Good afternoon at the 3th off July, 2021.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

This evening is cloudy yet somewhat warm. The sun isn't out, but it's muggy outside. It's better than too warm, but that's all that can be said about it. 

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This weekend I have to cope with being low on money. I'm not actually low on money, but I have no acces to my new bank account since it's card needs to start being off use. I'm rich again once it's set to work and sometimes a lot off coffee with syrup in it and doing the laundry with a good brand off laundry wash and sweet laundry softner is already a luxury. I won't starve with de Boed near, so I'm not dying from it, luckily and sometimes things like this happen. Sometimes people are low on money and out off basic needs. Next week will be better as soon as my bank card starts to work. 

As soon as I'm on track again I'll see if I can afford a new bookcase. The one I have gotten a few years ago is at it's last end. It needs replacement. I don't own a lot off books, but I'm fond with the ones I have and they deserve a good bookcase. I'm wishing to buy a white one, as it probably looks nice with my other furniture. 

I'm even spoiled when I don't have acces to my money. I had coffee, the laundry is working and I'm searching some websites for a new bookcase. If you have food on the table, loving friends and a roof above your head,- you're not truly poor. I even had two oranges with my coffee so I ate vitamins today. 

What if people would dwell less on unreasonable jealousy and feel more confident about themselves? Stop jealousy, start improving yourself and certainly never act out off jealousy as it makes you behave poisonous to others. If you would start to feel more confident about yourself and stop making ilusions about greener gras somewhere else- your life might become so much happier. I can promise you that. I have tried in my life to never be ruled by jealousy and envy on others and I feel good about myself despite I might not be as spectaculair as some other people. People need to set their priorities straight instead off hanging on to jealousy and act like a bitch. In their stuck up mind it might seem like I'm lying to them and I'm the one who pretends not to be jealouse, but that's never been true. I always felt way too good to act out off jealousy. It's a waste off time anyway. Appearently I still act out off anger and rage, but that's a diffrent chapter. I'm not easily jealouse, but I can be easily set off to anger sometimes and feel annoyed by people. If I was a true buddhist, I would probably know how to handle it better, but so far I learned to avoid people I hate by some off it's wisdom and it works for me. It doesn't make me a calm person, it just keeps me from doing harm to others. It's something I prefer above acting mad and frustrated to some. All emotions heal by adjusting time to them. I wish I knew how much time. But it feels better than to act out on it. 

Tomorrow or this evening is probably a good time for baking something. I could try and get my hand on a few ingredients and make de Boed something nice for sunday. People started complaining treats for sunday with their coffee where plain and tasted old. I wish I would have shown up with a banana cake, it's just that I've been told they rather don't want me to bake anymore since people have to loose weight. People don't like it but it's probably for their own good we have to watch what they got served. Sometimes they're incredibly strict on things. I think baking them something nice this weekend wouldn't be so bad for them. Old dry tea biscuits on a sunday are a bit too strict in my opinion. Sometimes sunday needs a bit more. 

Water still runs like a crazy stream underneath my skin. I don't know what happens when they don't find what it actually is. What will happen to me with such leakages running around like crazy? It can't be healthy. What does it come from and how do I have to get rid off leaking water underneath my skin? What can doctors actually do about that? I don't know if something bad can happen to me with something like that happening all the time now. It becomes more and more by time and it feels scary but I'm in a state off mind where I believe there can't be done anything about it and that makes me sleep when it's happening. There isn't anything to be done right now, so I better sleep and see next time what can be done. It's best not to panic right now. But nothing can be done about it. I wonder how many people also have leakages underneath their skin. Maybe it's something that causes those pimples that can be seen on me recently. But I've never heard about something like that. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.