Good evening at the 20th off May, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today started with coffee in the sun, but it became rainy for the rest off the day and now we're stuck with rain. 

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The renovation is finished in my home and it became a big improvement compared to the old situation. I'm happy with it. I'm also happy for not having to get out so early anymore and having space to distance myself from de Boed when I feel it's too much. I need that a lot. And let's be honest, getting out at 6.00 AM every day isn't fine with most people. I'm so glad I can skip to 7.00 AM if I wish to. (It's what I'm going to do next week.) I'm so glad the renovation gave more fresh air and light. As I need that to breathe. It works to improve my mood so it also helps fighting depression and other mental conditions. (Good job, living organisation) 

Day 5 off No-Spend-Month went well. I haven't spend money today. I have been in the sun this morning and after lunch we (A caretaker and me) had a job placing back furniture and cleaning the house. It's not clean yet, but it's such a happy home already at this moment and I bet it will do well for me in winter to have these larger windows. 

The mental health care office with my official nurse called this afternoon and I had so much good news for her. I sleep better, I feel less depressed and it feels as if I've lost weight. I think I can thank all off it to the medication switch. It does well to me. We can evaluate something good. 

My personal care taker is proud off me. I have taken on this course on mental education in winter and switched my medication succesfully a few months ago. She asked me what I would like to do next but I had no answer for her yet about that. (Despite knowing what mental problems are, I still can't help thinking it's black magic sometimes.) I honestly don't know what step to take next in my personal development. Saving money and trying to get rid off winterblues with vitamin pills. (Feeling more energetic most off the time. Not only in winter) Those are personal steps. I do feel better when I take my vitamins. Less drained from energy so I suppose it makes them a necessity. (I can't explain to you if you don't know the feeling, but I'm so often so tired and low on energy. Vitamins do miracles for that) 

I have been mourning this winter (Untill recent. I'm not mourning a lot anymore) over my death family and my past and it aired up incredibly. So that's also a big step forward. Maybe I should see a psychologist or talk more to care takers about it. By now I have the feeling I would make my dad happier if I would start to live and do fun things with life instead off crying all the time. In honour to him. I'm not easy in letting it go when it comes to having fun. But baking cakes and sharing them with people at de Boed is almost my best idea off having fun. I'm not a dancer or lighthearted when it comes to it, (In the past I felt lighter than nowadays. But life hasn't been easy and my heart reacted to that.) and I'm still a bit gloomy in my moods. But those small things are fine with me and serve me right. I also allow myself to still cry when I need it and take my moments when the mourning comes back. (I don't know if that happens soon, or within a few years, but it could be.) But for now I wish to seek out what makes me truly happy and do more off that. 

Sometimes it's advised to mental people to 'Only do what makes you happy.' And go for it. (As long as it doesn't harm others.) Find out what you love to do and only do that in life. No more stress about bad things. It sounds good but I have to get to know myself more in that field. It's on doctor's orders. So it's probably a must. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.