Good afternoon everyone,
Today it's cloudy outside with hints off sunshine. There are cool breezes and it's less hot than yesterday. As fot the temperature, it's to my liking.
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Today is for visiting my brothers. My oldest younger brother has his birthday tomorrow and I decided on to leave my place early and go visit them for the weekend. My mom is on summer vaccation with her husband so we have the house for ourselves. I hope my brother has a good birthday cake tomorrow. I bought him an expensive cookbook on Asian foods. He's interested in Asian cooking so it's a topic to give him gifts for. I like it being an easy subject where you can easily find things for. Instead off the unpersonal giftgard- and go after it yourself- stuff people often get away with nowadays. I even wrap my gifts myself. I'm not a great wrapper, but it's a way off telling people I like to do some effort for them.
Giving gifts is fun. I don't have much money anymore, but every now and then a small present is fun for all off us. I like to pick special things for people I know which are to their personal taste and make them feel good and thankfull. I like to wrap them and decorate them with nice ribbons on the surface. My mom says my brother is a good cook, so I suppose it's worthit giving him cookbooks.
I feel a bit bored in life. That feeling when life goes by without anything special happening. The feeling off being stuck in your surrounding and feeling numb when you're alone in your room and the day has been done. Not much happens during a day at de Boed and it's as if I'm wasting my life there. I said it. It's boring and for elderly folks mainly. Sometimes there are days which are a bit better than other ones, but mainly I feel a bit sober. I know it's for my own good being in there. I know I better do it or I might flip and cause drama. But I believe I need a bit more in life than what's going on recently. I might have told you people on de Boed living at Gortershof are a bit tiny minded and it's hard getting them into new things outside things they are familiair with in life. I don't like tiny minded people and those who shove away sensitive subjects, no matter how small, (Sometimes too small) when it's too much for them. (And on the other hand whine themselves about equal matters but we all have to listen.)
Zaandijk is pretty left out when it comes to public transport so it's not easy to get somewhere. I sound negative about life I know. It's sometimes a bit hard to see the positive in this situation. Sometimes negativity piles up and drains. Too much off a bad thing is not good. I might just sound spoiled especially when you see the nice surrounding it's situated in. But I do feel bored and left out and a bit tired off all off it. Old people aren't likely to explore new borders and try out new, creative things and try to even listen to new songs by themselves. Even when you think you already got there, you are driven a bit more over the edge by life. It might not seem fair to those who don't have a house, but I'm driven a bit off by the boring mundaine off life. It goes by and I'm growing older and older without my life to have taken flight the right way. I need the health care they are providing, I keep to myself. But it's so lonely nowadays. We have life in our own two hands, right? Sometimes there is barely anything to do about what's going on but it somewhat stings. I have no real way off getting out off this numbness at the moment.
Allright, that's about it for now.
Thank you for reading.
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