Good afternoon at the 20th off January, 2022.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today the sky is clear but it's windy and cold. Branches are empty and the sun shines today despite it being on the cold side. 

This week we had a beautifull full moon over cold and lonely yet romantic looking Zaandijk. 

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Combined with the silver candle I'm burning for New Year's luck (It's quite a candle, I have been burning it for about three weeks now, but the year hasn't even started properly yet.) It's probably a good sign it's been full moon this week. 

My father would have been 69 this year, and I have been thinking what I would have given him for his birthday at 18 January. I haven't been baking something since I felt lame and the official memorial will be held this weekend since my brothers and I had no time during week days. So to say, I had time after all but I thought I wouldn't have it. I couldn't sleep so I had to call off Wednesday Soup and my appointment with mental health care was forgotten by my care taker. I could have came home to celebrate but my brothers probably didn't have time. I had time, however, to mourn a bit this week. I had space for myself and a few tears and I hope dad will forgive me I was a bit sad about it and my head was a mess instead off celebrating something. This year it will be 10 awfull years since he died. Life has been rough for me ever since. I'm glad I had a lot off understanding from neighbours and fellow clients who told me it's normal to feel lame for a few days around this time off the year for me, and that it will come back each year around such dates. 

Sleeping has been terrible. I sleep one day and the next I won't. This night I had a good rest whatsoever since I went to bed very early and I had some time overthinking issues and handling things I had trouble with. Yesterday I polished my nails like I had actually planned for Blue Monday. It was that thing I was about to make me feel a bit better. It's just that I could finally set myself to it yesterday. I have polished with 04 Millenial Pink by Essence. A very pale pink.

    

I usually don't advertise for stuff but it's mainly to show you what I have used. If I was Oprah Winfrey, people would en masse buy this shade off nailpolish and it would be a trend these months. Unfortunately for the make-up brand, I'm just a nobody with a weblog on the internet. It's always a good thing to stay realistic about yourself and not walk beside your shoes. 

Aside from nail polish, life has been a bit rough these weeks. I have sleeping issues and things felt a bit hard upon my shoulders these holiday months. I'm afraid I'm among those mental issued with troubles in their mind around the holidays. Like a lot off fellow clients. It's such a common thing in psychiatric health care but I was capable to shove it off for a few years but now I'm like most off them. I feel a lot better today to be better rested than yesterday, though. 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading.