Good evening everyone,
Rains are changed by sunshine and vice versa. The weather changes all the time and there won't be an end soon to Corona restrictions. There are a lot off infections, and rates on the map makes a lot off european countries red again. These are dark times. Floods have ruined areas in our country and neighbouring countries. A famous crime journalist was shot- these days should be a bad memory once it's all over and people can finally truly start to breathe fresh air and good times again. It's a good thing we are relieved from mouth masks and shops are open again so it feels less restricted than a few months ago.
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The paprika soup this week was without trouble. I had enough paprika's and tomatoes so I didn't have to work with replacements to make soup without paprika taste like paprikasoup. Or tomatosauce instead off tomatoes. I even adjusted chicken breast to the brothle and everyone loved the soup this week. It's often well-received, but I believe thank to everything being in place it tasted even better this week. There's nothing like fresh paprikasoup with paprika's.
It was agreed upon, to speak fancy, that I was allowed to take the Jamie Oliver books from de Boed. They are second hand but still very good to get inspiration from. They miss their front flap and are just a blue cover with the title on the side, but it doesn't matter- there's written inside what would be if they where new. In this time off day, people shouldn't be ungratefull for second handed and free. Who has money for new Jamie Oliver books anyway? They sell for 45 euro's new and no one wants to spend that amount off money on it. (I'm sorry Jamie.) Jamie Oliver has a great take on food and fresh foods which I find inspiring.
What keeps me going throughout the week? I'm a bit spoiled this week. I allowed myself ice coffee twice at places where you can have it. I love ice coffee this summer. One version at the beginning off the week even had a lot off whipped cream and chocolate sauce and chopped nuts on it. delicious! It was one place in time where I was glad again to be me. Most off the time I daydream about being somewhere else and being someone else at a place where I can live a better live and show the world who I actually am on the inside. But then and there at that small bistro in a buisy shoppingcentre behind an ice coffee deluxe- I was glad to be 'me'. I enjoyed my drink and allowed myself applepie afterward with that. It softened the painfull edge I often have in my head these months. I feel numb, depressed and empty- but Ice coffee safed the day a few times.
I do dwell on materialism and luxury these days, but otherwise my fuel to keep going would be empty. I should rather find a way to like life the way it is again instead off spoiling myself, (too much.) But often I have the idea 'what to come up with next to make me feel less depressed for now?' What a year, what a period off time these days, speaking off which- I still haven't had mine these two months. I haven't been with a man, so that can't be the problem. Is feeling a dip / depression a reason for your hormones and body to 'skip'? or should I try trusting General Practice once more and ask what they can do for me? I really should come up with that after closing time. I can ask care-takers if they can mean anything for me. Maybe I should see a doctor. Tomorrow there's another day, luckily.
Next week I'll turn 29. I don't feel bad about it, but growing older is getting closer for me. Next year I'll be 30. I allowed myself to buy two expensive bundt pans from Nordic Ware for my birthday as a present for myself. They look stunning. I can't wait to see the look upon people's face when I come up with a beautifully sculpted bundt cake, tasting like heaven. And oh, my- the pictures I can make with that. I'm a food photographer, after all. I love them and to have collected them, and maybe started a new collection off those. I dwell on materialism a bit this way. But let's start at point A. first- I could try working with them any time soon after August is gone.
Aside from my birthday, August is a time for mourning for my family as several important people have died in the week from 16-25 and had their funeral during that period off time, my dad, an aunt, and my grandpa from mother's side. Short time after my birthday. It's the only thing to celebrate this month. I do think off visiting grandma that week and giving her presents from de Zaanse Schans (A tourist area in this village.) And maybe my other family. I wish I had more support from them while feeling so depressed.
I decided to try to wake up in time before having to head to the office off Leviaan for my medication and take time for breakfast and listening to the radio in the morning instead off sleeping 'just a tiny little longer.' Because being in bed feels like the nicest thing on earth when it's cold and rainy outside in the morning. Kicking my own ass and trying to sit more straight up is not a bad idea. I feel more awake during coffee time in the morning (de Boed has two coffee times, one in the morning and one during afternoon.) when they prefer me to show up to keep me from laying in bed all the time. I usually feel so incredibly tired in the morning and it fades after 11.30 A.M- getting up in time helps, -a bit.- But it's not a perfect remedie against being still tired in the morning. Maybe it's those medicines trying to sink in during that time. During weekends I allow myself to go home and sleep in after I get medication. It's allowed then.
Maybe I should live like that. Thinking 'what to do next to keep myself from feeling bored and depressed?' Though that could be dangerous if it wasn't just for presents and fun things I crave. Living for your next 'rush' is not a good thing. But many people seem to do it. I keep on confusing today with Friday. It's Thursday today. But a good rush or high on things to make it through your day is not a good way to live life. It should start with being satisfied again about life. Sometimes it's hard to stick to a plan once I've published it online. It's not the only time I think this blog got jinxed by nasty people in the outside world. But I can't proove anything about it. I'm not dishonest, however. I don't like to speak less than a true word to you. When I'm confused and mental- then I come off as dishonest, but that's when I got mentally sick and can't see right from wrong anymore. I'm more true online than in real life, by the way. I wish I had more guts in real life to be a superhero. I'm an internet hero. In real life I wish I could do it but I'm more diplomatic to get life my way. It works to get 'them.' (Those in charge) to work with with you. I could recommend it to all those people who claim life is never fair to them. Try setting it at your hand and you will win and get your share off fairness- that's how it works. Nevertless, I'm an internet hero. Slurping on Ice coffee and dreaming I was some sort off cowgirl in the USA in my next life.
Allright, that's about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
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