Good evening everyone,
It's cold and cloudy outside. There has been no rain, but it was nevertless a gloomy day.
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Today was for moderate house cleaning. I have been tidying up my living room and it almost deserves an award- not for it being so tidy, but for me doing that anyway. I never clean up out off myself but today I felt inspired to do so. Tomorrow will be for cleaning my kitchen. It took me quite long to do so- but I did it. I hope it's a promising sign for more. But like with everything- let's not be too optimistic about it.
Today was also for my -6th- Corona test in a year, I have been tested for Corona since I couldn't taste my Wednesday Soup this week. I made lettuce soup. Following to cucumber soup I thought lettuce soup was a good idea, everyone thought it tasted perfectly but I couldn't taste it at all. Such a pity. That made care-takers decide I had to go up for my 6th test this year. I hope it's something innocent. I have been shopping in town in Zaandam centre two days ago. But I don't expect it to be because off that. It would be a stupid thing if the entire Boed would have to close down because off that.
Next week I decided we'll have Minnestrone soup for Wednesday Soup- if I will test negatively. Oh, well, at least I had time to do some tidying up and I came to rest while having to stay in. I hope I can celebrate my 29th birthday next month with my family over here. Somehow I suspect I don't have Corona, but care-takers are easily alarmed when it comes to these kind off things. It's a side effect for living in a care organisation.
Out off distress I took an entire Lorazepame but that was a bad idea since it works a bit too bad on my system. I feel it working heavy on me already but I hoped it would take away some stress. I have more reasons to be stressed than Corona. The lockdown increasing for example and cities being brought to code red, and crime increasing in the Netherlands, with a famous Dutch crime journalist shot to death. Zaanstad is quite criminal compared to other places in the Netherlands so sometimes I mention things about it. It's stressfull. I hoped the medication would soften it, but it works a bit contra on me, unfortunately. Tomorrow I will set myself back to a lower amount. Good grief what an evening.
Who knows I might have caught up on a simple cold for going outside without a jacket often while it's so gloomy and walking around everywhere on flipflops. I love the cool feeling around my feet when walking outside on them. I believe it wasn't a good idea after all.
When I test negatively, I will be on my way to an exposition arranged by the Social neighbourhood team on saturday. de Boed will drive a white van to their location and I wish to take part in visiting. The Netherlands works with Social Neighbourhood Teams who manage care cases in each area off a city, town or village. We will go to another district for it but we where invited. I look somewhat forward to it, it isn't fancy, the building looks old and bad maintainance but it's always a good thing to visit such gatherings. You never know what you might find there and it's good to see art, gather some important relations and small talk and let my mind be filled with fresh inspiration. Art galleries are always a good idea.
I drank a whole lot off water to soften the effect to my stupid medication intake. An entire water pitcher off about one liter or more. It softened the sharp edges but I'm going to mention this the entire night and tomorrow morning. Corona doesn't kill me off, but this- Sometimes god punishes immediately. I thought to soften my sorrow, but I found headache instead. On the other hand, having to focus on this makes me forget my other trouble. It's like going to the doctor with pain and the doctor slamming you somewhere else with a heavy hammer. 'Ouch! How is this going to help me?' 'Not exactly, but now your other foot hurts more so you won't feel what you came for anymore.' (This is a comedy sketch but I don't know who originally came up with this.) I have the same effect with what's on my mind at this moment.
They say it's a proven thing dish washing helps to battle negative feelings off depression and anxiety. It's somewhat true as doing the household gives me a good feeling about myself and about to have achieved something usefull. I have a messy kitchen for tomorrow so I can set my mind off off things if I can set myself to it at all. I'm not a household type- most off the time care-takers do it for me or help me with it for the biggest part as not being capable to set myself to a lot is often in my way off doing it anyway. But tomorrow I will try it myself. A clean kitchen is never a bad idea. And I hope I will get access to my new bank account soon. It's a challenge- living poor and live with what you got on hand. Most off the time I can manage it perfectly well, but it gets annoying this third week. I need my grocery money in time next week. It would be such a relief to have that freedom again and be sure I can pay what I need each week. Living sober and thoughtfull has nothing to do with having to live in despair in my opinion. It also doesn't mean you need to spend a huge amount off money all at once on expensive things. But we need a stable amount off money to eat every week. I'm used to poverty, but the end off my cash comes in sight and I need my bank account to work again this week. I'm glad I won't head to a weekend completely out off recources but it can't go on this way. Sometimes all a weekend needs are oranges, coffee and the laundry- and that's still present, but there will be a monday after that where I have to pay for my food.
When I feel I'm capable tomorrow, I might vacuüm and mop the floor. I hope by the time I managed to do all my chores, I'll hear I'm tested negatively.
Allright, that's about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
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