live like you do. 

Allright, that's about it for now. 

Thank you for reading.    

Good afternoon at the 19th off March, 2021.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

To my suprise it's relatively sunny outside. Instead off it being gloomy and rainy, spring finally starts to show through the clouds. Is that a good omen for the upcomming weeks? 

*

My take on garlic soup went in pretty well this week. I made a creamy one and it was a succes, like usuall but that's because I'm a skilled soup maker. Next week will be for brocolli zuchinni soup. I suspect it to be a bit more easy, but that's because garlic soup for about 4 liters requires almost 20 bulbes off fresh garlic roasted in the oven. The entire building smelled like it could scare off a vampire attack. And it was a work to squeeze all cloves off garlic into my soup pot. It's something that is likely not to happen a lot anymore since it was that much off a work and I prefer soups which are a bit easier to manage for a large amount. Just cuttin' vegetables and putting that in mainly. However, it was a request for garlic soup and I answered it. Luckily it was to their taste. I used more herbs than the receipe required.  

Sunday I will lay my hands on a special cale stamp for de Boed. In the U.S, Cale (Boerenkool) is often used in green smoothies nowadays and even used in fresh salads, while Dutch people who are used to eat it in a traditional stamp with potatoes and slices off bacon cubes (As how we make it) look a bit strange to that. I myself still haven't tried a cale smoothie as I think some combinations in smoothies are a bit odd, but since this is becomming more and more off a food blog, I think I should try as you can't say something isn't to your taste if you have never ever tried. 

My stamp will contain about three vegetables aside to the potatoes and I feel comfortable enough to say it probably will succeed. I love to cook with a lot off vegetables. Even cutting and peeling them isn't something I feel is hard to do as I even like to do that. But luckily de Boed's kitchen has a kitchen helper who cuts and peels most work. I wouldn't finish everything in time if we wouldn't have had him working for us. 

Someone who works for de Boed and Leviaan has planted in fresh herbs in planters outside off the building so we will have fresh herbs to use the entire summer. We still have a large thyme plant from previous year. I'm glad with that as I love fresh herbs in my dishes. It's just watching there aren't any spiders or other vermin who have nestled themselves in our plants. And woe if it grows a bit too populair, as we have a chance to loosing our herbs to people who think they look a bit too good to resist. 

I wonder if I can make a mediteranean yoghurt cake with lemons and herbs this summer as I have never tried that either. I know the taste off lemon cake and I love that, but an olive oil yoghurt cake with herbs is still a bit new to me while they are pretty populair among some people. I should adjust it to my range off basic receipes. That can't be a bad thing. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.       

Not to my taste

 Good evening everyone, 

To be honest, I never truly felt he was to my taste. The entire circus that was up around it humiliated me and brought me to personal shame and confusion and I have the idea people never got to really knowing me or wanting to know me because off all the rumors around it. It became huge and it became bigger than me in an unacceptable way. I feel more at ease telling you this when it's all done. In the centre off the heath I don't feel well about sharing secrets. But now it's all done, I feel like telling you all. 

I didn't feel attracted to him at first to be honest and that's probably where the rumors come from that I am the one who is a slut. I couldn't tell because he also made me delusional. I got delusions and mental breakdowns about him a lot and I felt 'something.' about him was after me and didn't want to get loose from me but I couldn't accept it as part off my person since I fought it all the time while actually spitting out personal scentences off hatred to him. Mainly about his race since he turned me racist. I could have said better insults, more personal things or better names but racism was the best thing that came to my mind. Often I'm not 'like that.' I prefer to see people as a person and I love the darker skinned people I consider friends or care takers who are doing incredibly well I rank as high as people. That's how I prefer to judge people. But this moron made me say everything you better don't say to someone another etnicity and if I truly loved him I wouldn't have even mind him being a Jew. It's the most sensitive racism in the western world. Politically correct I would have told him 'you're not my type. I'm sorry.' This son off a bitch turned me almost antisemitic while I hate that idea. I had an inner conflict about it all the time and started to doubt myself. I have read somewhere medication turns you racist. I'm not a racist myself. I prefer not to be. I still hate him but somehow him not being into me anymore feels like relief. You can get a nasty mental sunburn from such heavy inner conflicts in scorching summer while you walk home from your job. I still remember me fighting all off that. It felt like a massive pain. I have never seen him around in my neighbourhood or anywhere in real life. My family got sick from me being mentally burdened by the entire issue and it felt like killing me. I have never told family, friends or even mental healthcare what it was actually about since I felt such shame. But they could see me wrestling with myself. Since I got over my personal break with him I feel my mind is more at ease. I don't have to use lame excuses to reject him and he hopefully won't turn back to me after that last post letter where I begged him to marry me. It was turned around psychology I never heard anything to so it probably worked the way I wanted it to work. I should rather say 'And never come back to me again, you Kankerjood.' (A common phrase in the west off the Netherlands.) I have been cursing him to hell a lot a few summers ago with phrases like that. As if the devil himself spoke through my mouth and I think it would have served him well to have been told that after what he had done but I'm too polite to do so and I don't like the idea off me acting truly racist. Behind closed doors I couldn't keep myself from it. I'm glad I got rid off it. Finally after so many rotten years. 

The fire in my lungs can't bite the devil on my tongue, oh no- I don't need to be loved by you 

(~Miley Cyrus) 

  

Devaluated

 Good evening everyone, 

Ever since I got devalued in fantasy scene eyes, I started to doubt myself and see myself as ugly. I prefer not to get out off the house, I don't like getting out off health care social circles and I have entered the status off someone with bad hygiene. I'm glad I'm taken care off by people. I feel depressed about what happened and I feel so bad being called ugly down to my face a few years ago. I remember such things too well. I got called ugly a lot by ordinairy people. I gave up brushing my teeth and showering regulairly and I don't wear make- up on a daily base. I eat more than I should and it has all became such a clouded shadow over me. I have been raising my voice about it and slammed the door close behind me. I still believe I did well on that. I feel better without them in my personal social circles. Those people don't judge me to my bones because the pervert who wanted to impregnate me got off with another woman who is more pretty than me. 

I felt conused about him. At some point under pressure I happened to believe I loved him back untill some years ago when everything fell apart. I never felt like taking action on him since circumstances wheren't there and everything felt so insecure about my private matter. I didn't really have much, but then even that came down to a crash and people love how I broke down. It's probably the biggest joke off the century among some people while others are insanely ignorant and rude about it. I feel so powerless about it. It's probably why I have caused scenes here and there to make my point and to show off my anger. I feel like never getting back since it has hurt more than anything. My entire pride came down to my knees, it was undignifying and not to be taken serious and not to be listened to was probably what hurt most. They are biggots with a plate in front off their heads which can't be cracked and which is often talked right by calling it 'His big ego.' or 'His machoism.' Hearhearhear. Meanwhile they started to think they're god and nothing can break them. 

His girlfriend nowadays looks more thin, more pretty and is more off a blonde than me. I got called ugly by him and his friends from the moment I set foot on the event where she turned by his side. Something broke inside me and that was the point where I felt it all came down. I can't go back to them since it still hurts up till nowadays. I think they should take way more count off my feelings but such people are idiotic. It has crossed personal borders and I'm never getting back to them again. 

Allright, that's about it. 

Thank you for reading.  

Lack off integrity

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was cloudy and rainy and cold. It was a perfect day to be gloomy and tired all day. I have been exhausted from being vaccinated yesterday. I had the Moderna vaccin against Corona but it has it´s side effects, unfortunately. 

*

Lack off integrity. 'What, amn't I gossiping sharp enough behind your back?' I heard a voice sarcastically saying in my mind. Sometimes voices are funny. But that's not the point to this story. 

Many people probably don't know, but I'm accused off being a slut and a whore a lot by people who walk around fantasy events a lot, saying I steal men and cheat a lot while nothing about that has ever been proven. As a matter off fact, I'm very held back when it comes to that. I have this example off the man with the wine stain on his face I fel infatuated about a few years ago, but who I never came after again because I realised he was taken with somebody else so I kept my distance. 

Accusing someone to steal your love interest or relationship on first hand is something you won't do to someone who barely knows you, let alone who your love interest is anyway and who is actually more interested in a common interest you have, namely books, movies, or music from the Fantasy Scene, and probably the styles that walk around there, but who doesn't give a crap about your boyfriend. It's almost mentally unhealthy how people see that. The way I got slut shamed got never proven to begin with. 

I wonder how they came up to that nonsense but it's often said people who do so are men who can't get you to sleep around with them, or women who are incredibly jealous off you. Both things go hand in hand sometimes. Jealousy is a massive problem in the fantasy scene and I was often victim to it and the gossip that came with it. Why in the world would you act like Cinderella's stepsisters to me instead off giving me a fair chance? It's not been really appropriate how I got treated. It's one off the reasons going there didn't feel good anymore and I decided to choose for myself. 

Even nowadays slutshaming is so part off their morals, some people probably started to believe it or build a whole web off lies and gossip around that I'm not a part off and I'm not knowing the details about. You can't keep on blaming the victim to your lies for something she has never even done. I have never had sex with anyone ever before and I'm innocent as an angel when it comes to that. If things like that gossip build up and people yell 'Slut / stink whore.' out loud to you, slowly you start to build up an utmost hatred about something. It felt more hurtfull event by event and it happened a lot. 

There was probably this reason people wanted me to get pregnant. By a man I found unsuitable for that job, and I never seriously went out to do so. But the shamefull recall on getting me knocked up still sounds. I feel it as something shamefull and vulgair that hurted me a lot. I feel undignified and filthy when it comes to that. Something filthy took away my entire interest in getting pregnant and replaced it with some trauma I can't get over. I don't like the idea off people being so after that and it's a godess religion unworthy what got said about me. And most off all: I'm not fertile. I have massive PCOS and being unfertile is a personal issue I have. To go over that with a massive hunt for something obscene like portraying your masculine power over wee and innocent me- that's a border too far. It has crossed many personal borders and I'm not willing to come back to the fantasy scene ever again because what happened hurt an incredible lot. Before I could decide for myself if I wanted children or not, nature and circumstances decided it would not be for me in this life by also giving me a disease children can heir and because off which I feel it's not responsible to have them. I feel dragged down in filth to my bones and it makes me sick to think off the whole happening. Actually it's not my fault. But the shadow that came over the matter spoiled it for me. Some people who caused all off this walk around freely, putting their dick into another woman nowadays without feeling any blame. It's what makes the pagan scene corrupt and hypocrit. It's no behaviour for true pagans in my opinion. Having or not having children should be MY choice. And far from theirs. I feel like I'm right in this matter, so I feel like I have the right to state this on my weblog. I'm a freedom fighter. Not a bitchy victim to their lies. 

It's feminin unfriendly how people are and think nowadays and I blame Game Off Thrones with all it's sexism. It was a massive hit, but it turned some people into complete assholes to make them believe women are less than man and should be seen as something to play games with. Only if you are a married woman you are free off guilt nowadays in their eyes. I'm not married and I'm not planning to have children and I'm doing bad finding romantic relationships for myself to be honest. That's my real story. I'm a bit off a lost case into this and I'm doing incredibly bad in that field. I feel bad being so frowned down upon because off slutshaming by people I have kept my distance to for about 10 good years. I'm barely seen in public gatherings or social circles by those who do so. I don't know what keeps the myth alive for such a long time and why they would even do so in the first place. It's probably to clean the blood from their own hands when it comes to this. People who are secretly guilty to things are often the first to blame someone else about it. Or people who have a good reason to degradate me all the time because I have been right about something for 10 good years. But it's too big to handle for one person alone. I can't take this on my frele shoulders and take all off that in all the time since it hurts like crazy when people do so. It's unacceptable and completely obscene for people to hold on to this for so long. 

When protesting about climate changes, I would prefer to ask them to clean themselves from evil morals before even getting themselves into politics. I think it makes them hypocrit. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

  

It all became around the 16th century in Italy

 Good evening everyone, 

Most fresh vegetables in the western world where discovered or breeded around the 16th century in renaissance Italy. Italy is the promised land when it comes to food to me. I love the Italian kitchen and I love to experiment with diffrent kinds off vegetables and styles. Around the 16th century, tomatoes where discovered in Latin America but wheren´t used untill people found out what part off the plant they had to eat. The main plant was considered poisonous untill some philosophy I can´t remember the name to, dedicated the tomato to the human heart and they found out to eat the tomato ever since. 

Tables rich in fruits and vegetables, however, where in the beginning only dedicated to the rich and royal off the western world. Commoners wheren´t even allowed to eat what they desired as there where restrictions to food. Life was pretty restricted back in those days on all fronts. Even what to eat was up to the leaders to a country, mainly brought up to them by the catholic church. As centruries came by, the restrictions faded and nowadays people are allowed to eat everything as long as they can afford what they want to eat, but that´s no longer a restriction from the government.

During the 16th century, Marco Polo returned with noodles from China to Italy and they turned the basic receipe for that into all kinds off pastas over time. 

The oldest pie in the world, Linzer Torte, was created around 1650 in Austria, but somehow I wonder if abead to that there wheren´t pies or cakes. I suppose it wasn´t documented well up untill then but I´m no food historic. Linzer Torte is a pie made from dough made with nut flour and filled with (traditionally) cherry jam. But all red fruits do. I have never made one, but it´s on my list off things I still want to make.  

Allright, that´s what I wanted to share with you. 

Thank you for reading.     

An enhancer for your system

 Good evening everyone, 

I was about to share my receipe for healthy and affordable tomato soup with you. Here it is. It´s made from mainly pure ingredients and good tomatoes for it´s richness in taste. It doesn´t take much and it´s probably a pick me up for your health with all those fresh tomatoes, a hint off garlic and onion and olive oil. And then it´s fresh herbs.  

My tomato soup receipe: 

- 700 grams off Roma tomatoes 

- 2 cloves off fresh garlic 

- 1 large onion 

- A large can off tomato paste 

- 2 to 3 tablespoons off dried thyme 

- A hint off olive oil 

- A splash off half full milk 

- Fresh basil 

- 700 milliliter off vegetable broth from 3 broth cubes 

- Salt and pepper to taste. 

1. Chop your onion in small dices and peel and clean your garlic. Cut garlic preferrably in half and simmer the lot in olive oil in a soup pan that´s suitable for about two liters off soup. Adjust tomatoes, tomato paste and thyme and simmer for about 20 minutes untill it looks like tomato sauce. Adjust salt and pepper during the proces. I add it during the simmer, then during the simmer off the becomming off ´sauce.´   

2. Adjust the vegetable broth and let brothle for about 20 to 30 minutes, add another hint off salt and pepper, then blend everything smooth with a hand blender. Adjust the hint off milk (The original receipe required cooking cream, but usually I don´t have that on hand. milk works just as good and is less fat.) Then tear your fresh basil leaves into pieces and add to the pot off soup to make the taste blend in while it´s still on the stove, or add to your soup bowl once you have it served. That´s up to you. 

Last step: Taste if it´s to your liking, and if you feel it´s good, then it´s ready to be served.  

This is about it. It´s an easy soup receipe that can do for centuries to come like this and have I already told you it´s probably a healthy soup? It´s a bit thick but I like soups like that. It gives your soup a feeling off richness somehow. If you prefer it a bit more thin, then add about 50 milliliters off broth extra to it. The reason for the garlic not to be overly chopped or squeezed is that it will be blend in during the step off the handmixer while it blends this soup smooth. It´s perfect for summer but it can be a perfect pick me up year round. 

Allright, that´s about it for now. Thank you for reading. 

    

Good afternoon at the 12th off March 2021.

 Good evening everyone, 

The storm keeps on lasting, bad weather is still around up untill Tuesday if we can believe forecasts. Isn't this the weather I describe most on this weblog? Stormy, cloudy and rainy- it's what the Netherlands happens to be known for. Frog country as we call it ourselves. Frogs develop well in this type off weather.  Humans probably don't. That's why people prefer to stay in and keep their homes cozy and nice to be around. And it's probably why Dutch people come off cranky and complain all the time a lot. We're selfrighteous dicks and all off us will deny if you tell them. But don't fall for that trick. selfrighteous has nothing to do with the weather. It just caught my attention how often I tell you it's grey, cloudy, rainy and gloomy outside. Most off the time nothing better than that happens outside. 

*

I have been reading all day, these kind off days are nevertless perfect to read a few books that have caught my interest. I'm glad I found books suitable for my mediocre capability to read. It's not like I don't understand what is written, it's just that I have a lame concentration and I can be doing hard keep on being into what I read. It's part off the mental disease circus I'm part off in this life. But I found interesting reads which keep me on their track. Aside from drinking some herbal teas, this evening couldn't have gone by more at peace. This period off time is a bad one, but calmth and a way to set off my mind has overcome it today. 

Tomorrow is a good day for tomato soup for myself for lunch or dinner. I have read somewhere tomatoes have a capability in purifying blood, and cooked in olive oil somehow even enhances that quality. My tomato soup is easy yet probably very healthy considering the other ingredients it combines. I believe it's worth sharing with you tomorrow how I made it. Sometimes fresh tomato soup and finishing a book is all it takes to make a nice Saturday. 

Allright, that's about it. 

Thank you for reading.    

Good afternoon at the 11th off March, 2021.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

It´s stormy weather in the Netherlands. It has been rainy and stormy all day and not to forget, windy. It´s no weather to go out for a long walk, unfortunately. 

*

Yesterday has been the last day off my personal quarantine. It's been the third or fourth so far and it's likely I'm about to get even more quarantine as this crisis takes place any longer. I hope you can cope with this crisis yourselves. The pandemic takes it's toll but I hope people can manage it. 

I have been more in quarantine than into mental hospitals so far. And that says something in my case. I don't know if I'm healthy from now on. I have been temperatured on fever and I had none, that was the reason for this quarantine to take place for so long. If I'd had a fever, I would have been up for a corona test. As long as they couldn't tell for sure if I had it, I was placed in quarantine for safety sake. I had been making a luxury carrot cake for de Boed ahead to that, including cream cheese frosting, which I had to eat all by myself due to that. It was one off the utmost best things I have ever made so to say. But I didn't have the opportunity to share it. Often I believe in carrot cake to 'catch the easter bunny with.' as a prelude to easter during this time off the year. 

Sometimes, a few weeks after christmas, or before christmas, I'm about to make de Boed a pastry or a dessert resembling christmas for them to feel better during nasty weather circumstances. A prelude to easter also belongs into that category but unfortunately it didn't take place the way I intended it. If we keep on doing such things, we could celebrate holidays for months and months if we don't keep a hold to it. (If I wouldn't keep a hold to it. I'm the one who bakes and cooks luxury things for them sometimes.) Easter will be the last big holiday for a long time in my personal diary, but then I like to 'celebrate summer.' for quite some time with home made creamsicles or popsicles for example. 

It's how you make people handle a crisis better these days. I wouldn't know any other way than to serve them good foods and spoil them a bit with it. Spring is ahead and I think I would do well to celebrate it with fresh crispy greens and a tart every now and then. Fruit tarts / pies are always a good idea during spring and summer. 

Mentally, I'm not doing very well. I feel issued these days and a bit nervous. It's been a hard week this week and I have been doing bad in my mind while being in quarantine. I feel a bit better at this point while I have the chance to get out off my home again instead off being in quarantine. Yesterday I had a voice in my mind getting me off the mental tension, but I scared him away after ranting to him about being unreliable. I chased him away entirely this afternoon. To fight voices with other voices is not a good idea most off the time. You fight the issue, you get an issue back for it. So sweeping all off it off, no matter how romantic they try to sound, is the best option. 

Allright, that's about it. 

Thank you for reading.    

Grumpy and their morals

Good afternoon everyone, 

(Grumpy = A nickname for a metalhead. Metalheads are Grumpies and mainly up to stupid things you´d wish to tell them ´No, Grumpy. Not like that you idiot.´ For example, walking around during a bright sunny day covered in way too warm winter clothes for such a day. Grumpies often aren´t very wise or mature about things.) 

Can you imagine there are people out there who think most women who are into them are just perverts who are after their wealthy posessions, who play the victim all the time to women who ´play.´ them so to say and who aren´t above the mindset off a 10 year old themselves? their mindset, which is about women who just play them and are after getting pregnant and getting away with their money while they themselves don´t look actually rich, aren´t rich and just are probably total junk themselves? 

Some men like that are getting me amused somehow because somehow I suspect this is a joke to them and they pretend. Sometimes such big tales are nothing but funny and fake. Grumpy Metalheads are the main source to this kind off idiotic thinking and I got it to the point where it´s a joke to them to talk like that, but when they start to believe this nonsense, it´s getting a bit too far. Like a man who pretends to be ´exhausted and rejected.´ by some woman who was just after his sexual potention and his posessions. The world couldn´t get more strange after that. But is that really true what he claims? Wasn´t he himself just a horny pervert all along and just after that woman after she simply said no to his advances? Grumpy sometimes lives in a world off make-believe in my opinion. I can see him in my mind talking big to a crowd off likewise men after gulpin in a lot off beer or other strong booze. 

Likewise with such fisherman tales they call me a whore, a bitch or a slut all the time while nothing about that is true, and no real story has actually taken place to proove those lies. Maybe Grumpy himself got born out off some playfull woman who was after his father´s money and this made his image off most women a bit crooked. I can´t imagine anything else to have taken place to justify such talk about women. (I don´t know anything about the origin off Grumpy himself. Maybe he´s a bit ashamed to share that with most people. Unlike perverted tales about being robbed by a girl he probably hasn´t even gotten in the first place.) 

Allright, that´s about it. 

Thank you for reading.    

Good evening at the 1st off March, 2021

 

Good evening everyone, 

I have coloured this in a period off several times whenever  I felt bad in my mind. It took me a few times to finish it completely, small parts at a time. Two days ago I had an episode off feeling awfull and decided on to colour this again, and I finished it yesterday. It might not seem hard to colour, but when you feel awfull in your mind, a lot off things take energy. And when I feel like my mind got calmed down, I put this aside and go to bed when I finish my tea. (I drink tea along with mandala / image colouring to try to calm myself down every often.) I have little inspiration to do bigger or more complicated colouring at the moment. I wish we could get out off lockdown, as I need a new set off markers-for-semi-professionals / adults after finishing this. I got out off some. I believe this took me months.    

Allright, that´s about it for now. 

Thank you for reading.