Good afternoon at the 28th off June, 2021.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today is warm yet cloudy and it's said there will be another thunderstorm today. I wouldn't mind if that would happen. Let it storm! Summer this year in the Netherlands isn't sunny and hot, but I don't feel bad about it. I don't like it when it's too hot outside, that's due to being obese. 

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Today I have to thank my ladybug-guardian angel Hector and I hope he isn't overworked, but I got off off the massive brainfog from working my way off off medication. He helps me off off physical issues, each time I post something about it on the internet. At least that's how it works. There is no one real in my life who looks or is only a bit like Hector the ladybug, so somehow I suppose he might be a secret fan on the internet with magical superpowers. I don't know how other than that he should know me. But maybe he's just an imaginairy friend who has found his way to reading my weblogs.  

The Netherlands has lost the first match in the knock out pool to the European Championship. I haven't seen the match but I've heard it. I think soccer is a bit over-appreciated. It's boring to look at. It's more fun to play, though. I like to play just a little soccer every now and then. I'm not a sports woman, but sportive playing for fun is- well, fun. 

I'm tired from grocery shopping. I didn't buy much- just what I needed for this week. I take more vitamin D each day but I'm still tired often. I have a feeling and a voice in me which tells me all the time I won't move out off the place I live in soon. It's going to be common to live here for a long time and it's allright with me as soon as the boredness fades and life becomes meaningfull and lively again, and after I got cured from all my trauma's and overcome self-destructive habbits. I don't know if that is possible, but I'm working on it- I need my time and space for it, so I'm not actively looking for a romantic partner. I don't have the ambition to be on to that since I have to heal first. I can't shove my trauma upon someone else's shoulder for now. Even the prince off Sweden or Norway has to wait if that ever happens. But I'm mainly joking about that. I'm likely to live here for a long while according to that guiding inner voice. 

It's a bit confusing, having both guiding voices and destructive voices which are not true. I should find a way to shape my life and fill it in with nice colours again to my liking. Life is too big and both long and short to live it dull. But that's easily said when I feel well. When I feel the opposite and feel depressed as a doorknob, I'm not likely to fill it in with bold colours but today was a good day for it. I'm wearing a stunning bold coloured dress, and I decided to groom my face again and do basic skincare again. Just like before I got so depressed. Life isn't easy when you have both sides in you, one lazy and easy with grooming and getting dressed- and one who loves to live bold and nicely and who likes creativity more than anything. It might be confusing for my audience- but I'm probably both a slunge and someone who loves to be lively and well dressed. 

Life can go on like this. I just have to find my way over mental walls and the hard feeling that comes with it, but something in me tells me 'I'm going to work on this and I will get over with it. That's why I have to deal with it now, finally there is a time and place to work on my inner world.' I honestly don't know how this is going from now and if it's going to be a hard proces- but I'm onto it and I wish to cure from it so I'll keep continueing with this, no matter if it's going to be hard. I have to work on this. 

I decided to allow myself some space for it. If I'm starting to live kept inside it's not going to bring me any further. If I hurry myself in it it's not going to work either. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.