Good afternoon at the 12th off July, 2021.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

It´s very warm but cloudy outside. It´s not overly hot, but it´s no day for sun either but it smells great outside because the grass has been mowed. Fresh mowed grass smells wonderfull. 

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Today was for Monday Grocery shopping. Unfortunately the newspaper has already ended their picture contest off something colourfull and I still don't have access to my new bank account. I had to pay my groceries with cash I got from my mom. But this can't continue forever like this. My accountant promised the bank has send a new bank card. I hope this one will do it's work. It slacks to have to live without being capable to do payments. It's getting annoying by the third week I'm onto that. 

I decided on to give myself more rest and take more breaks from de Boed as it's energy draining at times and I could use a break. I have lots off things I wish to buy on the internet and I've seen a cute book about a cat wandering around Tokio I wish to buy. I still believe in little materialism- which means I have to take on it sober despite my bank account being perfectly accessable for me again -hopefully soon.-  This week I'll make it through, Just like the next one so there is not much to panic over. This next lockdown is going to be a harsh one I think. Since most people had enough off it. Where is that lining where people can't take it anymore? I believe I reached mine some time ago, there was some week during the lockdown at the end where I did hard on coping. We have to bite our teeth to make it through and I'm aware I said 'we are going to take on this and we are going to do this.' But another period off months off lockdown is going to be hard. Not only for me but for everyone. I sense I'm at some personal border where my thoughts become unbearable and mean to think. By mean I mean sharp and out off controll off what's acceptable. These dark thoughts are just as frequent with heavy medication so it's not much off a diffrence without it. I'm exhausted and on my last leggs. I should give myself some space and be onto that. Instead off trying to give it my best and seek something to get my mind off off it as that often doesn't work for me. Thoughts are nasty sometimes. They can be as sharp and mean as a knife. Especially when I feel at the edge off acceptable. It's not a cool thing that way. It's hard. 

My period still hasn't been, still I had an urge to have chocolate spread on my bread and chocolate milk with my lunch. It's a sign it's heading to be there,- but let's not be too optimistic. Hector hasn't been naughty after all. He's still safe living in my head. But let's be realistic- it should happen one off these weeks or something is seriously off in my body. 

I purchased three pie dishes and one baking tray at grocery shopping. I kept myself behaving well at the tomatoes today. They shouldn't feel mocked by my behaviour. I did nothing bad to them. Pie dishes scream for berry pie. But not this week. I bought some fruits which I love during this season and I took some dried dates I have been snacking on already and am almost / already out off. I love dates. 

There are people out there who suggest a diet on vegetables and fruits isn't healthy at all, and you should only eat meat instead. The carnivore diet. Most vegetarians cringle their nose probably by that idea. It's a thing to eat Keto and only meat. I don't know what to believe about that anymore and it left me confused. I would have spend a lot off time seeking up information about plant based foods if this wouldn't have puzzled my mind somehow. What is better? Only fresh meat or a variety off plant based foods? Do the vitamins in them actually work well for you or is that a myth? There are a lot off theories circling around the internet about all kinds off topics. I believe in eating veggies and fruits since I love them. I'm not vegetarian or vegan, but it's a nice lifestyle, to be concerned about the world around you and just eat plant based. I don't know but I love my dates and my fresh cherries. Maybe I should believe in a variety off foods- both meat and plant based, and eat that alltogheter just like people have done for centuries now. It hasn't done bad for them. I'm not strong enough to skip to vega, still I'm open for vegetarian cooking every often. Safe cows, eat more vegetables. A meal rich in vegetables is already a feast without meat. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.