Good evening at the 30th off December, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today is stormy, grey and rainy in the Netherlands. If you believe in bad omens for the next year, this defenetely is one. I don't know why I share this with you. 

*

Today I sobbed a few tears over the poor people from previous year. People I don't know if they excist, and the poor people in the streets off Zaanstad. It made me weep to think off the misfortune that befalls them during the war and they barely have any food on the table. I feel with them pretty much. Especially short before New Year's eve, where people don't have the money to celebrate it. I myself have everything in order to celebrate it. I have bites and drinks and I'm good. But that doesn't count for the many, many who suffer from this crisis. And I cry over them every often because I think they're sad. This was not a good year for my heart. Especially December was hard to bear. I cried a lot over people not being capable to celebrate the holidays. 

And I'm afraid off the next year. I'm afraid off what is going to happen to the world next year. I myself have nothing to truly complain about. I'm here behind my computer, waiting untill my nails dry with golden glitter nailpolish, and I blowdried my hair this evening so tomorrow I look nice on New Year's eve. It's a bit more polished than usuall. But I have nothing to complain about in life. I have a roof over my head, I have food on the table and I still can wear clothes on my body. I have running water and electricity. The world has gotten more expensive. I have to watch my spending, that's all that happened but I can take it. 

Nevertless I think it's appropriate not to look too fancy every day to moderate the stingy feeling you can cause to others during a crisis. I'm wearing sparkly nailpolish for New Year's eve, and my hair is styled. I'm groomed and I'm going to make something out off myself tomorrow, but that's because it's New Year's eve. And I'm defenetely going to take it down on January 1st, and do that No-Spend-Months thing this year. I decided not to purchase new clothes untill March. Untill Spring is here. I have more than enough to cope with the winter for this year. If the season requires me to purchase items out off necessity, then I allow them to myself. But if winter stays acceptable, I won't buy new clothes untill Spring. I have to be honest with you, I purchased a skincream, a perfume and a multipack off bodybutter today to be prepared for No-Spend-Month. I'm almost out off skincream and bodybutter, and I purchased the perfume to claim free shipping. It's still going to feel so nice to wear it, if it's good. 

I will start No-Spend-Months the upcoming Sunday. No spending, except for presents and postcards for family happenings. And charging my travelling card. But no luxury aside from visiting grandma's birthday. I know for certain I'm going to make it through. So, I'm going to take it frugal next month. Still I have the aim to look pretty and polished next month with what I got on the shelves now, and with what's arriving just before the months start. I think I'm going to manage that, without buying something new for it. I wish to look sober but clean. Not Clean Girl Make-up, as that's still too much make-up for me, but clean and groomed as possible with what I've got untill these months are over. 

Honest, I can count myself lucky. All I have to complain about is not being capable to collect Nordic Ware, and chewing gum since that's too expensive. Other than that, I can perfectly live. I should not complain. I should take adult wisdom in consideration: But look at what we do have. (Maar kijk eens naar wat we wel hebben. Zoals ze het in het Nederlands zeggen.) 

It was a bit more sober than usuall, I do have matters to complain about, like the sober food at de Boed, or the expensive groceries in the supermarket, and the plain clothes I wear out off feeling with the victims to the crisis. But I'm still warm and fine so far. Putin couldn't take that away from me. And I tend to fall back on old fashioned items and classics which never go out off style. So I can live with this classic taste for quite some time without it ever getting out off fashion, and I don't have the urge to change my home to something new very soon. I could take it another 20 years with what I've got. I love vintage looking stuff. These days it looks nothing but rich. A country that is going to be as poor as Africa? I can take on it. At least I think so. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

Good evening at the 29th off December, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today is grey, cloudy and rainy weather in the Netherlands. 

*

Today was for failing preparing muffins. I did most things right, but then adjusted blueberries to the batter I had in my freezer for a while. And they where rotten. The batter turned too green, so I could throw it all  away. It's been a massive waste off ingredients, including two packages off white chocolate chips. I wanted to prepare blueberry-white chocolate chip muffins. But it didn't work out well today. I have to re-store all the ingredients and try again. The blueberries wheren't out off date according to the package, but still they where spoiled. It's going to be an expensive joke if I wish to try this again. So there is no last gift for the end off the year for de Boed from me. It's baling a bit. 

This country needs bomb shelters, and we need them ASAP. If the war is going to get more nasty, I foresee attacks on our country even. Far off as we are, it's realistic. It's a safe idea to have them on hand for when we need them. There's too little safety space in this country for when we can expect an attack. 

Zaandijk has no bomb shelters for example. It's as dull and grey as can be, but it's far from safe from war attacks. It's never been there since there has been no war for decades. But it's a good idea to be safe. 

You might think I'm negative, but I see this ink black to be honest. It's not positive, but a war is never positive. 

I'm terrified off what's going to happen next year. I don't have images off things happening in my head, I just foresee it's not good. And maybe something bad is going to be happening to me personal, so I have to watch myself for something to happen. I just don't know what. The feeling is too vague to be clear yet. I don't have to act in panic yet, panic is never a good advisor. I just have to watch and act when I see it. 

I feel so bad. Over the last year and about the period that's coming. We have bad days ahead to us and I feel frightned over the war. I have been thinking to skip No-Spend-Period and live for the moment. Not stocking money up if I don't need to. I would show I have no guts at all to the world if I would do so, but at least I have lived. Just like make-up. I'm wearing strong eye make-up today and I did well with it. It felt well on me, and no one accused me to be a whore. I'm not acting out off ratio, but merely out off a feeling 'what if today was my last?' I'm wearing pretty simple clothes today, and aside to eye make-up I kept it every dayish and modest. It's rainy, but it's too warm outside for a sweater. And my wardrobe for this year was kept simple. I have nothing to feel guilty about today. De Boed thought I was pretty and no one was jealouse. And still it would have been not much make-up if I was a British woman. British women wear a lot. Still, this is the Netherlands and people don't wear a lot in this place.

I'm still so tired. I feel like taking my rest a lot these weeks. I'm exhausted and I need the peace off my own home this last week off the year. I have done so today. Today was for the serenity off my own place, despite the failed muffins. 

Allright, that's about it for today- 

Thank you for reading.  

 

Good evening at the 28th off December, 2022.

Good evening everyone, 

Today is rainy and stormy end-off-the-year weather in the Netherlands. 

*

I came home from my Christmas holiday at my parental home this monday evening. 

I took a few days off rest, but this morning was for preparing chicken curry soup at de Boed for their soup lunch. Some people thought it to be a bit too spicy, while others loved it. It's not been an allrounder, but for the fans it was pretty good. (I know if you wish to hand out free soup for everyone, you'd better keep it moderate. But I wished to practice a bit with my receipe for Chicken curry soup.) People who loved it really loved it, and had a good soup for their lunch. 

It's a bit off a pity my helping hand has gone off. I had a helping hand in soup making who cut the vegetables, but there has been a violent incident with him and now he's gone off to an other daycare. I really miss having someone helping me cutting all the veggies and the meat. On the other hand, it's more peacefull at de Boed now and there's something to say not to be cursed and sworn at early morning during soup making. 

After soup making I took an afternoon off rest and laid on my bed all the time untill dinner. It's been that kind off weather. I wish to make a last Christmas style baking this week, and bake de Boed some cupcakes since I have a lot off eggs left this week. It's just that I can't set myself to it this week. But it's a pity to let those eggs being wasted. Though everyone is still full off their Christmas dinner. It's a last Christmas style / New Year's eve gift. But I'm just too tired to do it. Last year, we had a lot off Christmas cookies at de Boed, but this year they don't. I don't know if de Boed plays it sober this year. All I know is we didn't have much Christmas at our coffee break. I had more Christmas style bakings on my planning, but I got sick short before Christmas. So all I have done is a large banana bundt cake. This weekend probably will be all about 'Oliebollen.' en 'Appelflappen.' At de Boed. (Traditional Dutch New Year's eve treats.) so I suppose they won't allow me to bake. I'm so tired this week, I should allow myself some rest. But it's a big waste off eggs. 

I have advise for this year: Try to have fun despite it all. Do things that make your heart beat faster. If you keep it between lines off sanity, nothing is wrong with a little excitement every now and then. I'm telling you this because I could use it myself. To have more fun instead off being locked up inside, being stuck at one place most off the time. In my case, my disease holds me back and the place off Zaandijk to be a bit far off off things. If I had the chance, I would have done more exciting things last year. But life held me back, and instead off being out, I baked a lot and made people's weekends with it. It's also fun, but I just wished I had done more other things last year. I probably keep at one place, baking all the time for people here since it's safe and sane, and people love it and it can be exciting if everything works out fine, but I probably kept myself a bit too safe from the world. I could also try new and cool things inside my home (Because I need healthcare and can't be off just like that.) But it's a good idea to use the year to your advantage and take a step, do something cool, and be more outgoing than you usually would and enjoy life. That's my tip for 2023. It doesn't has to cost the world, you can have fun without spending the headprice. As long as it makes your heart beat faster. 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading. 

      

Good afternoon at the 26th off December, 2022.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today is your typicall boxing day grey kind off day. It's cold and grey outside, and gloomy. 

*

Do I know who is going to win this war in Ukraine? To be honest, The west is going to win. Not Ukraine or Russia, but if we would truly interfere with Western Europe and the U.S by our side, we will win. 

I just hope they will do so before it's going to get too much out off hand.

But the West is going to win this war. I just have the idea they will take their time before truly interferring, and things will not go well for a while in the world. Russia at this point is getting exhausted. If they play it like this for a while, and then all off a sudden the west pops up with new mancrafts and materials, we surely stand a good chance. I just hope people will understand the need off it instead off protesting against going to war. Sometimes a bit off violence is needed to cause peace. 

I just hope people are prepared to go to war once it's set upon us. That's probably against all good: Mobilisation in these countries. But it's needed to win and stand a real chance against Russia. I'm sorry to say. 

The west has more modern armor and techniques than Russia. It's going to cause WWIII and it's not going to be pretty. But this is war and it's downright nasty. 

I hope you understand. 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading. 

Edit: I really hate to predict this. It feels terrible. I rather would like to predict true peace on earth all at once, but I bet that's not going to happen. If we give it a free hand, peace is going to be far away. But I HATE to tell this is going to be the way to cause it. It feels so terrible. 

Good morning at the 26th off December, 2022.

 Good morning everyone, 

Today starts off rainy, windy and cold. 

*

I hope you all had a merry Christmas yesterday. 

I had something my foresight gift whispered me in: There will be days when we have barely food. When there's nothing to eat. It's not Mumbo Jumbo, and I start off this blog with that forecast since it's a deep rooted fear off me personal to have nothing to eat. It's probably one reason to be this fat. I have the personal fear I will starve out off too little food if I don't eat - much.- While that is not adjust and it never has been. But short term in the future, we will see a food crisis in Western Europe due to the energy crisis. I have been trembling over it while I had the forecast. It's that much off a fear in me to be starved. I can take on anything as long as there is food. 

First off all, when this comes true, you might take me for some Iluminati jerk, playing a political game with you for knowing all this doom and misfortune that comes upon us on forehand, but I'm not. I simply know things happening in the future because I can see and hear things that are going to happen in the future. I have some sort off a gift, and it's more important than ever to use it these days, though we should take caution with it during war time, and not be too quick with it. As war outcomes change with the day and I don't want to burn my fingers or soul to a true war prediction. 

Still I can see we're only at the beginning off this crisis, and there will be a food crisis on top off it where there is little to eat for most. Because off the energy crisis, there will be a food crisis. And no one can pay their foods anymore. I have been wondering what I could do about it. Could I hamster stuff in front? But still, there would be fresh foods needed and not only stuff with a long shelve life during the food crisis. I believe I can hamster things like flour, or sugars. But I would still need eggs and butter or bananas and other stuff that comes with baking. And how about de Boed? They provide me my main meals throughout the day. And the lack off in-between-snacks and cookies. This is going to be such a punishment for me. I believe I just have to await it and I hate that. Maybe we can just have our main meals in moderation, and everything in between has to be skipped. Just the idea off it. Maybe I'm this much off a spoiled brat, but I love food and it's the worst that can happen to my soul not to be capable to enjoy foods. Usually I'm not over-acting on things, I'm not hysterical most off the time, but this is bad. 

I have been thinking off ending this weblog, since I'm no longer after justice or revenge on Vana Events. But sharing things with the world is handy on a weblog, though I suspect no one to read it anymore. Now I'm a little more confident in predictions coming true, I think sharing them with you can be handy, too.   

People who read this for the first time might be scared a bit by this. What kind off religion do I follow if I can predict the future? Well, Esoterism. I take wisdom from a lot off ways and blend it to my own religion. I also believe in the power off incense, and semi-gemstones. Every religion has their good and bad, and I don't believe in shoving something off because parts off it are unjust. I'm unorthodox with that, people might say I don't follow their religion at all, or that I follow a fake way. But I follow what works for me. I follow acts off charity just as much as astrology. (I believe in astrology, and I believe in the kindness that's descripted in the bible. Just as much as Buddha's wisdom.) Alltogheter you could call it Esoterism. I take things from Paganism too, but that's not truly my religion and something in the Universe tells me the Pagan holidays shouldn't be strictly outlined in the year, since the only special occasion in life is life itself, and that unfolds to me in several ways these years. And I'm a bit fed up with Pagan biggotry over the past years. So I'm not a strict follower and I decline my own rules with it. I believe in angels just as good as I believe in a godess and one big energy in the universe that binds us all and which you could call god. And I believe in reincarnation.  

About the Pagan Holidays: Time does not excist and is just ment to outline certain happenings in this world, so it's not a problem when the Universe asks me to celebrate it on other days, ahead or later. I should take count off things like Christmas and Easter, though. But that's not because it's Christian, but rather because it's important for the world and my family. I believe broadmindedness is the key to my religion. At the moment I'm firmly believing in sharing, acts off kindness and charity. These are not the times to be selfish. Though you should take care and count off yourself and not go overboard with it, it's good to share what you can. Between the lines of what's sane. 

I hope you take care. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

Good evening at the 25th off December, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Merry Christmas everyone. 

Today the weather was cold, cloudy and grey and I don't know if there has been rain, since I have been inside all day. 

*

Today I woke up rather annoyed. Like: 'Oh no, it's Christmas. Only a several days, and it will be over yet.' I have been really enjoying myself these two months, ever since the half off November. I had fun purchasing presents and allowing myself luxury this month I usually don't do for myself. Like nice sweaters, holiday eyeshadow and tea with honey in a Christmas mug. I had fun decorating my living room with small decorations, and I enjoyed the Christmas gnomes. I gave one as a present to all off my family members. In cute Christmas giftboxes with sparkly tops. All off the Christmas luxury will be over the next month. I should enjoy Christmas instead off already thinking about that. I'm still enjoying my Christmas meals, mom's nice teas, the idea off not having to celebrate it at de Boed this year, and wearing my Lama Christmas sweater. (We're a christmas sweater family. Not a sparkly luxurious dresses kind off family) 

If you wonder:

This is my Christmas sweater this year. I'm wearing it with my goat wool socks and a pants I purchased months ago. I really enjoy wearing it. 

I'm really gonna hate it when the season is all over. Hopefully you don't make fun off me because I'm fat. 

I put on a bit off make-up this morning since it's Christmas. Like I told you, I purchased a Christmas eyeshadowbox this year. I just couldn't resist, but I'm not going to show my head on here. Christmas sure is the most wonderfull time off the year in my opinion. Such a pity when it's all over and grey and gloomy winter truly starts. I really have to come up with fun and free things to do these months, and about that I could inform you too. Maybe it can inspire. 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good evening at the 24th off December, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's been cloudy and cold outside. It's grey weather but at least it wasn't misty anymore today. 

*

Christmas Holiday talk...

Today was for spending an entire morning in bed. After medication I went back to bed and I rested like crazy and I felt all warm and safe. In my mom's home, in my own old bed. It's hard often to feel safe like I do here when I'm home at Leviaan. Nothing beats the feeling off being in bed here in pyjama's for a Christmas holiday. 

After taking a shower and getting dressed, I helped preparing stewed pears for Christmas dinner tomorrow. I love stewed pears and they where the only thing I wished for for our Christmas dinner this year. I prepared them, but I somehow think they can be a bit more sweet. Mom doesn't allow me honey in them, or regulair sugar. So it's dealing with what I've got. I adjusted red wine, cane sugar, kardamom, cinnamon and star anise to it. And vanillin sugar. Peeling and cutting them felt almost therapeutic, since I love preparing food. Mom says there's a chance they will be sweeter tomorrow since the juices and the flavors can soak in tonight. That would be really cool if they would be brought to good taste, after all. 

After preparing stewed pears, I spend my day watching movies on Disney+. This is just a perfect Christmas holiday day. I have been watching The Muppets a Christmas carol, and both Hocus Pocus movies. Usually I'm not this lazy and relaxing is for wimps with a safe surrounding. De Boed has been lethal these weeks. People acted mad and violent. But today I come to peace and I relax. 

I really have been enjoying mom's black tea with raspberry flavour the previous two days. She purchased it at a luxurious teashop in Haarlem, and it's fresh tea which has to be brought to taste with an old fashioned tea egg. It's not from a grocery store and it's wonderfull. We really make something special out off having tea with it during afternoon. I get it in a large glass, and we got a treat with it. Mom really masters the art off fine tea moments. At special occasions, she really loves to make something out off it with special flavours, gathering the family togheter for it once a day, which I love. It's a high point to a day in her home. Tea is a passion off hers for several years and it's been here for a long time. She also has a thing for special coffees. She loves the shop Simon Levelt for example. Where they sell really fancy coffees and teas. She pours us those at the Sunday morning breakfast, when she goes to luxury mode and really makes a Sunday morning breakfast with fancy breads and boiled eggs for example. 

Most off the time I myself keep it simple at my Sunday breakfast table, usually I fry an egg on sandwich bread, or I think it's too much effort and simply eat bread with peanutbutter for breakfast on a Sunday. I don't have the money to do a luxurious breakfast on Sunday, and I slack with these kind off things just for myself. So it's too hard for me to maintain it. Aside to that, I have to get up early on Sunday to get my morning medication. But this weekend will be diffrent. This weekend it's Christmas, so I can also enjoy mom's sweet luxury in the morning. (On weekdays mom keeps it just as sober as anyone with just bread and meat or cheese. But during the weekend it's luxurious breakfasts in this house)   

I love Christmas. I really am going to do hard when it's all over and we have to make it through January. Usually I try to come up with all kinds off fun plans to still make something out off the rest off the winter. This winter, it's going to be even more off a challenge since I decided to do no-spend-months. 

If you wonder what I can foretell about the next period: 

- Winter is still to come, prepare for it. Make sure you have enough warm clothes, and yes, I foresee snow. Be sure to have warm drinks on stock like tea, be sure to own snow boots to be capable to walk in the snow, and blankets since this is an energy crisis. And be certain you have enough household supplies. Things like aspirine and tissues for when you get sick are handy too. Fresh fruits can't be purchased on stock ahead, but you can purchase vitamin supplements. Be certain to be safe this winter. Better safe than sorry. You don't want to go out during a blizzard or when the road gets slippery again for items when you need them.  

- The crisis is not over yet, and I think we're just at the beginning off it, but maybe we'll start to believe it's going to soften, or a period where it's really softer is about to come. But still beware because it will get back at us hard if we don't watch, be carefull and prepare well for it if we can. Still I would like to advise you to make use off the softer period ahead to us, and purchase handy stuff ahead for when it goes bad again. (And that is about to come, I just don't know when. But be prepared for it) Here again, Better safe than sorry. Though you can invest in stocks off handy items, I would like to advise you not to go too overboard with shopping since we still need a lot off money to cover up for enhighered costs and who knows how bad this is going to get. I would say: 

Make it through the winter, make use off softer windfalls as they will come, but be aware it might not last forever. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.     

Good evening at the 23th off December, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was rainy and misty. It's the perfect weather for Santa to get lost somewhere. 

*

I'm at my parental home to celebrate Christmas this weekend. 

New year's resolutions... 

I made up the plan to take it economical and sober the next two months, and make the first two months off the year No-Spend-Months, since this is a crisis and everything is expensive, and I still have a lot off stuff on the shelves that needs to be used up before I buy something new. It's not out off need, I don't have to be sober these months. I'm still getting by fine. It's just that I want to because we live in a crisis and I don't have to be the most expensive spenderella on the block. I don't do it to make loose ends fit. I wish to take it sober the next months since I feel with all those victims to this crisis, and saving money is never a bad idea, but especially in these times it's probably a must to have some savings on my pay account. 

No-Spend-Months mean I don't spend money on luxury or unnecessairy extra's. I have a few exceptions: My travelling card, my late dad's memorial birthday cake, my grandma's birthday present and a post card for when my pregnant cousin has given birth. Other than that I'm not planning on big extra's and luxury. despite the governmental wage enhighering. Maybe my accountant needs that to cover up for the enhighered costs and there simply is no big extra money to spend on luxury. Who knows? I wouldn't be suprised by that, given how expensive everything has become. I have savings, but I don't like to talk about finances too much since it's private and I don't wish to embarace people with it. Some might say I'm as rich as the queen, while others might declare I'm still a poor peasant. I'm somewhere in the comfortable middle nowadays. Let's keep it at that. 

Still, it will be a fun challenge: Two months off not spending a dime on unnecessairy luxury and not spending money on clothes, coffee, make-up and luxurious extra's and I think I can easily make it. My bills are taken care off by my accountant. I have her for safe keeping off my finances since I'm mental, so in this country you have the right to have an accountant if that's the case. I have a small amount off money each week for my groceries and I can perfectly make it through with what I've got. And I got a little extra pocket money each month. But let's not spend that at all these months and take it extra frugal with groceries. I expect it's going to work out well for me. 

I decided to take the first off January as a start date and keep up with it untill February 28. I practiced a bit during summer with it. I've spend enough on fancy sweaters these weeks to show off with them for two months. Really, I haven't spend that much on clothes since I was in love four years ago. Except that my winter wardrobe this time isn't pink and romantic. I don't know what got over me. At least I'll be pretty and warm when we get a blizzard. But let's keep it at what I've got now for two months. 

That's my new year's resolution for this year. To take it a bit more sober with money. And save up a bit, as far as that goes. I'm planning on keeping you informed about it. So keep on following me if you're into that stuff. 

I'm getting a bit sick off Christmas songs on Sky Radio at this moment. I haven't listened much off them, but it's frumpy and too much allready. But my family wants them on. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.     

Good afternoon at the 17th off December, 2022.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

It's a clear and cold sky. It's cold weather today but the frost is mainly gone. It's still an icy cold weekend, though. 

*

Today was for preparing banana bundt cake, and it came picture perfect out off it's mold. Out off a fancy Nordic Ware bundt mold. I had some trouble fixing it like that, since my cakes didn't come whole out off their molds for a while. But it seems to be helped. 

I decorated it with white chocolate ganache and almond chives. 

It has lots off nuts and coconut adjusted to it. It's the usuall banana cake, but then fancy, for Christmas. It's a bit more Christmas than the usuall. I could practice with white chocolate ganache, though. Now it has a white chocolate ganache filling if it gets solid. It will be donated to de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk for their afternoon coffee tomorrow. It's good to give. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 16th off December, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was a clear and cold day in the Netherlands. The streets off old Zaandijk where all covered in frost and still are. It's slippery outside and it's dangerous to go out. This night a lot off accidents happened on the road, and you'd better where not outside if you had nothing going on there. Today is a bit better. Though the grass was still covered in frost and sparkled in people's eyes this morning. 

*

I feel a bit better after getting sick. I'm not complete well yet, but I had coffee this morning at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk among people from this neighbourhood and fellow clients. The rest off the day I have spend in with tea and internet shopping. Yesterday I did not do much, but sending Christmas cards to people, and a birthday card to my cousin. Despite being sick, it was still productive.

Tomorrow will be for baking again. I've read in my horoscope I have 'Cast thy bread upon the waters.' for a motto these months. I had to look it up since I don't know the bible. But if it means 'Banana cake.' And baking for others, it's adjust. Tomorrow will be for a banana bundt cake, since it's going to be Christmas, and I'm going to use my XL  Nordic Ware bundt pan for it, the one I ordered this summer but which was delivered wrong. I'm going to put it to use this Christmas and bake de Boed something delicious and fancy. I'm even thinking off topping it with white chocolate ganache. I already pulvered nuts for it in my foodprocessor, and I re-filled my cookie spices today. It would look even more fancy with roasted almond chives on top. A traditional Christmas bundt should have raisins in it, but that's not suitable for my banana cakes. 

I have been thinking off adding syrup waffle chunks to the receipe instead off nuts, but that will be for later this year. A syrup waffle banana cake. I love how possibilities sometimes feel endless when it comes to cooking and baking. I have 'Everything is possible.' for a saying when it comes to baking. Almost everything if you keep it sane, but you probably got me. If this is my 'bread upon the waters.' Then it's definetely true.  I didn't know that could be written in the stars. I rather follow astrology than the bible to be honest. I donate these bakings with love to de Boed, for people to have with their afternoon coffee. But somehow the saying feels very powerfull, and it almost feels as if people are destined to do certain things in life when it comes to it. I'm glad people never grow boring off my banana cakes and other bakings. I can keep on doing it that way. Tomorrow is for baking an XL bundt version, decorated for christmas. 

The worst cold is over, I still have somewhat off a snotty nose, but the worst sickness is behind me. I lost three good days on it, three extreme cold days where I had to stay in all day and be sick. I'm so glad I have a cozy home where I can be as sick as I like to be, and a large amount off tea to flush away my sickness with. I have almost finished an entire box off green tea. It's been kind off a persistant flu. I had no temperature enhighering, and it was no corona, but when you are a virus, you have to be a whole lot off something to get me truly sick. And that for three to four days. I'm not easily sick. I believed I had quite a good immune system. Untill this morron came along. And it still has me, despite it getting a bit better. I'm so glad I still haven't lost my sense off humor. 

I hope it will let me bake tomorrow, and share it with people the day after that. If it hooks up on me too hard again, there will be no baking tomorrow and I probably have to bale the entire weekend about it. In the worst case, this pest off a virus has me untill after Christmas. But I don't expect that. I heard a caretaker saying she had this, too, and it was on her for a good week. Really, viruses spread kinda hard in an organisation like Leviaan. Health care staff and clients, among neighbours alltogheter in a small community centre can be a harch off infections. Especially in winter. 

I bale even harder now I had to skip Wednesday Soup this week, while it was freezing outside and everyone was cold. I want my weekly soup lunch to be as dependable and as stately and firm as Buckingham Palace. It's there every week and it's provided with utmost care. No point off discussion. But it can't be when I'm sick as a dog and there's no one to replace me. It didn't take place this week in that nasty cold. And I couln't bake for them. All I could do was being sick at home this week. 

I have been preparing like crazy for a nasty cold season this winter. But now I heard they say the next months will probably be soft. I have been thinking it could be a hard and strict winter this year. I have been purchasing Norwegian goat wool socks. As uncharming and a-sexy as can be, but I love them each winter. My feet are warm and comfortable. For example. I'm somewhat off a hoarder. I have also been hoarding lipbalm, warm sweaters and peanutbutter. I expect the snow still to come this year. Appearently I have been wrong. But somehow I still expect snow. 

I have been loosing it a bit on sweaters. Christmas sweaters, and cute pastel sweaters. Large and comfy, and it feels like wearing a cloud. Maybe I'm doing worse next year, so at least I have purchased sweaters and socks now to keep me warm. Who knows? Honestly, I could wear a diffrent sweater each day I'm off to my family (for the holidays) this year. One for the day before Christmas eve, one for Christmas eve, one for Christmas and one for boxing day. And then I'm probably still not out off them. Is that a tick or a good idea? It's probably a good idea if I don't do this each year. 

Wasn't I the one who said people better don't stick out each other's eyes with new clothes each time since this is a crisis? I'm wearing a new pastel sweater today. I have been wearing it yesterday evening, and somehow I already have the feeling I make people jealouse with them. I haven't made anyone jealouse with the goat wool socks so far, but a new sweater everytime hopefully won't get the best off them. I keep it moderate with the rest off my clothes, though. I barely wear make-up and moderate jewelry. I have been wearing a bit off Christmas sparkle from my new Christmas eyeshadow these weeks. As if I have been practicing for Christmas the entire month somehow. But usually I don't wear make-up and when I do I keep it soft and moderate. New sweaters could already be enough to push someone over the edge. Jealouse people be jealouse, like always, but these are diffrent circumstances.

That's probably all I can say about today: I feel like wearing a pastel cloud, I'm getting better from a flu, the worst cold is over and it's heading to Christmas. I think about also spending New Year's eve with my family. I haven't done so for years, but maybe this year that's a good idea. Other than that, I can say I'm glad I survived this week off the 'cold moon.' As the full moon off December is also called. 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading.   

 

Good evening at the 14th off December, 2022.

 Good evening everyone,  

It's freezing and ice cold outside. It's no weather for wimps. 

*

About Vana Events, 

How does an organisation that calls itself emancipated have such unemancipated, unwritten rules, and how come idiots with unemancipated vieuws have made themselves so dominant among them? How come people look away when it comes to that, and why do they slut shame and body shame as much as they do? 

They have one unemancipated tut called Natasha and she is NOT cool when she shows us another picture on the internet about how pretty she is. Covered in expensive gowns and make-up while most people in the fantasy scene can't afford that, and since when are women forced to wear make-up by those unwritten rules? That's not cool. It would be much more off a cool thing for Natasha to show herself without make-up, with wrinkles, glasses and as natural and true as she is. Instead off playing the high madam, she better tones it down this year due to the energy crisis and people not being capable to afford it anymore. She's not cool when she tries to impress people with a low income who can't afford it anymore with expensive make-up, jewels, and clothes. Not to say about her hair. She sucks. She's not emancipated but her drive to look stunning despite the crisis is not the only thing that bothers me. She catcalls people, and she wishes to drag down the self-confidence off young women by saying they have too much guts. Which a woman off that position should NEVER declare to someone a bit minor to that, she only adresses  you that when she has her two ladies in waiting siding her, on a crowded Keltfest. Otherwise I bet she would never have had the nerves for it, and she can't bring up the character to respond to it.  I think she is the shamefull one in this case. 

Am I jealouse off her? If I tell you I'm not you will tell me I am, and that's another thing that bothers me about the Fantasy scene: The whole fixation on jealousy. I hate that. I rather go through life not jealouse and my heart as free as a breeze. I rather want to fight for something someone else has for my own, instead off envying them. I wish never to act out off jealousy. I suppose a lot off men have betrayed their women in those circles for it to have become that low. I would never steal a man, and I don't like it when people declare me that. I guess they have envied me for my youth and my power when I was young. And my beauty. No matter how loud and vulgair they declare nowadays I'm 'Not Pretty.' Hearhearhear. They can't stand me and they play filthy tricks on me, and that is the truth. 

A man was stolen from me, and then they started to declare me ugly. I wish to get more clarity in my own emotions before even giving in to those nasty delusions that came with it. I have been put into a mental hospital because that happened, I wrote letters and postcards to Vana due to it, but they never had the character to respond to it at all. Vana is a bit buisy on the ladder off unemancipatedness and filthy tricks, and that's why I decided to write this blog, and simply because I hate Natasha, who everyone is supposed to like since she never shows being such a BITCH to most people, and you just have to love her for everything she does according to them, but I downright hate her. She doesn't kick ass, she is not cool, she is unemancipated, she tells people to get married and have children or they don't count anymore, She's too made up for a crisis and she doesn't stand her ground. When Vana has to defy colour in a political field, they don't stand their ground and bounce back from it. Which is not a cool thing. 

It's also a thing that you HAVE to find love, and HAVE to be in a relationship and get married and have children as soon as possible. Or you're somewhat off a misfit among them. That's not cool either. People (Like me) might have their sane reasons to be single and never to have been in a relationship in their entire life, and that's not a stage play I put up, or a drama, but simply the way things always have been for me and how my life is designed. Maybe it's just ment for me to devote my life to cooking for others, be a mental patient, be a  fat, ratchet bitch, and do exactly as I please. It has pros when you remain single your entire life and that's MY destiny. I don't want others to judge me so hard on it. But it's a thing that comes from them to get comitted as soon as possible when you're young, or you're a slut and a whore. 

I got declared a whore and a slut a thousand times over. Which is not emancipated either. I don't want to look all made up, but I don't want to look all dolled down either. I don't want to steal men from their women, but still be friends with them and I want to be free in what I do or don't, which gives me the tag off a whore among those people. I didn't want to be with Faust, and have his children. And all my flirting outside those lines where probably seen as whoring, or being an too uplifting spirit online, that could be it, too. I didn't want to bang around with them, I'm still standing above it all now I'm 30 and they have been talking nasty about me behind my back for 12 awfull years. Nothing is true about that. I kept my virginity, and my pride for me personal. No matter what they tell you about that. And that's one reason to keep on blogging: To keep on providing you the truth. Despite not being capable to defend myself when they gossip. I play it as straight and honest as possible when I do this. 

And then those playboy bunnies that where cool right after Faust got off with a younger, more pretty looking girl. As if male fertility was seen as something utmost cool, while I crippled in the insane assylum about it. That's awfull. It's terrible. I never had interest in Faust, Bloodshot always has been more my thing to be honest. But he is taken and I don't steal. But no one ever asked for my true opinion about it and now it's too late. They have always forced me inside a box I never fitted into when it came to men. Vana has been acting like a pig to me. 

I think it would be cool if true feminism woul become a thing again on those events and among pagans. Not the archetype off a mother who cooks behind her stove, but a true, untamed witch. Like me. Something true to believe in as it's bullshit they sell nowadays. What's with those big, violent, pig looking aso's that dominate the events nowadays? Vana has turned to shit and attracts assholes these years, but it's not something new, it's something from the previous years that's been happening. Even more male dominance, and female ignorance about it. I just hate it and it shouldn't be tolerated like that. If Natasha had more guts, she would stand up against such stupidity and finally do something about the polarisation and the people who follow her becoming more stupid by the minute. I think Vana only tolerates that for the money, just like the commercialism off Fantasy and Paganism. It brings up a whole lot off money if you sell it like that. If you tolerate the aso's and the bullying on events they bring with them. 

It's not completely due to Faust I have never came back to events, it's just been a drop in a full bucket I couldn't take anymore. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.     

Good evening at the 13th off December, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was one hell off a cold. It has been freezing at night, and daytime was ice cold. There was frost all over the streets when I woke up. 

*

Today I have been making an attempt in sicking out a cold. I'm sick and I have been in pyjama's all day, being in bed. It's freezingly cold and I'm sick. I won't be capable to prepare Wednesday soup tomorrow for de Boed, but someone wanted to teach me how to make Chinese tomato soup. She ordered all ingredients for it and wanted to make it togheter with me, but I believe tomorrow it's on her. I'm glad I have a replacement during the cold. 

I have been sick, the living room looks like a pighouse due to all the tissues I have been snouting, it's freezingly cold in the Netherlands (Especially during nights.)  Caretakers decided it was better for me not to cook soup tomorrow, what else is there to say about today? I just hope I will get well soon. 

Sometimes it's best to stand tall, especially during a crisis, during these cold days. I have been thinking to take example off the British during WWII and try not to be stirred by it as good as possible, but I'm afraid I'm only human after all, and I feel with all those poor and cold people who have no money for food or Christmas. Especially when it pops up in my mind, I can feel with them. I personally do as well as I probably can during these days. I can talk easy. I have little to fear or to owe up for these days. I shouldn't speak for the mass who is cold and hungry, and who has enough off it- but a little bravery and standing tall is never a bad idea. In my predictions, we're only at the beginning off this massive crisis. It's not a good idea to lose one's head over it this soon. 

I have been thinking, what if they mobilize europe to fight with the Ukranians? It's not happening, but what if? What if people from here where forced to fight against the Russians because Ukraine can't stand it anymore? Is that a foresight or just a feeling? And how will I personally do within one year? Just sayin'. I do well at the beginning off this idiocy, but as time goes by, it goes on and on, and how will I do if things keep on going this way for at least five years? Will I manage to come round by then? That's the main question, and what kind off country will this become in such a range off time if this continues? I'm so glad I don't have children and hungry mouths to feed this winter. I will get by and I can live for myself with help from de Boed. Since I'm Schizo, I believe I have no threat in being mobilized for a war since they can't use me. As far as I oversee this. My main issue is to survive this period myself. I don't know if people truly will be called upon to fight. I believe by then we're in serious trouble and that's a stage later. First concern is if Russia will turn off the gas to Europe entirely. As I had a foresight that might eventually happen this winter. They don't care we're starving and hungry, it's a war tactic and they're Russians. I bet they laugh about us when it comes to it. They're goddamn morrons with a lack off morals. We shouldn't think too straight when it comes to war when we're fighting them. A little outside the lines and with a blurred sense off justice will get us much further than them. We will eventually enlower ourselves to that level, but we won't survive if we don't. It's idiocy, it's cruel, it's venom and your train off thought will be altered- but this is Russia. 

I think we should think it a bit crooked to win this war. With a strategy instead off straight ahead, in that case I think we should bomb Moscow with a nuclear bomb- that's probably the only way to get them on their knees. Don't think too soft during wartime, that won't help. Otherwise there should be something to ban them from Ukraine at once, and get them on their knees like a dog to show who's the boss. But with this gas tactic, they're teaching us. I don't think soft when it comes to war. As this is what it is. How to teach Russia a lesson? Usually they are masters when it comes to that, filthy tricks. But now we need something to stay ahead to that. They are FAR ahead to us with increasing food prices, gas prices, and monopoly on grain. This is something the Taliban could only dream off. How to win this war without starting something lethal for the entire world? I have no sane clue. Not an insane one either.

I have to get by. I have to be sure my stock is on an acceptable level, and I can make it through. How will everything be in one, or even five years off cruel war? This better doesn't continue for too long. 

I have been thinking about myself, wondering if the 70's would suit me in opinion on politics, but I'm too much off a cowboy to accept the softness off hippiesque bohemian, I'm rough when I need to be and I'm not a pleaser and I follow my own guidance. Even if it's against the opinion off the mass. I follow my own inner guidance when that is needed and feels right. I'm not a person for too soft bullshit. I can be polite, which I mainly am, but I'm not a conformist. People who have no manners stroke me against the manes, but I'm also tough enough to disrespect it when it's too political correct and hypocrit. I don't like that. I'm not overly feminin when it comes to that, women are supposed to please. I simply don't do that. I rather be honest with people most off the time. I have my manners, but I don't like bullshit. 

How to win a war without sucking out Europe entirely? I'm not personally asked to come up with a strategy, No secret services have called me for it so far. I'm just a citizen with an opinion and a mental issue. My concern should be cleaning the kitchen, and getting rid off my flu. Preferably before next week. And staying warm this night. But I can't help thinking off this and thinking out a strategy. 

Allright, that's about it for now- I hope I won't lose my head over it. 

Thank you for reading.  

Good evening at the 10th off December, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was cold, cloudy, grey and misty. It's been cold and depressing outside and at night it's freezing. 

*

Today was for baking linzertorte. 

I made it with home made red fruit jelly I made yesterday with fruits and sugar I still had 'on the shelves.' I had a left over fruit in my freezer, and some jelly sugar for jam in my cupboard. Then I thought I had a lot off ingredients on stock and looked up the receipe for linzertorte. All I needed was a lemon. I felt it was worthit to face the cold for it, and so this project came to be. 

It's freezingly cold and depressing as a doorknob outside at the moment. I even had the hazelnuts on stock for this receipe and the almond chives. So I think it's not overly expensive with items I had to purchase for it. I could afford despite it all. And my fellow clients and the neighbours will probably love it tomorrow for their afternoon coffee. I have the voice off Dr. Phil in my head, telling me I have a problem with being a hoarder off baking items. That's true but this time it came to good use. It's a cold and boring December day during a massive crisis. And tomorrow will be even more depressing and boring. We can use some off this tomorrow. 

Linzertorte is the oldest known tart in the world. It's receipe dating back to 1650 Linzer, in Austria. I'm pretty sure people used to eat tarts and such before, but that's not registred, so this is officially the oldest. It's a December favourite and it's been on my wishlist for a while to try making it. It makes me dreamy to think off such receipes and trying them. Baking can connect me in my imagination and dreams with times and places beyond borders. International receipes, or classic receipes sure have that power. Which makes baking an even better hobby. That's been my day today, preparing Linzertorte and having lunch in between at de Boed. 

It's ment for de Boed's Sunday afternoon coffee. 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading.   

Good afternoon at the 8th off December, 2022.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today is cold and somewhat gloomy in the Netherlands, all leaves have fallen from the trees and it's somehow a depressing sight.

*

Today was for swimming, provided by a sports program from the government to promote excercise to poor and mental people. I can swim every Thursday, which I usually do. I haven't lost weight so far, but I love swimming and it's fun. 

And it was a day for Paprika soup. My paprika soup is people's favourite. I used to practice with the substance untill it was really good and nothing needed to be done about it anymore. The only thing I vary with, is either chicken meat or meatballs adjusted to it at last. Other than that I have a good and firm idea about how my paprika soup has to be. After a while off practicing, I stopped making it so often but then I got it requested from people who had made it their favourite. Since I kept making it as perfect as possible, it wasn't 'That same old paprika soup.' for them, but their beloved favourite. So this week was for perfect paprika soup, as decadent as can be, with carrots, red paprikas, sweet potatoes, fresh tomatoes, spices (Paprika powder and curry powder), cooking cream, Boursin cuisine, tomato paste, lemon juice, you name it and it was in it- and meatballs. This week my paprika soup had a good amount off meatballs from a larger amount off minced meat than I usually use, since I wanted people to have enough meatballs in their bowls. 

For a crisis like this, that soup says a lot. It makes me proud to serve them a bowl off comfort each week. If this was a serious restaurant, they had to pay quite a price for it. But it's a community centre which provides services to mental health patients and which also functions as a daycare centre, so they just have to pay the price for a regulair lunch and they can have two bowls if they like. de Boed has increased it's prices for lunches to keep up with inflation. But people don't have to pay extra for a bowl off fresh soup. 

I have a few soups I know by heart what goes in it, I have been practicing them quite often, and other soups are from cookbooks. But my version off paprika soup I know by heart. Somehow I think our inflation is adjust for my fresh soups. Then it's legid. But usually I think we just got robbed off even more money for the same lunch, but then provided more expensive. It will be made even more expensive in April. Just like dinner. Some people can't even afford it anymore. They bring their own bread nowadays. de Boed has decided for them, my soup is free so they can still have a bowl. I make large pots off soup each week. So they can have some. It's also provided to our van driver when it's swimming day. He complimented me on the soup today. It's quite a service. And I'm proud off it.     

I'm so glad de Boed provides all off that, I myself could never afford to make such divine soup. I can even make people who usually don't like soup, like my soup. They love them. It's the perfect weather for soups. Gloomy, grey and cold. And I did well to decide it had to have extra meatballs. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 5th off December, 2022.

 Good evening everyone, 

*

Today was for dessert making at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk. I made my fellow clients and myself a Sinterklaas dessert, chocolate milk panna cotta. It's a receipe as easy as pie. I topped it with whipped cream and 'pepernoten.' Small spiced Sinterklaas cookies. Most fellow clients enjoyed it. I had the luck the panna cotta wanted to stiffen this time. The previous time when making it, I had too little gelatin and I failed. The second time we had a delicious panna cotta, however. And they thought it out for this day, for Sinterklaas evening. 

I have no kids, and I don't live with my parents anymore. So I don't celebrate Sinterklaas. It's something for kids, and if you're lucky, adults if they still celebrate, but my mom doesn't want to ever since my dad died. I miss it. I have had some presents from mom when she visited last week, but I sobbed a few tears this period over not being capable to celebrate Sinterklaas with my dad and his family, and over poor children who are not capable to celebrate Sinterklaas. If they come to school they can't say they got a present to their classmates, and the idea off them getting bullied over that made me cry. Poor children sometimes make me cry these days. 

So, I had some presents in Christmas style. Mom does celebrate Christmas since she likes that more. I haven't been completely sad and it cheered me up to have been given presents this period. It feels good to to get presents and be a bit rewarded for all my good work and being a good person this year. I did my utmost best for it. It's important to share and give, but sometimes it feels so good to be given something back for it. 

Especially since grocery shopping felt like being robbed instead off Sinterklaas. I haven't even purchased much, but it was still so expensive and it felt screwed to be forced to pay so much for it. Still I was capable to buy what was needed and I could afford. I'm proud off myself I can withstand the crisis this long with what I've got, despite it's not much. And maybe I should be gratefull for that 10% wage increasement we got these months. And my capable administrator and her office. They deserve praise too for their hard work. I have the feeling I will be capable to withstand the entire crisis. I just hope it doesn't take too long and get too intense. I have the feeling the entire country will be demolished if it takes, say, five years. But then again, I had the feeling off having to live in a Country that will get as poor as Africa. The famous prophet Nostradamus had predicted this crisis. If you know his works, you know he predicted this and all off this will get well one day either. According to the interprentation off his prediction, Latin American countries will help Spain and Portugal to get out off this crisis, and they will help us to get out off it. Learn Spanish, It might not make sense now, but later on it might be important in the future if you want to have anything to do with world business. I remembered this phrase from the predictions I have been reading some time ago. I just can't remember what year we will be saved. Still, it helps me to keep my head held high to know it will end one day. I should re-read it to get a better hang on it. It could be 20 and effin 30 before we got saved, or 2028 if I remember well. Uranus will be out off Taurus in 2026, which also might mark the end off a crisis. But I shouldn't be speculating, I should know an exact year, or it might sound too vague for many a sceptic. 

Still. The country will be screwed over big time if this crisis takes this long. I don't know if most people can withstand, no matter the 10% wage increasement. It teaches many a spoiled brat some lesson in gratefullness, and taking a step back in materialism. I know, but it's not good if it takes too long and too much off us. Still I personally think I can withstand for the time being and that says a lot. 

It's not the end off mankind, and it's not the end off the world. It will still be there and turn afterward, but I should be realistic if I overvieuw the short- term future. I don't make myself ilusions over money or posessions. It will take a lot off hard work and strong willpower to withstand this. Not spending it on luxury, Watch my spendings in the supermarket and for me personal, keep something behind for extra rough times and keep my stock on a good level. Think before you spend. I could afford some Christmas luxury this year, due to gifts from mom and knowing my administrator allows me that. But that's due to not spending crazy amounts off money during the rest off the year. I'm also saved because I eat meals at de Boed every time. They increased the price for their meals, but still it's affordable to eat there alltogheter and let them cook. It's not fancy, it's a lot off boiled potatoes, but it's acceptable most off the time. 

I heard some people don't heath their homes anymore. At all. Not even during cold. I have the luck Leviaan pays for that for me and fellow clients. I don't have anything to do with gas and electricity prices if they keep on doing that. I can moderately heath despite it all. I have a lot off luck with that. I don't know what I would do without this. Sometimes I have the feeling I have been given this luck, that I'm destined to be saved during this crisis by a higher power and that's the reason why I survive. I have no other explaination for it than simple faith, by whatever power that is. For being a good and helpfull person, probably. Or maybe it's plain charity simply because I'm handicapped. Whatever the reason, I'm lucky. I don't live spoiled, it's actually small and basic care. But it's there when it's needed. Also during these dark times. And that's why I know I will survive, despite it all. I can't do much, I have a handicap, I'm on heavy medication and I have a low condition. But this I will survive thanks to where I live. I'm lucky and despite not having a real Sinterklaas, that is my greatest gift. 

Allright, that's about it- 

Thank you for reading.