Good afternoon at the 30th off December, 2023.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today it's cold, grey and cloudy in the Netherlands. 

*

It's the last Saturday off the year. I decided on to end the last weekend off the year perfectly groomed and washed. I wanted to be fresh this morning. So I showered after watching Netflix. Someone from care staff fixed my Netflix update for me, and I have been watching this morning instead off overthinking the world too much. It's going to safe my soul this winter when it's cold and dreary outside. 

I was up quite early, around 05.45, but Netflix helped me through to it. 

Sometimes the proof off the pudding is in the eating, according to the classic saying. We're at a point where price increasement has become so much, I can't afford to stuff my storage room with shower stuff anymore as often as I would like, so it's a matter off using it up now and see how far I will come with it. And if it's true the crisis will end soon. Maybe I'm just the biggest charlatan out there for sharing a good vision about the crisis and the future with you. Maybe it doesn't come true at all. But my visions are true enough to me to take serious. And I have been sharing a true vision about a war going on during these years, with Russia, about 11 years ago, on the Vana Events forum before they became my worst enemies. They took down the forum, so people can't see it anymore. But my vision came true. I can look in the future sometimes. It's just that nobody can see that forum post anymore. So I have no actuall proof off that, and this entire thing may seem a bit vague to you.    

So now it's simply using up that big fat storage room and see how far it will get. I can speak off luck to live in a country where everything is provided a human can need. It's just a waste in my opinion everything has become so insanely expensive most people can't afford it anymore, and it just rots away from storage shelves, or so it seems. Since nobody buys it anymore. Maybe I just have been smart with what I have done. I have stock for quite some time now. I'm good for now. The last donation off handsoap was yesterday. They had hansoap on a discount, I purchased it, it arrived, and I donated a bottle off it in the give away closet down the hallway. Dettol lavender handsoap, and I think the person who found it is gratefull. There live a lot off poor people in this building.  

A good way off starting the new year is by washing bed cloth, and I mean the entire duvet and the pillows. I've read on the internet you should wash it every half a year, so I decided on to do so. Next week I have to again. There's something to say for a fresh bed every beginning off January. And coffee with an elderly friend off mine who also lives here. Just in my cozy home, so he doesn't has to travel far for someone his age. It's an old, retired zoo keeper who can play guitar like the best, who had me for coffee recently, so now it's my turn. It sounds like a good start off the year. 

Looking for something good to listen to? I got that song for you which makes almost everyone in the Netherlands somehow feels nostalgic to a time they never lived in: 

     

The instrumental parts makes everyone feel connected to the end off the 19th century, beginning off the 20th century somehow. If you're in for that, it's a good listen. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.         

Good afternoon at the 26th off December, 2023.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

It's cold and cloudy outside in the Netherlands. 

*

Mom got out off bed yesterday, and we all celebrated Christmas togheter so it was still fun to be here during the holidays. 

Today I will head back to my small home in Zaandijk, after dinner. 

I have good news for you, in two years more positive planetar constellations are in the air. The planets that seem to withold war and crisis are in a diffrent sign, and it seems more positive so far. This war and crisis won't last untill no extend, and it's good to hold on to that idea. There is a day after tomorrow for planet earth. But for now, we just have to sit out 2024. Which will be crisis. I'm certain off that. But it will fade off one day, and it won't be here forever. The cliché is when Uranus gets out off Taurus in 2025. Uranus also has been in Taurus during WWII. There are astrological rumors the war in Ukraine will end by then. It's a miracle if it happens before that point. If the economical crisis and the massive inflation will also truly end by then, I don't know. 

In my personal visions, I have seen 2028. Uranus will get to Gemini in 2025. I'm not certain wheter the Ukraine war will stop at the exact date off the transit. Something as brilliant as the bank crisis and Pluto in Capricorn on that exact day we are probably not likely to see again. I don't believe it, to be honest. That was just too brilliant for an astrological transit. But positivity is on it's way in two years. Pluto will transit to Aquarius in January 2024. And Neptune goes to Aries in 2025. Saturn will be permanent in Aries in 2026. 

But coming to think off it, I don't know if it's favorable to have a lot off planets in Aries with a war going on. Since Aries is also a sign off agression, temper and war. It can either be the ending off big negativity, but it can also come with it's own kind off trouble. That's how mankind works. Still, all the positive signs can mean there is finally a better time coming up in the air and the problems will truly stop. But don't be too optimistic and positive all at once. It promises something better, it looks as if there are better times waiting for mankind. And now for real. But I learned not to be too optimistic in astrology and weigh everything to it's own. Some people would believe Capricorn would lead to a better way off mankind handling resources on earth. But that has been a fable. Aquarius can lead to bigger awareness to the greater good, but Aquarius can also be very ignorant. And getting to know people who are an Aquarius, learns they are sensitive. They don't like to crack a joke often. They are easily offended. And I can't call them down to earth. But in a prissy way. Most off the time they seem to count on sheer, dumb luck to make things work. It's not well thought out usually. I can't use them during a war. To be honest. I hope it's prissy enough to make the war end ASAP. To be honest. 

For mankind, it's probably good. But they're a bit straight on sometimes. And they can be simple. Not sophisticated. Simple and a bit too easy. Usually they solve things the easy way. And the computer department? Only when they have money for it! Otherwise, they're cheap. And it's a sign that loves to whine and complain in an annoying way. It's a bit childish. They are social, probably better grounded in social habits than Leo, and they seem to care about the weak compared to the capricorn. But usually, it's not favorable to have them care for you when you do bad. The women are usually short and fat. They are modern off style, though. And the colours are often light. They don't want it 'dark and offensive.' But 'Light and positive.' So mind that in fashion. I don't expect peace all at once. I do expect a fashion change. I don't know a lot about Aquarius psychology. I have been calculating the Capricorn well, but that's because I understood how they think and work. Aquarius is uncommon ground for me. I know them only from a distance. But I had a Capricorn parent, and I'm an old soul. So to understand the rules off Pluto in Capricorn somewhat worked out for me, though it was hard. Aquarius I'm not familiair with. It's a bit wait and see. I'm it's opposite sign. (Leo) It can work out well, it can work out bad. The other generation signs, however, are going to be in my favor in two years. It could be good, for once for me. 

Allright, that's about it for now - 

Thank you for reading. 

    

   

Good evening at the 24th off December, 2023.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was grey, cold and rainy outside. It promises to become a wet Christmas. 

*

It's  Christmas eve, I have been here all day, but mom has been sick in bed all day, and there is a big chance she caught Corona. Not due to me, but due to circumstances, as how she thinks it was. Tomorrow she'll get out off bed again, she promised. But today was not the best day since she got so sick. Short before Christmas, we all got sick. Luckily to have caught Corona recently makes me immune for it now. All I could do was to bring mom a cup off tea. Other than that, she wanted nothing. 

Corona has hit hard on me and my surrounding these months. Luckily nobody died due to it. 

Tomorrow will be Christmas. This evening is to survive. I can deal with it, but it doesn't make the best holiday memory ever. 

Mom is tough. I have the idea she will overcome. But for now, it's doing hard for her and suffering. 

And sometimes, this is all I need to share with you for this evening, and other inspiration has run dry for now. So it's something for later on, hopefully. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 23th off December, 2023.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was cold and cloudy in the Netherlands, with little rain. 

*

Sometimes economy marks are degrading. The Dutch Economy has shrunk this last quarter off a year with 0,3% and it doesn't look positive for the next year. But sometimes progress isn't just economy. Sometimes progress and growing goes with millimeters, where it was first centimeters, or meters. 

The progres off a day can consist a shower, a good night off sleep, a good meal, a small gift to someone or yourself- those things. A clean toilet, a clean kitchen, those sort off things. The Dutch economy doesn't see it back in it's growth marks when you have mopped the floor, but to you it can be progress. I'm speaking in terms off someone who has always been poor and who is a psychiatric patient. The AEX index can be low, and almost all companies except the war driven ones can be at minus in the index part off the newspaper, (I have seen that) but progress should not always be measured in such marks. But in personal steps, the consequences for the surrounding and the amount off wealth you do gain from something. To purchase a small bush off flowers to decorate the table is progress. It looks wealthy to have it on your table, and you become happy from it, And you purchased something which helps the economy, even though it's just a small thing.  

To get out off bed and make a cup off coffee for yourself is progress if you look in the eyes off the mental. To have coffee is wealth nowadays. To cure from the flu or Corona is progress. To let your hair cut is progress. The economy marks are off little importance, as long as this country still makes progress somehow. Personal progress is much more important. To put on a clean t-shirt when you have made stains on it is progress. 

To understand to put your needs first and see them as progress every time you take a step helps to relativate the bad economy. I have tried to do so ever since January this year. Ever since I understood the Dutch economy has shrunk. 

Offcourse we do need the money that comes from the wealth you gain from economic growth. And the progress that does come from economic growth. But as far as this goes, we should be happy we still have everything we need to do what we need to do. And taking steps in what we need to do is true progress from the eyes off a psychiatric patient. Who does hard in that. That's true progress. I hope you can live with that. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

     

Good morning at the 23th off December, 2023.

 Good morning everyone, 

Stormwinds and grey weather are blowing around the house. It's the dark days around Christmas. 

*

I attempted at mom's, because I felt better from having Corona and care staff declared I was better. So I knew I could be there this Christmas. I feel as if I'm truly on a short holiday. I haven't been here for a while. Mom's place is cozy as ever, decorated with Christmas items and it's just a modest home, but for me, this is luxury these days. Especially not being alone and being surrounded by family does it. It's better than baking for de Boed. Somehow it's as if something's crawled underneath my skin and I just had the urge to be here instead. 

That happens to people who have a good bonding with their family: Oh, that urge to be there during Christmas! 

This year, I had a box off Lego gingerbread figures for my Brothers, and a Poinsetta plant for mom for Christmas. My mom loves plants. Poinsettas are the perfect choice off plant-gift for the holidays. And they're not expensive. Usually I give mom a plant or a bush off flowers when attempting there. It's a common gesture in the Netherlands. Or at least that's how I've been raised: When going to visit family, take something like that with you for them. Luckily the Netherlands is rich in flower shops with all kinds off nice floral and plant decorations. In all price ranges. So it's not appropriate to attempt somewhere empty handed. Or at least that's among my folks. And this year it makes a nice and appreciated Christmas gift. 

You don't have to when you visit each week for coffee and see each other very regulairly, (Though you still can bring a plant or small flower bush sometimes with you if you go to visit your friend or family. Like spring bulbes at the beginning off spring time. But usually not every time.) but if you go somewhere only once every while, a plant is a nice gesture. It's a habit among my family. 

It's almost Christmas, I have no big plans than just being here. I can be proud off myself this year for staying hygienic and groomed, especially because I did hard on that some time ago. It's been downright bad, but the problem seems solved and it's not much off an issue anymore. I can pass as clean and fresh again, finally. And I'm proud off myself. it's quite something for psychiatric patients to be filthy and unhygienic most off the time. But this last half a year, I maintained well in being more clean. I'm more aware off it, and I take better action on the issue. It's truly been a problem due to certain medication and depression. But now it's fine again, I think. It´s so important to be clean and hygienic during your entire life time. You can´t go without. I can be proud off myself again. 

I even have pedicured toenails with the matte baby pink nailpolish from the Essence 2023 advent calendar on them. Speaking off neat! I believe I should continue this way. Maybe it truly was the cause off healing easy from Corona this year. Hygene helps when you´re sick. I would like to go on being clean next year. It feels nice and much better than what it was. Changes in medication make such a diffrence. It´s a world off diffrence. It´s so sad when psychiatric patients are stigmatized due to hygene, but that´s how the world works. Everyone prefers to see clean people. I wish everyone would understand that. It´s not a standard for people to be washed and clean. (At least in my world) It should be. And sometimes it´s so hard due to being a psychiatric patient. I´m so proud off myself. I don´t know what it was, but it works. 

It´s 07.30, and it´s time for a second cup off coffee for this morning. 😉

Allright, that´s about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

    

     

Good afternoon at the 18th off December, 2023.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today it's cloudy, somewhat windy and cold outside in the Netherlands. 

*

Today I called another day sick from Corona. Yesterday I believed I could have coffee and lunch at de Boed, but today I feel sick again. I believed I was better because I could taste and smell again. But this virus is tricky. In the evening, I felt sick as a dog again. I hope I haven't infected someone at de Boed while being there. I have had no negative test yet. De Boed is out off them. But I have the idea I'm still sick. Sometimes I'm not the most brilliant person out there, attempting somewhere when still being sick. But I truly believed I got over it. I see it as my responsibility not to infect others. But there is a big chance I have yesterday. I feel stupid due to it. 

So today is for staying in, listening to Sky Radio Christmas and painting my nails with nail polish from the Essence advent calendar. I think it's nice stuff, especially the dark one I have already unpacked. Essence did a great job with their advent calendar this year. It's really fun and it has nice products. I painted my hand nails with the dark one, and my toe nails with the matte baby pink one. It's pretty. 

I called off the hairdresser for this week due to Corona. Like said, I see it as my responsibility not to infect others. And I befriended my beauty specialist, since I think she's a nice person. She doesn't deserve to get sick due to me. So, long uncut hair this Christmas. It's like this every time. As if it's jinxed short before the holidays. Sometimes it also happens short before Easter she gets sick and the Easter haircut doesn't happen. (This year.) This year's Christmas I got sick short before the holidays, and I don't look my best that day. It's a bit off a bale situation and it's usually that happens. 

The health care lady who helps with cleaning this home also had to be called off due to Corona. I'm going to try to change bedsheets myself tomorrow. Usually, she does that. But maybe I'm capable to do so. I own a winter / Christmas bedsheet with the image off pine trees in a snow surrounding. It's about time to put that one on this week. Let's give it a try and try so myself. I hope it's not too bad when it's all messy. But I'm sick, and to keep it hygienic I simply have to I think. 

Somehow Christmas songs don't get boring today. It's good for the ambience in this small home. I enjoy listening to them today. I have a pot off sage tea in front off me, and I'm not doing too bad. It's just your typicall 'Sicking something out before Christmas.' situation today. Which is not too bad. I could do worse. Now it's simply waiting untill my immune system wins over Corona truly. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 15th off December, 2023.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today it's cold, cloudy and rainy outside. And forecasted it will be for the rest off the weekend. 

*

I caught Corona, for the second time in my life. I have to stay in and stay away from people most off the time. It also requires more washing, and keeping myself perfectly hygiënic. It's something I can keep perfectly well to, weird as it may seem. It's perfectly maintained by no one but myself, but these days it's an emergency which requires so. The first time I caught Corona, all I could do was lay in bed and do nothing. That's probably been about three years ago. 

These days, and a few vaccines and a better immune system later, I can walk around a bit better. But I still have Corona symptoms. Which require bed rest most off the time, but nowadays at least I have the energy to be up and do basic hygiene for myself. And after lunch I'm in bed untill dinner, which I take away from de Boed, since I'm not allowed to eat there with Corona in my system. I'm allowed to take away food from them, and I'm capable to do so. Lunch I eat at home. 

I can barely taste and smell anything. It's almost Christmas and I had purchased some shower stuff from The Body Shop to wash with. It's just that I can't smell it and it has to be on the shelves again since it'd be such a waste to use it nowadays. I'm onto every day wash and body butter and common laundry wash and softner. It's strong stuff, but I can't smell it. Still I love the feeling off being clean. I clean myself and drink plenty off green tea. I also change pyjama's regulairly to stay hygienic. I don't know if it works. You're supposed to when you're sick. I don't know if my routine has any real effect. Or if I could have let it being handled by my immune system alone and simply live like I always do. But something in me has this strong urge to nurse myself these days. To be fresh. 

It's almost Christmas, but I'm not certain if I can celebrate it with my mom this year, or if I have to stay home and in. It's difficult and uncertain this year. My first concern over Christmas make-up, is my face being washed and fresh these days. I have purchased some Christmas Make-up, but I'm not certain if it's off use next week. Aside to that, I can't taste the Christmas dinner they are likely to prepare. That's a bit ungratefull, And my family would be in certain danger if I would come to visit, I don't want to infect them. With Corona down my spine, I better stay home. Washed, fresh, but too unmade up for Christmas to show up anywhere but around a mental institute like de Boed. But for keepsake and safety reasons, that would be the best option this year. 

I had an appointment with the hairdresser short before Christmas, (Upcoming Tuesday) but I better call that off either if I happen to be this sick. I don't want to infect her. This week I'm fine as long as my manes are washed and clean. Simply to survive, and hoping I will be capable to go to visit mom next week. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.      

Good morning at the 11th off December, 2023.

 Good morning everyone, 

Tonight it's cloudy, rainy and stormy. I can hear the wind blowing from out the window. I still have my curtain closed, but it's clear it's a small storm. 

*

It's 01:40 AM, and I can't catch sleep. Something stirred me out off my sleep yet, and now I'm fully awake. 

I should sleep, since I have a small flu. Runny nose, small headaches and coughs. People who had it themselves say this one can last up to five days. And it's quite persistent. It's not big enough to call myself sick tomorrow at de Boed, but annoying enough to feel unwell during daytime. I should sleep, but I could not catch it tonight.

That's with living in a care organisation with several others and care takers who run in and out: it influences worse than the internet. (The old understanding off influencing was infecting others with a sickness.) But, well, de Boed is a harch off infections. It was a matter off time before I caught this one with all those sick people around me.   

I should sleep to get rid off it, but something keeps me from sleeping and it's the second time it does. Two days ago, I got the same and got awake by the same feeling around 04.00 AM. I can't describe what it is. 

I'm glad I have a tissue box on hand, my nose requires an insane amount off tissues at the moment. I'm going to need a few more for this one. 

Aside to that, it's going to be Christmas, so I'm going to bake next week like there's no crisis going on. So to say, for the first time this year, I'm going to purchase items for baking. The rest off the year was for working with left overs and items that 'had to be finished.' So I purchased small amounts off ingredients for it. Or it was for other people's birthday, so they did buy. Or the cheapest I could still afford. but this very week I can afford to bake a scrumptious chocolate Christmas bundt cake. I will inform you all later on, when it's there. It's going to be my masterpiece this year. 

I decided on to cancel the plan to bake for de Boed during actuall Christmas day, and celebrate it with my mom. I bake for de Boed quite often during the year, but I only have one mom, whom I barely have seen this year. I'd rather celebrate it with my family. Boring and decadent or not. Just being there is better. 

Both mental and physicall health don't like a girl who doesn't catch enough sleep, So I'm going to try again. Hopefully I will get rid off this flu as soon as possible, but just like service, it takes a few weekdays before getting it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

 

Good morning at the 9th off December, 2023.

 Good morning everyone, 

Today it's cloudy, cold and windy in Zaandijk, a small town in the west off the Netherlands. 

*

This morning was for baking. I haven't prepared fresh banana cake in a while, the circumstances simply didn't let me. But I had fresh bananas left, and all it needed was four eggs. So that made me go for it this week. 

During this crisis, usually my banana cake is waaay too expensive due to price increasement. The cookie spices off this one lack a few spices, and I only had enough for a few table spoons needed for this receipe. Though I already had the flour, baking powder, baking soda, sugar, vanilla extract and bananas. And offcourse the icing sugar. I even have used up all my coconut for it. I also used a package off snack nuts instead off fresh nuts. (With peanuts in. Raisns, peanuts and almonds. I got it on the shelves some time ago from my mom.) It's a bit 'finish up your pantry.' cake. My cinnamon, coconut and nuts are all finished, just like my bananas. It's going to be expensie to replace, but it's probably been worthit. There was a time where I made this cake quite often. Today it's not '60's housewife galore, but modern house tut pride. Due to the baking parchment, it came out even out off it's baking mold. 

I think the people at de Boed will be glad I made it for them. It will be served tomorrow at Sunday afternoon coffee time.  

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 8th off December, 2023.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was cold and cloudy in the Netherlands. Somehow the weather seemed more dark than usuall. 

*

Today started a bit diffrent than usuall. Something stirred me out off sleep last nighet at 04.00 AM, and at 05.00 AM I was having coffee in my living room. I simply could not sleep anymore. This happens a lot lately. I sleep more bad and wake up usually around 05.00 AM. On Monday or Tuesday I start my day cleaning the bathroom and get the garbage out. But on other days it doesn't come in handy and I just sit on the couch, already dressed and snoozing untill breakfast at 08.00 AM, or I have tea or coffee and a piece off fruit. 

Recently, it happens regulairly. It cuts off hours off sleep. For psychiatric patients, it's important to get enough sleep each night. Or we get unstable. It highly affects the brain wheter you sleep well or not, and especially for mental patients, this is very important. I think I already have the effects off it, I feel more unstable, and my mind is spinning around quite fast. It's on a lot off subjects. Usuall and unusuall. Somehow I'm wondering iff outer space is full with wrecked planets, from human kinds who have destructed themselves already before we got to know them. And if that's how a planet with humans usually develops. It's kind off disturbing. Somehow I'm wondering if that's the way planet earth will also end. Simply destructed, just like the other planets. 

Sometimes daily issues and happenings cross my mind, but it spins pretty fast. Often I'm occupied with other things. It's not usuall it's about daily items. Like the renovation off the nearby neighbourhood. It was about time, since these houses looked old, wrecked and shabby. It's a good thing they will re-build, but I wonder how long it will take. They started destructing them already. 

And then there's that permanent fear I got eavesdropped by the local newspaper, and them stealing ideas from my mind. Sometimes I feel I think or say something out loud, and it ends in the local news paper the next day. It has happened a few times. Or maybe secret services are on my ass, or even the  Anonymous hackers- I don't know. But somehow I feel something is watching with when I speak or write. But care takers tried to talk me out off it several times. Usually they fail. I really do have the idea something is watching and listening with. The problem is, I can't get the hand on it, and usually the first suspicion fades, and changes into another pretty fast. So in one evening I can think I got eavesdropped by five diffrent people or institutes. From the president off the Netherlands to a small spy I think I know personally. (I called him Pimmy the spy. Pimmetje de spion. Since I don't know him that much and only know his face.) I really think there are spies in this computer who steal ideas from me. Or publish them in the news paper. 

The government caught Pimmy hacking so now he works for them, otherwise they would have send him to prison. Pimmy is not a bad guy, but he's annoying when he eavesdroppes, since I'm fond off my privacy in my own home. Sometimes I talk to my computer, thinking something talks back, and I have a real conversation with them. 

And sometimes I think it's the chief editor to de Telegraaf himself who comments on these weblogs. Or on what they overheard in my flat. 

I barely have anything to hide. I don't do sex or illegal things at all, I'm innocent, just a bit rough mouthed sometimes and I crack sarcastic jokes I myself laugh loudest about. And sometimes I simply talk to myself like mental people do. (It's not a pretty sight when I do so)  But I do nothing wrong. Sometimes I simply have disruptingly good ideas I think the world should know. Or phrases they steal from my mouth. And appearently, it sells and the people don't know who thought it out. 

And maybe it's even Vana Events who eavesdroppes, simply to keep an eye on me and my actions that way. I have been suspecting them ever since we got in a fight in 2011. They, or people who follow them might do so. I really think someone got themselves stuck on my computer simply because they think I'm interesting enough. Every day. Vana doesn't like someone who publishes the truth about them on the internet. So they decided to eavesdrop to keep an eye on it. I don't believe they truly ignore me to death. I think they're onto something suspicious. I consider Vana not as innocent as they pretend to be to the big audience. And they're biggot enough to pretend they don't listen. (Which is rude on it's own.) They rather act like I could be death to them, but I know better. They're spying on me all the time. Coward and stupid as they always have been to me. It can start very early in the morning, around 04.00 or 05.00 AM they start to listen. And it can last untill 11.00 in the evening, or even later on. Sometimes they change the people who are listening. I don't know if they record me. And if so, what they are about to do with those recordings. Maybe they have files and files filled with eavesdropped material, waiting for something. I suspect them to do so ever since 2015. 

Vana is not as innocent as they pretend to be. 

Either that, or the newspaper is on it. Or both. I hope it will stop and they will start to respect the law again. And I wish they got caught eavesdropping. Something is off and it's a bad thing. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

    

Good evening at the 6th off December, 2023.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's less cold than the previous days, but it still has been cold outside, though it was sunny. 

* 

Someone ordered two cakes for his birthday celebration tomorrow, at de Boed. I baked them and used baking parchment because the cake usually doesn't come out even. It's a bit better now, and it looks... rustique in it's wrapping paper with a little imagination. They're two raisin cakes. Stuffed with a good amount off raisins. That's why people love them. Actually I prefer to do them with prunes and golden raisins, but these are not affordable anymore, so they have to do with common raisins. To stuff well with a lot off them does it nowadays. It keeps people satisfied with these. And offcourse dusted off with icing sugar. They're paid for, that's why we have them tomorrow. 

It's even better in my opinion, to bake these on a day when the meal is pretty boring. (Tomorrow is for potatoes and cauliflower) Not to make it even more frumpy, but simply to help people deal with it a bit better. Usually our days aren't quite good, but now there's at least a slice off raisin cake with our afternoon coffee. We live quite old fashioned. The people here are... err, quite nostalgic. 

But well, they love raisin cake. I think I make them feel a bit nostalgic, or it's really tasty in their opinion. I created a new small crisis hit with it. It's still affordable, and it's loved. I don't know what I'm to do when prices increase even more. But so far, I can still provide it every often. It's on yoghurt base. 

I think I would like a man who says my home made raisin cake is the best off entire Zaanstad. But there are a lot off people at de Boed who think so and who love it. And I don't fall for them. Why does the gras always seem greener on the other side? But still, a man who loves my cake and my other cooking would be quite complimentous to me. I have a space crowded with people who think so. It's called de Boed, but maybe the crowd isn't youthfull enough for me. And real, common youth usually doesn't appreciate a slice off raisin cake and a fresh cup off coffee. I'm a young woman with the soul off a mature old woman, but with the mindset off someone youthfull and still cheerfull. And at de Boed, he's not there. I can't explain. My man simply isn't among them. 

I could receive an award from de Boed and the Zaanstad mayor for cooking, but it would not be as perfect as mister Right declairing my food the best. But maybe that's a bit unemancipated. 

But you know the saying, it's either luck in 'the game.' or in love. I probably have more luck in the game off life. Despite not being rich, mentally ill and fat. So that doesn't really count for me either. I could complain an entire weblog about being single. It was probably just imagnation: Mister Right telling I prepare the best raisin cake and meatballs off the entire Zaanstreek. (Usually I don't make meatballs. But day-dreaming this makes me want to prepare them at de Boed for dinner some time.) It's a bit old fashioned. Frumpy, and dusty. But still complimentous. 

Well, as long as my costumer loves these cakes. That's most important about them for now. He and the people at de Boed, and hopefully it helps them deal with another day off vegetables, potatoes and meat. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.          

Good evening at the 5th off December, 2023.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's cold and cloudy weather, I hope most kids can say Sinterklaas has been lucky to have arrived not frozen stiff on his horse for their present evening. 

*

De Boed's Sinterklaas party was not that boring at all, they have done their best to make something out off it for us. They had two fellow clients who love to do so dressed as Sinterklaas and Black Pete. They had kruidnoten and chocolate letters for us, and they deserve bonus points the chocolate letters where picked well and not just a cheap random milk letter, but duo S (From 'Sinterklaas.') Milk and white both in a fancy duo letter. They really made something cool out off it. They had it for all clients. They had hot chocolate with whipped cream, and small chocolate kruidnoten for us on the tables. It was quite crowded. People who usually don't visit, came especially for Sinterklaas today. They did an intervieuw with Sinterklaas, and though the humor was a bit lame, he performed well as Sinterklaas and it's a chapeau for the person who played Sinterklaas. 

At home, I felt like eating the letter and I ate it entirely. I felt I had enough chocolate for today, but I have been almost hoarding Sinterklaas chocolate on a discount at the supermarket yesterday. So I have been donating two bags to the give away closet this afternoon. To have eaten all off that myself would have been too much. But now I gave some Sinterklaas treats to a stranger today. I really don't know who picks the stuff from the give away closet. But that's it's power: both giving and taking can be done entirely anonymously, especially when the hallway is empty. Though I know some people saw me donating a few times. One time I directly handed something to a fellow client immediately, so about that one I know. But usually it's for strangers. And on the other hand, my problem with getting rid off chocolates was solved that way. And the bottle off Vanilla Pumpkin showercream probably has been received well. 

I never take from the give away closet myself. There's never something in it I would like to have. Usually people seem to dump old books and DVD's in it. There are good titles among it, but I do hard concentrating, so I don't read or watch much. And I'm good in items I need. I have a storage room filled with everything to survive the next months. I don't need anything. In an impulse, last donation for today, I have been donating Robijn Zwitsal laundry wash and softner. One bottle off each down the hallway. Because I felt fed up with price increasement and felt like 'I could do that.' for someone. (Robijn is a very expensive brand. Most people who live here love it, but can't afford or can't afford anymore.) It's an act off rebellion against price increasement so you could see it. I had to protect myself against donating more. Since I know I have to pass some time with the boxes myself. 

I decided to donate a Christmas gift each Sunday these weeks, one on Christmas eve, and one on Christmas day itself. And then only when I need something myself again and I can miss it. That way, it's a little more sober, but probably more acceptable. Since every day is something from before the crisis. And I'm not a millionaire either. Sunday makes it a bit more special. I hope the donations will get to reliable people. Not one person for four to five gifts since that's a bit unfair in my eyes. But simply one for each finder. 

I have the feeling I won't be so generous again after prices have truly enlowered, and the world is back to normal again and I feel people could easily purchase it themselves again, also on a low budget. I believe that time will come, long or short term, and my generousity is no longer this much needed. That counts for those Christmas gifts. Every day items from multipacks still will be donated out off charity. Or should I continue? 

For those truly poor, it sure is a good thing to have such a thing on hand. If I was old, very poor and dependant, I would love someone who regulairly donated shower gel and laundry wash. Those people also don't have access to the internet. So they can't purchase on massive discounts themselves. I believe they think I won the lottery or something when they see my donated items. I know the prices in stores, I also know it comes from a good and well ment heart. It's small effort to me, and I truly believe I do well in the eyes off the higher being. It also has a truly spiritual side to donate to me. Maybe I'm earning my place in heaven by it. Or my angel wings. I don't know, but it surely feels good to help others this way. Karma is a good thing. And the world and this country especially, can use this kind off positivity. The Netherlands is dwelling in cranky negativity lately. I just hope it will be received well, by several people. Not just one profiteer who takes them all. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

     

Good morning at the 5th off December, 2023.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's a bit above freezing point. It's cold and dark outside. 

*

I was so brilliant to drink too much coffee yesterday, so I have a hard time catching sleep around 00:30 AM. 

Sinterklaas chocolate was on a discount yesterday in the local supermarket, so during Monday Grocery time I purchased some for today. I had some yesterday. Maybe it's not a good idea when you wish to catch sleep, but little makes a grown up woman feel better than a good cup 'a Joe's and some chocolates siding it. Though the effect off all that caffeine and sugar lasts a bit long tonight. 😒 

Maybe the Sinterklaas party at de Boed is all I need tomorrow to set my mind off off things.  

Today I decorated the small Christmas tree I purchased at the local supermarket, with decorations from previous year. I didn't purchase anything new, except the tree itself. It's small, it's cute, it's table size and it makes the spirit off Christmas come entirely to life in my small home. It's integritly decorated for times like these. But it's a nice sight. It was 6 euro's only, and it's all I've spend on Christmas decorations this year. All the other decorations come from storage. 

I think tomorrow I will be tired from bad sleeping. Maybe I will need to put my winter clothes aside for next year for a second time this year. Not purchasing new winter sweaters, but simply use what I bought previous year again. If my clothes survive this winter, and still look acceptable - then why not? It saves out a lot to save on winter clothes by wearing previous' years items. And placing previous' year's decorations for Christmas isn't so bad either. If I wouldn't have over-splurged on Christmas cosmetics, I think this year's Christmas would not have been pricey at all. I won't visit the fam this year, so I will save out on gifts. (Which I would otherwise also do. And asking a lot off their understanding. Simply because they have to.) 

As far as it goes, it goes well. I just have been spoiling myself a bit this season. My actions have been a bit selfish, but I have been sober with my money all year. I believe I deserve it to spend a bit this season. To be sober for the rest off the year again. That's how I do it this entire year. I think the environment is gratefull towards me for not over-consuming like I used to, and my body doesn't hate on me for not stuffing myself with holiday chocolates the entire season. See, there's something positive in the negative this year. I have been spending a bit compared to what I used to. I spend on nice boots, and on black, ugg- like boots on a discount this year. But that's all. Even my socks are from previous year. And I wear previous year's Christmas Pyjama's. There's nothing wrong with that. It's all regulairly washed and it still fits perfectly.  

And at least I'm not freezing. Leviaan owes up for our energy, so I can afford to be warm and lighted this entire season. (During Summer, I was so good to put the central heating off entirely, but this season I need to be warm, so it's on again.) Just like previous year, when it was sky high. I'm a lucky bird to live here. 

And another method: A storage room filled with bathroom products. I purchased a lot off boxes from A-brands on a big discount on the internet. At least me and my clothes are washed, and I can drink fresh coffee each weekend. (I drink coffee at de Boed during week days. But yesterday I allowed myself some, but there was space for it.) It may sound silly, but people in the Netherlands can't afford it anymore, but I can simply by shopping smart online. It's not top class luxury, but in these times, prices in stores for these items are murdurous. So it's a good idea to have 'em in your storage room this winter. And due to that, I had a little space for small charity this year. I have been a good girl. 

de Boed takes care off my lunch and diner, and I pay a small amount off money for it. The quality off the food varies. It's not always good, and sometimes it's downright bad, but most off the time it can pass for an every day Dutch week day meal. I pay 5 euro's a meal for it. And a small amount for my lunch. Around 2,50 for ordinairy slices off bread with bread toppings, milk and tea. And I share bread and bread topping packages with fellow clients. Prices have enhighered previous year, but are not too high. It's affordable for someone who is very poor and that's what they keep in sight, since clients are incredibly poor most off the time. I'm on the rich side off poor, so I have no trouble affording. One way or another, I can eat, and all I have to afford is breakfast. I simply eat b-brand granola in a bowl with milk, sided with a banana and a large glass off multi fruit vitamin juice. It's acceptable and tastes well. But I can't afford a weekend breakfast anymore. On the other hand, all those vitamins in the morning work against depression and winter blues. So I have the feeling it's good. Though it can't be proven by science. 

My income mainly covers the basics. I have little space for luxury like baking anymore. But it's because I pick A-brands for washing and still prefer to eat fruits and healthy foods most off the time. I can still afford. And I'm still healthy these days. I don't go out, I don't smoke, I don't have much in life, I just eat, be warm and washed. It's just covering the basics. I thought it would make me feel depressed, but I'm too buisy surviving. It's not too bad to be in this state off mind. It's a mindset I'm familiair with. I have the strange feeling I can do it this way. As long as this care institute keeps it the way it is, I will stand firm. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.         

  

Good afternoon at the 3th off December, 2023.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today it's ice cold outside with a forecast off snow. 

*

This week will be Sinterklaas. I have been gritting my teeth all Sinterklaas period, because I thought the cookies and candies where too expensive this year. Sinterklaas has better treats than Santa Claus in my opinion. But it was just too much for now. Just like my fellow clients who where doing hard affording it. Why would you buy random strangers a Christmas gift, while you can't afford a bag off holiday treats, you might ask. 

It's because I'm a nice person and I somehow still believe in a better world. Despite the world around me being selfish and harsh. And people being complete childish dicks about it. Maybe I could have better purchased something tasty for myself. But I kept to my grocery budget and the extra money was spend on Christmas luxurious cosmetics this year. And on small gifts for the give away closet down the hall. But this week I'm thinking about purchasing chocolate kruidnoten. My all time favourite, but I just haven't had any this year yet. I think I deserve them. A big bag off them. Because I have been a good girl to others this year. Other than that, I have been quite sober. I got some Sinterklaas treats from mom, and they're kept untill December 5th. The supermarket was that expensive with other treats.

My own biggest gift this year, will be a bottle off The Body Shop Vanilla Pumpkin showergel for the give away closet down the hall. So Sinterklaas excists the 5th off December for the person who finds it. Other than that, there will be a Sinterklaas party held that day at de Boed, but usually I think off these as quite crowded and a bit annoying. So I don't have much to do with it this year. 

I don't even have friends to celebrate it with. I'm afraid it's going to be lonesome. Just like for a lot off other lonely people. 

My head hurts these days. It's as if my brain is about to be squeezed out somehow. It cramps, something is off, and I feel something inside that irritates and I can't quite get the hand on it. MRI has shown, there's nothing wrong on the inside when it comes to visible physicall matters. There's nothing to see on the MRI- scan they recently made. But it hurts and it irritates and it wrecks and squeezes me, and everything feels like it's too much. I can sit on the couch and write. That's what I can do these days. Other than that, a lot outside this terrain is too much. Sometimes I get to town to shop a bit and have coffee, but Zaandam is not a big place to walk around, it's agreeable to be there when I feel a bit better. Item shopping, mentioning trends and what people wear, having coffee, fun stuff. 

But this week I'm off service, I don't feel well today. I have been thinking to stop following fashion and trends. It was fun for a while, but my own style allures more this time. Real style never goes out off fashion according to the saying. There's nothing wrong with following your own style, as long as you're clean and fresh. It's important to be washed. Other than that, people should see for themselves. That's what we live in a free country for. 

My head feels so painfull and heavy at this moment... it's a burden. It's a lot off pain. And I don't know what to do about it. Just stay on my feet and go on. Other than that I have no choice... 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading. 

   

  

Good morning at the 3th off December, 2023.

 Good morning everyone, 

Today it's cold and freezing in the Netherlands. Yesterday it mildly frooze and it's sure weather for winter knits. It's also changing with cold rainshowers. Sinterklaas freezes off off his horse this weekend. 

*

It's early in the morning, nothing has happened so far, except for unwrapping box 3 on my advent calendar. So you think. 

I decided to lift the hall spirit down the empty and boring Gortershof flat building this december, by purchasing small holiday gift kits for the give away closet. For my doing, I did not make it expensive, but it's just a few fun gifts people would love to find in the give away closet. Just a nice gesture for the season. I believe most people would not get to that idea. I have four small gifts for them. All off them not above 5 euro's each, but that keeps it an acceptable idea. To put a small gift in every day lifts my spirit, too. It's small effort to hopefully truly lift the spirit off some cranky old fellow residents off this building.  Sometimes I feel some people can drink each others blood in here. Let alone donate Christmas gifts. It doesn't do good for the ambience. I should not interfere in that, it's lethal to try to bring such people togheter and in the end they declare you guilty. So that's not what I'm going to do. It's best to keep my nose out off their business. 

I'm simply going to share some Christmas joy this year to lift the ambience in this building. I have the posture for Santa, I have the resources to do so, and I'm naive enough to believe it will work. Hopefully it does work for the ambience, and the people who find it will feel a little more cheered. Hate is such poison. Now I just hope my actions will work out well, and do well for the holiday spirit in this ice cold, heartless building. Where they would like to drink their blood like Voldemort drunk a unicorn's blood in Harry Potter and the Philosopher's stone. Except that this doesn't extend their life span. 

People sometimes... 

Old people sometimes... 

But then there's Christmas, and I hope my Santa actions will help. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good morning at the 2nd off December, 2023.

 Good morning everyone, 

Today is a cold and cloudy day in the Netherlands. 

December has started, I already unwrapped box 1 and 2 from my Essence adventcalendar. I must say, the gifts are quite good. 

*

December is for the holidays. I had planned to save out on it, but I failed and I went wild on holiday shower stuff and make-up from expensive, cruelty free and green brands. I can't resist. 😔 It's my weakness. The whole year, I'm kinda sober. I even saved out on winter clothes and I usually am sober with my money. Especially during this crisis. But holiday cosmetics? Just too good. I love myself some. A whole lot off it, actually. I believe I have to take it sober again for the rest off the year, but this year I have been playing Santa Claus for myself. But the magic off holiday scents and make-up from my favourite brands is enough to make me seriously splurge on it. Allright, I'm no saint after all. I'm just a girl with a holiday cosmetics tic. But I decided to let myself since I am just a girl who 'needs it every often.' to do so. I think I should not be so harsh on myself and let that part off myself get the hand again when it's January and things go depressingly back to normal these days.  

Today it's Saturday. I have also been re-filling some stock items (Also shower stuff), and that means luck for the people who take from the give away closet. Today there will arrive a multipack off showergel, and yesterday was for two tubes off toothpaste in the morning for them. A box off body butter arrived in the evening. I didn't feel like going out to the hall late in the evening in PJ's, my hair all messy since I was in bed already when the parcel arrived. (The mail delivery guy saw me like that. But it could be worse.) I decided to wait untill today. If the shower gel has arrived this afternoon, the person who finds this donation has both a shower gel and a body butter for today. The rest off it goes into my storage room. 

I also have been donating some small gifts Yves Rocher sends with their parcels. Small bottles off limited edition shower gel and two make-up bags. (I kept one make-up bag myself.) Their shower gel doesn't do well for my skin, but maybe someone else likes it. haha, I give away small gifts for the holidays this season. Their make-up and perfumes I like to keep for myself, though. 

Lately I have also been donating a (Medium sized bottle off) perfume which I found more suitable for elder ladies, and a mascara I had left. Maybe someone catches a man due to it. Fluttering their eyelashes and smelling like some olden days goddess. I also have been donating toilet paper and festive handsoap these days. It's always good to give. 

And then my 5th off December gift: A bottle off Vanilla Pumpkin showergel from The Body shop. It's by accident. I thought I ordered two off them, but I turned out to have received three. I could keep the third myself easily, but it will be a Sinterklaas donation to the give away closet. The person who finds it is extremely lucky. These bottles sell for 7 euro's each. (But it's the holidays and I allowed it to myself.) Maybe I should decorate it with a festive ribbon, but down to earth as people here are, they could see it as waste to put something on it that makes it a real present. I have already been using the Vanilla Pumpkin handcream, it's divine. 💃 I also already have been spraying on Yves Rocher holiday scent. I smell like I'm allready 'in the mood.' for Christmas. But so to say, the person to find that showergel the 5th, is one lucky Sinterklaas bird. Sinterklaas excists that day for them. 

Usually, real life Christmas is a bit dissapointing when you work towards it like this. It's usually very boring just to sit in the house, stuff yourself with decadent food, and watch TV- As if there's anything special going to happen. But that's most people's Christmas. Collecting the cosmetics ahead to Christmas is waaay more fun. Or if I would visit my family, gift shopping is fun. Not the boring day itself. It's a bit off a downer. That's why I decided to make myself usefull and bake de Boed's Christmas cakes. My family will visit me at third Christmas day this year. So they take count off it and they accept. 

Sometimes I wish I had a nice guy to lay aside to in bed. Not even having sex, but waking up togheter and cuddle in the morning. That one special man to fullfill my days with. But I'm a crazy old spinster with a work-Christmas ahead. Other people are lucky I'm single this year. I'm lucky for not having inlaws to purchase presents to, so I could splurge on Christmas make-up. But will Christmas be fun? Mwah. It's lonesome. I wish I was hard headed enough to stick to my point off being a lucky old spinster. But it's cold outside and there's lonesome holidays ahead. I don't know why I feel it more this year than I did previous editions off Christmas. Sometimes it's not easy being me... 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.