Good evening at the 30th off August, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was clear skies changing with clouds. It was warm, but not too warm today. It was a nice end off summer day. 

*

Today was for getting shelves on my wall for my collection off cooking bibles. I collect a series off cookbooks called the cooking bibles (Kookbijbels) I own about 20 off them. Caretakers thought it to be a good idea for me to get shelves for them so I would have enough space to hang them on my wall. With 20 books I was almost short on shelve space in my book case. 

 

I got the feeling this is only just the beginning off collecting cookbooks. It was such a nice idea from my caretakers to allow me some shelves for this series. But like said, I don't own them all yet and there are still several out to collect. Aside to that, they keep on coming out. I got a collectors mentallity when it comes to some things. The cooking bibles I use most like the Baking bible, the Soup bible and the Cookie bible are on the right so I can easily get them to put them to use when I need them. My bookcase has space now for other cookbooks. (I'm an irreclaimable collector of them.) 

This week no collecting will take place since I spend my money on ingredients for something for de Boed's Saturday. Sometimes I order a cookbook each week, or a baking item. Like a few months ago. / half off this month. Now I'm up to purchasing items for my home and I purchased a TV and a coffeemaker. (I still have to find out how to get the perfect coffee out off it.)  

I know these are no times to show off luxury, and I have the feeling some people might get jealouse at the idea or the sight off my collection. Still I wanted to show it on here. They make a nice accessory in my home this way. But there are so many people who collect items. In any other time I feel like I would have nothing to fear or appologize myself for since everyone can collect stuff and you could also start a collection like this if you feel like instead off envying me over it. But in expensive times like these, I can count myself very lucky I'm capable to collect things. It's not my intention to stick out people's eyes with it. But I don't have a family to feed, I don't smoke, drink alcohol, gamble or do drugs- I live very sober and I don't purchase expensive groceries. I don't have debts and I have been saving money my entire life. I can afford fun items every now and then. Sometimes a cookbook, and this time I have spend a lot off money on ingredients in the supermarket. So no adjustment this week. But we will have something yummy this weekend. New cookbooks are for the next week. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.    

Good evening at the 29th off August, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today the sky was changing clouds with clear skies and no rain fell. It's almost horrible for it to be so dry all the time. 

*

Today was for making self-selected cookiespices. I started to think I wasn't in for it this week, but here it is and it's such a good idea for the upcomming season to have a jar off it on stock:

It smells wonderfull and it's a full jar this season. I hope I can do good with it and make people enjoy wonderfull bakings. 

Everyone is feeling nostalgic or traditional at the moment. During times like these, there isn't much space for innovation (Especially at a community centre with older people as their target. Though I have to say the average age lies around 60 I think. Most really old women are gone somehow. Either died or moved to a retirement home.). People like to hold on to what is familliair during major crisises. I foresee a christmas with people being nostalgic and sticking to the beloved classics. The 80's are still on a pedestal and 'Potatoes meat and vegetables just like your mother or your grandmother made them.' are a winning team most off the time here in Zaandijk, among most average people. People stick to what's known. It's not a time for artistic renewal this 2022. And probably that's also a bit too expensive for most. I can't blame them for that thought. I'm planning something for this weekend but my, I had to pay the headprice for it in the supermarket. I can count myself lucky I don't have a family to feed. Otherwise the suprise for de Boed would not have taken place and I decided on to pick ingredients that are familiair for this beloved receipe and not to go crazy with things. I have spend it all for them, but there is absolutely no space for me to breathe this week. (Aside to baking ingredients I have been hoarding coffee.) I hope they appreciate. I believe anyone with nostalgic feelings for the '70's can appreciate what I'm going to make, aside to a younger audience who just loves classic sweet treats but I'm going to make it large so it's suitable for de Boed's Saturday. And I just hope we'll get out off it entirely this weekend. It gives this otherwise boring weekend a bit off a shine to plan such things. I'm going to take a risk and make it for the Saturday. I hate it when we don't have enough, but it's going to be large enough to feed a crowd. 

I'm going to clean my kitchen tomorrow. That's what I'm about to do since I got a day off and I need space for new baking adventures. 

I'm at a dangerous state off being at this moment. I'm very forgetfull and self-care can be better. I do basic cleans, and I had mascara and eyebrowgel and Thé Vert scent on this morning. And I had earrings for something completely diffrent. But most off the time I go by almost like a chimpanzee. I have been tidying the house a little this week but it could have been much better. I forget items in the supermarket and I wish I had my hair dyed so I wouldn't feel so ratchet. Allright, today was less ratchet than usuall- but most I do for my self care is brushing my teeth. Other than that I slack. I keep myself clean and I brush my teeth. Allright, if I was a man, there would be nothing wrong with me. But I'm a woman and I could do better in feminine style. 

My head hurted this afternoon and I was afraid my baking and kitchen cleaning could not take place tomorrow. But I feel a bit better right now. It goes with ebs and flows and it's unpredictable. I hate it when I have episodes like that. After dinner I felt blown up and hurt inside my head like the entire weekend. I forgot some key ingredients for Wednesday Soup. I just hope I can get them to get those items or they already have it if I'm very lucky. Otherwise my Surinamese peanut soup will be in trouble. (It's so beloved, it was requested for me to make it.) I have to see if it's there tomorrow. 

I could take it easy tomorrow, and just clean the kitchen instead off baking since Wednesday will be for soup and a barbecue held by de Boed. It's going to be a big event for de Boed with a lot off people attending. If I would think in terms off people who are not well and sick, I would  advice them to truly take it easy tomorrow. Baking cookies can also take place next week. I feel so tired and unpredictably unwell and well changing each other, I believe to take it easy is not a bad idea. Otherwise I'm going to make peanutbutter cookies. Since they where incredbibly good the last time I tried the receipe. Peanutbutter cookies, peanut soup, Wednesday will be a great day for people who love peanuts. I'm still dreaming off baking peanutbutter cookies after I tried the receipe somewhere in February. They where that good and that well received by people. I have literally been dreaming off putting on my foodprocessor and making the dough. 'Since people loved it so much.' It's been a good idea to do them again. It's just that I hope I feel well enough tomorrow. That's the life off a mental: I can't even hold a promise to myself at times. I have to take life more easy than I usually do. And if I can't keep it tomorrow, there's always a next week since I see myself having time by next week to do them again. (Before that I'm buisy.) 

It's no big issue taking it easy and performing the peanutbutter cookies next week if that comes in more handy. I should also try something with the cookie spices and then there is that big suprise for de Boed on Saturday (To be continued) I'm not finished baking yet. 

If I die and the gods ask me what I've been up to all my life and I can't say it's been adventurous, or much, or something off golden glory. But I can tell them I know how to make a damn well applepie or cookies and hopefully offering them some and proving myself to them will be capable to make me pass the gates off the hereafter in peace. (I just hope I'm on some sort off a mission in my life. And not doomed to have a boring life in a care home.) I hope I will grow old, but not in a bad or unsafe way. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.           

Good evening at the 28th off August, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was changing clear skies with clouds. And no rain despite the clouds. I could feel a little drop here and there but it was like tears that didn't want to break through. An attempt to cry from the sky which failed. So no serious rain today. The country could be in serious trouble for this massive drought. 

*

Today was for Pistachio Creamyoghurt tart. I invented the thing by fixing a package off plain quark tart with pistachio creamyoghurt instead off plain quark. 

This was the result. A cream yoghurt tart in a lovely shade off pale green. I adjusted chocolate sprinkles on it and it tasted like heaven on our pastry plate. I think I did well by making my fellow clients this tart. It got out entirely this afternoon at coffee time. And come to think off it I had to take it easy this entire weekend. I had a sore head which faded away this afternoon, but off which the cramp held on from Saturday untill Sunday afternoon. I can't describe the feeling and the result off it to you. If I could, I would be helped much easier by specialists. It was slightly diffrent than the black magic cramps I often experience. This was also hurt, but I thought maybe my brain fluids where the cause. But I can't tell you if that's for real and that's the problem with my brain. It's invincible and no one can see. If a professor in brain science linked to a university would experience what I am going through, I believe the issue would be helped much easier. But unfortunately, I just don't know where to go to with it. 

Did I have any hallucinations or delusions this weekend? I don't know for sure. I can't tell you yet if I've experienced any off that. I had to take it easy this weekend, that's all I felt and the utmost urge to fix my yoghurt tart since it would have been such a waste off ingredients and a boring Sunday if I hadn't. 

Luckily we had that. Otherwise my weekend would have been terrible. I got the feeling September will crawl by just as boring as the entire year. I hope my baking skill won't abandon me these weeks. Or my brain being in the way off baking. Life is boring and empty as crap without it. I would be a lucky person if my system keeps on working well the next weeks, but I always am. Sometimes it fails like hell and I gotta pay a price for it if it does. Elvis helps, TV helps, fabulous pistachio creamyoghurt helps. My new poster off the Great Wave near Kanagawa (A Japanese classic) helps. The weather to have cooled helps. And to sleep well helps. I sleep better since I've latened the Lorazepame (A calming medication which helps you to calm down and to sleep.) Sleep is so important for people. (Especially mental people with brain issues.) I can only sleep untill 8.00 AM. After that I have to get out since I get medication at 9.00 AM. In weekends aswell as weekdays. I miss sleeping in. But morning medication goes first.   

I found a wonderfull series for young adults on TV, Find me in Paris. About a ballet dancer from 1905 who transferred to modern times by a magical time travelling lock to the best ballet school in Paris. It was really full off imagination and it's a sweet plot that keeps me hooked with a pretty ballerina as the main character. If you can stand the lead character being a bit off a Barbie princess, then it's probably worthit a watch. If you don't like such characters- then don't even try. I loved watching it. 

I also still love watching Discovery channel, for something completely diffrent, about building wooden cabins in Alaska. (Building Alaska.) I still dream off a wooden cabin in the woods one day. But I started to doubt about that idea. It's so distant from most people and basic services like shops and health care providers. Who's going to save you once you're in big trouble there? It's a wonderfull idea but I have my doubts about it nowadays. It's gorgeous, but I don't dare to try anymore- especially since I need healthcare. And you need to be capable to save your own ass- which I don't see myself doing to be honest. Out in the wild, alone... There's no chance I will survive. Maybe in a life with diffrent choices and a diffrent path I would have. But it's too hard. 

Life would be a bit empty on a later age without my purpose off the wooden cabin in the forests. Without a cozy family and a loving husband. I suppose that will be my fate- a boring old day. I wouldn't be supprised if that would happen. Poor, lonely and failed. That's where we're heading in my perspective. I'm missing my personal boat to true luck if I would stay in this country I think. I said from the beginning on my ambition was to move out off the country and have a place at a forest sight near a lake in a wooden cabin and enjoy colder temperatures. I would love such a future but it feels impossible. I'm fond off my luxury and services close by. (And it's even more lonesome since I don't have a husband and a loving family.) 

I feel more content about life watching TV. It feels less boring to be alone at night when I do so. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.    

 

 

Good evening at the 24th off August, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was tropically hot with here and there a cloud, but mainly clear skies. 

*

I think serving de Boed cake from a Nordic Ware loafpan isn't too suitable. I think I better serve them two cakes in a cheaper mold. It was pretty cool how everyone enjoyed their cake, but we had little and it could have been more. Giving them just a crumble off cake doesn't make anyone forget the crisis and trouble they are going through. I should make everyone enough, though it's something cool to still be challenged by the loafpan mold. Maybe I should keep that for the weekends when there are less people. I don't want to serve anyone too little when I'm about to serve cake. (To be continued) The substance that came out off my cake receipe was nevertless good. Banana cake tastes great. See, a test drive was a good idea. Just like adjusting walnuts to the receipe. They are a great variety to the usuall where I would adjust almonds. 

What am I up to? Fangirling over Elvis Presley. I'm that much off an oldie. I'm only 30, but I love Elvis at the moment. He deserves the title off 'The King.' If he was still alive he would be in his 80's. If I was in the '50's, I would probably develop a crush. Elvis is cool. His music sounds refreshing compared to a lot off stuff I've heard. It's diffrent than everything else on a cool level. 

Aside to Elvis, I'm so tired and got enough off the summer heath. The country is strangled by a drought and I feel bad about it since I hate summer heath. I hope it will stop soon, and rain will start to fall untill the ground is satisfied again. I don't know but global heath surely is a thing this year. 

What do you think off this: Even when someone is a deliberate drunk with a gamble problem, they still would have the nerve to look down on me and call me too ugly for them while they are the true scum. They would still play that 'I'm high up in the tree.' game with me and other people based on their status somewhere, while it's all as fake as plastic surgery. You wouldn't take effort for such scum anymore, and your heart, mind and soul has said a thousand times goodbye to them and they're not worthit the slightest positivity. If someone is a drunk, gambling scumbag, they would get away with it as long as Vana Events protects their status among their social circles. And their woman is too insecure to stand up against it. Such people truly are going to waste. I don't know why I share this, they can't stand on the fact that they are more than you morally seen. They lack moral and manners, they are nothing anymore but that. They make debts, they lie, they drink themselves to coma's and they are rude. And then I'm insecure for them calling me ugly. Honestly. I could also waste my time on something usefull. This is a prediction. Something I have foreseen in a vision and it's about to happen. They wish to leave me insecure on the Vana Events level while their life is going to a waste. I could stand against it, I should let it be. I could also let it happen and let it be and let them sit on the blisters on their ass. Drunk, ruined and admired by their stupid ass girlfriend. How cool that must seem to them. Well, I could also think it this way: At least I don't have debts, at least I'm always sober, and at least I have money to save my own ass. I'm not dependent on them. 

You can think off this as false, but I've also predicted a war with Russia and an economical crisis ten years ago. Take that. 

I'm on the level off saving my own ass at the moment. I also know Vana isn't the right place to share predictions since they are sceptic while I was downright right. Austrich politics aren't going to save people. Just sayin'. Saving a lot off money and taking it very economical is. It will save people to budget and be sober with the income they have to build a bridge to the future. This is not going to be easy. It takes common sense and I'm proud I got that. 

Sometimes people deserve a downright 'I told you so.' And a kick under the ass once more. I'm not the right person there to do so and my role is finished in those idiot driven circles. I'm not going to appologize. 

I should let the emotion fade away with Elvis on the background, and my eyes focused on the tasks that lay ahead. It's not easy for me. I got the feeling Elvis is going to pick me up a lot since I discovered him. I'm sweeped away by a mountain off emotions at the moment and it's too much for me. I stop writing tonight right here. Another day tomorrow, another chance. 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading. 

  

Good evening at the 23th off August, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was hot outside with here and there a cloud. 

*

Today was for trying my new Nordic Ware loafpan. Instead off trying TuttiFrutti-cake, I tried banana cake from a receipe I have made a dozen off times ever since I live here. It didn't came out perfectly. It was a bit off fussing over getting it out, but I couldn't manage to do so well. 

This is how it came out. 

So I decided to put on some icing sugar to cover the cracks. 

I just hope people won't notice too hard it's broken. It tastes well, I tried a chip that was left in the baking mold and it's a bit diffrent since I adjusted walnuts instead off almonds to the batter, like I usally do in this receipe. Trying good old banana cake in this mold gives it a new dimension in my opinion. (Man, I made that receipe often.) It's a challenge to practice untill it comes out perfect and that makes it something great. I love a good challenge every now and then. It's good not to have tried something with high expectations in it, but just something I'm familiair with to do some sort off a 'test drive.' I still have to stir this loaf pan to a comfortable drive so to say. 

Tomorrow the people at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk, will get it served in slices on pastry plates. And I hope they won't notice too hard it's broken. hopefully they love it just as much as the earlier versions off my banana cake and all they notice are the ridges and the walnuts. I'll make them serve it at the afternoon coffee moment. It has cookie spices and coconut in it aswell. It's a celebration to eat. 

I have to make a new jar off self-selected cookie spices. Previous year when it was so rainy I already came up with it in May, but since it's so hot outside all the time, I barely feel like 'cookie spices.' This year. Maybe I feel more like it on a rainy September or October day.  But as I should note to myself: 'Slow down, the cookie spices season hasn't started yet. It doesn't hurt to take it easy in summer heath.' 

Before the Dhammapada, I feel like reading Jane Austen. Something completely diffrent and I can't explain to you why. I can't order it soon, since I already purchased a few household items which where broken in my small care home, like a TV and -finally- a coffeemaker. I can serve myself and guests fresh coffee again once it's delivered! Yass! But since I purchased a TV from money my accountant granted me, and a coffeemaker, I have to take it easy with the budget. 

Well, I could watch TV this weekend. I think I will enjoy that and be gratefull for real about it since I love Discovery Channel and the news. And hopefully something to laugh about since I need that. I got a brand new TV- let's put it to use once it's delivered. I payed quite a price for it, so I got something to do when I feel like watching. I prefer to keep up with the news on a moderate level. 

I shouldn't trust people who say to not follow the news for all gold and silver in the world. It's good to stay informed about The World. I follow every day news and I read the local newspaper. I'm not an expert but I know what's going on around me. And that's important. It's better not to be unworldly about it. That's not cool, it's naive and stupid. I won't say following everything or the harsh things is good for you, it's been proven to be bad, but it's good to stay informed about the important things. Especially with crisises going on around us. 

I could invite a neighbour this weekend for a cup off fresh coffee. And them to admire my new coffeemaker and TV. Some people throw entire parties when they purchased things like that. I'm not among those. I'll just see if a caretaker or a neighbour has time for me. I can't do much fun things and I live far off, but at least I can have a neighbour over for coffee every often. And I can make myself a cup when I got time for myself. That's important too. Coffee and tea make an important part off my life. I love to drink both. 

This above meme is from the artist Chibird and these are things I believe in and which I do quite often, except off complimenting myself in front off the mirror since I believe I slack and could do better when it comes to how I look. Still most off the meme fits me. I hope more people will follow it. I would almost think I'm kind to myself. (Which is important.) 

Today was quite a positive day. I made a cake and I got myself some cool and expensive household items. Except for the warmth. That was less positive. But it wasn't too bad. 

Allright, that's about it - 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 21st off August, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was clouds changing with sunshine. Especially the end off the day was very warm. 

*

Today was for finishing Wabi Sabi by Beth Kempton. I thought it was a good book. I soaked in all off it's wisdom and it took me two days to finish it. I thought especially the parts where she lived in Japan where fun to read since it awakens a sense off adventure in me. The advice parts and the parts which are suppose to make me think about Wabi Sabi I have to overthink a bit more and let it settle down in me before I probably fully understand. I love the concept off Wabi Sabi and the philosophy is great and goes deep and wise. I think I can't practice it in my daily life. Though I believe it truly makes sense. 

It was a bit on the wordy side compared to my other book about the subject and I don't truly know if I have soaked everything in correctly. Maybe it asks for a re-read. Though it gives great insights in Japan, Japanese culture, philosophy and daily life. It taught me a lot and on a lot off aspects in life I think it can be truly practiced but the materialistic part is going to be impossible since Wabi Sabi doesn't fit into my pretty decadent taste in stuff. But that's probably the only part where it's impossible. Other, Non-materialistic parts are simply asking for it and it states something about hobbies- which comes in handy if you wish to bake the stars from heaven like I do. It states it's allowed to wish to become better each time as long as you don't strife for modern perfection in your work. Which I can truly live with. My bakings probably scream for that too, since they are nowhere near a modern standard off utmost perfect but they taste simply wonderfull for those who eat them. I'm allowed to keep on following that path and that's pretty awesome about this book. 

I don't strife for perfection, I simply strife for 'always a bit better than before.' Which makes me a strifer but not for a perfect standard. 

Everything put togheter, I would like to give Beth Kempton 4 out off 5 stars for her good work on researching Wabi Sabi and trying to make it understandable for a Western point off vieuw. I simply don't know what else to write aside to '4 out off 5 stars.' Except 'Feel good, positive vibes from this book and it's very inspiring for modern day people. Except that it's a bit wordy for an unexperienced reader.' I hope that it will do somehow. I'm not an expert on reading or Wabi Sabi, I don't consider myself important enough to be off importance for this book. But 4 out off 5 stars are pretty great. Maybe I will write the review anyway. (By now I wrote it, as honest as I can be.) Still, 4 out off 5 stars are good for this book and that's how I do it. 

What to read next? I need a reading break from reading two weekends. I can't handle much impulses and it's good to read, though my head hurts a bit from reading all that wisdom. I wish to keep on following this path as it inspires a lot. But I need everything in moderation. To be honest, I wish to read te Dhammapada. The holy book off Buddhists. To see if I truly get Buddha and hopefully his path off wisdom truly is what I seek. (Or to see first.) My mom adviced me to take out off Buddhism what I personally need in life and not blindly follow a crowd if that isn't suitable for me or my personal situation. That's great advice and I'm likely to do that but I'm also likely to think 'Allright, everything or nothing with Buddhism.' I'm at that point off vieuw to be honest. I love Buddha and I love the way he inspires everyone. Buddha opens doors and even science approves off some parts off his wisdoms. Buddhism is a nice path to follow with holy colours like bright red, yellow and orange. And Buddha has excisted and doesn't call himself a god. It's not a religion, it's a way off life and I love it. It does well for your personal wellbeing and your personal development. In our strife to enlightment, Buddha makes people wise. In Buddhism, there is not one holy writing, but there are thousands off holy writings, expanded every time with new works. Buddha makes happy. And that's what he wants: To free us from suffering and make us happy. Buddha has already saved me once, I wonder if he can keep on doing it. (He saved me from stuck up Paganism and made me see and think things diffrent. I can handle it much better now Buddha has my back.) It felt like a warm bath to read Haemin Sunim's work. Haemin Sunim is a monk from Korea who has written two inspiring books: Love for -imperfect- things and The things you can see only when you slow down. These works have truly saved my life. I'm not hanging on anymore to Vana Events and I will never do so again. I wish to follow the path off Buddha and eastern philosophy and hopefully that will lead me somewhere better. I just love, love, love it.  It's a good thing to keep on reading about it. 

Tina Turner was mentally saved by Buddha, and so am I. The more I follow this, the better it feels. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good evening at the 19th off August, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today it was very warm outside. It was changing clouds with sunshine. I have been buisy all day and I have been sweating like an otter. 

*

This morning was for baking appeltaart. It's applepie but the Dutch way but fancy, with nuts on top and almond paste inside. It's made for tomorrow's coffee moment and the entire building smelled wonderfull when I made it. Speaking off making people forget the crisis. This work off love surely will make them happy for a while: 

Someone had fresh apples from her garden and asked me to bake appeltaart with it so I gave up the ingredients for this version, which I love best. I made it in de Boed's kitchen this morning. It made me happy too, I was capable to work with pretty expensive ingredients which they bought me so I could make it. Usually I don't get the chance to make such fancy bakings.  

Aside from making appeltaart, I got rid off a few empty cardboard boxes and the house has more space now. I got tired from walking all the way to the cardboard bin, and throwing away the cardboard. It feels like I got tired from doing little today. I needed a caretaker to help me with the cardboard. I'm so tired and low on energy, someone should do something about it. Someone off health supervision. I don't know if General Practice will ever find the source off my exhaustion, or that it's something from mental medication. I have been calling General Practice over nothing a few times. Them not being capable to solve my issue and I just had to await untill my body got rid off it. (They had solutions sometimes, but it's also happened sometimes I didn't get away so lucky. I think off it as something too mediocre to truly solve issues but I have to accept this General Practice) soon they will get me a bloodtest to see if I'm working on the inside and maybe there is something visible in my blood but most off the time you can't see anything about it. That sucks. I wish I had an explaination for being so incredibly tired all the time.  

Something on the inside sucks up a lot off energy. I just don't know what. 

I honestly don't know what else to write about today, 

So that's about it for now - 

Thank you for reading. 

Good afternoon at the 18th off August, 2022.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

The sky is clear and it's about to be warm again. The whole day it was cloudy and yesterday was for rain. Today the weather is changing. 

*

Today was for planning a trip to The Hague (Den Haag) to go shopping and have coffee. My personal care taker just told me this morning they where about to take a bloodtest- but the nurse from the bloodtest organisation (Send to me by General Practice) didn't show up. They are going to test my blood to see where my exhaustion comes from all the time. I'm difficult to prick. But you can imagine I had to sit inside de Boed all morning untill there was no longer the illusion off visiting The Hague for a bit off funshopping. 

This afternoon is for buying stuff online and having tea behind my laptop. I have to take it moderate from now on since I crossed my budget and I'm not willing to go below a certain amount off money on my pay account, so further shopping has to be awaited. I have asked for extra money for a new TV, however, since mine is broken and I need a new one. I like to keep up with the evening news every often so I like to have a TV. I can just addapt to basic channels and I have no expensive subscription to digital TV, so I have to accept I can't watch 300 channels. As long as I can watch Discovery and the news I'm fine. (And it sort off asks for Star Wars, I was complaining about not being capable to watch high definition Star Wars on my old TV- With a new one I can probably watch as crazy and loud as my heart desires.) Usually I just stick to the news. And I have a few golden oldies on my to-watch list: Breakfast at Tiffany's, Singing in the rain, and Hayao Miyazaki's work. (I own a DVD player) I got a lot off material I wish to watch. The weekend is perfect for that.  

I ordered the Wabi Sabi book I wrote about. From another author (Beth Kempton) to read their vision on the subject. I love eastern philosophies and wisdoms. The world would probably a better place if people would practice Wabi Sabi a bit more. The art off appreciating imperfection and decay. Simply because nature doesn't fit in into our modern standards off perfection, and it decays. Things never stay the same and they are likely to grow old. That's nature. It's not up to us to wish to change that or paint a coat off perfect standards over it. It simply doesn't work that way. Humans who always strife for perfection are hurt and shallow on the inside most off the time. It's a bright and brilliant concept to follow the wisdom off Wabi Sabi, and that's why I wish to read more about the subject. This week I will receive the book and I can read it this weekend. 

This afternoon is for nettle tea. It's a good idea to drink herbal, organic teas if you wish to look fresh, young and pretty and if you wish to give your organs a good cleanse. It's one off my secrets to look young and pretty: Herbal tea. It's good for you and I personally love the taste off nettle tea. It's suprisingly good. 

This week, there will be a yearly market held in Zaandijk. Some sort off yearly fair with all kinds off artistic stuff, a waffle stand and fruit boots. I allow myself to buy cherries and waffles and see if there is something nice among the stuff they sell. It's only a few streets ahead from here and it's promising to become a nice weekend: A new book and a market. And after visiting the market reading while having a waffle. Can't be too bad. The weather is changing back to cloudy at this moment. There is a heathwave promised for next week. I'm not looking forward to it. I would love the weather to rain and the country to complain about it since there is a massive drought going on and it's screaming for water. Entire Europe is suffering from drought. It would be soooo incredibly nice for it to rain. 

I wouldn't mind if this weekend at the fair there will be rain. It's not good for the stand holders, but it's good for the country. I love rain, especially in summer. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

Good evening at the 16th off August, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

The sky is cloudy yet it's warm. Somewhere around midnight there will be rain and tomorrow will be rainy according to forecasts. 

*

Today is for being at my mom's house. This day is the tenth year my dad has passed away. He died in 2012. After a long battle with all kinds off lung and heart diseases. A lot has happened the previous 10 years but I can't say they where good for me. It was a good decision, however, to attempt to this place to be around my family. 

Dad wouldn't liked me to hang into grief for too long. He would have wanted me and us to go on after a while but that's sort off an issue sometimes. I can woe still over his death and when I do the sadness seems almost lethal. Today I've only sobbed a few tears, I came here with five square 'Gevulde koeken.' A nice Dutch treat filled with almond paste and usually they're round, or flower shaped. But the bakery I got them from (Fresh from the bakery, yes, sir.) sells them square. Square bakings are sooo 2011. 2013 at i's highest and it's not a trend anymore to eat from square plates with square kitchenware. But I still love it. Square bowls and square plates are out off fashion. (they where on trend somewhere around 2007) Sometimes ago (For those who don't know that era or those who don't remember.) They where the edge off edgy. It's still chique to serve something haute cuisine on a square plate. You got that still in some restaurants. My personal kitchenware is diffrent, however, yet cute in style (And I'm not going to replace it)- still a square baking or a square plate is cool in my opinion. I still hang on to that idea off style. 

Still I have nice plates. You don't have to buy everything that's on your mind immediately. I have breakfast plates with a Japanese cherryblossom print, and soft pink dinner plates with a fancy edge, it does it's utmost best to look fancy and chique. (They're getting a bit chipped here and there, so it needs a little update- still I'm not heading to a website for a large set off square kitchenware.)  My dishes need to be done to be honest since my kitchen is a mess this week. It was too hot outside to do anything so I hope I'm not in trouble for it. 

So, today we had coffee and a square Gevulde Koek fresh from the baker. Mom had a new footbath I have been using. An electric one with massage function and my feet are clean and I feel refreshed. She had footbath salt with Calendula and orange smell in it. I think I will sleep well tonight. 

Aside to that, my bedsheets have been changed and I sleep in a clean bed tonight. In this summer heath, it's important to stay fresh and keep your bed and yourself as clean and fresh as possible. It's no good idea to go around all sweaty all week, though I have to say it was a bit harder this week to keep myself entirely fresh each day and clean my bedsheets in time. Still I'm glad I have done so! 

(When you're mental, it's hard to take count off grooming and personal care.) 

I got a bit sick off the crisis the world is going through. By the end off this month, a lot off people are probably short on money and winter hasn't even started. de Boed is often short on food, and it's low quality this week. 

Often they have just enough to feed everyone one plate and that's about it. I have had enough food this week, I don't need a lot despite people thinking diffrently off me due to my weight. I can do with just one plate off potatoes, vegetables and meat and a few peanutbutter sandwiches in the morning. (It was too hot for fried eggs this weekend. I have eggs left on the shelve and a package off bacon.) But it's not to my liking. It's probably not the most healthy choice in food, but I have to accept it. Tomorrow I will cook myself pasta the way my family used to make it back in the days when I still lived here, with a lot off vegetables and tomato sauce. It's hopefully a healthy dish with a lot off flavour. I got work to do tomorrow. Clean the kitchen after Wednesday Soup, then make pasta. Well, it's probably better than what they serve this Wednesday if I cook myself pasta. Tonight I will eat at my parental home. 

I personally am not in a crisis. The ingredients for tomorrow's pasta where a bit on the expensive side and I would never be capable to make it if I didn't have de Boed to eat my other meals from. Still, something isn't to my liking, I can skip to something I will make myself tomorrow. But it's only one or two times this week. I don't have acces to close supermarkets or the money to buy enough fresh vegetables for meals for the entire week. Where I live is far off from shops. It teaches you a harsh lesson in gratitude for what you do have if you live like me. And that's me. What about all those millions off people who can't afford food due to the crisis? I had still money left for gevulde koeken today and an ice cream after the bus drive to this place. But that's because I'm dependent on de Boed. They serve less food to us and it's low quality this week. (A lot off frozen vegetables sided with potatoes and meat) I'm so glad I don't have to eat with tonight and tomorrow. (And probably another day this week, since I'm likely to make pasta for two days.) 

Aside from the foods there's those fights in de Boed and the uneasyness that comes from it. I'm so glad I don't have to deal with it for most days off this week. I should grant myself that more often: Homecooked meals and to eat in peace. 

Allright, that's about it for now, 

Thank you for reading.      

Good evening at the 14th off August, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's sunny and hot outside. Tomorrow there will be thunderstorms and rain and I'm looking forward to it. I just hope this entire autumn and winter will be very rainy to solve the drought. I don't mind if people are going to complain a lot about it- It's a necessity if this place doesn't want to be as dry and death as the Nevada desert (I wrote 'dessert.' somewhere. But it's a bad idea to think you can eat desert sand and dry ground after dinner. So I wrote it wrong. And it's better not to dive into it with a spoon after a meal. 😉)

*

Officially today is half a year untill Valentines' day. Let's hope it's rainy that day too. I hope there won't be too much gloom this winter from rain and thunderstorms, but dear goodness- we could use it. 

Am I planning things with Valentines' day? Nah, just bake something special for that day and make a few lonely souls at de Boed a bit more happy. It's all a single old spinster like me can do. I'm not expecting something, I just take note it's only half a year away from us and it's probably better than scorching summer heat.   

Today was for ordering food. I didn't feel like 'Zaans geluk voor gevorderden.' This evening so I ordered a Shawarma dish at a local restaurant, sided with fries and garlic sauce. That's closer to my personal idea off real luck for dinner. I love middle eastern meat with garlic sauce for dinner. I also ordered some baklava for dessert. (In this case, it's a good idea to have that after dinner.) 

I have been finishing Wabi Sabi by Fransesc Miralles and Héctor Garcia and I wrote a positive review on the site I bought it from. (I've been reading it pretty fast.) It made me feel that positive, so I thought they'd deserve it. I never write reviews on items on that site since I don't consider myself an expert on things. But this made me feel so good, it deserved 5 out off 5 stars. 

I have been thinking off a concept for a TV-Show: Top Gear for kitchen tools. You know, that legendary British car program from the BBC? Something like that for kitchen tools for an every day user / hobbyist / noob / specialist / anyone who loves to cook would be great since there is a lot on the market and I have to find my way in it when I search for the best 'gear.' for what I'm making. There isn't such a thing as a guide for baking molds, springforms and cookbooks. (Maybe something more subtile like a monthly paper guide would be also great.) Given there is quite something on the market and everyone needs those tools, and things come out new every day, I foresee material for TV-shows for over 20 years. To keep it from being boring, it needs humor and a spicy twist like Top Gear. But maybe it's a bit unrealistic. It was a 2 A.M thought at midnight when I couldn't sleep. 

Today not much happened: I had coffee at de Boed, I got home for an afternoon nap, then finished a book. (I couldn't sleep during that nap. But a bit off rest was nice) Ordered food and then wrote a review for Wabi Sabi. There's another book out there with the same title. Maybe it's worthit also ordering and reading. 

I don't know if I'm suitable for the concept off Wabi Sabi. I don't crave perfection and I could do in a world without that strive since it would make me more comfortable. But I'm somewhat off a perfectionist when it comes to baking since that is my Ikigai. I wish to strive for better results each and every time I'm at it. But the relaxed way Wabi Sabi makes people think, accept and handle the world around them when it's not perfect, is a great way off wisdom. I just love it despite thinking I would be bad at it. Another book on the subject hopefully wouldn't do bad for me. I'm curious for it. I wouldn't do bad practicing it since it would also get a hold on my perfectionism when I would do so. My eternal strive to do better each and every time, and my strive to display these things I earned and the love off all that praise it often gets. I'm a bit off a show off sometimes. Do I have an ego or what? I just love people complimenting me. It's just in the field off baking. On all other aspects off life I could truly live a Wabi Sabi mentality. I would be 100% fine with it. Would I? I'm somewhat doubting it. But it's a perfect book to make people think. (Also people like me, who would do hard practicing it completely.) 

I'm not a perfectionist on most things, except for my creativity. 

But that's a personal issue and I don't know if insights from Wabi Sabi can truly solve it. Still I'm positive about the subject and I love the feel-good book I've been reading about it. I own almost all works from Fransesc Miralles and Héctor Garcia in the Japan-wisdom series. I love reading them and they're truly inspiring. Just like green tea- this is Very Good for your (mental) health. 

It's probably a good idea to read even more on the subject off Wabi Sabi. It can't be a bad thing to order that other book out there on the matter. It makes me feel positive to read eastern philosophy and not much in this world has that capability, to be honest. 

Let's continue this journey on eastern philosophies since I just love it. 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading.        

Good afternoon at the 13th off August, 2022.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

The sky is bright and clear and it's hot outside. We're still dealing with a heathwave. 

*

I have slept terribly last night. I just couldn't sleep due to the warmth. The whole nation probably had that issue, and the heath makes irritated and cranky aside from poor sleep. 

I decided to try a little rest after morning coffee this morning but it didn't turn out well since I couldn't sleep. I'm still a lot in my bedroom with my fan on. I moved my computer from the living room to the bedroom this week and it turned out to be a good idea to stand the heath. (This is the room with the fan where it's cooler.) I don't have much space in my home, so I have a small bedroom and a small living room. To sit here inspired me to order stuff to decorate it a bit more to my liking. 

Yesterday evening was hilarious for my parcels to turn out to have been delivered at my neighbour instead off there happening something suspicious. (But why should there? I've got nothing bad going on in my life.) 

Yesterday late in the evening I felt like I almost lost it mentally seen. I felt like going overboard with mental issues and loosing grip on my situation. I can't remember anymore what I did yesterday, except for unwrapping my Nordic Ware molds. They look fabulous and I'm certain they are going to help me in my mission. But that's all I can recall. Maybe I had a few glasses off water and I felt tired. I simply don't know what else I have been up to and it's been such a bad night untill the evening truly cooled down and I felt capable to sleep finally - Untill my alarm got off at 8.00 AM and I had to go to the medication office. It's always that early, also in weekends. I eat breakfast and then go for medication. It's downright terrible to have to get up that early always. But I have no choice and it's good to have coffee and the newspaper during weekdays at de Boed, where they provide my medication.  This morning was for coffee, and wearing a fabulous summer dress. Except for that, nothing happened but it's a heathwave outside so I better don't expect something off today. Sometimes, you have to accept what life throws at you. No matter how bad you'd want something else. 

Allright, that's about it for now - 

Thank you for reading! 

What happened to those baking molds?!

 Good evening everyone, 

The sun is finally down and the night is cooling down. It's much more to my liking. The night is a period to breathe during this heathwave. 

*

My baking molds where delivered, just on the wrong adress. It turned out they where not scooped away or held back by the C.I.A (And why should they? I don't act suspicious, most off the time) 

I turned out to have typed in the wrong house adress and they where delivered at my neighbour. I'm a lucky person to have such a helpfull neighbour who was looking for the right adressed at the label. I'm the lucky owner off new Nordic Baking ware! (And I'm a bit stupid😉) I shouldn't get my brain burned during this heathwave. Usually nothing good comes from that when it happens. 

Now I'm all clean and showered, waiting for the last medication time and then go to bed. I feel tired despite to have been in all day. I owe the Ladybug Guardian Angel who helped with getting my parcels delivered today a picture off TuttiFrutti cake. (And probably a slice. But I don't know how to get it there.) So when it's not too hot outside anymore, and we're finished with that one baking I made an appointment about with de Boed, (To be continued...) he can expect a picture off TuttiFrutti cake, molded in a Nordic Ware loafpan. It's worthit! Hopefully I can safe a boring Sunday which would otherwise turned out to be plain and empty at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk. A small village in the Netherlands. I hope TuttiFrutti cake is actually good. I never tried it to be honest but it's worthit a try. 

Allright, that's about it - 

Thank you for reading.  

Good evening at the 12th off August, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today we´re in the middle off a heathwave. I´m lucky I can stand it inside my home. But it´s scorching hot outside without a cloud in sight. There is a thunderstorm promised on Monday and that's about time for it to cool down. I have to withstand this the entire weekend. 

*

So, today is for staying in all the time and doing little. Aside from unwrapping parcels I ordered online. Trying to decorate my home and purchasing nice items online for it gives my life somewhat off a purpose. I can't go overboard with shopping, but I purchased a large mirror and a poster off The Great Wave, a Japanese traditional art classic. I forgot material to hang my poster on the wall so I need to attempt a place where they sell said material, I'm probably going to order it among my next big order online and put it to use. It's been a good idea to purchase those items. My place could use it. (It looked a bit boring and cheap in here.) 

Next first world problem: A pile off cardboard a homeless could build a villa with. It needs to be thrown away but it's too hot for that so I await for the temperature to cool down so I can get to the thrash bin to dump it. Seriously, it's a lot. And it makes me somewhat a-social. Plundering websites in these expensive times and collecting such a pile off cardboard. That's not good for the environment and they could have made books out off those boxes. Still, I somehow need comfort shopping and solving my peronal space to give myself more fullfillment. I could have finished it all within a year and feel empty again. Just too bad. I could also see where the ship strands when I'm finished with this project and head to the next project. It's scorching hot outside. I have little other to do than being inside behind my computer all day (Post funny stuff online, shop a bit- that sort off things.). 

I don't know how people can stand these temperatures at places where it's common to be hot outside. It doesn't sound like a place for me to live. I'm glad I own a fan to cool my bedroom. 

My Nordic Ware still isn't delivered. Sometimes I suspect the post company to keep it behind from me and not deliver to me on purpose. Since they think I'm just a poor nobody and they better deliver it to some rich person who can put it better to use and who is more vulnerable and en vogue. What am I to do with Nordic Ware? Life can be unfair that way. But it's probably not the truth. (I hope it's not.) Maybe some higher hand from the post company or the iluminati is behind all this and doesn't want me to own fancy baking molds. That's probably not true. But my mind scoops it there and makes that out off them delivering late. But I paid for them and it's my right to get them delivered. (It's in the Dutch law: Once you paid for something, it's their plight to deliver and it's yours once you paid.) 

I wish to own that loaf pan so I can make TuttiFrutti cake. (I own a new baking book. It has a receipe for TuttiFrutti cake). You could serve it to them like any other cake, you could also serve it to them fancy style and molded to true beauty. Anyone who gets a slice or sees that loaf off cake will probably be made happy the entire day. (And how about them eating it?) I need it to fullfill my mission: Help people cope with the crisis and soften their day with cake and other bakings. Discussion closed, I need that loafpan just as much as some pretty edgy tut with a big house and big money on her bank account. And the XL bundt pan can make any christmas a feast. I hope I can still take it they are slow on delivering my stuff. I hope I won't be overheated or stressed due to it. It works on my nerves, though. 

I'm looking forward to Christmas, let's keep it at that. It's scorching hot outside today and it's not the most sane thought or ideal to hold on to. I'm also thinking 'Valentines' day.' when making something romantic. Half a year and two days untill Valentines' day and it's probably just as normal as any other day for me. I'm not expecting something special. But maybe I can take baking to a nice level and bake something romantic for de Boed that day. So I'm still celebrating it a bit though it's not much. I need fancy loaf pans, bundt pans and books to keep on being challenged. Just like a man who buys new gear for his cars, boats, camping or sports hobby all the time, I got a bit off an ego in baking. (I won't say 'a dick.' since I'm a woman. But you got it, probably) I also own a cookiegun (Or cookie press as how it's also called) Which still has to be put to use. I was planning on baking blue cookies with it, but given the people at de Boed are a bit short-minded and conservative when it comes to food, I better keep it at a nice cookie colour (Golden brown, preferably) I also wish to create rosettes with the cookie gun. Looking like a poof off cupcake frosting. (You can also do that with cookiedough when piped well) And it seems like they won't be distrusting such a cookie, as long as it's cookie-coloured instead off blue or purple. 

It's too hot anyway to bake but I'm fussing over it already. I promised myself the cookiegun earlier on this year for fullfilling a course in mental education. I didn't buy it back then for some reason, but now I own one. It's a year filled with buying items somehow. What a year, what a year. I hope the world makes it alive untill Christmas. I feel like baking a lot off fun things for christmas this year and I'm thinking off keeping you informed on this weblog. Like some sort off an artist, or a man with a hobby and a hurt ego, I can say: 'It's never enough.' Somehow I always wish to shoot for more and let's put those items and books to use. It's probably only going to benefit those who eat and me- since I love baking. But it's too early for christmas. Let's await the end off summer, fall and Halloween first and bake them stuff for that. (Traditionally seen, these are perfect occasions to bake.)

Allright, that's about it for now - 

Thank you for reading.      

      

Good evening at the 10th off August, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was bright and sunny and the first day off this heathwave. I have stood it quite well. Working in a kitchen with airconditioning and staying inside all day afterward. 

*

Today was for staying in a lot or I would have been burned by summer heath. I'm lucky de Boed's kitchen has airconditioning and it wasn't hot already in the morning. I have good hopes I will make it through this heathwave if I stay inside a lot amongst aircos and fans. 

Today's soup at de Boed was Creamy Mushroom. It tasted perfect and I made quite a large pot off it this morning. I think we won't get out off it tomorrow and it's a bit off a waste. We are with quite a group off eaters and I have fans among them, but I made such a large pot off fresh mushroom soup, I doubt I can get out off it entirely tomorrow. Only Leviaan people can eat with unfortunately. Otherwise I might have advertised online for people to have a bowl off fresh mushroom soup tomorrow. Making large amounts sometimes doesn't come in handy since I think it's a bit off a waste for it not to be eaten. Still- Creamy Mushroom is a queen among soups and people loved it. 

For those off you who are new to this blog: I make fresh soup every week at a community centre dedicated to mental health and I do so on a volunteer base. I keep up with it for almost two years and it's often received as great by my fellow clients and staff who works there. In September it's two years. Never waste a good crisis they say. During the Corona pandemic, when de Boed had to solve a lot off issues and worked on their new program, they asked me to make soup every Wednesday and I agreed. At least it was good for that. De Boed was allowed to be open since it's a care organisation providing daycare for mental people (I'm a mental patient myself). The world might have become mad and expensive- The mushroom soup was still good.  

De Boed still has issues. They are short on staff and a lot off things on the program have quit due to that, but my soup still continues. I wish for it to be an institute off comfort for those who need a bowl off good vibes and comfortfood and who wish for their lunch to be good at least once a week. I can do at least that for mankind. (I'm an idealist who believes in a better world) I shared my receipe with a caretaker who wished for a bowl off soup, and a mushroom soup receipe. 

I wish we could advertise for tomorrow for more people to come for soup since it's such a large pot we have left. But I'm not allowed to do so since it's for clients and staff only. 

Today was for not being tired after just a tiny thing. I could make soup and still be on my feet afterward, despite to have rested in my own home afterward. 

Tonight was for carrots on the menu. I also have dinner at de Boed and it's often potluck and accept what they serve each day. Carrots with boiled potatoes and a chicken sausage. It wasn't too bad tonight for potatoes, vegetables and meat. (Zaans geluk) They have a habbit off also serving potatoes, vegetables and meat on Sundays and then we're not so lucky. But maybe I'm a big snob for thinking that. I got myself off off bailing we don't have pastries with our morning coffee. I thought to myself: 'But it's too expensive to serve pastries each morning. They have to keep the thing affordable for everyone.' I have to deal with it just being cookies most off the time. I could live with my own advice. Sometimes I wish I was enlightned enough to be wise enough to have accepted it before. But appearently I needed to get a hold on my own spoiledness over that.  

Despite it being sober, I love having my morning coffee each morning at de Boed. Sometimes sided with reading the newspaper. The whole building reads the news from it, local and worldwide and it's not high end but still- a good source off news for easy readers. Het Noord-Hollands dagblad editie Zaanstreek. It's not high quality, but it does for a morning read. And that's the way my days go by: Medication, coffee, sometimes reading the news. I'm glad they serve coffee for free since my own coffeemaker is broken. I need a new coffeemaker. And my TV is broken, so I'm glad I can read the news each morning there. Today I haven't read the news but who knows tomorrow. It's good to keep up with the latest news about the crisis. It's good to know what situation we're in. I need a new TV and a new coffeemaker. Times are already expensive as they are. Hopefully I can find something soon. 😉   

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good evening at the 9th off August, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was a warm and bright summer's day. It's promising to be a heathwave starting tomorrow. Wish me luck!

*

Today I had eggs left on the shelve which had to be used up. I decided to make chocolate cake with it this monday (Before grocery shopping) and purchased ingredients to do so. I didn't take it very economical, but I could use a new baking book with a great receipe in it for chocolate cake with almond flour. It worked out well and I made the day for those who attend de Boed and who had a slice. I got complimented on it all the time. I served it somewhat warm out off the oven. 

We had a slice with our afternoon coffee and I'm gratefull to myself I made something good out off the coffee moment. It's always good to do something with your hobby. Especially if you can put it to use for other people. It helped me in my mission: Help them through the crisis. As far as it seemed I made their day with it today. I can be proud off myself. I can't actually solve their issues, but I can bake them cake and make them have a good time and enjoy a slice off cake every often. I'm glad I purchased that baking book for my birthday. It's filled with usefull receipes and advices. 

I made chocolate cake, then went for afternoon coffee and it made me tired while on other days I can easily handle such happenings. Today I felt exhausted at dinner and I can't explain to you why it made me more tired than what it does usuall. I hope I'm not some kind off demon who got actually drained by acts off kindness like making people chocolate cake with their coffee. I hope it's not the start off decay after my 30th birthday. That seems a little bit early on but I'm as tired as a horse. I hope it's not the sugar from my baking. That would be a disaster- growing so tired from my own bakings. It would not help my mission to bake myself sick! 

Soon the doctor will get me a bloodtest. To see if nothing strange is happening inside me according to said test. I'm so tired, I hope I won't die from the cause. (But I promised somewhere not to build up tense by claiming to die all the time like some off my blogs might have insisted in the past. - that's downright annoying to read) I feel so incredibly tired all the time and it's not  healthy.  

I hope I will be around a long time, to bake even more stuff, and to be there for my mom. I don't care much about the rest off the world. I love having people in my surrounding who love me, but it's not as important as mom. Mom is a reason to live, so is creative baking and making people happy with it. All the other things don't matter that much to me. I don't have much reasons to live outside it. I wouldn't like it to abandon my mom on earth if I had to be transferred to the other world. I just hope General Practice can help me out for once with something. 

Despite I can be proud off myself today, I feel so tired it's hard to stand by it. I just wish I was more healthy. Life is hard when you're sick. Physically and mentally, and all the time. Not just a short period off time, but your entire life. It takes a toll. It's unfair and it hurts but I have to live with it. Despite there was cake, I'm doing bad so my cake helped me through aswell. It really was heaven in your mouth. I hope I can continue my mission, both for me and for the people at de Boed. It helps me aswell to bake them stuff. (I love baking.) 

Soon there will be a heathwave and baking stuff will have to stand still and I'm not capable to bake people stuff since I can't in hot weather. As soon as the scorching temperatures are over, it's about to start again. So today's cake was a 'the last before a tropical heathwave.' cake. 

I think this chocolate cake also lends itself perfectly for valentines' day. Just in case you are looking for that perfect treat for a loved one on the 14th off February, almost half a year after this month and I don't know why I'm looking forward to valentines' day. What are you to do with valentines' day? You might ask. You don't have a love in your life. And that's true. Still decadent chocolate bakings are a good idea on that day I think. 

It's strange how we are always looking forward to summer, but when summer's here and temperatures rise, we all complain how hot it is. I don't like summer heath. It's not my time off year to be honest. Despite to have had my birthday this season. I long for snow to fall and it to become christmas when it's this hot. Let's hope it won't be this year due to enhighered gas prices and people not being capable to pay those bills already. So let's hope it will be soaky wet rain for christmas and winter instead off snow so the ground will be hydratated again and the drought isn't such an issue anymore. Let it rain! Let it rain! But when it's this hot outside, I long for snow, and christmas, and christmas glitters. I hope I won't get sick from summer heath this year. 

Life is hard this period off time. I hope we all get out off the missery untroubled. It takes a toll from most. Let's hope it's not a too hard one. 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 7th off August, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was bright, hot and sunny and the weather is promising even more hot weather for next week. I'm not looking forward to it. 

*

My birthday was a succes. The quark tarts where well received on Friday, and we had a small celebration at de Boed with music for me and a volunteer who also had her birthday that day. People said they loved my quark tart and they enjoyed my birthday that day and I received a lot off birthday cards and congratulations from everyone. 

I needed a trolley to bring all off them to de Boed. Luckily I could borrow one from them. I adjusted edible silver decorations on top off my quark tarts Friday. 

Saturday I had the celebration with my family. We went to a pancake restaurant at de Zaanse Schans and it was such a lovely day. It was sunny, we could sit at a fancy terrace in a beautifull surrounding with all the green houses, the atmosphere and the flowers and the pancakes where wonderfull. I made a good decision on taking my family out to a restaurant for my 30th birthday. It felt nice and it wasn't crowded yesterday and we had fun talking and eating pancakes and cheesecake for dessert. I got nice presents and I'm not robbed in money. It was affordable yesterday. Life was good at that moment and I hope I will remember it for a long time since it's something to cherish. My family highly appreciated and they all had fun yesterday. It made their day, too. It was that good off an experience. 

de Zaanse Schans is good for 6 million tourists a year. It's often crowded with tourists from all corners off the world. 

It was a good idea. 

I found I could order a few special Nordic Ware items with a high discount at a website where I have been saving points from products. That way I got two Nordic Ware items this year for my hobby by making a lot off quark tarts. 

I expect this year to become hard and expensive for a lot off people. So it's probably a good thing to continue my mission: Bake them stuff that will help soften sharp edges. And boring Sundays.  

Today was for sleeping in after getting medication from the office and taking it easy after yesterday. Though it didn't take too much off a toll and I could keep up well, I was still a bit tired today. I had my aunt saying my dad would have been proud off my life if he could see it and that ment something for me. I have build up something good from the bottom on I can be proud off. Despite it's often boring and depressing, I do my utmost best to stand tall and give it my best. I do well in working for what I earn. I don't do well in mind, since they are fussing over medication all the time with me, though I have the feeling my mind is a bit calmer than usuall so it's heading the right direction as far as I can say. I have been behaving well this weekend! Like every weekend, every day, I do so. 

I don't deserve the reputations they like to put up on me in Vana Events circles. I could have wrecked the live chat on the wickerbeast burning last night and call Mark a jackass instead off a horse. But I haven't done so despite to have thought it. 'That's not a horse, it's a donkey. A big Jackass.' (I'm still sharing it with you on here. But it's to illustrate the matter.) I have behaved well yesterday and kept it in. (Mark is geen paard, maar een grote ezel.) And I don't know if I find the message off this wickerbeast so trustworthy, given there is a lot off fights and jealousy in those circles. People can't behave well sometimes. There are a lot off things going on about jealousy and it's sickness number one among them. aside from playing naive and stupid so they are not seen as suspicious. I have to see this wickerbeast works before I believe what it's been put up for. Like I told them in a postcard: 'Women among each other are just a bunch off chickens.' Did I offend someone or what? I have seen Mark and a few other men in chickensuits on stage on one event on a video and now they made a cattle off horses out off it to feel better about themselves. To keep from being offended over my postcard. To be honest, I don't believe this wickerbeast. 

If they keep on doing this, I know I've hit a spot and it's probably been more right than they want to admit. Women (and men) among each other are a bunch off chickens in their circles. Let's hope it doesn't spark over to every day life off North-Holland, where women are hard working and down to earth and helping each other instead off gossiping the shit out off each other. That's just not how most off us are here. Let that stay in South-Holland and Brabant, or Utrecht for that matter, (Where most off them live) where women are jealous bitches sometimes.   

Tomorrow is the start off a heathwave. Actually it has already started today and I hope I can make it through. I hate summer heath and what I need to do is to keep myself fresh and clean. It's also a period off mourning since it's been 10 years since my dad has passed away. 10 awfull years which haven't done good for me. I hope I will make it through next week. The week off the 16th off August is not the best week off the year for me. My dad is missed and it's going to be awfully warm. It's already not to my liking. The previous 10 years have been hell to me. My curtains have already been closed a lot this year due to summer heath. To keep bright sunlight out. I have been inside a lot since I burn easily since my skin is so pale and I'm somewhat allergic to too much sunlight. I could pass for a vampire nowadays if I wasn't so fat. (I'm not a vampire.) 

Winter is depressing, summer is scorching. Both is not to my liking. It's never good enough so it seems. Maybe life would be better if I was less alone and had a love to care for (And he for me.) I have been single  my entire life (I kid you not) and it's been lonesome. I wish I had love in my life. But it's hard to find that. Love, or a vampire victim (Masculine) And I wish for him to do the dishes and clean the house since I can't do that myself. Love would make life less lonesome. At least I hope it would. And I'm likely to suck him out since I'm a mental patient who needs care on all levels. I'm giving a lot off positive vibes back, though. (If I'm to his liking) I'm a mental patient in a care home. I should stay single for common sense' sake. But it's so alone to be single. 

I wish I wasn't alone in this world. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.           

Good evening at the 3th off August, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was sunny and bright most off the time and it's still incredibly warm this summer's night. 

*

I have a hard head about catching sleep tonight if it keeps on being this warm. It's almost unbearable but I have to take it. I have a fan in my bedroom and I just hope the night will cool down enough when it's dark so I can sleep, and my fan did it's work well. 

Today there was no Wednesday Soup. I was about to make Creamy Mushroom since it's my birthday week and I wanted something festive this week. Probably luck by an accident since it's too hot outside for a cream based soup and I suppose it wouldn't have done well for most people. Next week I'm going to try better. Why there was no soup? Because de Boed had forgotten it's groceries this week. People did miss their soup today, though. Today was for spending a great deal off my time inside my home and ordering birthday cake for my personal celebration on Saturday. I ordered online since a voice adviced me that. It came in handy this time and I'm glad we will have a cake on Saturday short before going to de Zaanse Schans, but voices are often not to be listened to! Though this one came in handy since it keeps me from walking to the bakery on Saturday during this incredible summer heath that's predicted. 

So- Lucky me. Yesterday I also ordered some new clothes for my birthday. I'm taking this day kinda serious this year and I'm right- I turn 30 this year and it's worthit a celebration. If I'm lucky my new clothes will arrive tomorrow and I will try them on the 5th. I'm so glad people can order a lot off stuff online nowadays since it keeps me from heathstrokes in shops, probably. Let's be gratefull for the internet since where would we be without it nowadays? 

I just hope I can manage the small walk to de Zaanse Schans this Saturday evening. I wish it would rain the entire day and the country would cool down that day. That makes it better capable for me to walk somewhere to begin with. I don't mind rain, I just hate summer heath. I'm glad the sun is down and it will cool down a bit if we're lucky. Rain this weekend would be healthy for this country. I just hope the heath won't keep me from blogging. I don't know who reads this, but I hope I can keep on writing you about my daily issues in psychiatrics. 

Next tuesday won't be an alms for dinner since de Boed decided to make pasta salad next week, the Farfalle one I hinted them earlier on and I hinted it to them for the upcomming week. Often we're not so lucky. It often feels like an alms they have been cooking up for us, unfortunately. (Aalmoes.) And people think I'm wrecking McDonalds or fastfood restaurants often because off my weight. That charity handout we eat all the time? Sometimes it's not even good enough for fastfood. I wish I could cook my own food more and decide what's on the menu myself. I'm not a hamburger wrecker or a fastfood queen, by the way. I just wish I could cook with fresh vegetables and fresh fruits more and eat very healthy but it's too hard to manage that for myself. The supermarket is far away from this place and especially with such summer heath, it's un-doable. But these weeks we're a bit more lucky than usuall, since I helped thinking out the menu for next week and they take count off the weather this time. (Often they can put a winter stamp on the menu when it's 30 degrees celsius outside.) So it's a pasta salad next week, and only one time potatoes, vegetables and meat and they do carrots on that day. That's sort off acceptable for now. We're a bit more lucky than usuall next week. I think I should look up receipes like the pasta salad to be put on the menu and see I request them as often as possible! (We're a bit more lucky with food during weekdays.) I'm glad our kitchen is almost a democracy where it can be talked over what we wish to eat. At least for some days the next week. 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading.    

Good afternoon at the 2nd off August, 2022.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

It's cloudy yet warm in the Netherlands. This morning I was in the sun for 15 minutes and then had to go out off it because off a danger for a sunburn (My skin is that sensitive) but now it's cloudy and it's damp and stuffy outside. I wish it would rain for two weeks in a row. So the drought can be solved. 

*

Tonight I slept well. Probably thanks to a bit extra medication. I have slept bad for two nights, and this night was finally a good night. 

It's Lugnasadh today. A pagan celebration to the grain harvest. Traditionally seen, you should bake a bread but it leaves me puzzled since I'm not capable to bake a yummy bread. I simply don't know how to do so. So I just had bread from the supermarket this morning. I'm not even going to bake cookies. Not because I don't respect it. People have accused me a lot off not respecting paganism, but that's not true. It's simply because the 5th is my birthday and I'm going to make de Boed three quark tarts for that day, and I will celebrate my birthday with family the 6th. I have a few celebrations this period and it's a bit much to do something today. I already made some space in my refridgirator for all those quark tarts. But the gods probably prefer a bread, or a grain cookie and a ritual to go with it. Usually I have the idea the gods off prosperity are on my side. Despite not celebrating their day their way. Usually I have enough and even more than what I need for a lot off things. I don't have money and I am not rich, but I have a good quality off living. I could be gratefull over that. Lugnasadh is also a time to be gratefull for what goes well. The food here is often a practice in gratitude since it's more off an alms most off the time than a festive meal. But my standard off living, despite it being very small, is a good one. I don't have much, but what I have is good. As long as I take it sober in general, I can afford. I have done it sober my entire life and I always have been poor. So what I have now is not so bad as long as I don't lose my head and go overboard with money. - But that's not likely to happen. I don't smoke, I don't drink expensive bottles off alcohol, I don't gamble, I don't have sex, I don't do drugs. I don't have a family to feed. I spend money on fun posessions and good quality laundry wash on a discount. 

I can be gratefull I'm wealthy on a small scale and I rather have this than a mocking husband who over-complains about life and does nothing to solve issues himself. (I don't even have a husband. I don't owe explainations on spending my money on fun things.) I can also take it very sober after my birthday period without an explaination to anyone because we went to a pancake restaurant. But let's await the celebration first. I have money from gifts from my family I wish to spend on it. I saved it up and that's what I use it for this year. I don't know if I could have done it without gifts. But let's say I can treat them to a dessert after their pancakes and the celebration doesn't has to be sober. 

I don't know about the next weeks, but we can use a celebration. At least I can after years off sobriety and a year off expensive bills, even more issues and groceries increasing in prices ahead. I'm turning 30, so a celebration is allowed. 

So yes, for me personal- it's a period off gratitude for life itself. That's not a practice, or sarcasm. It's the truth. 

I expect another year off having to take it sober and war consequences from the war in Ukraine. So we're probably poor, cranky and cold in winter this year. Lugnasadh is a celebration off the grain harvest. It's good to wish for the war in Ukraine to stop and the world to have acces to it again this period off time. A lot off people are starving to death because off it and in this country people also befall victim to it. It's the time off year to practice magic for grain and flour to be available again the next period. And to stop the war in Ukraine so people don't have to be cold in winter, I'd say! Instead off competing over costumes, you could also put this time off year to practicall use and massively put on pagan spells and rituals against the war so the world has acces to grain again. Mind over matter. 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading.