Good evening at the 7th off March, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was sunny yet windy and cold. Winter gets over to spring. 

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Facebook had a bug, it was good enough to bite the tail off my Schizophrenia. I believed I was hacked ans right-winged secret services wanted to take it down, because I was a threat to national safety. Due to my letter to the newspaper. If people would look me up and see I'm left-winged, I could influence the elections. But it turned out to be a bug. 

I'm weary off secret services. I constantly think there's a spy in my computer. Litterally commenting on what's on screen and voices coming out off my laptop. 

What if a sane guy would see something in me? That passes my mind, too. I can't help but thinking I need the 'we need to talk.' sentence for that. 

'Listen, son. We need to talk about this before it gets out off hand. I'm a psychiatric patient, with a governmental wage living in a care home. I'm NOT fit and sane enough for daily life. If you haven't seen me for real, I think my real life appearance would make you pass me by at least ignorant, but probably it makes you disgusted. I'm 6 foot tall, I weigh more than 180 kilograms and I wear thick glasses.' (In Western Europe, I count as too much for people.) 'And I need medication, I function badly in real life, and I got bad condition. You would not think off me the same if you knew me in real life.' Especially given the stigma there is on people like me. I would not be capable to be a good wife, and I can't be a mother. There is no future for me with a normal guy in the ordinairy world. Aside to that, I'm less sharp in real life than I tend to be on the internet. I think sharp, but I don't react as cool as I do on here. And I'm declared mildly autistic on top off everything. I'm too difficult for the ordinairy public, that's why I'm put in here. Don't think you make an exception.' 

I can think off a millon con's on why an ordinairy guy should not want me. I'm declared anti-social autistic. I am anti-social. A normal guy would get sick off it. I think we got the reason for why making real life friends is so hard: Autism and Schizophrenia. And ugly obesity. I got admirers in real life, mainly too old fellow clients who love my cooking. But I keep my sane distance to them. 

I happen to tried to impress a young, admirable care taker this morning by bragging about Mexican Nacho soup from the Soup Bible, but I had a kind but always filthy fellow client who I see as unsuitable litterally drooling over it. (drooling can be a side effect to medication.) Pushing the care taker away with his walkng frame. And staring at me like I was the admirable one before they had to take off to get his medication. 

The young care taker I feel a click with is A. Out off my reach, and B. Not impressed to begin with, probably. To brag is probably not the way. It's how men try to impress women. And even then it's not a guarantee for succes. People my age I find suitable are mainly care takers who are not allowed. And perfect soup making from 'The one and only Soup Bible, hearhearhear.' this Wednesday... I'm afraid I'm just a client in his eyes. And big, fat and ugly, and my hair was blowing in my face all the time from it being windy outside. It could have been a perfect sketch for a comedy. But that's how far my love life reaches: Completely desperate. I got the luck I'm at the point where I try to be as clean as I can get myself each day. So I don't have to be embarassed by it anymore. But pretty? Naw, I'm not good at that whole 'love interest.' - stuff. Just being stupid old me. Care takers are not allowed. But I can't help being a bit mesmerized by this one. He has the luck off being a Pisces from the end off February,  (The beginning off the Pisces period.) and that whole Leo-Pisces magic works between us. It's usually the Leo being struck by it. (Me) But I don't know if it's luck or bad luck to us both. He's such a sweetie. The world misses a guide. Something especially for Leo-women on 'How to catch that Pisces.' Since I feel a bit hopeless with it. But maybe that's a good thing since it's a care taker. My natural respond, is a form off bragging. Trying to impress. But maybe that's not the way. But so far so good: I'm not allowed with him. 

Normal men should safe their ass and scorf off to sane business when it comes to me. I'm no option. 😉  

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.