Good morning at the 4th off June, 2024.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's still pitch dark outside this night. 

* 

I said the events goodbye, and I left. For my own sake, for my own peace off mind. Maybe Ed is such a back burner. I should not ever come back, that would not be safe and sane. I think to have ditched it was healthy. 

My mind feels better without them, even without all my former friends, and I know I made the right decision. I'm free as a breeze again, ready to breathe and inhale fresh mental air. Much better! And it's probably never getting anywhere with Ed. I perfectly realize it's a no and it should stay that way. Maybe I should not have sacrificed a poem with the title 'Bittersweet.' to it. It's more off a back burner at the moment than something good. I was already traumatized in love and life. I can't use this. But I feel it as if there's magic at work with it. 

I have my reservations against love. I'm not the type to go cheerfully into one relationship after the other. I have to take caution with Ed. Since what I see in him is superficial. Just a fantasy. Not suitable for me. The valiant wizard on a steam. But there's nothing other than that, he's just a lost girl's fantasy. I can deal with it. It's not in the way off daily life if I keep it under control. It's not healing for trauma's. It's causing them. Let's stay away from it, I can do without. 

Actually I asked the Wickerbeast for someone to heal my trauma's. But it's not going to work and I can see ahead. I'm not the floaty, happy type to ask for 'A relationship with x-' while I'm not over with my past. I'm seeking for someone serious who can laugh and help me out with pain. For the long term if it has to be. But with me, it has to be either damn right serious, or not at all. And it's not healthy for a relationship to solve your issues, but for a relationship to be healing? Yes, that would be nice. But Ed? It feels a bit screwed up. Love is NOT a joke. But maybe they made this out off it, and this is what I asked for in their eyes. I should get over with it. If something is on my ass, I better escape from it. And keep my dignity, and stay away. It hasn't done bad to me to break with them. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.