Good morning everyone,
The weather yesterday was sunny and bright, but it ended with clouds.
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Tonight I don't feel well. I feel so sad from mourning this evening I had to get out off bed and pour myself a pot off Earl Grey tea. Earl Grey really does something for your system when you're sad. I can recommend you to have a package on stock for when it's time for tears and pour yourself a pot off it when that happens. I have the Clipper version. (Clipper is a good tea brand.)
It would have been my grandma's birthday from father's side yesterday. I think she would like us all to go on with our lives and do positive things this period off time, but I'm in a phase where grief over the loss off family is a big issue. It's not as if I have been crying all week. Grandma would not have liked that. But this evening was for mourning and sobbing a few tears. It's just that I can't sleep due to the feeling.
I feel so lost in my sadness. I have the feeling it almost has no end and it's almost dangerous to feel that way. It's a bad thing to clamp yourself to feelings and happenings from the past like I do. But it's not forgotten. My grandmother is missed. She was a strong personality. She had her way off sorting things out with people (writing with strong words to make her points clear to her enemies) and she should have been in the parliament. Definetly. She could have been a left winged power woman off her age, though her family was open minded and forward-thinking, she had times against her, and she never had that ambition, but she had the personality and the capability to do so. She didn't have a hard time taking her place in her society, she was deeply respected and loved by those on her side. But she was nevertless someone to take count off. I try to be like her. She is closer to my heart than mom, or my grandmother from mother's side. I have similairities with my dad's mother. Sometimes, her ways don't work out well for me. I wish I was as handy with life as she was, since she has done it in such a good and powerfull way it's almost art. I'm handling things far less easy than she did.
She died in 2006 when I was 13 years old. Thinking off her made me realize how much I miss my family this evening.
There's something to say for them to wish for us, humans on earth, to go on with life. But I'm not at that step. When I'm sad and in mourning, it feels so endless since it never seems to end when I'm so sad. Luckily I can snap out off it after some time and I'm safed. But it's almost dangerous to be in such deep mourning in my opinion. What if I will not snap out off it one time? That it will continue for years and years to cry and be sad? I had the luck my weeks off sadness came to an end this winter. According to modern beliefs it's healthy to give space to such emotions and let go off everything. But it's something that almost frightens me when I feel like that. It's a strong emotion. I could even become unstable for having such emotions in my mind. It feels like the world is tossing and toiling inside my head. Still, we need our emotions and it's good to have them. So for now I will give them space. It's not good to heap it up.
This week was for purchasing the Sauce Bible. A cookbook with all kinds off sauces. It's not healthy, but I'm sure it will give inspiration for christmas, or a home dinner once I'm ready to give them again, and it's a great addition to my collection. I have purchased three cookbooks from said series this month in it's journey to become a complete series. I'm too short on book case space in here to store them all. Still I'm somewhat determined to complete it.
I had General Practice over here for a home visit, since I have in between bleedings. She said I can take a small cure for it which will stop the bleeding, but which will make me have my period in 10 days. I had one lately but I didn't call them for having medication enhighering and I wish to see how that works out first before taking such a cure. Taking an extra hormone pill didn't seem like a good idea to me at this moment and General Practice agreed. Luckily the in between bleeding has faded and there is no issue to be near soon, but when it happens again, I have to call GP and take that stupid cure according to them. I'm not looking forward to it.
(I believe in sharing issues with menstruation since it's a natural happening which requires openness and tolerance since that's important in case there is a medical issue with it. Like my case, PCOS. I wish to encourage women to speak more openly about it.)
Aside to Earl Grey, which is very comforting at this moment, I drank my last bag off that yummy detox tea and a pot off nettle tea this afternoon. (I drink nettle tea for my health.) The conservative lot off de Boed thinks drinking a lot off tea is unhealthy. Usually it's not. Drinking tea is good for your health most off the time. When I'm at home I drink lots off it.
I have more to write about yesterday, but maybe it's a bit too much for one weblog alone. Still I want to get some sleep after I finished my tea. It's almost 2.00 AM and that's not a preferable bedtime according to science. Still, sometimes my mind is overpowering and I do hard sleeping. So, next time more about yesterday.
Allright, that's about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
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