Good evening at the 9th off July, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

The day was mildly warm with clouds and it's called a typical Dutch summer when it's like that. Moderately hot, dry weather with clouds all the time. It's not a heathwave, and I think I should be thankfull for that. I can't stand too hot weather. 

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Today was for the visit off a friendly neighbour. We had coffee with syrup waffles and we talked along about life. It wasn't a bad day. I can't do much, (fun things or things in general) but to have coffee with neighbours is something I'm capable to. It was a good idea. 

The last part off the day was for mourning again. After dinner at de Boed I felt sad about my family and I sobbed a few tears at the office. I couldn't sleep last night because off it. I had a pot off Earl Grey when I came home and I watched the evening news. Which distracted me off my sorrow. Just recently I discovered TV again. I can't watch 300 channels on a HD model or enjoy a Star Wars marathon on the moderate thing I have, but to watch Discovery every now and then and the news when I want to keep up is nice. For a long time I haven't watched much. It's perfect for distraction every now and then. 

Though, this evening wasn't much off a good one. I believe grandma rather wants me to enjoy life instead off being in such big sadness and sorrow over her. But it was probably needed. This year has been for a bit off mourning. But it's a good and big part off recovery or so they say. I just hope it will be worthit in the end and make me a better person once I truly am capable to enjoy life again and feel less sad and lost. Let's hope for the best for now. 

Yesterday at serving coffee at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk in the morning, I felt so good I felt like travelling Scotland again if I continue like this. But that's only if I can keep up with this energetic feeling and not feel down a lot like Thursday, when I felt drained and very low on energy. It's an eb and flow off energy and state off mind at the moment. I hope I will stabilize and be capable to go on vacation again once, it's my big dream to travel around Europe, but if I feel like this I have a long way to go in my state off mind. For safety sake, I have to take small steps first. They can be fun, though. Small steps to be capable to go on a big vacation contain smaller trips or fun things around the corner for now and providing coffee service a lot (Which is awesome.) and train myself for that. I should also respect my limits when I get a backfall and things don't go my way. It's a rough mental road, but it looks and feels positive when the coin flips on the good side for me. I deserve it to turn positive. Finally. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.