Good evening at the 27th off June, 2021.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's dark and stormy, it's raining cats and dogs and it's lightning and thunder outside. 

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I probably can no longer hide it, but I'm working my way to less medicine. I'm proud I brought an entire Lorazepam back to a quarter but I have to get used to the feeling and working my way through the feeling off less medication- which is hard. It's a though feeling which is not necessairily painfull but I'd rather describe it as a head full off clouds barely allowing you to go further with life. I either have to get used to it, or get back to more medication. I hope for the first. But as it appears, I sense myself being a bit sensitive for what thoughts I have and how I vieuw things. It's a relief though to feel more freely and being capable to breathe again after to have been for about 4 years on this heavy medication. I have to work hard to get truly rid off it. 

Today I found a treasure at de Boed. A vintage late 70's book about coffee with about 50 nice receipes with coffee in them from around the world. And the kitchenware used is just perfect. It's old fashioned and it screams vintage all over it, but I love it. I love old books. I was given it for free today and I fell in love with it. It made my entire day. It's almost hard- living like that or giving up my emancipated freedom. I rather keep my modern emancipated freedom, but the old fashioned coffee pots and cups have me hooked up on it. Through a head full off clouds, I found the energy and the feeling to love it. 

I'm low on energy, I have to take more count off feelings and I have to be carefull. I can deal with it, I can handle it- Sometimes at night I have weird anxiety but I don't feel unstable by it. It's just nightly fears a lot off people might have. During day time I'm fine, but at night when I can't sleep- I think off the newspaper to post a few pictures off me and declaring me ugly and out off fashion. It was a serious fear. I saw the newspaper- there haven't been a nasty journalist writing about me at all. I'm writing this with a heavy head full off clouds. The weather somehow displays how I feel. I don't feel sad, just heavy in my head. The coffee book even has a receipe for spaghetti with coffee in the tomato sauce. Cooking brings endless posibillities sometimes, which I cheer for. Today was a day with struggles, but I felt positive. People should be told more often that life can be lived with hope. It's a good way to encourage them to see light in the darkness. 

Allright, that's about it for now- Thank you for reading.