Good evening at the 31st off July, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today it's rainy and the country needed that. I don't know if it's enough to get rid off the massive drought that has came upon us this year, but it's a good step in the right direction. I like summer rain. Summer rain is good for us. 

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Today was for sleeping in. After getting my medication at the office, I went back to bed and slept untill 12.30. Usually I don't sleep in that long but I was an awfull lot tired. I had a bad nigh where I slept at 02.30 AM. (I couldn't catch sleep. I hate broken nights.) I'm so tired lately it's probably not much off a suprise to have slept in so long. 

The only thing I have done today was going for afternoon coffee at de Boed and I had 5 cups. Coffee did well for me since it helped me waking up. While having coffee I was thinking about baking chocolate cookies. Usually when I make a certain receipe, the don't turn out as pretty as the image but they are nevertless good. I have been thinking off trying that receipe again and see if something fancy comes out off my hands. 

I'm not good at shaping foods. I can bring things to taste, but I'm not handy in sculpting - for example, a cookiedough. Or even piping frosting on cupcakes. I could practice, I could accept. Still, it's a challenge to try if I can make pretty chocolate cookies. Other than that, my thinking went out to it nog being acceptable to bake during the third week off August since it's the 10th year my dad has passed away that week, and other family members. It's not appropriate to bake during that period so I won't. Then my thoughts went to baking a chocolate bundt castle for halloween this year. Previous year it didn't came out whole out off it's mold. So I'm going to try again this year and see if I can bake a pretty castle. And I'm the owner to three new baking molds. A rose, a fancy bundt and a sunflower mold. It promises something for Valentines' day. But despite people might think it otherwise- It's not the day to declare our loves yet. (I don't have a serious love in my life at this moment. Still baking people something nice for Valentines' day is a good idea.) Not that it's no day to declare love- it's simply no official celebration day for it. You could, however, try this week and see what happens. Maybe they think you're a romantic for not sticking to Valentines' day. Who knows. You might even bake them a rose this week- That would be even more romantic. 😉 

Like said, I don't have someone in my surrounding I have a crush on or romantic interest in. Still I love ordering baking stuff for my hobby and a rose bundt mold should be part off every hobbyist's equipment in my opinion. So, while having coffee and despite taking my distance from the crowd and sitting by myself at de Boed today, I had some good ideas about chocolate bakings. I was tired and my head was hurting. But still I can think off chocolate bakings. 

And I was thinking about what to bake the next half year or so, during the holiday period. It's not always a good idea to think ahead like I do, it's only July, almost August and my birthday is the first celebration on the list. (I'm from the 5th off August. I will turn 30 this year.) Still- thinking out bakings is something I do often since it keeps my head occupied, which is a good thing in some cases. 

So, Lorazepame doesn't always do it's job and make me sleep at night. That's a bad thing. I'm already doing bad, and bad nights off sleep don't improve that issue. I'm not tired because I slept in awfully long today. And it's Sunday, so I should forgive myself for it. It's not something Leviaan supports, staying up late and sleeping in half off the day since they think you should have a good day and night routine. But I could go easy on myself for it this day and accept what I've done. It's not good being too harsh on myself for sleeping in. 

Weeks go by slowly, time goes by slowly these days so it seems. Maybe because I'm often bored but minutes are almost crawling by and the world seems to stumble from issue to issue so it seems. It's not really exciting anymore in life and I have the feeling the last half year has crawled from minute to minute. It's been like this for months. Life is getting by boring. There was a time when it went by pretty fast. A lot has happened since my dad has passed away the last 10 years, still- it's only 10 years and it's a small step. A giant leap in a small step and we're not walking on the moon. I have been doing so hard the previous 10 years in life. It's been so unfair. Life didn't go by easy. 

I could get a hold on myself for over-complaining, but at this moment, I'm just tired and need to figure out how to get myself more energy and better sleep in life since what I'm going through isn't going the right direction in my opinion. And to be honest, everyone needs a space somewhere to complain. We can't go without and I think I need it to voice my opinion- which is important. So it's a bit legid to complain a lot on here. Life could be easier whatsoever, which wouldn't make me complain to begin with. 

This evening we had well prepared Lasagna and it was good. It wasn't 'Zaans geluk voor gevorderden.' on a rainy Sunday evening. We really did have luck tonight. It softens my evening to have had a good meal on Sunday. (That's a positive thing.) And we had quite a large portion. Much better than that alms it sometimes seems to me. It's easier to be gratefull when the food is actually good for real. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.