Good morning at the 28th off August, 2023.

 Good morning everyone, 

It´s the middle off the night, my curtains are closed and I can´t see the weather at this point. I don´t even see if there is a moon out, or rainclouds. 

*

It's around 03.00 AM, I can't sleep. I think I'm stuck inside a delusion off some sort. I should call Leviaan's night service and ask for an emergency pill. I just can't set myself to it for now. I'm burning white sage incense instead, setting myself behind my computer and blog it out. 

I have no intention to offend someone in this weblog. This weblog is a honest statement with true opinions. Shatters off offence fall in such a case, but it's not attention whoring or directly ment as bullying. I rather see myself as an opinion maker. Like those intelectual types in the newspaper try. I'm not as good as them, but they are what I'm intending to do here. Not the internet influencers. Though intelectual journalists can be influencers. (Let's hope some off them are.) 

In one off my next lives, I'm going to try to head for a journalistic education and write for a renewed newspaper. Maybe people can calculate me a bit better if I would have done that. Now I'm simply seen as a weirdo, an attentionwhore, a maverick and a liar. It's perfect for my enemies to wash their own reputation clean with mine. But it's not what I'm trying to do here. If my enemies where more sane, I would probably be treated with more sane respect. It truly lacks off that with them. 

What in the world is better than coffee and nailpolish? De Boed has the luck someone donated a perfect bottle off nailpolish from an expensive brand, collaborated with a coffee brand as their theme. It's Collistar togheter with Illy and the colour is called Moka. The lable on the bottle is somewhat unreadable printed, and that's probably how de Boed got it. It's pretty expensive stuff usually, and it smells good, it has a cute golden coffee bean inside a shiny, fancy drawn golden heart on top and it's a beautifull, christmasy shade off burgundy mixed with brown. Usually de Boed's collective nailpolish bin does with more cheap brands. I had the luck someone donated that to us, probably due to the unreadable lable. It's christmas combined with coffee, and it's perfect for me. This morning I put it on and it's to my liking. No one can see the lable was vague now it's on my fingernails. It's been a hint off luck this morning for me. 

A limited christmas coffee edition nailpolish this morning, and the usuall Sunday routine at de Boed. Except that I had coffee at my own home this afternoon. I think that might be the case with still being awake at 3.30 at night, without being capable to catch on sleep. 

My mom is the greatest. Last week, she send me a copy off the legendairy 'Wind in the willows.' by Kenneth Grahame, this time illustrated by Thibault Prague, under the art direction off Benjamin Lacombe. Wind in the willows being put in a new, beautifull, elaborated coat. perfectly written and designed. It's heartwarming, it's beautifull, it's everything you wish for in a children's book and it's utmost comforting to read. I got my version in Dutch, where it's called 'de Wind in de Wilgen.' And I can recommend it to anyone. It dates back from 1908, and it's 115 years old by now, but it hasn't lost it's power. It's only become better now Benjamin Lacombe has dusted it off. Ready for a whole new generation to read. I find the style from that era so comforting. The style off the classic English countryside. I love the entire work. And the story is great. Let's not forget that, either. A book is nothing without a good story and a warm writing style. If you wish on advice on something to read: Wind in the Willows. Preferably in this new version. Beautifull as it is. It truly cheers my soul up. It's something to fall in love with. 

It's almost 04.00 AM, I finally feel capable to catch up on some sleep. My mind is off the delusion, though it's still going round and round like crazy. I'm still not calm. Maybe I should take more time and wait a bit longer untill I feel safe and sound to go to bed. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

   

Good evening at the 24th off August, 2023.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was grey, cold, rainy and muddy weather in the Netherlands. This afternoon there was rainshowers, and in a moment they forecasted thunderstorms. 

*

Sometimes I feel so bad I think I'm going to die the other day. It's not a fresh subject for a weblog, but it's the truth. Still here I am, surviving another day, another month, another year while my head aches like crazy. I could talk about it all the time, but I think it doesn't lift spirits on the internet when declaring I'm about to die all the time. Which hasn't happened so far- I should believe I'm not going to any time soon. My body feels strong and young like a grown up female bear. Strong and firm like a breeze or a tree. If my head wasn't feeling so bad, I would not have the idea I was about to die all the time. But feeling weak seems like being life at the moment. Usually I ignore the feeling. A person has to pass through the day, and I feel like I can't stand still by that feeling all the time. People off authority are perfectly informed, lately I even had an MRI scan- so that's all they can do for me for now. At least it will be in sight when my brain finaly decides to give in. I live in a small care home in the Netherlands. I'm taken care off and I'm watched. At first I thought I would not make it this long, but still here I am. Years later after it first occured. If only they could do something about that feeling...

Today was for taking it easy. Just coffee, lunch and laying on my bed all afternoon. Drowsy and tired. I have the idea the medication enhighering doesn't hit home. It could do better. But what can they do if enhighering is not the solution? I had a barbecue last night at de Boed, and it was good and cozy and fun. But I felt suspicious all the time about being spied on by secret services and the daily paper.  The care office tried to convince me spies are not interested in us, ordinairy people, but somehow I still have that feeling. If you where a spy office, you would watch a care home for safety sake, wouldn't you? I even suspected some off the staff to be former spies. It somehow faded after a night off good sleep. But somehow I still suspect there to be a microphone at the hortensia bush opposite to the building. And you never know about the daily paper. 

I long for good news about the crisis and the war in Ukraine. It has taken almost 2 good years, and it's only negativity, inflation, even more price increasement and destruction in Ukraine- I long for  something positive to happen to it, despite my intuition knowing there probably won't for a long time. Still, the human being in me with human feelings- longs for light at the end off the tunnel. Something positive, a twist to hold on to so to say. But that's dangerous since this year, we should not cheer too early if at all. That's simply the truth off the day these days. It doesn't do good to our minds.     

The most positive about this day for me was probably washing myself in the shower this morning and getting refreshed before starting the day. Other than that, little positivity took place. But I probably needed that long rest. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 18th off August, 2023.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today the weather was grey and warm and humid. It´s average muddy swamp weather in the Netherlands. The only thing that makes it diverse from most days, is that it was somewhat warm today.

*

The economy in the Netherlands shrunk this quarter off a year with 0,3 %. People where spending less, and the investments where bigger than expected. I expected 0,9% off a shrink this quarter off year, but it was a bit less than expected. Still, I wasn't as optimistic as most official economists. Maybe I shouldn't pinpoint on the exact marks. That's a bit too hard. Still I have the feeling or the idea we have another two quarters off crisis ahead for this year. Let's not be optimistic about it. 

I think a bad economy is the prelude for a lot off things not to take place, and the people going to be sober over it. I think we will have less to spend the next half a year, money is worthit less, and the crisis will increase. The country will be on fire when it comes to inflation during Christmas, and even after the war in Ukraine, the country will be a mess with crisis ahead. Be aware this might take place and we're in it. It's very hard for people with low incomes. And for those types like me, who loved to bake. I just loved to bake every often, and I just can't do it anymore as often as I want to. 

I cope with it, the world still turns around, but it's a big miss in my life. I'm not the person to over-act, I seem to take it more brave than I expected. I didn't know I would take it as easy as I seem to do now, but people are incredible creatures when it comes to adapting to circumstances. Believe it or not, but humans can adapt to bad happenings and circumstances in life pretty easily and survive if they have to. I think someone should tell that to the younger generations and people who over-act in general. But I can adapt to not baking as much as previous years. I can take it. Inuits adapt to the North Pole, Nomads adapt to the desert, Poor people can adapt to spare circumstances. 

Still, I think I'm going to feel this my entire life, probably. If we get out off this eventually. I think no matter how old I will get, I will probably always have this crisis and being poor in my youth on the back off my mind as an adult woman. But to have been poor makes me able to survive nowadays. There was only a short time where I felt somewhat rich, and that was due to living in fancy care homes. Nowadays it's old stuff and being low on income and money again, just like in the old days when I was a teen and in my early twenties. Has it ever been truly any diffrent? Not really. Luckily there's the 80's. 

I believe I'm not the only one who can say this crisis would be nothing and nowhere without good old 80's pop. I listen to the golden oldies over and over again and I indulge in it, I admit. I just love the music my parents brought me up with. It's cool, it's still edgy and still sounds modern, I think I truly feel it and it lifts my spirit up, like it has always done. It does to most people so it seems. There my generation is, wearing cheap clothes, listening to 80's pop for the millionth time. Who would have expected that. We're probably making ourselves up for a war. I don't know that from visions, but it's something I expect. It's just a bit sour it has to be this sober and poor. I hope people in western Europe never truly have to fight. It seems like they're making us human waste to make us up for a true fight in Ukraine somehow. Instead off truly doing something for middle to low class and improving circumstances for us. As long as we have a roof above our head, and food on the table, the older generarion woes those who dare to complain. But what is it worth if it has to be at your parents around your 30's? It's not that bad for me, I still live in my small care home in  old fashioned Zaandijk, among the elders and people with a mental disorder. But is that favorable? 

In a normal country, you wouldn't dare to envy me. These days, I seem to have silly luck with it. I'm still not on the rich side off poor, like I used to be. I have to do it in life with meals at de Boed, and the little money that's granted to me with what I have. I survive, rather than to live, but I always have. From youth on. 

A lot off things don't take place due to the lack off money. Not just in my life, but in many lives. I hope people can handle it. And I should feel rich tomorrow morning care staff makes coffee for me at de Boed. Coffee is unaffordable nowadays, but we still have it, fresh black coffee with plain milk served in Senseo sized muggs. You would have declared me a complete lunatic 4 years ago if I told you it was luxury. Nowadays you scratch my eyes out for it. That's being on the rich side off poor nowadays, and it's not to my favor. I would love a country where everyone can have wealth. But it's not possible these days and it will not be possible short time in the future. 

Keep your head held up, and don't let them make you feel down despite the crisis. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.       

   

   

Good evening at the 12th off August, 2023.

 Good evening everyone, 

This morning started all grey, cold and rainy, but the afternoon is surely bright and beautifull. 

*

This morning was for colouring an image off a teacup in my new colouring book, it turned out bright, fancy, dreamy, and I had a way to set off my mind off things. 

Staff is at a point where they grant me things due to coming off so bad, they grant me a colouring book, they open de Boed's creative room ahead to opening time so I can sit there and colour, they grant me coffee before opening time. I'm doing that bad. Out off pity they give things to me. I don't know if I have to worry about myself a bit more. In my head, I'm not doing so bad, but I know I'm not doing well. 

My opinion on the Vana Events wicker doesn't has being mental as a source, but Vana's biggotry towards me. There's a diffrence in that. It's an opinion which comes from my experience with Vana. It's not something mental. 

Maybe I'm doing so bad due to the wicker. In that case the whole thing made even less sense. It's a hard period already. Any pagan trying to put an evil spell on me should be doomed three times over to their own hell. 

Today was for colouring an image, having lunch at de Boed, taking a rest and then being there at coffee time, having coffee with the others and sitting on de Boed's terrace under the canopy. Then had dinner there. That's been my day. I was requested not to go too far from de Boed and Leviaan today, so they could keep an eye on me for this Saturday. I haven't done crazy things. Slowly I feel I'm doing a bit better. But maybe that's just what I remark about myself. Maybe I'm not doing well at all. But I'm watched over today. So I guess going bad is not much off an issue. As long as I keep it in sight off health care.  

I also helped doing the dishes this evening, tidying de Boed's cupboard and drying kitchenware for them. I did my best for them my way, though it was hard. Being on medication enhighering is hard. It feels like a lot off pressure and cramp in my brain. It's not easy. 

I also have to mention the positive influence off cats. The sweet feeling off petting a cat and cats in general do good to me. Especially at this moment. What's better than petting and cuddling a friendly cat? I have a local turtoise cat being friendly with me recently. I love it and it saves my soul. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.    

 

 

Good evening at the 11th off August, 2023.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today felt warm but it was grey and cloudy in this area off the Netherlands. This weekend is promising to become a bit brighter. 

*

I shared my frustration about having nothing to do with staff from de Boed. I felt a bit fed up about it, and then they came with a present for me: A colouring book for adults, just for me. They know I'm doing pretty bad, so they where kinda generous today and brought me pencils so I could set off my mind off things. I took it, and accepted the chance. I haven't been colouring for a long time, to be honest. 

I coloured this in the morning, I think it's some sort off fancy seashell. I think it turned out pretty. 

This afternoon during de Boed's Friday afternoon party, I seperated myself from the group to sit at the creative table and colour this: 

It's a bit Indie in my opinion. Colouring these helps me to find a way to work with 'being difficult.' And having a high standard. I want things to be utmost good, in a world where most things and people accept moderate to bad as being good enough. It's hard finding air to my feelings. In these works, I can put my perfectionism and worry about images to become as good as I can colour them. It reliefs frustration, and gives air to those feelings. I think this is very healthy for people in general. To colour. Just like swimming every week and herbal tea every evening.

I'm so glad they gave me that colouring book. I have a way to spend this weekend for cheap: colouring!!! And de Boed has a lot off pencils. I'm lucky with it.

And I'm playing 'Fell in love with an alien.' by The Kelly Family on repeat. If you want some advice on what to listen to: 

 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

 

Good evening at the 10th off August, 2023.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today has been grey and cold when it comes to weather. I´m already wearing winter pants when it comes to this summer. They have forecasted clear weather, but they forget Zaandijk is probably haunted, which makes it grey and cold here most off the time. There is some sort off old Dutch spooky vibe in the air with all the old houses when it´s Dutch potato meat and vegetables weather. It´s not known for being haunted by ghosts, but the grey somberness gives away that idea. 

*

I foresee prices being really sky rockety high by 2025. It's going to be beyond the moon at least. Somehow I hope people are prepared for that. It's going to ask something from us. And when the crisis is over, the prices won't immediately go low to a point where it's acceptable. Expect moderate price enlowering in 3 years. But by far not enough. That foresight is depressing and it's enough to give the feeling off a hostage to the country and it's people. I have the feeling my feelings off panic are in line with that idea: these feelings off panic are suitable at a hostage. I'm not being hostiled, but the feeling, the feeling... panic, mental terror, it's exhausting. I'm just not the person to show such terror in my mind in public. Still I have the feeling my medication enhighering is working. I feel less psychotic and I have the feeling most delusions are gone now. Still I feel panic.  

During a crisis, there should be good coffee. As long as we can drink a cup off coffee with something good and sweet siding it alltogheter... but the crisis makes coffee expensive, and cookies and sweet treats just as good. I feel I feel gratefull as long as the coffeepot at de Boed pruttles each morning and afternoon for it's clients. I would not be capable to do it otherwise. Pruttling coffee is very comforting. Especially during a massive crisis, but maybe that's my personal feeling and opinion. A crisis you say? Coffee there should be! Without de Boed, I would not be capable to afford coffee either. I don't know how this is going to help the nation, but I'm off opinion this country is going to need it's coffee and it's coffee breaks. Maybe they should hand out tickets for free coffee for everyone when it's this expensive. 

Just like I'm off opinion there should be tickets for free cheap t-shirts in the local newspaper. It doesn't has to look edgy, or fancy. It even doesn't has to be the latest fashion. Multipack-style t-shirts and pants are enough. But at least everyone who has the newspaper has an opportunity to dress themselves properly. Especially when it's too expensive to purchase new clothes. We are going to look boring as hell, but at least we're dressed. Tickets for free feminine hygiene like period cloths in the paper or on leaflets are also off my favor. The regulair basics everyone needs on tickets is not favorable for a healthy nation, but I don't see how people are going to do it otherwise. I don't have menstrual poverty myself, but there are just too much women who have. If people can't afford, the government should do it for them in my opinion.

These are dangerous times. Crisis is a breeding place for dictators. Hitler and Napoleon came to power when Germany and France where deeply desperate. We should beware off that. The great prophet Nostradamus speaks off a dictator who comes to power during this crisis, and we should foresee it and not take it.  As far as we can, offcourse. But in a Europe on it's last leggs, I can see it happen. If people are desperate enough, it's going to happen. I have the feeling a criminal organisation can perfectly blackmail an ordinairy guy or gal with a family, telling they are going to pay their groceries and energy bill this winter if he does this or that for them. That's NOT A healthy situation to live in. 

I have a boring weekend ahead, I have to go to the hospital next week. I have to turn coins to afford the cab to drive me there and back this week. I think it stinks not to be capable to bake or do something truly fun, but it's a necessity and I think a cab to the hospital is a need sometimes. I'm going to undertake an MRI-scan. It's a very long story, and I haven't kept this weblog pretty accurate the last half a year, but maybe I'm going to explain it somewhere when it's behind the back. It's going to be such  a week, with the dates off death to a lot off family ahead. It's not even appropriate to bake for me this week, so that should not be off my concern. But to have a taxi under my ass when I'm going there, is going to take me something. 

Somehow I think mankind is not doomed by this Ukraine war. I think the world will go on afterward, a little more injured and aggrieved than it was before, but the world is going to survive (Also according to Nostradamus.) But don't expect sunshine and roses these years. If you can still make something fun out off it, despite everything, power to that. But don't expect it will come for free. It's going to be evil and murderous for ordinairy people these years. People, beware. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.       

 

Mother off Ancestors, the Vana Wickerbeast from 2023.

 Good evening everyone, 

I can't see Vana as emancipated, I can't see it's crowd as emancipated. 

They have been trying to push me into motherhood, and called me a slut and a whore and a barbie when I rejected. I don't want to be a mother, but A LOT off alternatives went off and started catcalling and slutshaming me alltogheter for a long period off time. I don't believe the gods haven't seen that. It's an offend for Paganism, it's an offend for any true worshipper off a female tripple godess and I stick with my words. 

Somehow I also think the crowd is waaaay too much into having kids themselves, seeing it as the duty almost off women to become a mother, preferably at a young age, or she is dedicated a slut. I can't see Fantasy as emancipated to be honest, there are too much off examples off sexism in a lot off works. Pagans being too much into Fantasy novels have their mind probably a bit muddied, and I believe this Wickerbeast, pure and innocent as she seems, should not be at Castlefest, where all women should be to die for so pretty, or they fall behind. Another thing that itches. I don't want to be today's sweetheart where the next day I'm thrown away in the thrash because some jerk sees me as ugly. That's not emancipated. I have a personality, a heart, a soul, I'm a fire witch with the power off a true and original godess. As long as they keep on treating me utmost rude, this wickerbeast is a lie and I'm not good with it when it's presented to me like this. Vana is an organisation ruled by men, and somehow it seems to me more insecure women seem to go with it, not pleased with how I behave, while in a modern era, they should re-think themselves and just as good respect someone like me. I'm decent, proud, a hard worker and a believer in doing good. But nothing but disrespect and being treated like thrash has befallen me. I don't believe Vana at all anymore. They have to think a little harder when they try to put up a show with a wicker godess again. I believe this weather is proof off my right. Vana is NOT emancipated, and this gift to the gods is NOT accepted. 

Good evening at the 6th off August, 2023.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today it's stormy, raining cats and dogs and it's bad weather for a day in August. 

*

Yesterday evening, at the 5th off August, Castlefest has been burning 'The mother off Ancestors.' A wickerbeast dedicated to women, emancipation and motherhood, and something about it itches. I can't see Vana as emancipated at all after how they treated me during my time with them. It's no miracle the weather is this bad during Castlefest. Speaking off requesting the gods, this is probably what you got. 

Vana has been slutshaming, catcalling, and somewhat violently pushing me into a role I don't wish to be into, due to their vision on my opinion, which they call a big mouth, but which I would call adjust.

Vana keeps on telling me 'to become a mother.' 'Let someone impregnate you.' 'Keep your mouth shut and become a mother, and become less off a vixen.' In my opinion, this whole wickerbeast was nothing less than a big scam. Vana Events is NOT emancipated, and I believe some things are not suitable to personificate their wickerbeast. I don't wish to be a mother, I am a mental patient in psychiatric health, I have problems with my fertility, and so on. It's a big offend to keep on telling me to 'Get pregnant and shut up.'

Now Mark and Natasha being all hypocrit and ment for the appearance off Castlefest with this one, this one falls pretty wrong with me, and it's a lie and an offend to me personal. I have NEVER been treated with the right respect. Not as a maiden, not during this era off my adulthood and I believe it will never come with them. They try to force me with a man I see as highly unsuitable for me and who I have never seen as attractive. (Yoram B.) Is this Wickerbeast dedicated to me personally? I don't accept it. I won't come back for another big lie off a wickerbeast. Also given the rude way it's been going with Yoram and how he wanted to get rid off me, by picking a younger girlfriend. THAT is not emancipated. Vana ignoring the matter while I contacted them about it several times makes it even worse. You guys emancipated? Do you believe it yourself? I'm not into Yoram, but I tried to contact them about the matter because it was rude off him the way that went. He even called me ugly and said there where more pretty women on the terrain than me. His girlfriend is a frele bimbo with blonde curls, where I'm a fat, cool blonde with glasses. Somehow Vana calling themselves emancipated itches and it's NOT adjust. I have been telling Mark: 'Have you fallen off off your religion?' in some letters. If this is how he wants to get his face back, by burning some straw doll instead off showing and acting truly and for real, then he is one hell off fake in my opinion. I can't see Vana as emancipated and this whole wickerbeast was a big scam.  I think it's an offend for the gods to any true pagan.   

I believe the gods agree with me, seen the weather. This was not Castlefest weather worthy. When it comes to Vana: Don't believe a word they put up with, it's fake and the gods cry over it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

Good evening at the 4th off August, 2023.

 

Good evening everyone, 

Today it's muddy weather exchanging with periods off sunshine. It's cold, though. 

*

Tomorrow will be my 31st birthday. I have been making this fresh Monchou cake this morning: 

I have been developping the cream cheese filling myself. I have been mixing stuff out off my head untill it became a perfect cream cheese / whipped cream substance, which could also perfectly work as a frosting for, say, carrot cakes or cupcakes. But as a filling for MonChou cake it's just divine. It's easy to prepare. Nowadays it's expensive, but I have been spreading the costs. So I could also afford the tiny white chocolate hearts on top. That just makes it on a non-bake cake or cheesecake in my opinion. In a world where everything comes for cheap, that usually made that little extra on them for me. Nowadays I have to take it more spare, but it's my birthday tomorrow so I allowed them to myself.  

It's 500 / 500 with the Monchou and the whipping cream. 500 grams off Monchou on 500 milliliters off whipping cream, a teaspoon off vanilla extract, something to stiffen extra, (Klopfix in het Nederlands.) And an entire small can off icing sugar. If you mix all off that togheter, it turns out the perfect filling for Monchou cake. I have been crushing Bastogne cookies and mixing with butter for the bottom in my food processor, and I topped it with tart cherries and white chocolate hearts. It's perfect for the small celebration with close family tomorrow. I don't know if this is the filling to the official Monchou cake. But it works out well. I have been using the biggest springform I had in my arsenal, if I have cake left tomorrow, I will donate it to de Boed on Sunday. But it's not ment for de Boed, this is ment for a personal celebration, so that goes first. We don't have to take it spare with my bithday cake tomorrow, I can serve people even a second slice if that's to their liking. This crisis and de Boed's sharing policy often make serving big slices impossible. But I love it when people can have enough off whatever I have to serve them. Not just one bite size. Though I see that happening with the leftover to this cake on Sunday. But maybe that's not a really big problem. At least everyone has a bite then, like how de Boed does it and that's the way it goes with a crowd off people. 

I will serve them two quark tarts on Monday, and I know that will make enough for everyone that day. Why on monday? Simply because it's a boring day. I can really make people happy on an otherwise boring weekday with a birthday celebration. That's my intention. I could have picked today, but they already had de Boed's Friday party today with someone else celebrating their birthday. So plain and cold as it seems: I will make something out off a boring Monday for my fellow clients and serve them quark tart mango taste that day. With pineaple and unicorn sprinkles. I invited people for that Monday celebration. Nothing too official, I won't be offended if they forget. Most are likely to forget their own ass if they don't get reminded. (That's part off being a mental client. I got that problem too sometimes.) But reminding them every day hopefully will help, and otherwise I hope they stumble in by accident if I got it for them on Monday. We have the luck we don't have a job. I expect quite some people on that plain and boring old Monday. And share a slice off luck that day. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.      

Good evening at the 3th off August, 2023.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today it was cold, grey and rainy in the Netherlands. It's no weather for summer, but somehow I feel as if I should not complain. It's not like it's scorching hot, and this type off weather is good for the soil. Previous year was way too dry, and other European countries are suffering under a heathwave. Rainshowers in August you say? It could be worse. 

*

Vana can sigh in relief, I won't be at Castlefest. Nevermore? Nevermore. 

Today I could have been mumbling and fighting in myself, doing nothing and just argueing with myself on the couch in my living room, driving myself batshit insane. But I went out to the chocolate shop at the corner, to have some fine, handmade chocolates and cappuccino in a fancy, old fashioned coffee mug. 

Vintage fancy coffeeing this way is fun and I love it. The vintage chocolate shop really does it for it's appearance and style to serve the cappucino and the chocolates like this. I just love it and I think I'm going to make this a habbit every often on a dreary day. What else is there to do in this area but this? I. Love. It. It's probably a life safer in autumn and winter, when the days are all cold and depressing. I really feel like a classic, old fashioned fancy lady from the chocolate advertisement from about a century ago. Having chocolates and coffee like this. 'Schone dame met chocolaat aan de Zaan.' Along those lines. 

*

I have been feeling quite bad for quite some time. Delusions, strange thinking, absent minded behaviour- all off it. I'm not well these days. I had medication enhighering, but so far it doesn't seem to work yet. I think the holiday scheldue at de Boed is asking too much off my habbit to adapt these days. A lot off things from the usual program are canceled due to summer vacation and I hate it. I decided to prepare de Boed a pot off fresh French onion soup (With French bread and grated cheese) next week to fill up a gasp. I think it will be received in gratitude. especially during a rainy period like this. I haven't been capable to make soup for a while. It had it's reason, but it became another gasp during the week and I felt fed up with it, so I decided to pick it up again and skip the stupid reason. I simply hope health care will understand. I'm not doing well.  

The next period we live in will be a hard one. I hope you people out there are prepared for another crisis year and take good care off yourselves. It's not easy being poor, especially during these murderous crisis days. I hope you find ways to survive somehow. I'm not the queen, I should not speech or preach, but I feel with most people. I also hope you have your priorities straight this crisis, and keep in sight what is really important, and what we better can ditch for now. I hope you come round despite it all.

Keep your head held up high despite it all. And I hope you have a hot drink and something fun to do this evening. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.    

Good afternoon at the 1st off August, 2023.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today is muddy, cloudy, sunny and warm but here and there a bit rainy. We live in some sort off river swamp in the Netherlands. This type off weather is an excellent proove off that. 

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I wish to share something with you about the war and the crisis. The war is going to be untill 2028, and 2027 will be it's depth. The crisis can take a bit longer, since companies and people need to recover. So, I would like to say it's going to take an entire decade off crisis, if not a bit longer. I have this news from visions and dreams I seem to remember clear today. 2027 will also be the depth off this crisis. Be aware. 

Today was for shopping a bit in Zaandam city centre. I purchased a few nice items and had coffee, ice cream and a lunch break there. I have been quite long shopping. Today it felt like the crisis wasn't there at all, but I can feel it's sharp breath in my neck whenever I go out shopping. I had soft 'natural.' every day make-up on today, with items I already own. I would not have felt ashamed if Edo would have popped up out off nowhere today. But overvieuwing myself, I think I look a bit strange somehow. Even with prettyfying make-up on my face. 

I had fun shopping. I could set my delusions and obsessions off off that man. Which felt like a relief. To be capable to set my mind off and do other things instead off being in the house all day is much better. Though I fell for the commercial trap off heart shaped baking ware. During valentine's day it's already too much off a scam. I shouldn't have fallen for it with a mental infatuation behind my teeth. I purchased a baking mold in the shape off a heart. I think I'm going to melt de Boed's heart during Valentine's day with it. Other than that I don't see myself trapping an adult man out off nowhere to have a slice off one thing or another and have a roll with me. I consider Edo (A still random stranger) way too mature for that. But still- I didn't already own a heart. At the end off my shopping trip, I somehow regretted that purchase. But at least I can have a little fun with it for Valentine's day next year. Other than that I don't see it's use. Somehow I see worms coming out off whatever I bake with it when I have it on my mind. It's that much off a regret. 

On a positive note, I have kept it moderate with beauty shopping. I only purchased items I would buy under any circumstances. Hairdye and topcoat for nailpolish. 

I did an attempt to save out on nailpolish. I purchased topcoat I'm going to use on colours I already have. Work with what you already have. I don't know if we can survive the next ten years with that vision. This is going to be a poor decade. Be aware and make sensible choices. Even if they feel hard on you. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.