Good afternoon at the 4th off January, 2022.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today is moderately cold with showers off rain every now and then. 

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I have been blogging frequently about being depressed, being too depressed to diet and groom myself, to have caused fights with Vana Events in 2018 and feeling ugly in general, in a time where body positive imaging is a thing. I think I should tell you the cause off all off this. I think my audience has the right to know what keeps me from being on track in this life and what makes me so utterly sad. 

I have been in psychiatric health for a while now. It's because off Vana Events it happened in the first place, but this incident that happened in 2017 was the cause off this whole shit I have been in since it took place. 

There was a man who gave joy to my life. He flirted with me and lightned my heart every time I was at those events, I just felt we where no match and that I couldn't give him enough and that he wasn't handsome. Somehow I felt it wasn't a match but he flirted with me, and at some point I believed we could eventually be something if we tried. It took place for a period off time off about 7 years. At the end off it, I fell in love myself and I believed we could be something. 

But one day after my 25th birthday, something nasty happened on Castlefest. Instead off being joyous and fun and flirty he was acting all cold and it hurt me but I didn't understand. His friend said: 'Why should we flirt with you? The most beautifull women off the country come here so why you?' To me while they passed by, him being all cold. 

And then while I took place at a picknick table, he showed up with a frele blonde woman with curls, being all flirty with her in my face and acting as cold as an ice berg towards me. Something in me broke. I couldn't go on from that moment on and he was very cold and mean while I left the event almost crying at the door. It was for me the permanent end to events. I tried somehow but I couldn't. I didn't have it in me to continue any event, while they had that beautifull wickertree dedicated to my idea, something so cruel took place I couldn't handle it anymore. 

I broke with all my event friends, I caused fights online, I had to be taken in at the mental hospital and my home situation wrecked. It felt like nobody listned to me in 2018, when I was all angry and broken hearted about it. Vana Events can be pretty cruel towards people they wish to reject. Not taking count off my feelings, which where wrecked and broken and so incredibly sad. I haven't come over being rejected for a pretty blonde ever since. In a time off body positive imaging and all women who should be respected for who they are, Vana choose the old fashioned path and started to slutshame, being nasty to fat women and do something like this to me. I look like an old hag, due to medication and being mental. I haven't seen any off them ever since. It was too much for me. That incident broke and wrecked me. I felt: 'I haven't much to give, it's all that I have, but appearently- it isn't enough. Everything I have is not enough.' That hurted incredibly. Care takers couldn't go on with me that way in that living situation. I was wrecked and mental, and I have deleted most posts from before winter 2018 since they where mad. I have gone mad over a man I wasn't even sure I liked. That stinks and it's not right. Yoram is a coward, he over acts being macho which doesn't suit me since I'm more off a thinker and not superficial but this hurted. Instead off giving me something nice for my 25th birthday he shoved me a depression and a mental wreck in my face the day after. 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you all for reading.