Good evening at the 11th off January, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today the sky was clear with a grey cloud here and there. It's a bit off a diffrence with autumn but it's freezing cold outside. There's no rain, however. 

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Some time ago, I should have mentioned it on here, I purchased expensive skin cream at night, while I couldn't sleep. One day time, one night time. The next morning I believed I did something delusionally stupid. But cold as the winter goes, it's a good purchase against winter face. It's anti-aging while I'm still having pimples here and there. The cold, cold winter however, makes it something worthit the splurge. Often I'm more responsible with money. But for now- Let it snow, let it snow, so my feelings off guilt- can go! Haha. 

Most off the time, I'm an economic thinking Dutch woman. With little money to spend, and it's no behaviour in times off crisis to start to believe in the magic off beauty products. It's a harsh period, however. But these products give me a little joy each time I use them. I need that. 

I make sure it's not tested on animals as I refuse to use cruelty products and it's a brand that cares for the environment. I still use my christmas mascara and lipstick regulairly. A little skin cream and mascara here and there won't hurt anyone in my opinion. It's not as if I use too much off a good thing. It's not been economic and responsible and it's been pricey. But maybe I should stop feeling guilty as it's a thing that has already happened and care staff mainly approves off me taking good care off how I look. I validate their opinion in it, as I think it's a good thing then. 

I can still drink a pot off tea each evening and I can still eat (at de Boed) each day. The magic off beauty helps me with my winter depression this month. So I suppose it's not something to feel guilty about. 

This evening is for my weblog, a pot off green tea and to have discussed with care staff about changing my mind on switching medication. I won't as it's selling tubers for lemons as far as I can see it. summarized I simply won't. 

I'm open for enlowering one off my medications, as the psychiatrist suggested, however. As I see how much damage it does if I might stay on this amount. Previous summer, enlowering another medicine didn't work for me and I had to be back on the full amount this autumn. I felt too unstable for that. 

I'm open for enlowering a bit, and I'm a bit on my guard with it on the other hand. Enlowering medication makes me unstable and sensitive for delusional thinking- which has lead to dangerous and stupid things in the past. I have been stable for a while, however. So I can get the psychiarist's point off vieuw. It's not something I'm wishing to step into blindfolded, though. What's a girl to do? I think I have to discuss this well with everyone before taking that step. A little air to breathe would be nice, but I think enlowering medication can cause lethal drama if it goes wrong. 

Things I have mentioned I should have done but haven't: Hunting for cookbooks and baking more cookies while we're at a lockdown. I haven't been purchasing cookbooks for desserts and sweet stuff these days like I said, and I had hopes to bake de Boed cookies to set my mind off off things. But there was a power failure, I need to buy daily needs in times off crisis and I was in a personal crisis a few times these weeks. de Boed still has christmas cookies- I shouldn't feel guilty.  My nerves are finally getting a bit rest from the holidays these days. Meaning I finally sleep a bit better. Nothing is as sacred as sleep. Especially during this crisis. 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading.